What would cause a sudden rise in attractiveness?
October 4, 2021 3:10 PM Subscribe
After I married, for some reason I can't quite figure out, men became much more attracted to me?
When I was 17, I went through what was to my young heart, a traumatic experience. A boy I was very much taken with, did not return my feelings. In the fall of that year, we went to separate universities, and I tried very hard to move on, to meet other guys. "You will meet a hundred boys like the one you liked," my father counseled me. "Don't be unapproachable," my aunt advised. But, it seemed, I didn't encounter even one boy who affected me anywhere nearly as deeply as the one I was trying to forget. It also seemed that, for the first time in my life, I was extremely fearful of beginning any relationships---scared stiff of being hurt again. I was physically affected as well; my hormones went awry, and I didn't ovulate for many months. I had a struggle for awhile with bulimia. I did begin some relationships, but it felt exhausting to maintain them, even though I am an extroverted person generally.
Eventually, and very slowly, things returned to normal for me. When I was 23, I fell in love with a handsome physicist. We married, and within the year our first child was born. We moved to a new state, where my husband began his PhD studies. It was about that time that men began to approach me wherever I went--young men of my own age, and older men as well. I didn't engage in flirtatious behavior, and I didn't encourage any of them, as I was very happy with my husband. These were not just guys looking to pick up some woman---most of them were men of high quality, established, professional men, and even some of my husband's fellow grad students. This went on for years. When I was 31, there was a situation involving a well-known surgeon who was a "kindred spirit" as we were much alike and viewed the world in the same way. He was 17 years older, with a wife and two sons, and my husband and I had three children. Neither he nor I wanted to make a big mess, and so we had to set strict boundaries. My marriage was then, and remains, a high priority for me.
What still bothers me is---why did this happen? Is it some kind of "late blooming"? Is it a common thing? Even though I felt hollow inside during my college years, I did try to enter into relationships, but, until I met my husband, none of those relationships took hold.
When I was 17, I went through what was to my young heart, a traumatic experience. A boy I was very much taken with, did not return my feelings. In the fall of that year, we went to separate universities, and I tried very hard to move on, to meet other guys. "You will meet a hundred boys like the one you liked," my father counseled me. "Don't be unapproachable," my aunt advised. But, it seemed, I didn't encounter even one boy who affected me anywhere nearly as deeply as the one I was trying to forget. It also seemed that, for the first time in my life, I was extremely fearful of beginning any relationships---scared stiff of being hurt again. I was physically affected as well; my hormones went awry, and I didn't ovulate for many months. I had a struggle for awhile with bulimia. I did begin some relationships, but it felt exhausting to maintain them, even though I am an extroverted person generally.
Eventually, and very slowly, things returned to normal for me. When I was 23, I fell in love with a handsome physicist. We married, and within the year our first child was born. We moved to a new state, where my husband began his PhD studies. It was about that time that men began to approach me wherever I went--young men of my own age, and older men as well. I didn't engage in flirtatious behavior, and I didn't encourage any of them, as I was very happy with my husband. These were not just guys looking to pick up some woman---most of them were men of high quality, established, professional men, and even some of my husband's fellow grad students. This went on for years. When I was 31, there was a situation involving a well-known surgeon who was a "kindred spirit" as we were much alike and viewed the world in the same way. He was 17 years older, with a wife and two sons, and my husband and I had three children. Neither he nor I wanted to make a big mess, and so we had to set strict boundaries. My marriage was then, and remains, a high priority for me.
What still bothers me is---why did this happen? Is it some kind of "late blooming"? Is it a common thing? Even though I felt hollow inside during my college years, I did try to enter into relationships, but, until I met my husband, none of those relationships took hold.
With the caveat I'm speaking only from my perspective - There's a couple things I'm noticing.
1. I'm wondering whether you really did "suddenly" become more attractive, as opposed to your simply noticing it more now. You say that you were missing your ex when you were younger - perhaps you simply didn't notice the attempts other people were making at approaching you, because you were preoccupied with your own feelings and missing your ex.
2. You also say that when you were younger that you were really averse to relationships - it's possible people picked up on that, and realized that you may not be in the best place for a relationship.
3. Finally - you were 17 when you had your big breakup and you were 23 when you met and married your husband. And you attempted to have some relationships in the interim. That's....kind of normal for a six-year time span. So I'm also wondering whether it's not a matter of "I'm suddenly more attractive" but rather a matter of "I'm noticing this kind of thing more" or "I have a different perspective on how men respond to me".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:24 PM on October 4, 2021 [11 favorites]
1. I'm wondering whether you really did "suddenly" become more attractive, as opposed to your simply noticing it more now. You say that you were missing your ex when you were younger - perhaps you simply didn't notice the attempts other people were making at approaching you, because you were preoccupied with your own feelings and missing your ex.
