How to become more confident in my life?
July 16, 2009 2:49 PM Subscribe
I've lacked confidence in every aspect of my life, and it's holding me back. What can I do?
posted by anonymous to grab bag (18 answers total) 50 users marked this as a favorite
Since I was a young boy, I've felt like I wasn't good enough to be successful. I never felt like I was as athletic or smart as others. In college and grad school, this sense of being a fraud and not smart or talented enough carried over.
This feeling has pervaded my entire life. I didn't apply for internships and scholarships in college. I didn't apply for jobs or scholarships in grad school. In these instances, I felt like there was no point in applying because I wouldn't get them. There would also be times when I would be paralyzed by fear of applying and being rejected, and would go sleep or watch TV.
Now, I'm in a dead end job, and am too unconfident to try and get another job. I look at jobs and my mind instantly goes to reasons why I won't be qualified for the job. Other times, I'm very fearful of being rejected. This is severely hampering my ability to advance my career.
This lack of confidence has also extended into my romantic life. I never approach women because I assume they'll say no because I'm too fat or ugly. As a result, I didn't have my first girlfriend until 25, and have only had 2 serious relationships in my 30 years. My lack of confidence has me worried that I will never find anyone or die alone.
I've been in therapy for a couple of years, and have been tangentially discussing these issues. I just recently realized through talking with my therapist that this lack of confidence is why I never take risks and why I've been held back in my life.
Are there any methods that any of you have used to get over this sort of problem? Are there any books or sites I can consult when I can't see my therapist or that will give me additional insight?
Thanks for any help. If you need to follow up, I've set up a throwaway e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org