More interesting ways to get her off? (NSFW)

February 26, 2009 7:03 PM

More interesting ways to get her off? (NSFW)

I've just started in a relationship with someone who requires very direct and high-pressure stimulation of her clitoris to get off. This is so much the case that even cunnilingus doesn't really get her all the way there, and so I usually use my fingers to get her to come. This usually works out such that both of us are lying relatively still for around five to ten minutes, and during that time I use my free hand and mouth to stimulate her elsewhere.

I feel like repeating this scenario every time I bring her to orgasm will get boring for her, so I guess my question boils down to: how can I do this, and maintain the constant pressure and rhythm that are necessary, while making it a little more interesting and active for her? Alternately, does the fact that she orgasms quite spectacularly afterward make that unlikely?

Thanks in advance, mefites.

posted by anonymous to human relations (23 comments total)

Vibrator.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:10 PM on February 26, 2009 [2 favorites]

Are you asking the internet first?

"I feel like repeating this scenario every time I bring her you to orgasm will get boring for her you, so I guess my question boils down to: how can I do this, and maintain the constant pressure and rhythm that are necessary, while making it a little more interesting and active for her you? Alternately, does the fact that she you orgasms quite spectacularly afterward make that unlikely?"

Cause even if she's inexperienced hopefully she has some ideas at least.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 7:12 PM on February 26, 2009

One idea might be to get her to sort of kneel down, legs spread (as though she were straddling you), with you behind her, her hair in your mouth and so forth, and reach around with one hand between her legs and sort of push up with the palm of your hand, so that she can control the grind, and with the other hand you can fondle her breasts, use the remote, whatever. If she likes dirty talk this is a good time to do it, and you can be in front of the mirror for added stimulation.

This requires a lot of upwards pressure on your behalf, and it can tax the forearm and wrist and will likely cramp your fingers, but that's why you're behind her: she can't see you grimacing in agony and silently muttering "fuck, fuck, fuck". However turns out a girl can have a damn good orgasm this way, so it's definitely worth a shot.

One possible problem here is that you're relying solely on clitoral pressure to get her off. Spice it up with a few different things. I'll leave it to others to offer suggestions. The first piece of advice, the vibrator, will likely be the best.
posted by turgid dahlia at 7:20 PM on February 26, 2009

Dude, you could be describing my girlfriend, word-for-word.

You've got two general concepts you can change: how you're stimulating her, and the situation in which you're stimulating her. Obviously, the first is limited some if oral stimulation is not enough, but if she can come with finger stimulation, then a vibrator will rock her world. Have you tried introducing toys? They're a lot of fun, and they occupy her while freeing up a hand or two. Even a small pocket rocket-type vibrator can change things up, and give your arm some time to heal.

As for the situation itself. This is a new relationship, so I don't know how familiar you are yet with her kinks or preferences, or if she has any. (In my experience, a lot of women will respond well to light restraint, but this is really not a general rule.) Mention stuff to her, see if she's interested

The truth is that a lot of this is very specific to her. At first you're just going to have to try as many things as possible to see what does and doesn't work. Be brave! Try stuff! If she's not into it, she'll tell you. The first part of a relationship is exactly the time to figure out exactly what works and what doesn't. Change things up, and you'll find something that rocks her socks. Now, man, get off Metafilter, stop off at Toys in Babeland, and go have fun.
posted by ZaphodB at 7:23 PM on February 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

Hitachi Magic Wand, the most impressive vibrator ever made!
posted by tomble at 7:24 PM on February 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

Some people always come the same way, even if they like variety for other parts of their sexual life. Maybe this is always how she'll get off and yeah, the only way to know is to ask her. You could try asking her in a neutral, not sexual moment, ("I really love getting you off. Is there anything else you'd like me to try when we're having sex?") or in the heat of the moment, ("You're so hot baby, what would you like me to do for you right now?") However, I think getting her a vibrator as a present (if she doesn't have one already) might be a nice little gift either way. You can get a small pocket vibe - these are pretty mellow looking if she doesn't seem like the super-sexually-confident type. If she does seem like she might be receptive to something bigger, thousands of women swear by the classic Hitachi Magic Wand. You may also consider using more pressure and a consistant rhythm with your tongue while giving oral. For ladies who like a lot of sensation and pressure, I've often had success using my fingers or a toy to provide penetration while giving oral at the same time.
posted by serazin at 7:25 PM on February 26, 2009

I feel like repeating this scenario every time I bring her to orgasm will get boring for her

Dude. Orgasms, regardless of repetitive scenarios, are never fucking boring. Especially when someone else is giving them to you. Seriously.

Also: vibrators are awesome. If she's never used one before, don't be alarmed if she starts scheduling her free time around using it. Just sayin'.

god i wish we had anon comments.
posted by elizardbits at 7:40 PM on February 26, 2009 [6 favorites]

Thirding Hitachi Magic Wand.
I didn't like clitoral stimulation until my boyfriend bought me one for V-Day.

Good luck, and have fun! :)
posted by derogatorysphinx at 7:58 PM on February 26, 2009

Hey, is her name. . .

Never mind. Let's not go there.

Oral is not enough but does that include her sitting on your face?

