Resources for older man interested in starting a new family
August 25, 2023 5:00 PM Subscribe
I'm an older man, late 50s, interested in starting a second family. I'm divorced and the first set of kids is already launched. I've had some time to pursue my own interests and have realized that the happiest moments in my life were with my kids. Are there resources specifically for this? Many dating sites, even when they include "wants kids", are not oriented towards starting families. I am not looking to adopt.
Just to be clear, you are looking for a relationship with a woman young enough to have your biological children? Or are you open to dating someone with children still at home? If so, you'll face the same challenges as any man trying to date a much younger woman, but yes, the traditional dating sites, pay extra to use the filters, and be clear that you are looking to have more children and yours are out of the house.
If you are looking to have biological children but not have a cohabitating traditional relationship there are sites for that too. Many women are deciding they'd like to have a known sperm donor who is in the child's life but not a day to day partner. Modamily is one, the term I hear most is "coparenting".
posted by Narrow Harbor at 5:49 PM on August 25, 2023 [6 favorites]
If you are looking to have biological children but not have a cohabitating traditional relationship there are sites for that too. Many women are deciding they'd like to have a known sperm donor who is in the child's life but not a day to day partner. Modamily is one, the term I hear most is "coparenting".
posted by Narrow Harbor at 5:49 PM on August 25, 2023 [6 favorites]
My father had me as an older father when he was in his early 50s. I am in my late 30s and he is in his early 90s. I was the only child from his second marriage with my mom who is in a much more normal age range to be the mother of someone my age. He had other children from his first marriage with another woman who are decades older than me. Now my parents are divorced.
Having to be the caregiver to an elderly man who has estranged relationships from his first family is very, very difficult. I wish older parents really evaluated the impact that aging would have on their children, especially when those children are trying to launch their own careers. It is an immense burden. You really, really need to take this into account. Are you fully prepared to pick out a long term care facility and plan all your eldercare issues NOW so that you don’t burden a future child with this? What legal issues will you work out between your older children and your new child/partner for who has legal rights? These things get messy quick. Ask me how I know.
posted by mostly vowels at 6:00 PM on August 25, 2023 [140 favorites]
Having to be the caregiver to an elderly man who has estranged relationships from his first family is very, very difficult. I wish older parents really evaluated the impact that aging would have on their children, especially when those children are trying to launch their own careers. It is an immense burden. You really, really need to take this into account. Are you fully prepared to pick out a long term care facility and plan all your eldercare issues NOW so that you don’t burden a future child with this? What legal issues will you work out between your older children and your new child/partner for who has legal rights? These things get messy quick. Ask me how I know.
posted by mostly vowels at 6:00 PM on August 25, 2023 [140 favorites]
I am the extremely older, extremely surprised (because did not know if the shared parent was alive or dead for a while) sibling in a situation passingly similar to mostly vowel's. YMMV greatly, but I think that "resources" here should include therapy if you want happy memories in the future with your existing kids or your hypothetical additional children.
posted by LadyInWaiting at 6:06 PM on August 25, 2023 [16 favorites]
posted by LadyInWaiting at 6:06 PM on August 25, 2023 [16 favorites]
I wish older parents really evaluated the impact that aging would have on their children
Came here to say something similar. We have a friend who has a similar age gap between herself and her father. She is a child of his second, later-in-life marriage after he raised children with his first wife.
One of the things she recently negotiated was disallowing him from driving with her young son in the car, as he is at an age (late 80s-early 90s) where he is no longer a reliably safe driver but is not willing to give up his license...and very much wants to be able to drive his grandchild around. My impression is that it was stressful, frustrating, and involved a lot of hard feelings all around.
posted by pullayup at 7:30 PM on August 25, 2023 [14 favorites]
Came here to say something similar. We have a friend who has a similar age gap between herself and her father. She is a child of his second, later-in-life marriage after he raised children with his first wife.
One of the things she recently negotiated was disallowing him from driving with her young son in the car, as he is at an age (late 80s-early 90s) where he is no longer a reliably safe driver but is not willing to give up his license...and very much wants to be able to drive his grandchild around. My impression is that it was stressful, frustrating, and involved a lot of hard feelings all around.
posted by pullayup at 7:30 PM on August 25, 2023 [14 favorites]
You can't cross the same river twice.