2. You also say that when you were younger that you were really averse to relationships - it's possible people picked up on that, and realized that you may not be in the best place for a relationship.
3. Finally - you were 17 when you had your big breakup and you were 23 when you met and married your husband. And you attempted to have some relationships in the interim. That's....kind of normal for a six-year time span. So I'm also wondering whether it's not a matter of "I'm suddenly more attractive" but rather a matter of "I'm noticing this kind of thing more" or "I have a different perspective on how men respond to me".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:24 PM on October 4, 2021 [11 favorites]
I have some thoughts on this, and will be interested to see what others say.
It seems clear that your relationship with your husband makes you happy, and that you are happy with your life. That can be very attractive to other people, even when you aren't sending off any signals other than "I am happy".
In a similar vein, being in a committed relationship means you are not looking for other relationships. That makes you "hard to get", which can also be very appealing to others.
posted by DrGail at 3:44 PM on October 4, 2021 [26 favorites]
It seems clear that your relationship with your husband makes you happy, and that you are happy with your life. That can be very attractive to other people, even when you aren't sending off any signals other than "I am happy".
In a similar vein, being in a committed relationship means you are not looking for other relationships. That makes you "hard to get", which can also be very appealing to others.
posted by DrGail at 3:44 PM on October 4, 2021 [26 favorites]
Confidence?
posted by spicytunaroll at 3:50 PM on October 4, 2021 [18 favorites]
posted by spicytunaroll at 3:50 PM on October 4, 2021 [18 favorites]
Between 17 and 23 is a time of huge developmental changes, when you go from being an adolescent to being a true young adult. It's quite possible your marriage had nothing to do with it, just simply that you grew up a bit and became more self-confident and possibly more physically mature as well. Of course, marriage can help some people with confidence so it might have been a factor, but I would guess this would have happened at that time regardless.
posted by epanalepsis at 4:19 PM on October 4, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by epanalepsis at 4:19 PM on October 4, 2021 [8 favorites]
The new state perhaps? I’m a woman of color, and I noticed that in some states, men never noticed or flirted with me, and in other states, I get more attention. Some regions seem to have fairly strict ranges of what is considered attractive, and others are more accepting of many types of people.
posted by umwhat at 4:20 PM on October 4, 2021 [15 favorites]
posted by umwhat at 4:20 PM on October 4, 2021 [15 favorites]
I think it’s pretty obvious you were hot all along, and just didn’t realize it for a while.
I also think the detail that your new suitors are accomplished professionals and not just random college kids trying to take you to a keg party is probably significant. It’s a lot easier for you to ignore the latter.
Keep in mind that there’s a high likelihood that some guy you knew in college feels/felt about you the way you felt about that high school guy.
posted by kevinbelt at 4:25 PM on October 4, 2021 [5 favorites]
I also think the detail that your new suitors are accomplished professionals and not just random college kids trying to take you to a keg party is probably significant. It’s a lot easier for you to ignore the latter.
Keep in mind that there’s a high likelihood that some guy you knew in college feels/felt about you the way you felt about that high school guy.
posted by kevinbelt at 4:25 PM on October 4, 2021 [5 favorites]
Being in a relationship will often make people more desirable. We tend to assume that there's good reasons why someone wants to date/marry someone which increases our interest in them. If a handsome, successful man wants you, that increases your desirability.
Like others have said, being happy and confident is hugely attractive to many people.
And did you get larger breasts/hips/butt as a result of pregnancy? That's attractive to some men, particularly if you weren't healthy looking as a result of the eating disorder when younger.
even some of my husband's fellow grad students.
Grad schools are notoriously filled with incestuous relationships in peer groups. Combine a cohort of smart and driven people with a lifestyle with dinner parties and wine, throw in a ton of stress but bursts of available time, and problems with time and emotional availableness, and you get a lot of flirtation and sometimes poor life choices going on.
posted by Candleman at 4:25 PM on October 4, 2021 [6 favorites]
Like others have said, being happy and confident is hugely attractive to many people.
And did you get larger breasts/hips/butt as a result of pregnancy? That's attractive to some men, particularly if you weren't healthy looking as a result of the eating disorder when younger.
even some of my husband's fellow grad students.