She can control the pressure and motion and assuming the pressure is not too great you might be able to just let your tongue hang out, let her do all the work, and give your hands a break (or grab her butt, boobs or whatever).

You could also sit on the arm of a sofa and have her straddle your leg with your hand in between your thigh and her clitoris. Her weight could provide the pressure to give your hand a break. Anything to get her weight working for you could be explored (think "corner of the washing machine on spin cycle").
posted by Lord Fancy Pants at 8:07 PM on February 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

Vibrators. Get a couple different ones, and have fun trying them out.

I have a friend who swears that this style of vibrator has revolutionized her sex life. They definitely don't work for everyone, but you might want to see if one does the trick for your girlfriend. I've also seen vibrators that attach to your tongue/mouth to make oral sex more exciting. Go to your local adult novelty store, and see what catches your eye.
posted by tomatofruit at 8:26 PM on February 26, 2009

Some girls who like lots of pressure can really get off on spanking or slapping the clitoris. Start off lightly, two fingers "spanking" gently, and as her excitement builds, so can the pressure.

Had a girlfriend who could take swats that nearly made my eyes water... and then the Miracle would happen.
posted by IAmBroom at 8:28 PM on February 26, 2009

Do the alphabet with your tongue. "A", "B", "C", "D", "E", "F", "G"... make some of the horizontal strokes a good clit lashing. By the time you get to "Z" she'll probably be happy.
posted by zengargoyle at 8:45 PM on February 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

Find out music you both like and get rhythmic. Also, great tip zengargoyle
posted by christhelongtimelurker at 8:49 PM on February 26, 2009

That's funny about the alphabet. I never thought I'd confess that I count. It keeps me on rhythm.
posted by serazin at 9:01 PM on February 26, 2009

What are you doing before the "high-pressure stimulation of her clitoris "? I'm wondering, if the act was preceded with ample amounts of play and teasing (or a wide variety), enough to get her especially eager and ready for it, I wonder if the amount of stimulation required for the eventual orgasm would lessen somewhat.

On occasion, I've been guilty of focusing too much on making someone have an orgasm (or two or three or...). I was amused to realize I needed to focus more on what I like, in playing with my partner. For instance, I had to stop focusing on licking her they way she needed it (or the way I thought she needed it), and instead just enjoy licking her in a way that I enjoyed and made me happy. I was into it, she relaxed, I had fun, she warmed up, I had more fun, and before we knew it, she was having "a lot" more fun.
posted by browse at 9:24 PM on February 26, 2009 [2 favorites]

Assume any rear-entry position (doggie, spooning, etc.) - then reach around and stimulate her manually or with a vibe. Get it right and you're hitting her g-spot and her clit simultaneously. Fireworks will ensue.
posted by gnutron at 10:23 PM on February 26, 2009 [2 favorites]

Just because no one has brought this up yet.

What kind of foreplay are you doing? Being reactive is good but if you can mentally do things, say things, or leave her messages to get her thinking about sex all day long it could help her get off a lot quicker. Example send her a text "I was thinking about you.... completely naked." I did this to my ex all the time and she would jump all over me the first chance she got.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 5:45 AM on February 27, 2009

Take things to the shower if you have one of those hand-held shower heads. That should provide the right type of pressure/sensation.
posted by kimdog at 6:56 AM on February 27, 2009 [1 favorite]

For ladies who like a lot of sensation and pressure, I've often had success using my fingers or a toy to provide penetration while giving oral at the same time.

This. With the swimmer kick. Keep two fingers together, and move them back and forth (up and down, I suppose) like a swimmer doing a flutter kick for the front crawl. Works best if the inside of your arm/wrist/fingers are pointed the same direction as her front. You don't need to do any in-and-out, just swap which finger is in front every second to half-second. If she usually needs clitoral stimulation to get off, do that at the same time with your mouth. One of my friends gushed about this trick after a partner tried it on her years ago, and the secret has been spreading through my group of friends ever since - all of us ladies swear by it.
posted by Inconceivable! at 8:36 AM on February 27, 2009

A comment from a past thread:


I tell you what, if I ever felt the alphabet, chum, old pal, old building and loan, you'd be walking home to your "Maxim" collection with your ginch in one hand before you even had time to dry off your chin.

No woman wants to feel like you're licking out a script or recipe you read somewhere.
posted by Danf at 8:56 AM on February 27, 2009 [3 favorites]

No woman wants to feel like you're licking out a script or recipe you read somewhere.

Tell her you're writing her a sonnet.
posted by notyou at 9:20 AM on February 27, 2009 [3 favorites]

I just want to reiterate the fact that sex is not a race to the orgasm. Don't assume that just because she is not on Cumming Street that you are not getting anywhere. Talk to her about it sometime when you are not being intimate. Find out what she likes, what she is into, what she doesn't like, what she might like to try sometime, etc, etc. After almost 15 years of crazy sexy fun, Ms Steady and I still catch up every once in a while about the sex department. Best thing about those types of conversations? I've yet to have one that didn't end up with naked time.
posted by Rock Steady at 9:35 PM on February 27, 2009

I just want to reiterate the fact that sex is not a race to the orgasm.

This!

And since this is the internet and my name is attached to this account, I shall say no more.
posted by bilabial at 7:01 AM on March 1, 2009