Would This Be Workplace Betrayal or What's Best for Me?
February 26, 2024 9:01 AM Subscribe
I started a new teaching position in a new district 4 weeks ago, and am already waking up each morning dreading going to work. Some parts are great, but most are not and I'm experiencing severe daily stress. Would it be a betrayal to leave?
I previously worked at School A, which is a non-public school for students with special needs. I teach mathematics. Each class was 8-10 students maximum. I left that position at the end of January due to the salary no longer being liveable on one income, the near-daily need to ask and fight for support (to have at least one other adult in the room at all times while teaching), and constant distractions from outside foot traffic passing through my classroom (they made my classroom the social hall of the church that we share space with). I had asked for changes, and my supervisor always said they'd see what they could do, and nothing ever changed. This happened 3-4 times.
I interviewed for this new position at School B before leaving the previous site. School B is a public school, and I teach 8th-grade math (all general education, but there are some special needs/IEP students in each class). Each class size is 28 maximum. During the interview, I specifically asked about adult support, and how consistent and reliable it is. I was assured I would receive help whenever needed. This was true during my first week there, and now most of the time when I call, someone says they're on their way, and they never show up.
Although I'm earning a higher salary at School B, the daily behavioral issues, chaos, disrespect from students (only a handful in each class, but it's absolutely exhausting), and many fellow staff members "befriending" students and negotiating with them instead of delivering consequences (this is occurring with parents too), is accumulating daily stress and now dread. I woke up this morning wishing I could go anywhere but to work.
I've been chronically sick since December, and potentially since last February, with a bacterial infection that's affecting my lung health. I thought it was mold exposure, but that's been basically ruled out. All bloodwork has been normal, and I have a CT scan this Friday to examine my lungs. Everyone I've told about this thinks it's due to stress. They all encourage me to do what's best for me, and to leave School B if that's what I need to do.
I love teaching and want to continue it someday, but I need a break for awhile. However, the stress I experienced at School A was not due to student and parental mis-cooperation, and therefore I'd be willing to return there through early June. I'm thinking of contacting School A today to ask if my previous position is still available (I know for certain it is). I've maintained a positive relationship with this worksite. The one thing I never asked for while there was a raise in my salary. I believe they could do this.
My question is: Would it be a betrayal to School B if I left? If not, how long is reasonable to give notice for until leaving? I don't want to burn bridges with this entire new district, but at the same time, there are plenty of other districts that would need my help if this one decided they couldn't trust me not to do the same thing in the future if I acquired a position at a different school. Right? I'm so tired of being sick and stressed every single week.
I previously worked at School A, which is a non-public school for students with special needs. I teach mathematics. Each class was 8-10 students maximum. I left that position at the end of January due to the salary no longer being liveable on one income, the near-daily need to ask and fight for support (to have at least one other adult in the room at all times while teaching), and constant distractions from outside foot traffic passing through my classroom (they made my classroom the social hall of the church that we share space with). I had asked for changes, and my supervisor always said they'd see what they could do, and nothing ever changed. This happened 3-4 times.
I interviewed for this new position at School B before leaving the previous site. School B is a public school, and I teach 8th-grade math (all general education, but there are some special needs/IEP students in each class). Each class size is 28 maximum. During the interview, I specifically asked about adult support, and how consistent and reliable it is. I was assured I would receive help whenever needed. This was true during my first week there, and now most of the time when I call, someone says they're on their way, and they never show up.
Although I'm earning a higher salary at School B, the daily behavioral issues, chaos, disrespect from students (only a handful in each class, but it's absolutely exhausting), and many fellow staff members "befriending" students and negotiating with them instead of delivering consequences (this is occurring with parents too), is accumulating daily stress and now dread. I woke up this morning wishing I could go anywhere but to work.
I've been chronically sick since December, and potentially since last February, with a bacterial infection that's affecting my lung health. I thought it was mold exposure, but that's been basically ruled out. All bloodwork has been normal, and I have a CT scan this Friday to examine my lungs. Everyone I've told about this thinks it's due to stress. They all encourage me to do what's best for me, and to leave School B if that's what I need to do.