Almost everything would be different a second time around, happiness with the first set of kids doesn't guarantee happiness with the second.
posted by deadwax at 7:41 PM on August 25, 2023 [39 favorites]
Almost everything would be different a second time around, happiness with the first set of kids doesn't guarantee happiness with the second.
posted by deadwax at 7:41 PM on August 25, 2023 [39 favorites]
I'd also note that a lot of parents of preteen children depend heavily on their own parents for childcare. If you have a child with your new family at 61, let's say, and they have their own first child at 26 (roughly the national average in the US), you'll be 87 at their birth, and 97 when grandkid turns 10. Do you believe you will be up for grandparenting at those ages? Do you plan to allow these responsibilities to fall 100% on your younger spouse, who may already have her hands full caring for you?
Of course, you never know what's going to happen, most (but certainly not all) couples have two sets of parents, and many people do successfully shoulder these burdens without the assistance of family, for all kinds of reasons. But this sort of long-term consideration is absolutely something you should keep an eye on while you're making your plans.
posted by pullayup at 7:48 PM on August 25, 2023 [8 favorites]
Of course, you never know what's going to happen, most (but certainly not all) couples have two sets of parents, and many people do successfully shoulder these burdens without the assistance of family, for all kinds of reasons. But this sort of long-term consideration is absolutely something you should keep an eye on while you're making your plans.
posted by pullayup at 7:48 PM on August 25, 2023 [8 favorites]
I'd start with a financial planner. Say you're planning to meet and marry a thirty-five-year old and have two more children by the time you're sixty-two. Are you in a situation where you can cover half the household expenses while those kids grow up? What happens if one of your pre-existing children gets very sick or has a crisis and needs financial help? What happens if you die at seventy? If you're very healthy now you probably won't but it's a different kind of probably than "if you're very healthy at fifty you'll probably get to sixty". What happens if you develop, eg, Parkinson's or some other expensive and protracted illness?
(We all assume that we'll be hale and hearty at least into our eighties nowadays, but I am the child of an athletic, strong man and he has found that since he was about seventy three or so, he's been slowing down, and now that he's seventy-seven, he gets a lot more fatigued and needs a lot more forward planning for travel and dealing with complicated projects. I think it would be really, really tough for him to be parenting a teenager right now.)
Many women young enough to have several kids are going to consider what it will be like trying to parent a couple of tweens with a seventy year old partner, and that's all going to be much easier to manage if you can assure your future wife that even if your health fails you at seventy, she and the kids will still be in decent financial shape.
How insurable are you? You'll want a good deal of life insurance if you aren't really, truly rich, since your wife and kids may need to cope for a significant amount of time after your passing.
If you really want to attract a much younger woman to start an entirely new family with you, you should be able to provide the same kind of life prospects she would expect from a man her own age.
posted by Frowner at 7:57 PM on August 25, 2023 [34 favorites]
(We all assume that we'll be hale and hearty at least into our eighties nowadays, but I am the child of an athletic, strong man and he has found that since he was about seventy three or so, he's been slowing down, and now that he's seventy-seven, he gets a lot more fatigued and needs a lot more forward planning for travel and dealing with complicated projects. I think it would be really, really tough for him to be parenting a teenager right now.)
Many women young enough to have several kids are going to consider what it will be like trying to parent a couple of tweens with a seventy year old partner, and that's all going to be much easier to manage if you can assure your future wife that even if your health fails you at seventy, she and the kids will still be in decent financial shape.
How insurable are you? You'll want a good deal of life insurance if you aren't really, truly rich, since your wife and kids may need to cope for a significant amount of time after your passing.
If you really want to attract a much younger woman to start an entirely new family with you, you should be able to provide the same kind of life prospects she would expect from a man her own age.
posted by Frowner at 7:57 PM on August 25, 2023 [34 favorites]
You might want to consider sperm banking. Male fertility and the quality of the sperm do go down with age. Also consider if you would undergo any prenatal testing, especially one of those designed to assess the presence of disease-causing variants in genes that are high-risk for new mutations.
posted by beaning at 8:51 PM on August 25, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by beaning at 8:51 PM on August 25, 2023 [9 favorites]
Are your kids going to have their own kids at all? Because being an engaged and involved grandparent can give you (and your kids and grandkids) all the joys of connection without all the challenges and long-term considerations people are mentioning above.
posted by lulu68 at 10:10 PM on August 25, 2023 [31 favorites]
posted by lulu68 at 10:10 PM on August 25, 2023 [31 favorites]
I encourage you to research (non-creepy, legitimate) ways to forge bonds with children without literally siring them.
