18th birthday gift ideas for a young woman who's been through a lot?
January 28, 2025 10:17 AM   Subscribe

My long-ago reading buddy turns 18 next week and I'd like to give her a few special things to commemorate the day. Would love your help in a few categories:

She's had a pretty tumultuous childhood, and turning 18 for her means both the loss of some child-focused safety nets but also the opportunity to strike out on her own. We don't live in the same city any more, so everything will need to be mailed by me or shipped to her.

For her birthday, I'd like to get gifts in a few different categories:

- Celebratory: A cake or cupcakes or something sweet was always our tradition when we lived in the same city (Mail order suggestions welcome, maybe something that can be enjoyed for a few days if someone else gets her a cake. She works at Krispy Kreme, so probably no donuts or donut-adjacent pastries)

- Sentimental: Maybe jewelry, not too expensive? What's trendy these days? When she was younger, I often bought her journals and art supplies and age-appropriate books about navigating adolescence, emotions, etc. Anything in that vein that you'd recommend for a young adult, or someone coming out of a very complicated childhood?

- Short-term practical: Target gift card

- Long-term practical: I'd like to give her a sum of money that, ideally, she would use to seed an emergency fund. I was thinking maybe $500? Should I do a pre-loaded bank card instead of a check? She does have a bank account.
(I know I can't stop her from spending it on more immediate needs or dumb stuff. I also considered making it more of an "I'm setting aside $500 for you when you need it," but don't want to introduce a potential time lag or a worry about me judging whether it's a "real" need into the need.)

If relevant: She's not currently in school (sigh) but hoping to get her high school diploma this year through adult-ed classes. She's living with a friend's family but is unsure how long she'll be able to, or wants to, stay there. Unsure if it's been possible for her to save enough to live on her own; I'd assume not. Her parents are unreliable but I'm hoping her brothers are going to help her celebrate in some way.

Thanks for any other suggestions!
posted by Sweetie Darling to Grab Bag (17 answers total)
 
Cinnamon babka from Russ & Daughters. Freezes well, has more of a rich and delicious flavor rather than straight sugar a la donuts.

I'm not great at jewelry for other people, it can be so personal. Art supplies are a great idea, why not continue that?

Do you know her taste in reading? Books are the other great one, and they are easy to pass along if she bounces off them. Not to be a broken record in here (I'm always talking about her on Metafilter) but what about the Western Shore books by Ursula Le Guin? Complicated childhoods and growth into adulthood, grappling with freedom, holding strong in yourself in spite of family pressure - it's all there.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 10:22 AM on January 28 [1 favorite]


Maybe a compass necklace for the sentimental jewelry angle? You could tie it in to setting out on the journey of adulthood and having to chart your own path but always with help from your compass (you, other friends and family, her own strength).
posted by stellaluna at 10:31 AM on January 28 [4 favorites]


In jewelry, maybe a charm necklace? Cup of Jo had a nice entry recently on them so they are on my mind: https://cupofjo.com/2025/01/27/how-to-make-a-charm-necklace

It would be lovely to give her a necklace with some charms that represent your friendship and she can add onto them.
posted by charcoals at 10:41 AM on January 28 [2 favorites]


You can buy lockets shaped like books! I think charms are reasonably trendy/timeless.
posted by umwelt at 10:52 AM on January 28 [4 favorites]


For the sweet treat: Crumbl is a chain of fancy cookies that young folks seem to love. It seems to me like it would be a fantastic treat to get a gift card where she could take a few folks there for decadent, extravagant cookies. You can also order from them, apparently. Even if there isn't one in her city, I'd look and see if there's a fancy cookie shop, since that seems to be a thing now.

This is a lovely and generous set of gifts, by the way. Cheers to you and her.
posted by bluedaisy at 10:53 AM on January 28


when my favorite cousins graduated high school I gave them savings bonds. you will need her social security # for this
posted by brujita at 10:58 AM on January 28 [2 favorites]


My suggestions are all along the line of letting her choose her own gifts. If that's not what you're interested in, skip my post.