I love teaching and want to continue it someday, but I need a break for awhile. However, the stress I experienced at School A was not due to student and parental mis-cooperation, and therefore I'd be willing to return there through early June. I'm thinking of contacting School A today to ask if my previous position is still available (I know for certain it is). I've maintained a positive relationship with this worksite. The one thing I never asked for while there was a raise in my salary. I believe they could do this.
My question is: Would it be a betrayal to School B if I left? If not, how long is reasonable to give notice for until leaving? I don't want to burn bridges with this entire new district, but at the same time, there are plenty of other districts that would need my help if this one decided they couldn't trust me not to do the same thing in the future if I acquired a position at a different school. Right? I'm so tired of being sick and stressed every single week.
Response by poster: I forgot to add that at School B, I've had two personal items stolen by students from on top of my desk. One of these was a very sentimental item that I've had since childhood, and have placed on my desk in every other teaching position without issue. I'm still working with admin to get this item returned from the student who took it (we're certain of who did it). When I reported the second item missing, the response from admin was basic empathy, followed by advising me to not keep anything on top of my desk, and to keep everything locked in the drawers. The response from students was to get used to it, because it's happened to pretty much every teacher at this school at least once.
posted by Jangatroo at 9:18 AM on February 26
posted by Jangatroo at 9:18 AM on February 26
It does sound like you absolutely want to be done with School B and that's your decision. If School A says yes to your request to return, and can offer you the money you want, have you thought about how you are going to handle the difficulties you faced when you tried to teach there? How are you going to problem-solve those issues of not having support in the classroom and noise and so on? Don't assume those issues will magically cease to bother you. You'll need actual strategies and a willingness to work through the difficulties you face in creative ways ("working the system", for example, and trying out unconventional approaches) - no matter which job you take/keep.
posted by MiraK at 9:29 AM on February 26 [6 favorites]
posted by MiraK at 9:29 AM on February 26 [6 favorites]
I'm not so sure that leaving School B is what's best for you. Rule of thumb I always heard is you can afford one short/abruptly truncated job on a resume, but you'd better stay awhile at the next one. I suspect two mid-school-year departures will not look good for your resume and will make it tough to even get considered for better teaching jobs. I guess unless you can afford to leave School B off your resume entirely... but then you'll have a gap that I suspect might be tough to explain in your field, especially if you were to return to School A.
tl;dr this does sound tough but I'd stick it out til the end of the school year.
posted by eirias at 10:17 AM on February 26 [11 favorites]
tl;dr this does sound tough but I'd stick it out til the end of the school year.
posted by eirias at 10:17 AM on February 26 [11 favorites]
Eirias said what I was thinking In a lot of fields it might be fine to quit, but in education, I think it could cause you serious issues -and given you weren’t able to live on the salary previously, I don’t see how you wouldn’t be changing jobs relatively soon.
I think a lot of your issues relate to differences in public schools and with larger classes (I have worked in public schools.) The stealing is one of those things where if you’d worked in that environment from the start, you probably wouldn’t have gotten the idea to have Really Special things at school. The lack of empathy is hard, but to those people it’s like you left your keys in your unlocked car.
Classroom management with 28 kids just is different.
posted by warriorqueen at 10:27 AM on February 26 [14 favorites]
I think a lot of your issues relate to differences in public schools and with larger classes (I have worked in public schools.) The stealing is one of those things where if you’d worked in that environment from the start, you probably wouldn’t have gotten the idea to have Really Special things at school. The lack of empathy is hard, but to those people it’s like you left your keys in your unlocked car.
Classroom management with 28 kids just is different.
posted by warriorqueen at 10:27 AM on February 26 [14 favorites]
I also agree with eirias - this issue is less that it's a betrayal, and more that your resume will raise red flags for future employers. I also wouldn't assume your old job at School A will be waiting for you - even if you left on good terms, you still left them - they may not trust that you'll really stick it out, especially if the problems that caused you to leave remain.