Volunteer with your local library during story time, tutoring sessions, etc
Big Brothers/Big Sisters
Volunteer at a children’s hospital
Consider substitute teaching
Seek a (part time?) job of a nanny/manny/“grandparent for hire” (note: while “rent-a-grandmas” are popular around here, I’ve never heard of a “rent-a grandpa,” but that may be because men of your generation likely didn’t do much of the actual labor of childrearing such as changing diapers, after school pickups, packing lunches, etc.)
posted by samthemander at 10:48 PM on August 25, 2023 [29 favorites]
Volunteer with your local library during story time, tutoring sessions, etc
Big Brothers/Big Sisters
Volunteer at a children’s hospital
Consider substitute teaching
Seek a (part time?) job of a nanny/manny/“grandparent for hire” (note: while “rent-a-grandmas” are popular around here, I’ve never heard of a “rent-a grandpa,” but that may be because men of your generation likely didn’t do much of the actual labor of childrearing such as changing diapers, after school pickups, packing lunches, etc.)
posted by samthemander at 10:48 PM on August 25, 2023 [29 favorites]
In case you missed the recent FPP: Looking for a new direction in life
posted by samthemander at 10:52 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by samthemander at 10:52 PM on August 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
I have a grandchild and child who are within reasonable distance from each other due to Circumstances, and am often assumed to be the older parent of the grandchild when we are out on our own. I look after my grandchild 3-7x a week.
The difference between parenting and grandparenting is profound. Grandparenting is like 90% joy and 10% stress, while parenting is more 30% joy, 30% stress, 40% ordinary.
I'm not saying pressure your adult children into having kids but I am intensely grateful to be close to my children for the additional benefit of grandchildren now and in the future.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 11:34 PM on August 25, 2023 [9 favorites]
The difference between parenting and grandparenting is profound. Grandparenting is like 90% joy and 10% stress, while parenting is more 30% joy, 30% stress, 40% ordinary.
I'm not saying pressure your adult children into having kids but I am intensely grateful to be close to my children for the additional benefit of grandchildren now and in the future.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 11:34 PM on August 25, 2023 [9 favorites]
If you're a man in your late 50s, it's quite likely that you did not actually raise your children hands on. I doubt you stayed up nights with your infants. I doubt you handled toddler tantrums on a daily basis and re-read Goodnight Moon 28 times per night. I doubt you were in charge of keeping track of shoe sizes and dentist appointments and play dates and school supplies. You probably played "fun parent" as a weekend and off-hours dad for most part, handling less than 10% of the ugly stuff or the boring stuff.
- Consider that very few women who are currently of childbearing age would put up with anything less than a genuinely equal share of the child rearing. (I suppose VERY young women who are 20-something years old may not have power in the relationship to hold you accountable but that would be a creepy decision on your part.)
- Consider also that your idea of what counts as equal is likely not genuinely equal.
- And finally, consider that sharing equally in the burden of parenting a newborn, then a toddler, then a small child, etc etc etc. at your age will be a hugely exhausting task! People who are less than half your age are exhausted by it. Are you in good enough shape to handle it?
For everything in life there is a season. Consider embracing the stage of life you are in rather than hankering after bygone eras.
posted by MiraK at 12:05 AM on August 26, 2023 [63 favorites]
- Consider that very few women who are currently of childbearing age would put up with anything less than a genuinely equal share of the child rearing. (I suppose VERY young women who are 20-something years old may not have power in the relationship to hold you accountable but that would be a creepy decision on your part.)
- Consider also that your idea of what counts as equal is likely not genuinely equal.
- And finally, consider that sharing equally in the burden of parenting a newborn, then a toddler, then a small child, etc etc etc. at your age will be a hugely exhausting task! People who are less than half your age are exhausted by it. Are you in good enough shape to handle it?
