If you come to work with the 'flu, why can't I come to work with the weepies?
March 24, 2009 8:13 AM Subscribe
I disclosed depression at work. Most of the things people tend to do in response to a depressed colleague are things which actually make me sicker. What to do?
I've lived with depression for years. Mostly I manage it quite well and I've never disclosed it at work. Today, my boss caught me crying and asked me straight up what was wrong. I told her. She was cool, and understanding, and has promised to keep my disclosure confidential. But she told me to go home and wants to talk with me later about workload.
How do I work in an environment where the person managing my workload knows that I'm impaired? It's a stressful industry. Everybody has bad days and the work still has to be done. I don't want to be the emotional gimp of the office and I don't want special treatment. It's embarrassing to be allowed not pull my weight and I'm afraid that any reduced output will reflect poorly on me in the future.
I'm young, ambitious and working on a short contract in a very high-pressure industry. I know my workplace probably is full of crazy people of various descriptions, but there's a lingering attitude that if you can't handle the heat, you should get out of the [metaphorical] kitchen. I'm already concerned that disclosing my condition, whether directly or by being seen to have a meltdown at work, will mark me out as being ill-suited to this job. How can I convince my employer that I can handle a stressful job despite having a stress-sensitive illness?
I would very much like to hear from successful people in stressful jobs who have managed depression at work without becoming the Fragile Employee of their department. I just need to know that it's possible.
I've lived with depression for years. Mostly I manage it quite well and I've never disclosed it at work. Today, my boss caught me crying and asked me straight up what was wrong. I told her. She was cool, and understanding, and has promised to keep my disclosure confidential. But she told me to go home and wants to talk with me later about workload.
How do I work in an environment where the person managing my workload knows that I'm impaired? It's a stressful industry. Everybody has bad days and the work still has to be done. I don't want to be the emotional gimp of the office and I don't want special treatment. It's embarrassing to be allowed not pull my weight and I'm afraid that any reduced output will reflect poorly on me in the future.
I'm young, ambitious and working on a short contract in a very high-pressure industry. I know my workplace probably is full of crazy people of various descriptions, but there's a lingering attitude that if you can't handle the heat, you should get out of the [metaphorical] kitchen. I'm already concerned that disclosing my condition, whether directly or by being seen to have a meltdown at work, will mark me out as being ill-suited to this job. How can I convince my employer that I can handle a stressful job despite having a stress-sensitive illness?
I would very much like to hear from successful people in stressful jobs who have managed depression at work without becoming the Fragile Employee of their department. I just need to know that it's possible.
Are you getting treatment? I think once your boss discovers you crying at the office that's a breaking point and you really need to be discussing this with a doctor. It would probably go a long way with your boss if you were able to indicate that you are taking positive steps to deal with your depression. Crying at the office just isn't appropriate.
posted by amanda at 8:26 AM on March 24, 2009
posted by amanda at 8:26 AM on March 24, 2009
Seconding what orange swan said, your boss probably won't make a big deal out of this or think any less of you. This is a good opportunity to ask for some support if you do think there's something she could do to make life easier for you. It's important not to let depression get in the way of your career, and clearly you're doing that, but if there are some small things that would make it easier for you to succeed, getting them changed would make you a better employee in the long-run. Maybe more flexible working hours if you have trouble sleeping or need some time off every now and then? A private office if you need alone time?
posted by teraspawn at 8:32 AM on March 24, 2009
posted by teraspawn at 8:32 AM on March 24, 2009
I would very much like to hear from successful people in stressful jobs who have managed depression at work without becoming the Fragile Employee of their department. I just need to know that it's possible.
Certainly it's possible. The list of great people who suffered debilitating depression is endless: Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Boris Yeltsin, David Bohm, Drew Carey, Van Gogh, etc.
So...good luck to you
posted by 7life at 8:53 AM on March 24, 2009
Certainly it's possible. The list of great people who suffered debilitating depression is endless: Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Boris Yeltsin, David Bohm, Drew Carey, Van Gogh, etc.
