How to maintain my sense of self while dating?
March 9, 2009 1:00 AM Subscribe
How do I maintain my sense of self while dating?
posted by plungerjoke to human relations (10 answers total) 24 users marked this as a favorite
I am a 23 year old male with limited relationship experience. Here is how it usually goes down: I meet someone who I am compatible with and interested in becoming involved with. Things are great for a little bit, but I spend ALL of my time thinking about the other person. I ended up dropping out of college one time in part because of allowing one month relationship to monopolize my time. (THINKING about it, not necessarily actually being with the other person). After a while (and in the case of the last successful date I went on, immediately), I completely forget how to be myself. Gone is the hilarious, charming person I know I am capable of being and in his place is a boring, edge-less softie who I wouldn't want to hang out with let alone BE. Then, you guessed it, I get dumped, and I understand why at some level.
My friends all seem to think very highly of me, and on most days, I think very highly of me too! What worries me is that maybe a whole lot of what makes me great to know is tied up in being single, rarely having sex, and not getting inordinately upset over either of these things. It sounds like maybe I am answering my own question here, but I'd love it if there was a less gloomy explanation. Is there any way I can maintain who I am when good things are happening to me in the romance department?
related: I would LOVE to date more, and I feel like I am capable of finding people to do it with. However, the amount of thought time I dedicate to it is not practical. People always say things like "you're overthinking it," but I do not know how to NOT do this.