For everything in life there is a season. Consider embracing the stage of life you are in rather than hankering after bygone eras.
posted by MiraK at 12:05 AM on August 26, 2023 [63 favorites]
While I agree with many of the points that have been brought up, I encourage everyone to remember that the OP did not ask for our opinions on the wisdom of having kids at his age, nor on the possible intergenerational dynamics that might result out of that, he asked about resources for finding a partner who would be interested in having kids with him.
OP, there are definitely dating sites that are more "conservative" than others (eHarmony, for example), where you would be more likely to find someone who was affirmatively interested in having kids. If you belong to a religious community, the more conservative end of that pool may also be a place to find prospective partners for whom family formation is first and foremost for the purpose of procreation.
You may also consider matchmaking services. It is my understanding that they can be pricey for men, and that they are hit or miss, but when they work well, they could help connect you with women pre-screened to be on the same page as you about relationship pacing, kids, etc.
posted by virve at 12:48 AM on August 26, 2023 [14 favorites]
OP, there are definitely dating sites that are more "conservative" than others (eHarmony, for example), where you would be more likely to find someone who was affirmatively interested in having kids. If you belong to a religious community, the more conservative end of that pool may also be a place to find prospective partners for whom family formation is first and foremost for the purpose of procreation.
You may also consider matchmaking services. It is my understanding that they can be pricey for men, and that they are hit or miss, but when they work well, they could help connect you with women pre-screened to be on the same page as you about relationship pacing, kids, etc.
posted by virve at 12:48 AM on August 26, 2023 [14 favorites]
I encourage everyone to remember that the OP did not ask for our opinions on the wisdom of having kids at his age,
Yes he did. First hand experiences of being the other party in a similar-aged parent / child relationship are resources for an older man wanting to start a family.
Dad was great. But he got sick and stopped bringing money into the home. Frankly, I'm jeaolous of my much older half siblings who got his best years as he died too young for me (I was 13).
Your unconceived child asks: what's in it for them?
posted by Thella at 3:50 AM on August 26, 2023 [37 favorites]
Yes he did. First hand experiences of being the other party in a similar-aged parent / child relationship are resources for an older man wanting to start a family.
Dad was great. But he got sick and stopped bringing money into the home. Frankly, I'm jeaolous of my much older half siblings who got his best years as he died too young for me (I was 13).
Your unconceived child asks: what's in it for them?
posted by Thella at 3:50 AM on August 26, 2023 [37 favorites]
Do you want a new relationship with a woman in her 30s that can bear your children or do you want something else?
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 6:19 AM on August 26, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 6:19 AM on August 26, 2023 [4 favorites]
Your greatest odds will be dating someone who has young children. Maybe put some thought into why having additional biological children is important to you, because you will be able to have the family experience with kids who are not yours, and I think you're more likely to succeed in that quest.
posted by metasarah at 7:36 AM on August 26, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by metasarah at 7:36 AM on August 26, 2023 [4 favorites]
Mod note: If anyone has actual resources that OP is asking for, feel free to help them, otherwise we can stop with the counter advice.
Also, please refrain from arguing with other commenters about what the OP is looking for. Ask MetaFilter is for helping the poster, so please focus on that. No comments have been removed at this time.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 9:40 AM on August 26, 2023 [3 favorites]
Also, please refrain from arguing with other commenters about what the OP is looking for. Ask MetaFilter is for helping the poster, so please focus on that. No comments have been removed at this time.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 9:40 AM on August 26, 2023 [3 favorites]
Mod note: Several comments have now been removed. Please focus on the OP's specific request, thank you.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 10:25 AM on August 26, 2023
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 10:25 AM on August 26, 2023
A good resource is other older men who have done this. Some will be happy to share their experiences with you.
posted by dum spiro spero at 10:46 AM on August 26, 2023
posted by dum spiro spero at 10:46 AM on August 26, 2023
Having no idea of your specific life circumstances decades ago (where you were personally and professionally when your now-adult offspring were small, when your divorce took place, the extent of your "hands-on" custodial care of children as opposed to the kind of care MiraK's answer illuminates), pathways to parenthood include donor eggs and gestational surrogates. Single men are increasingly having biological children via surrogacy (Chicago Tribune) has some resources; note that the man in the profile made this decision in his early 30s and chose a surrogate with good health insurance of her own to offset cost. At time of publication, he and his child live with his own parents, and he's expecting another baby. Look for organizations (like these) local to you, and review pertinent surrogacy laws (US laws by state).