So...good luck to you
posted by 7life at 8:53 AM on March 24, 2009
I've been in your shoes. Seek treatment/help from a professional and keep in mind that it's a medical condition -- not just "sadness" or "laziness".
ie. This anti stigma ad.
posted by jmmpangaea at 9:50 AM on March 24, 2009
ie. This anti stigma ad.
posted by jmmpangaea at 9:50 AM on March 24, 2009
You seem to be quite confident that you can handle the stress of your job given your condition, and your ambition is palpable - even under the circumstances of depression. If you communicate this to your boss, it seems unlikely that you will be marginalized in the workplace.
How can you convince your employer that you can handle the stress of the job?
Easy, by handling the stress of the job. If your past performance is any indication of how you handle the job, then you have already proven yourself. This all being said, are you being honest with yourself? Often times losing yourself in work is a way of displacing the negative feelings and emotions that come with depression.
I was in a very similar situation to you. Young, contract-based, in an extremely high-pressure deadline-oriented job, and depressed as all hell. I ended up quitting, but only after discussing the issue with my boss and indicating that I needed time off - because I was self aware that my performance was indeed being sacrificed.
So, keep in mind: depression is categorized as an illness, and discrimination based on illness is a no-no in the workplace. Discrimination based on ill-performance, however, is perfectly acceptable.
You did not disclose whether or not you have sought help, and while you certainly seem to be a "functional depressive," your quality of life can improve with the right treatment. This could be a wonderful opportunity to discuss treatment options with your boss, and perhaps negotiate one night a week to leave early for therapy / CBT / whatever. To keep your job AND get sanctioned time for help is a fabulous opportunity. There is a silver lining here, grab it.
posted by jnnla at 10:17 AM on March 24, 2009 [1 favorite]
How can you convince your employer that you can handle the stress of the job?
Easy, by handling the stress of the job. If your past performance is any indication of how you handle the job, then you have already proven yourself. This all being said, are you being honest with yourself? Often times losing yourself in work is a way of displacing the negative feelings and emotions that come with depression.
I was in a very similar situation to you. Young, contract-based, in an extremely high-pressure deadline-oriented job, and depressed as all hell. I ended up quitting, but only after discussing the issue with my boss and indicating that I needed time off - because I was self aware that my performance was indeed being sacrificed.
So, keep in mind: depression is categorized as an illness, and discrimination based on illness is a no-no in the workplace. Discrimination based on ill-performance, however, is perfectly acceptable.
You did not disclose whether or not you have sought help, and while you certainly seem to be a "functional depressive," your quality of life can improve with the right treatment. This could be a wonderful opportunity to discuss treatment options with your boss, and perhaps negotiate one night a week to leave early for therapy / CBT / whatever. To keep your job AND get sanctioned time for help is a fabulous opportunity. There is a silver lining here, grab it.
posted by jnnla at 10:17 AM on March 24, 2009 [1 favorite]
I was in your boss's shoes--I had an employee disclose depression to me. I was happy to make reasonable accommodations like flexible deadlines and overall lower-stress assignments; all I cared about was his overall productivity remaining good.
Sadly, it didn't. Over time he deteriorated and eventually left before he was fired.
From my perspective, it was difficult to know what to do. I wasn't sure whether accommodating his condition helped or hindered him--it seemed like the less was expected, the less he tried to perform. It was as if his depression foiled him no matter what was expected. We talked quite a bit about finding workable arrangements where he could do his job without the doing of that job contributing to his depression. But every time we moved the goalposts, he just crapped out sooner.
Now, his working conditions may have made no difference at all, and his deterioration was nothing I could arrest. I know that I felt frustrated being put in a position of being part of his therapy, in practice--suddenly I was worried not just about his productivity but also whether or not I might trigger an episode, or have some longer lasting damaging influence.
So, my suggestion is this: by all means talk to your boss about how you can continue to be a good employee, and what you might need to be a good employee. But try to limit the degree to which you're putting your boss in the position of managing your depression with you, and be suspicious of altering your job to lower standards for yourself.
In other words, if having a good cry in your cubicle is all you need, and your boss is cool with that, good. But try to avoid accommodations that have to do with special dispensations for yourself on deadlines or assignments. There's a downward spiral there, where failure to meet lowered standards just causes more depression. Work with your boss to find ways to keep being the employee you were hired to be.
posted by fatbird at 11:09 AM on March 24, 2009 [3 favorites]
Sadly, it didn't. Over time he deteriorated and eventually left before he was fired.