Grad schools are notoriously filled with incestuous relationships in peer groups. Combine a cohort of smart and driven people with a lifestyle with dinner parties and wine, throw in a ton of stress but bursts of available time, and problems with time and emotional availableness, and you get a lot of flirtation and sometimes poor life choices going on.
posted by Candleman at 4:25 PM on October 4, 2021 [6 favorites]
Much greater person confidence and the fact that you are now forbidden fruit would seem to explain things.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:28 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:28 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm sure you always were attractive but just now have more maturity and confidence. Also, at 30ish we become an "OK" age for both younger and older people to be openly attracted to. I'm glad you are feeling good!
That said, I think you are giving these men too much credit. A lot of them actually sound creepy yet you're putting them on a pedestal for being "high quality, established, professional men" and feeling so special that this "well-known surgeon" was interested as if their status somehow is proof of your own value or "high quality" as a human being. It's kind of like how trying to reach a specific weight when we have an eating disorder isn't about health or well-being but rather an attempt at validation.
Enjoy the attention, find a comfortable balance of flirting versus not going further if that's your thing, etc. etc. I totally recommend Esther Perel's The State of Affairs should you want to explore this intellectually and emotionally. (I say this as someone who's happy in my relationship but also always wanting to be open and grow individually and in my relationship, not as any sort of judgment because I just don't know enough about you!) You are getting great positive feedback and you deserve it! But please also realize that, while this attention can feel special and validating after a long time without, you are hot and charming and interesting without any of these dudes involved and always have been.
posted by smorgasbord at 4:32 PM on October 4, 2021 [8 favorites]
That said, I think you are giving these men too much credit. A lot of them actually sound creepy yet you're putting them on a pedestal for being "high quality, established, professional men" and feeling so special that this "well-known surgeon" was interested as if their status somehow is proof of your own value or "high quality" as a human being. It's kind of like how trying to reach a specific weight when we have an eating disorder isn't about health or well-being but rather an attempt at validation.
Enjoy the attention, find a comfortable balance of flirting versus not going further if that's your thing, etc. etc. I totally recommend Esther Perel's The State of Affairs should you want to explore this intellectually and emotionally. (I say this as someone who's happy in my relationship but also always wanting to be open and grow individually and in my relationship, not as any sort of judgment because I just don't know enough about you!) You are getting great positive feedback and you deserve it! But please also realize that, while this attention can feel special and validating after a long time without, you are hot and charming and interesting without any of these dudes involved and always have been.
posted by smorgasbord at 4:32 PM on October 4, 2021 [8 favorites]
There is a certain amount of Giving Fewer Fucks About How Others See Me that has happened to many women I know as we age and get more comfortable in our skin and our lives. It scares some people away but is very attractive to others. It wouldn't be terribly surprising to hear that big changes in your life changed your attitude and thus the people drawn to you.
Additionally I suspect the specific age matters here. 17-23 is *so young*, there are a lot of people later in their twenties or thirties who wouldn't go near a 22 year old but might try to date a 25 year old. The pool of potential prospects changes a lot in a few years.
Plus, yes, a sprinkling of creepy jerks for whom "married" is a big turn-on in and of itself.
Really normal all around, nothing I'd lose sleep trying to figure out, in your shoes.
posted by Stacey at 5:21 PM on October 4, 2021 [9 favorites]
Additionally I suspect the specific age matters here. 17-23 is *so young*, there are a lot of people later in their twenties or thirties who wouldn't go near a 22 year old but might try to date a 25 year old. The pool of potential prospects changes a lot in a few years.
Plus, yes, a sprinkling of creepy jerks for whom "married" is a big turn-on in and of itself.
Really normal all around, nothing I'd lose sleep trying to figure out, in your shoes.
posted by Stacey at 5:21 PM on October 4, 2021 [9 favorites]
I experienced this too (married at a similar age) and also got a lot of propositions while visibly pregnant. Honestly I just assumed there are creeps who like to go after women they know aren’t really available/going to be demanding for whatever reason.
Ashley Madison used to exist basically for that reason. :(
posted by warriorqueen at 5:24 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
Ashley Madison used to exist basically for that reason. :(
posted by warriorqueen at 5:24 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
To be really shallow, almost everyone (in the middle classes and up) gets hotter between 17 and 23. Having teenage TV characters played by 25 year olds skews our perspective on how fetal 17 year olds actually look. And lots of people do get hotter in their 20s and 30s.
posted by Hypatia at 5:33 PM on October 4, 2021 [19 favorites]
posted by Hypatia at 5:33 PM on October 4, 2021 [19 favorites]
Two other conflicting possibilities.