I think working out whether you're seeking a new romantic partnership and subsequent children on a compressed timeline, or having more children as a single father, is very much worth discussing with a therapist. Make appointments with a paid financial planner, too. Get a thorough physical, review your medical and life insurance policies -- if your ideal is starting a family with a romantic partner, costly assisted reproductive technology may be in your future anyway. Children are plain expensive (as in, physically, mentally, emotionally taxing, on top of basic medical/childcare/food & shelter/schooling/maintenance responsibilities), so it's always good to explore your motivations and resources before you make more of them.
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:07 PM on August 26, 2023 [2 favorites]
I think working out whether you're seeking a new romantic partnership and subsequent children on a compressed timeline, or having more children as a single father, is very much worth discussing with a therapist. Make appointments with a paid financial planner, too. Get a thorough physical, review your medical and life insurance policies -- if your ideal is starting a family with a romantic partner, costly assisted reproductive technology may be in your future anyway. Children are plain expensive (as in, physically, mentally, emotionally taxing, on top of basic medical/childcare/food & shelter/schooling/maintenance responsibilities), so it's always good to explore your motivations and resources before you make more of them.
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:07 PM on August 26, 2023 [2 favorites]
You say you're not looking to adopt: can you clarify, for the sake of future answers, if you would be open to starting a relationship with, say, a divorcee in her thirties who already has children? It wasn't clear to me if you meant that you didn't want to go to an adoption agency, or you meant you didn't want a woman with pre-existing children.
If you're not opposed to pre-existing children, I think that would really be your best bet all around for a number of reasons. First: a number of the concerns above would be addressed, because you would essentially have three age sets of children. You have the age sets of your kids - you say they're already launched, so I'm going to assume early twenties. If you get a divorcee with elementary age kids, that'll be about a fifteen year age gap between your existing kids and the new kids. And it still leaves you the option of having potential additional biological kids, while also sort of placing a natural 'cap' on that for both you and your wife, and also ensuring there won't be more than a 10-12 year age gap between the stepkids and the biological kids. That's an age gap that will let siblings feel connected to each other rather than entirely strangers, and will ensure the families are connected.
posted by corb at 12:14 PM on August 26, 2023 [3 favorites]
If you're not opposed to pre-existing children, I think that would really be your best bet all around for a number of reasons. First: a number of the concerns above would be addressed, because you would essentially have three age sets of children. You have the age sets of your kids - you say they're already launched, so I'm going to assume early twenties. If you get a divorcee with elementary age kids, that'll be about a fifteen year age gap between your existing kids and the new kids. And it still leaves you the option of having potential additional biological kids, while also sort of placing a natural 'cap' on that for both you and your wife, and also ensuring there won't be more than a 10-12 year age gap between the stepkids and the biological kids. That's an age gap that will let siblings feel connected to each other rather than entirely strangers, and will ensure the families are connected.
posted by corb at 12:14 PM on August 26, 2023 [3 favorites]
you will want to pursue women who feel real or imaginary time pressure very strongly, don’t want to be single parents, are not inclined to waste time holding out for love, and are direct about their childbearing goals (so, women in their early to mid forties.) women like this abound, you don’t need a specialty site to find them. one of the difficulties you will have is that women in this position are likely to be well educated on the increased risks that come with advanced paternal age, so you will have to have extremely attractive personal attributes to overcome that significant disadvantage. a practical and financial plan for caring for hypothetical children with special needs or disabilities after you die is a necessity, for everyone who takes parental responsibilities seriously but especially for you.
another thing women in this position will be evaluating is your relationship with your existing children. if they do not already know you are pursuing the goal of giving them more siblings, you had better let them know soon, as it may change the tone of the relationship you will have to truthfully represent to any potential new partner.
posted by queenofbithynia at 3:50 PM on August 26, 2023 [11 favorites]
another thing women in this position will be evaluating is your relationship with your existing children. if they do not already know you are pursuing the goal of giving them more siblings, you had better let them know soon, as it may change the tone of the relationship you will have to truthfully represent to any potential new partner.
posted by queenofbithynia at 3:50 PM on August 26, 2023 [11 favorites]
I have a good friend who is an older dad by choice but started 10 years younger than you. With a surrogate and full time nanny you can do it. But you’d also have to be thinking realistically about a guardian for the kids.