I've worked mainly in higher ed, but did have a stint in an elementary school and know a lot of teachers - every institution has a slightly different culture and student body, and there is always an adjustment period when you start a new teaching position. You sound a bit judgmental of the other teachers, but I'd try to keep an open mind and learn from them - one of the hills I will die on is that there is no universal pedagogy - and classroom management is generally a dance between carrot and stick, and different students respond better to different balances of the two.
posted by coffeecat at 10:38 AM on February 26 [6 favorites]
I've worked mainly in higher ed, but did have a stint in an elementary school and know a lot of teachers - every institution has a slightly different culture and student body, and there is always an adjustment period when you start a new teaching position. You sound a bit judgmental of the other teachers, but I'd try to keep an open mind and learn from them - one of the hills I will die on is that there is no universal pedagogy - and classroom management is generally a dance between carrot and stick, and different students respond better to different balances of the two.
posted by coffeecat at 10:38 AM on February 26 [6 favorites]
Can you take a medical leave to deal with your lung issue for a while? You'd get a break without some of the negative employment consequences of job-hopping, and it does sound like health issues are exacerbating the issues with your job.
I would also work on making school B work until June using the suggestions above. When you don't get help you requested, do you follow up with the person who told you you would get help?
posted by momus_window at 11:30 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
I would also work on making school B work until June using the suggestions above. When you don't get help you requested, do you follow up with the person who told you you would get help?
posted by momus_window at 11:30 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
I think what you should depends in part on the level of disrespect coming from the students. Honing your classroom management and strengthening relationships with students can be effective for run of the mill rude behavior, interruptions, defiance etc. If what’s happening is more like physical or verbal altercations or attacks, you really need support from administrators or colleagues to deal with that stuff and it sounds like you are not getting it. It actually sounds like your colleagues are undermining you.
Some teachers stay in unsafe, dysfunctional schools because they feel they are called to be there for the students. But no one is obligated to damage their health for a job.
posted by mai at 11:42 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
Some teachers stay in unsafe, dysfunctional schools because they feel they are called to be there for the students. But no one is obligated to damage their health for a job.
posted by mai at 11:42 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
My question is: Would it be a betrayal to School B if I left?
I would like to offer two observations: 1) betrayal is only possible in the presence of loyalty, and 2) people can be loyal but an organization cannot. So, while you may feel loyalty to School B, I would encourage you to not think of School B as being even capable of loyalty to you. There may be specific people within School B who may have loyalty, but that is separate from the fact that the organization of School B itself is not a person and cannot experience person-like qualities like loyalty in the same way that people can.
posted by mhum at 12:26 PM on February 26 [7 favorites]
I would like to offer two observations: 1) betrayal is only possible in the presence of loyalty, and 2) people can be loyal but an organization cannot. So, while you may feel loyalty to School B, I would encourage you to not think of School B as being even capable of loyalty to you. There may be specific people within School B who may have loyalty, but that is separate from the fact that the organization of School B itself is not a person and cannot experience person-like qualities like loyalty in the same way that people can.
posted by mhum at 12:26 PM on February 26 [7 favorites]
Quit. There are no prizes for sticking it out in dysfunctional work environments. I once quit a teaching job in April and it didn't hinder me from finding other jobs, because there's a teacher shortage! Medical leave is also a good option. It is not a "betrayal" -- they have betrayed you, by refusing to provide adequate support.
Source: was a teacher for 10 years, quit, recommend it to everyone A+ 10/10
Try to separate your health anxiety from your job anxiety.
(maybe! I had high blood pressure & visual disturbances from the stress of my last teaching job. I don't have those problems anymore. Talk to your doctor.)
posted by goodbyewaffles at 12:28 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]
Source: was a teacher for 10 years, quit, recommend it to everyone A+ 10/10
Try to separate your health anxiety from your job anxiety.
(maybe! I had high blood pressure & visual disturbances from the stress of my last teaching job. I don't have those problems anymore. Talk to your doctor.)
posted by goodbyewaffles at 12:28 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]
I guess I will also add -- don't go back to School A. There's a reason you quit (a lot of reasons, even), and none of that is going to change. I made this mistake in my teaching career, too -- I took an even worse job and so it seemed like a great idea to go back to the old job, but surprise, it was not!
