Dear Grandma!

November 3, 2008 4:17 PM

A list of ways to show Nanna she is loved?

My Nanna lives on a farm several hours away from me and I am unable to visit very often due to study, work and inability to drive.

I'm after some ways to regularly remind her she is loved and an awesome person. The rest of her family is useless (!) and she has been lonely since her husband died.

What, apart from letters with updates about my life, can I do to show her I care?

I always think of sending her presents, but my grandparents have always been the type of people to accumulate so much crap that they will actually not open a Christmas present for years.

Nonetheless, ideas for gifts are welcome.

I'm looking to compile the Ultimate Nanna Loving Compendium here! My aim is to have enough surprises for the rest of her life. She is so wonderful and funny.

posted by nomnomnom to Human Relations (10 answers total)

Do something that requires effort on your part and that's personalized. Bake her favorite type of cookies, for example, and send them to her. Burn her CDs of her favorite artists... many older people are amazed that the songs they loved in their youth are still around. If she has a hobby, give her consumable items related to it—yarn if she's a knitter, a subscription to a baking magazine if she likes to cook, a set of nice drill bits if she enjoys woodworking. (Hey, you never know.)

Mostly, though, call her every week.
posted by sonic meat machine at 4:29 PM on November 3, 2008

Encourage her to tell you stories about how she grew up, other older members of your family, and anything else she remembers. Three of my four grandparents passed away either before I was born or when I was very young, and I wish sometimes I could have heard about growing up in Boston's North End or how crazy my dad was when he was young. I bet she has tons of cool life experiences and it would be awesome to see your nanna in a different light!

If you're so inclined, commit them to tape - what a cool heirloom to have for great-great-great-great grandchildren! Or maybe I just love oldey-timey rambly old folks stories too much.
posted by chickadee at 4:36 PM on November 3, 2008

My father gave my grandmother a memory book. Here is one kind you can buy... why don't you send it to her and ask her to fill it out? Mine took 3 years to complete and if my house was on fire, it's the first thing I would grab.

Buy a book of postcards and send her one each week with a different memory of something she did or said that touched you or helped you. You can fill them out ahead of time so you don't repeat anything and send them regularly; people don't send regular mail these days.

I'm in the same boat as you and I try to make a point of calling once a week and telling my grandmother something funny or weird that happened. Her life is kinda boring, so I try to liven things up for her by entertaining her.

Also, if she is unable to read well, you can try sending her the cards that play music when they open. Those are fun.

Another thing I might do for her too is take a polaroid of yourself maybe once a month and send that in a card, telling her how great you are. Grandparents love to feel they helped raise a fabulous child. That in itself is a gift.

Yet another suggestion; donate money to a cause or illness that she believes in or has affected her personally. Be sure she knows and gets updates about the cause.

Visit one time and go through her old photo albums. Scan in images of her when she was young and have them framed or made into cards/prints and share them with your other family members. If/when she dies, those items will become treasures, and probably lost eventually. Secure your memories now; secure her image and story now, for yourself, and for the future.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 5:10 PM on November 3, 2008

If there's an Aussie version of StoryCorps, see if you can set up an interview with her for it. (Or interview her without it---if you both have one of these you can send a reel-to-reel tape back and forth, you with questions for her, and her with answers/stories in response).

Also send a mobile day-spa to her house for a pedicure.
posted by headnsouth at 5:38 PM on November 3, 2008

I found myself thinking about my grandma today, as it would have been her 91st birthday. She passed away in March. I realized that her last years were quite happy and I am thankful for that. In hospice, she expressed gratitude to me for things I'd done, which other members of the family hadn't. First and foremost among these things was the simple fact that I listened to her. It seems that no one else had the time. And she was happy that I told her about my life and what was going on. I gave her a straight answer to all her questions while everyone else avoided them altogether. When it was all said and done, we had developed quite a friendship.

Showing an interest in her and her past made her very happy. She'd always act embarrassed whenever I prodded her about what it was like to grow up in Minnesota in the 1920's. After I convinced her that her story was worth telling, a treasure trove burst forth. Her stories came with even more urgency in her last days. She had a memory that was sharp as a tack! Together we went through her pictures and she relived happy memories while I was able to get names and information about our family history. For Christmas, I hope to give everyone copies of a family history/picture book that I couldn't have done without her.

Sometimes it was the little things that cheered her up and you're probably more interested in stuff like this than sentimental musings. I found a jar of watermelon pickles for her, made just like she used to when she still had the ability to can preserves. I knitted a blanket for her one year - cheap and fun to do and she valued the work I put into it. When it got cold I brought her a hat and gloves. I sent her copies of artwork I made or things I produced at work so she could show them off. She had trouble shopping by herself so we often either got her shoes or brought her to get some. When I was home I brought her to the cemetery so she could take care of Grandpa's grave and look around. She was going blind and always appreciated little aids such as magnifying glasses, lights, huge remote controls, handrails and such.

Happily, much of this I could do while living over a 1000 miles away. I only usually could come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I know how you feel. Hopefully my experience will give you some ideas. I hope you don't mind that I made this so personal - sometimes I get carried away and my advice takes the form of stories.

I wish you luck! Your Nanna is very lucky to have a grandchild who cares like you do.
posted by bristolcat at 6:11 PM on November 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

call her every sunday. even if you only have a few minutes to talk, she'll love to hear your voice. also, if she is isolated out on that farm, it will be reassuring for you both to stay in contact. you'll know her routines well enough to know if she is having trouble and needs more help.
posted by thinkingwoman at 6:17 PM on November 3, 2008

For my parents' 45th anniversary, my siblings and I wrote down very short descriptions of favorite childhood memories (e.g., baloney sandwiches on the back steps, Disneyland, saving that baby skunk, Dad bringing home candy from work, etc.) and framed a card filled with them. Our parents loved it. Not only was it fun for them to read and remember, but it meant so much to them to know that little things they did were things that we've remembered all our lives. I was totally stunned--my mom would read a memory and say, "I can't believe you remembered that!" and we all kept saying "How could we not remember?! Of course we remember! It was amazing!"

They now have our little art project proudly displayed in the hallway. Even if you just jot something down in a card, your Nanna would probably get a huge kick out of knowing that you remember the time she made your favorite dinner to celebrate the first tooth you lost. (Or whatever.)

Enjoy your time with your Nanna, even if she's living far away from you. :)
posted by corey flood at 6:51 PM on November 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

I think telephone calls would be great if you aren't already doing that and can.

My sister sends photographs semi-regularly to our great-aunt (the only one left of that generation in our family), and she seems to really enjoy them, seeing the pictures of what her relatives are doing and living vicariously through our adventures.
posted by that girl at 6:52 PM on November 3, 2008

Just remember, you will never look back and think "Boy, I should have done LESS for her." Cards, calls...contact. That's what's important. Great specific ideas above.
posted by kattyann at 9:20 PM on November 3, 2008

My Noni has been gushing and thankful for the Ceiva digital picture frame I got for her 3 or 4 years ago. She loves the surprises it brings when I upload new pictures and messages to her. She'll need no geek experience if you have the device shipped to you, do the one time config, and then ship to her (she'll just plug it into the wall and the phone jack). Fill it with new pictures and messages for her every week from your desk. Worth every single penny I pay in the subscription.
posted by chocolate_butch at 10:27 AM on November 4, 2008 [1 favorite]