posted by haptic_avenger at 6:26 PM on August 26, 2023
posted by haptic_avenger at 6:26 PM on August 26, 2023
With a surrogate and full time nanny you can do it
with a surrogate and a full-time nanny two hard-working women could do it for him, more like. but then what would he be for?
this close to retirement age he surely intends to be the full-time caretaker of any children in whatever ménage he is able to stand up, makes no sense to do it any other way.
hiring someone else to do the full-time rearing makes as much sense as hiring a sperm donor to do the insemination. sure, it would be better for the kids, but that wasn’t the question. he wants to be a parent and he was clear that it only counts if he does it himself.
posted by queenofbithynia at 8:10 PM on August 26, 2023 [4 favorites]
with a surrogate and a full-time nanny two hard-working women could do it for him, more like. but then what would he be for?
this close to retirement age he surely intends to be the full-time caretaker of any children in whatever ménage he is able to stand up, makes no sense to do it any other way.
hiring someone else to do the full-time rearing makes as much sense as hiring a sperm donor to do the insemination. sure, it would be better for the kids, but that wasn’t the question. he wants to be a parent and he was clear that it only counts if he does it himself.
posted by queenofbithynia at 8:10 PM on August 26, 2023 [4 favorites]
I am a 60 year old grandparent of a delightful 2 year old who lives with me. I am here to tell you that a) taking care of children nowadays is much harder than it was in the 90s / early 00s and b) I am TIRED. Do not overestimate your own physical / emotional strength and stamina. I certainly did when I agreed to this arrangement 9 months ago. I do not remember this being so rough or being so continually exhausted the first time around. And I am one of three parents, here. It’s as hard or harder than it was to do it mostly alone the first time.
Why is it harder? Well, screens for one thing. I never had to compete with a phone or iPad for my child’s attention. Sure, they make changing a diaper easier, but then you have to wrest them away. And TV. When my kids were young they watched two hours of tv a day. Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers and Thomas the Tank Engine were on at the same time each day and that was that. Now, everything is on all the time and it’s so tempting and easy to just turn on Bluey and let it play while you finally get to the dishes or look at your own phone. And, American culture is not set up for kids anymore (not that it ever was, really.) I used to just take my kids everywhere. Nowadays, that’s frowned on. Oh, and there’s no daycare.
And then there are friends. Kids take up all your time. My peers do not by and large have child care responsibilities so they’re much less interested in getting together for a glass of wine while toddlers climb all over our feet like we did back in the day. No, they want to go to grown up places and do grown up things and so, dammit, do I. Are you really ready to walk away from that? Nostalgia is a powerful drug. I fell for it. I’d very much recommend doing some volunteering with kids first, or even look into foster parenting, before you decide this is really what you want.
posted by mygothlaundry at 8:41 AM on August 27, 2023 [13 favorites]
Why is it harder? Well, screens for one thing. I never had to compete with a phone or iPad for my child’s attention. Sure, they make changing a diaper easier, but then you have to wrest them away. And TV. When my kids were young they watched two hours of tv a day. Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers and Thomas the Tank Engine were on at the same time each day and that was that. Now, everything is on all the time and it’s so tempting and easy to just turn on Bluey and let it play while you finally get to the dishes or look at your own phone. And, American culture is not set up for kids anymore (not that it ever was, really.) I used to just take my kids everywhere. Nowadays, that’s frowned on. Oh, and there’s no daycare.
And then there are friends. Kids take up all your time. My peers do not by and large have child care responsibilities so they’re much less interested in getting together for a glass of wine while toddlers climb all over our feet like we did back in the day. No, they want to go to grown up places and do grown up things and so, dammit, do I. Are you really ready to walk away from that? Nostalgia is a powerful drug. I fell for it. I’d very much recommend doing some volunteering with kids first, or even look into foster parenting, before you decide this is really what you want.
posted by mygothlaundry at 8:41 AM on August 27, 2023 [13 favorites]
Could you think about becoming a foster parent?
posted by mccxxiii at 4:05 PM on August 27, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by mccxxiii at 4:05 PM on August 27, 2023 [1 favorite]
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posted by bluedaisy at 5:31 PM on August 25, 2023 [2 favorites]