Sick of stag.
June 26, 2009 8:29 AM Subscribe
Why (in the hell) can I not bring a date to this wedding?
posted by anonymous to human relations (93 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
So let's say I have this good friend, Larry. Larry and I have been pretty tight for about 10 years, but work has taken me away to the other side of the world (literally - Larry's living in a major US metropolis, I'm living in a far-flung country that's [roughly] 2 (count 'em: two) 12-hour flights to get to where Larry is).
Larry's getting married to a nice gal. Its pretty much expected that I'll be at the wedding, Larry and I were even roommates at one point. I consider him a pretty close friend, and he knows more about me than most, but I'm an introvert and Larry's a pretty popular guy. I had almost expected to perhaps be an usher in the wedding or something, but I wasn't particularly surprised when that didn't happen - Larry has a lot more friends than I do.
So I get the invite, its addressed to me, specifically (i.e. not "and guest"). However, the RSVP card does have a field for "Number attending."
Larry and I are catching up recently and the wedding comes up. I talk about who I'm going to bring as a date (he and I would discuss my interest in particular dates often, back in the day), and Larry very pointedly states that nobody is bringing dates to this wedding and only the names on the envelopes are invited. He apparently thinks that all weddings are like this, and says as much - according to him only married or engaged people get to bring a date.
This puts me off a great deal. I am literally making plans to travel around the world, at my own expense and on my own vacation time, to be there to celebrate Larry's special day, and now I am essentially forced to do it "stag," probably sitting at a table with people I do not know, likely next to some friend of the bride that she thinks I'll be just perfect for, who I will have no interest in. I've been in these shoes before and choose to avoid it these days.
1. Am I on a high horse I need to get off of? I don't have anyone in particular I desperately want to be there with me, I would just not like to be "alone" and ostracized as such at said wedding (large protestant WASP group where its generally assumed if you're diddling around in you're 30's and not married or fast approaching, there's something fundamentally amiss with you).
2. Are Larry and his fiance as pretentious as I'm currently now wondering? (Picture Tim Robbins' character in Shawshank Redemption - I feel like asking Larry "How can you be so OBTUSE?")
3. Where do I go from here? I don't know why this throws me off so much, but I'm at the point of considering not even going. I know I will, in the end, to avoid the headaches of "why didn't he make it to our wedding," but at the same time, I don't want to show up and concede the point that I've failed at being relationally successful.
4. Bonus: Why am I so angry about this? I know I shouldn't be, and I'm mad that I'm letting it get to me. It just strikes me at its core as something I shouldn't let pass with a sad, sunken gaze. It should be alright that I'm not engaged or married, and yet still want someone to be with me, right?