Please point me to resources to better understand "switching" in BDSM.
April 13, 2008 10:42 AM Subscribe
Please point me to resources that describe the phenomenon of "switching" by some BDSM participants.
Some of the answers to this question reminded me of how I wish I better understood switching in BDSM. (For the curious: Wikipedia, one description, another.) I'm not asking, "how can anyone be that way?" or if it is "normal" -- as far as I'm concerned, if it makes you happy and no puppies are harmed, all is good. I'm curious because although I am kink-friendly and have been so for a long time, almost all of my direct experience, and most of the depictions I have seen in books/films/etc, are of people comfortable staying in one role.
The question: I am looking for descriptions of how it feels to switch between such different roles, how the dynamics of this can work within a relationship, and how these roles get negotiated. Basically, I'm asking "how does switching work, in real life?"
In addition to whatever direct descriptions get provided here, I would particularly appreciate suggestions of thoughtful and well-written blogs, articles, essays, or forums that address this issue, as well as novels and films. Gay/straight/bi/other are fine. The only literary example I can think of is the main character in the Story of O, who spends the first half of the book as a submissive and transitions later in the book into more of a dominant role; there must be others that address this in a more grounded and contemporary sort of way. A lot of what I found via Google was very jargony, very play-party oriented, very formulaic; I'm looking for more nuanced and rich descriptions that get at the contradictions, compromises, and complications of living that identity.
If you aren't comfortable replying here, you can send me a MeFi mail, or send an anonymous email to the address in my profile. (I have read the previous AskMe questions with the "bdsm" tag, which have hints to this but don't address it directly. Google searches haven't produced the exact results I am looking for, either, aside from the links I gave above -- if you are providing answers via a search, please give pointers as to how you got there.)
Some of the answers to this question reminded me of how I wish I better understood switching in BDSM. (For the curious: Wikipedia, one description, another.) I'm not asking, "how can anyone be that way?" or if it is "normal" -- as far as I'm concerned, if it makes you happy and no puppies are harmed, all is good. I'm curious because although I am kink-friendly and have been so for a long time, almost all of my direct experience, and most of the depictions I have seen in books/films/etc, are of people comfortable staying in one role.
The question: I am looking for descriptions of how it feels to switch between such different roles, how the dynamics of this can work within a relationship, and how these roles get negotiated. Basically, I'm asking "how does switching work, in real life?"
In addition to whatever direct descriptions get provided here, I would particularly appreciate suggestions of thoughtful and well-written blogs, articles, essays, or forums that address this issue, as well as novels and films. Gay/straight/bi/other are fine. The only literary example I can think of is the main character in the Story of O, who spends the first half of the book as a submissive and transitions later in the book into more of a dominant role; there must be others that address this in a more grounded and contemporary sort of way. A lot of what I found via Google was very jargony, very play-party oriented, very formulaic; I'm looking for more nuanced and rich descriptions that get at the contradictions, compromises, and complications of living that identity.
If you aren't comfortable replying here, you can send me a MeFi mail, or send an anonymous email to the address in my profile. (I have read the previous AskMe questions with the "bdsm" tag, which have hints to this but don't address it directly. Google searches haven't produced the exact results I am looking for, either, aside from the links I gave above -- if you are providing answers via a search, please give pointers as to how you got there.)
I've done this a few times. For me, it went like this :
I've been a hetero bottom for most of my life. Most of my fantasies do (and have) revolved around being dominated by a woman. I've had a couple of girlfriends who were into being dominated by a man. I found that by indulging their kink, they became more accepting of my kink.
When it came to topping, I mostly just played along at first, filling the role that she wanted me to play. But I eventually found that it was kinda fun. I can't say that I get the same gratification from being a top as I do from being a bottom, but it's fun enough to where I enjoy doing it.
posted by Jake Apathy at 11:06 AM on April 13, 2008
I've been a hetero bottom for most of my life. Most of my fantasies do (and have) revolved around being dominated by a woman. I've had a couple of girlfriends who were into being dominated by a man. I found that by indulging their kink, they became more accepting of my kink.
When it came to topping, I mostly just played along at first, filling the role that she wanted me to play. But I eventually found that it was kinda fun. I can't say that I get the same gratification from being a top as I do from being a bottom, but it's fun enough to where I enjoy doing it.
posted by Jake Apathy at 11:06 AM on April 13, 2008
« Older identify the manufacturer of a colocation cabinet | Interested in developing software for the green... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by klangklangston at 10:52 AM on April 13, 2008