Where to mingle and meet people in today’s world? (Toronto)

October 30, 2021 9:48 AM

I live in Toronto, where we are not fully out of lockdown. My very long marriage ended early in the pandemic. I am craving opportunities to have party-like experiences: To be in places where it's possible to meet new people, in contexts where there’s at least some of that energy that comes from sexual/romantic possibility. I feel like there were lots of opportunities for that in the pre-pandemic world, but so few now. Any ideas?

The problem isn’t finding people to date: I am using the apps, which are brand new to me, and finding they work great (yay!). The thing I miss is just the fun of being social as a single person in the world, meeting new people, sometimes in flirtatious ways, but also sometimes not. I miss the sense of the world as a place of possibility.

I feel like in the pre-pandemic world there were: parties, meetup.com events, book launches and readings, networking events, college alumni events, classes to take, and a culture of Toronto-specific stuff that encourages meeting (choir choir choir, house concerts through artery, and other stuff). But no one I know is having in-person parties, and all those other things seem to be closed now.

Supposedly bars and coffeeshops are places where people can meet. But it seems to me, at the bars and coffee shops I go to, that if you start talking to strangers there, you would be the only person there doing that. That does not mean it’s impossible, but it does make it hard. (Unlike, say, a party or a meetup or a networking event, where the whole point is to introduce yourself to people)

About me: I’m a straight, middle-aged man. I like podcasts and nonfiction books more than sports and dance parties. I’m not super-into live music and visual arts (which maybe mostly rules out concerts and museums and galleries, but maybe not). I love conversation and banter. I like smart, funny people. Funny is great.

I am totally happy and comfortable and amusing at parties and all those other kinds of gatherings. I just can’t find any parties or party-like places to go.

What can I do? Are there places I can go? Some bar or coffeeshop or event or venue where it’s normal for people to talk to each other? Is there anything I’m missing?

posted by ManInSuit to Human Relations (8 answers total)

sexual/romantic possibility

Have you heard of Oasis Aqualounge?
posted by foxjacket at 10:18 AM on October 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

Can you go for walks and ask to pat absolutely everyone’s dogs and be charming to the people while you do it?
posted by clew at 10:33 AM on October 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

I see a lot of halloween parties listed in Toronto on Eventbrite, as well as trivia nights, group hikes, burlesque shows, etc.
posted by xo at 11:12 AM on October 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

With capacity limits just lifted on most things a week ago, I’m hoping all that good stuff you mentioned is on the way back. I’m not ready to play a gig yet, but the place my band plays most often 100% jumped on reopening. There will be storytelling nights and book launches and open stages and all sorts of things soon. Everyone needs the revenue. I’m guessing that the colder it gets, the more things we’ll see, if covid numbers hold.
posted by wellred at 11:22 AM on October 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

There's a group called Toronto Dating Hub that has a meetup at a bar tonight. Toronto Cemetery Tours would be a random assortment of people walking around outside chatting, though not necessarily a party energy, more like a class. (I don't live in Toronto but I'm basing this on what kinds of things are available these days in New York.)
posted by xo at 11:22 AM on October 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: xo: thanks for all these ideas! Toronto Dating Hub event is sold out (and I am older than their max age is supposed to be). Can you go alone to a trivia night and talk to people? I pictured it more as a friends/team thing?
posted by ManInSuit at 11:30 AM on October 30, 2021

Re meeting people at bars, it really depends on the bar and the situation. If you sit at the bar, even if nobody's talking to each other, you can often strike up a conversation without it seeming weird. If the bartender makes chitchat, that's a good sign that the customers usually will too. Here's what I wrote for a previous question:

- Sit at the bar and not at a table (obvs)
- Pick the right bar. Neighborhoody is good, too crowded is bad, too date-y is bad.
- Pick the right time. Weekdays after work is the best, Fri/Sat nights are the worst.
- Be sensitive to the dynamics of the bar -- is there a group of people who arrived together and just want to talk to each other? is someone clearly waiting for their friend, like have they reserved a seat? Usually if someone is chatting with the bartender you can get in on the conversation, or if someone is sitting alone you can start talking to them. If someone's on their phone/reading a book they're not necessarily out of bounds but you have to pay attention to body language.

Re trivia nights, I have definitely added on individuals to my team but it certainly depends on the location. I can also see this being easier as a 22-year-old which is the age I was when this happened the most.

The other thing I'll suggest that's also very covid-safe is walking. A quick Googling suggests the Toronto Outdoor Club which seems to have multiple events a week. From experience I assure you it is hard to walk 10km with anyone in total silence so you are guaranteed to have a conversation.
posted by goingonit at 7:59 PM on October 30, 2021 [2 favorites]

clubhouse .. the app .. is a magical land. if you try it, when you join, you’ll get invited to join an intro to clubhouse “room” where you’ll be taught how to use the app - definitely definitely definitely do not pass go and stop and join that room .. they’ll teach you how it works in real time with their voices and that makes all the difference !
posted by elgee at 11:15 PM on October 31, 2021