Instead of a Target card, maybe just go for a brand name credit card, like American Express loaded with $50. They are pretty easy to use and don't tie her to a specific (no longer DEI supporting) chain. And for the longer term gift of cash, you could maybe seed her money in Venmo or similar. It does tend to get spent on smaller stuff, but if you labelled it something like "future rent" or "emergency fund" it might encourage her to save it for that purpose.

For jewelry you could see if there's an Etsy or Artisans Collective creator that you like and contact them for some kind of pre-paid gift. That let's her pick something she'd really like for herself.

If there's a local bakery where she lives that does fantastic cupcakes or other specialty she enjoys, you can support a local business with a gift certificate to their store.
posted by drossdragon at 11:14 AM on January 28




For long-term practical, an amazing thing you could do with that $500 is put it in a Vanguard fund targeted to 2070, her retirement date. It'll sit and grow and hopefully turn into a lot of money later. If/when her life gets more stable, she can continue to add to it.
posted by BlahLaLa at 12:29 PM on January 28 [7 favorites]




Happy birthday to your friend!

The Library of Congress has book-related jewelry that may be of interest: https://library-of-congress-shop.myshopify.com/collections/jewelry
posted by wicked_sassy at 5:39 PM on January 28


Are any of her favorite books available from folio society?
posted by rabbits plinkety plinkety plink at 7:01 PM on January 28 [1 favorite]


This really depends on your budget and the birthday celebrant's personal tastes (so this suggestion could be a total fail, but here goes nothing!). For the sentimental category, I know a number of folks who would be sooooo stoked to get a tattoo, piercing, or some other form of body art (funded by you) from a reputable artist whose work and style they admire.

They may choose something that has deep meaning for themselves, or some flavour-of-the-month that they may mildly regret once they get older but still give them a chuckle every now and again. But in some ways the design is not the point; it is more about them making this big decision about their body. Screw what anyone else says or thinks about it, this is what they want and they got it! As they symbolically cross into adulthood, they had the agency to make that decision for themselves. Or in simpler terms, it's a very physical reminder that "I am the boss of me!" for that one specific decision.

If you do go with this, pls include in your budgeting the gratuity for the artist, any transport cost if she has to travel far for the artist she likes, plus any aftercare products she may need to buy.

You are a supportive and caring adult in her life and I'm sure that means a lot no matter what gifts you eventually land on. We could all use someone like you in our lives!
posted by tinydancer at 11:37 PM on January 28


My daughter the librarian, a huge Terry Pratchett got-the books-signed fan, bought herself a Discworld Librarian necklace. Might be fun even if that oeuvre is not part of your buddy's readathon. Seems there is lots more, cheaper, Librarian merch.
posted by BobTheScientist at 1:09 AM on January 29


I asked an 18th birthday question three years ago, though without the emotional aspects of yours. I ended up buying air tags, and they have continued to be really useful. I have another niece with an 18th birthday coming up, and will get them some too. I know they are in the practical category, but I feel they also have a meaning about freedom and adventure.

There were some suggestions about stocks and shares in that thread, which I would have liked to do, but couldn't find a way to do it in the UK.

Hope you find something that works; sounds like your friend is lucky to have you in her life.
posted by paduasoy at 12:53 AM on January 30


Response by poster: Thank you all for the wonderful suggestions! Here's what I've ended up with:

- Grocery store bakery brownies (individually wrapped and no potential icing mess with shipping) - plus very in keeping with our tradition
- A few books by Black women authors - poetry and essays
- Decided to skip the necklace - loved your ideas but ran out of time, so added $ to the gift card
- Visa gift card (thank you for the reminder about Target/Walmart - both added flexibility and current state of affairs with both, sigh)
- I talked to her brother last night and he mentioned that she is hoping to buy a car - I think he's going to let her use one of his for now but she will need to pay him for insurance, so my check will be designated for "car expenses or savings or other adult stuff"
- All packed in a box filled with balloons!

So appreciate everyone who weighed in. And if you have an hour to spare during the week, please contact your local school to see if they have a reading buddy program. It has changed my life for the better, and hopefully hers as well.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 4:46 AM on January 30 [2 favorites]


Love that you're doing this, Sweetie Darling. Thank you for spreading kindness in the world and making a difference in this young woman's life!
posted by widdershins at 2:41 PM on January 30 [1 favorite]


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