Help me bond with my baby
May 1, 2009 9:19 AM Subscribe
I am 39 years old, 22 weeks pregnant with my first baby (a son) and I don't feel very maternal, for lack of a better word. It all feels very abstract and I find very little interest in baby-related things, learning about childbirth/child-rearing, etc. When does the baby excitement kick in for someone who has not historically been baby/kid crazy?
posted by murrey to human relations (41 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
This pregnancy was planned and I am happy that Mr. Murrey and I will be parents together. But it just seems so theoretical. I thought settling on a name and giving our son an identity would help (as opposed to calling him "the baby" all the time). But any benefit was minimal at best.
I thought actually looking pregnant (which has now come to pass) would help. Again, not really. I look at the baby in ultrasounds and it is fascinating, but still pretty abstract to me. Intellectually, I know the baby I see is growing inside of me, but I don't get all warm and fuzzy inside. My friends gave me all of this baby stuff (which is hugely appreciated), but I have barely researched anything else I might need.
My concern is that I know myself pretty well. When I am interested in something, I research everything I can on the subject. I am remodeling my house at the moment and can tell you what size gas pipe needs to run to a tankless water heater for it to work properly, but the thought of taking childbirth classes leaves me cold. I just want to show up and give birth.
By way of background, I have never had any interest in infants at all--still don't. It does not rise to the level of aversion, just extreme apathy. I start finding interest in kids when they can communicate (around 2). Can't say I have ever gravitated to the kids when I am at a kid-friendly function (which is rarely), but if I happen to find myself around them, I will engage with them and usually have fun.
I have friends with two young daughters (3 & 5) and I do seek them out and love them very much. I go to lunch with them (just the kids) every other week and love being around them.
I am not afraid that once our son is here, I will be a loving and committed mom. I just want to have more excitement about it now. Mr. Murrey and I were talking about it last night and he asked if I picture having our son there with us, as we will 4 months from now...Nope!
Anyone else ever have this problem? When does the mom-gene kick in? Is there a way to expedite this? I want to bond with my son now.