From my perspective, it was difficult to know what to do. I wasn't sure whether accommodating his condition helped or hindered him--it seemed like the less was expected, the less he tried to perform. It was as if his depression foiled him no matter what was expected. We talked quite a bit about finding workable arrangements where he could do his job without the doing of that job contributing to his depression. But every time we moved the goalposts, he just crapped out sooner.
Now, his working conditions may have made no difference at all, and his deterioration was nothing I could arrest. I know that I felt frustrated being put in a position of being part of his therapy, in practice--suddenly I was worried not just about his productivity but also whether or not I might trigger an episode, or have some longer lasting damaging influence.
So, my suggestion is this: by all means talk to your boss about how you can continue to be a good employee, and what you might need to be a good employee. But try to limit the degree to which you're putting your boss in the position of managing your depression with you, and be suspicious of altering your job to lower standards for yourself.
In other words, if having a good cry in your cubicle is all you need, and your boss is cool with that, good. But try to avoid accommodations that have to do with special dispensations for yourself on deadlines or assignments. There's a downward spiral there, where failure to meet lowered standards just causes more depression. Work with your boss to find ways to keep being the employee you were hired to be.
posted by fatbird at 11:09 AM on March 24, 2009 [3 favorites]
I think that you are probably in a good position at work. If your boss didn't want to support you, you would know it. She or he would not be offering to discuss your workload. Your boss wants to know what you are going to be able to do, and presumably wants to help you do it. I've seen an unhelpful environment and usually they say something like, "don't bring your personal stuff into work," and leave it like that.
I'd say it's totally possible to excel. If you are sent home but feel you can continue to work, I would highly recommend doing so. Keep up with whatever work you are doing to deal with your depression.
posted by Gor-ella at 1:12 PM on March 24, 2009
I'd say it's totally possible to excel. If you are sent home but feel you can continue to work, I would highly recommend doing so. Keep up with whatever work you are doing to deal with your depression.
posted by Gor-ella at 1:12 PM on March 24, 2009
Given your honesty with your boss and their understanding, you are in a strong position.
I always say that you never know what happens behind closed doors and given your highly stressful job & tight deadlines, there is every possibility that other work colleagues are experiencing similar emotions to the work environment yet they maintain calmness in the office environment (Although you did mention there were "Crazy People")
Is there a high staff turn over? Does the employer have OH & S policies in place to deal with the stressful environment?
Our lives are full of stress and some every person deals with stress in differents ways, especially given the current economic uncertainty, most people will be experincing stress outside the work place.
Some people may express stresss emotionaly while others may find comfort in other forms, while others will hold it within until they cannot hold it in any longer.
At no point can your honesty be negatively viewed by your employer, the fact that you have lived with it for years without the need to disclose this to employers means that there has been little impact on your work.
It may be an idea to seek some proffesional advice and speaking to your employee about accomodating those recommendations.
Having a loyal, honest employee is integral to the success of any business and most employers that recognize employees as an asset to the business will accommodate most reasonable requests.
posted by fitstyler at 9:50 PM on May 16, 2009
I always say that you never know what happens behind closed doors and given your highly stressful job & tight deadlines, there is every possibility that other work colleagues are experiencing similar emotions to the work environment yet they maintain calmness in the office environment (Although you did mention there were "Crazy People")
Is there a high staff turn over? Does the employer have OH & S policies in place to deal with the stressful environment?
Our lives are full of stress and some every person deals with stress in differents ways, especially given the current economic uncertainty, most people will be experincing stress outside the work place.
Some people may express stresss emotionaly while others may find comfort in other forms, while others will hold it within until they cannot hold it in any longer.
At no point can your honesty be negatively viewed by your employer, the fact that you have lived with it for years without the need to disclose this to employers means that there has been little impact on your work.
It may be an idea to seek some proffesional advice and speaking to your employee about accomodating those recommendations.
Having a loyal, honest employee is integral to the success of any business and most employers that recognize employees as an asset to the business will accommodate most reasonable requests.
posted by fitstyler at 9:50 PM on May 16, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by orange swan at 8:17 AM on March 24, 2009