If you can swing being unemployed for a while (or just like, doing some day-to-day subbing), that's probably the move. Then if anyone gives you a hard time about being a midyear quitter down the line, you can say that you quit for health reasons that have since resolved, which in your case isn't even a lie.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 12:48 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]
If you can swing being unemployed for a while (or just like, doing some day-to-day subbing), that's probably the move. Then if anyone gives you a hard time about being a midyear quitter down the line, you can say that you quit for health reasons that have since resolved, which in your case isn't even a lie.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 12:48 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]
the daily behavioral issues, chaos, disrespect from students (only a handful in each class, but it's absolutely exhausting), and many fellow staff members "befriending" students and negotiating with them instead of delivering consequences (this is occurring with parents too), is accumulating daily stress and now dread.
Did they assign you any kind of teacher-mentor? Is the principal or some other support person able to offer you any support in the classroom? 8th grade is a tough age, and I'm not surprised that a few kids acting out in a class could be such a difficult situation to manage. But I bet there are teachers at your school who do this well, and this is a great opportunity to learn some really key skills.
My kid went to a middle school that had a reputation for classes that sounds like what you are dealing with. There were some teachers who were quite skilled in working with these students. They might be folks you are regarding as negotiators, though. But, might it be helpful to observe some of their classes and see how they manage their classrooms?
Are the kids who are acting out in a historically underrepresented group, by any chance? Could you be dealing with some cultural competency issues?
Starting a much larger class and a new grade mid-year is hugely challenging. I'd give it one more attempt with your administration. Tell them that you need help and sit down and share the challenges that you are having. My guess is that they'd rather throw some resources at you than have you leave, so maybe give them a chance, not just in individual situations, but more comprehensively.
posted by bluedaisy at 2:44 PM on February 26 [2 favorites]
Did they assign you any kind of teacher-mentor? Is the principal or some other support person able to offer you any support in the classroom? 8th grade is a tough age, and I'm not surprised that a few kids acting out in a class could be such a difficult situation to manage. But I bet there are teachers at your school who do this well, and this is a great opportunity to learn some really key skills.
My kid went to a middle school that had a reputation for classes that sounds like what you are dealing with. There were some teachers who were quite skilled in working with these students. They might be folks you are regarding as negotiators, though. But, might it be helpful to observe some of their classes and see how they manage their classrooms?
Are the kids who are acting out in a historically underrepresented group, by any chance? Could you be dealing with some cultural competency issues?
Starting a much larger class and a new grade mid-year is hugely challenging. I'd give it one more attempt with your administration. Tell them that you need help and sit down and share the challenges that you are having. My guess is that they'd rather throw some resources at you than have you leave, so maybe give them a chance, not just in individual situations, but more comprehensively.
posted by bluedaisy at 2:44 PM on February 26 [2 favorites]
"Betrayal" sounds a lot more epic than "bad fit" but you can call it that if you want.
The quicker you go the shorter the hole in your resume when you leave this job out.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:37 PM on February 26
The quicker you go the shorter the hole in your resume when you leave this job out.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:37 PM on February 26
« Older I Have No Talent, and I Must Draw | Help me find children's media with a character... Newer »
You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments
2. Nevertheless I would encourage you to try and problem-solve this job first before you quit. Ask your fellow teachers how they handle the disrespect. Ask them to teach you the skills they use. Be open to the idea of building relationships with the students as a way to deal with the disrespect - it's actually a lot healthier than handing out punishments!
3. Try to work through your feelings of wanting to quit right now right now right now in other ways - by venting to friends, by talking to a therapist, by taking an art class, by taking a mental health day off and spending it outside in the sunshine, by resting in more effective ways (no screens, no stressful social events, and so on) while you are home, etc. Persistence in the face of difficulties is an excellent life skill, and you have an opportunity here to learn it.
4. Try to separate your health anxiety from your job anxiety. Your chronic illness is a tough, tough wild card that you are trying to manage - but it isn't the same as your job, and your job isn't causing it or exacerbating it? I think? (trying to understand what you wrote here). In some parts of your post it comes across as if your stress from your health issues is spilling over into feelings of wanting to quit your job, so I just wanted to say, be careful not to get these mixed up.
posted by MiraK at 9:09 AM on February 26 [5 favorites]