Some men like the taboo of going after a married woman.
And sort of tangential to warriorqueen's point, some men like to flirt with women they know aren't available (short of cheating) because they know they won't be taken up on anything beyond flirting.
posted by Candleman at 5:36 PM on October 4, 2021 [2 favorites]
Some men like the taboo of going after a married woman.
And sort of tangential to warriorqueen's point, some men like to flirt with women they know aren't available (short of cheating) because they know they won't be taken up on anything beyond flirting.
posted by Candleman at 5:36 PM on October 4, 2021 [2 favorites]
This honestly just sounds...like normal? There is every chance that the same number of people would have been interested in you over the past (sounds like) 8 or 9 years regardless of whether you were married. I know many, many people (and am one) who did not date significantly in college for a variety of reasons, and then spent young adulthood fielding a variety of interest.
I'm also definitely not the only person I know who is plausibly more attractive now--and was definitely more attractive in my 30s--than I was in college, when I was too preoccupied with school and other nonsense to bother grooming/exercising/taking decent care of myself. I guess that is "late blooming" but is it really late if it's so many people's experiences?
Now, people not being put off by your married state, that's almost certainly one of the explanations above.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 5:38 PM on October 4, 2021 [7 favorites]
I'm also definitely not the only person I know who is plausibly more attractive now--and was definitely more attractive in my 30s--than I was in college, when I was too preoccupied with school and other nonsense to bother grooming/exercising/taking decent care of myself. I guess that is "late blooming" but is it really late if it's so many people's experiences?
Now, people not being put off by your married state, that's almost certainly one of the explanations above.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 5:38 PM on October 4, 2021 [7 favorites]
Confidence.
You’re taken, but guys think you’re hot, so flirting is pretty safe. (Not every young guy is a wizard at chemistry, so you’re good practice.)
You’re taken, and competitive males like a challenge.(Usually jerks.)
posted by Ideefixe at 5:46 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
You’re taken, but guys think you’re hot, so flirting is pretty safe. (Not every young guy is a wizard at chemistry, so you’re good practice.)
You’re taken, and competitive males like a challenge.(Usually jerks.)
posted by Ideefixe at 5:46 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
Sounds totally normal to me, most people are awkward in HS and college and 23-31 is most people's prime post-college dating years so people in that age range are looking for dates and in order to get a date you have to flirt and most people you flirt with will be unavailable/uninterested. In my area/social circles getting married <30 is pretty unusual honestly, getting married at 23 almost unheard of. Looking for wedding rings is not something I was really conscious of until I was dating after 30 unless it was extremelyyyyyyyy obvious (and even then, I ended up accidentally dating some married girls because married doesn't necessarily mean exclusive). The whole "unavailable people are more attractive" seems like pop psychology BS to me.
posted by bradbane at 6:31 PM on October 4, 2021
posted by bradbane at 6:31 PM on October 4, 2021
I'm male: Ages ago, several female friends told me that if I just wanted to get laid, I should wear a wedding ring.
I think a wedding ring communicates a certain level of "someone thought they were worth committing to" level of desirability to a lot of people.
posted by straw at 7:19 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
I think a wedding ring communicates a certain level of "someone thought they were worth committing to" level of desirability to a lot of people.
posted by straw at 7:19 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
Happy people are fun to be around?
Bulimia can also effect people's attractiveness- skin, teeth, hair, eyes, posture, body composition, etc can all look quite different when a person's physical and mental health is on a rollercoaster. Most people look better when their diet is more healthy.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:32 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
Bulimia can also effect people's attractiveness- skin, teeth, hair, eyes, posture, body composition, etc can all look quite different when a person's physical and mental health is on a rollercoaster. Most people look better when their diet is more healthy.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:32 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
I want to reiterate the point that I made & others did more eloquently: Some of these guys do this shit with almost everyone bc it’s not about your attractiveness but rather their need for validation and escape. You were always hot, I’m sure, but never felt it till now so you’re inexperienced in setting boundaries with creepy men. (You’re doing great!) What really sucks is that the bad ones seem to have a special radar for us trauma survivors: we are doing nothing wrong but we often have to learn how to not just be confident but also put on bullshit armor.
Most men are NOT like this but the ones who are tend to get around. As a single woman in her mid-30s, who felt way more confident but less physically attractive than I did in my mid-20s, I’d constantly have to deal with this bullshit on dating apps. Literally to the extent that I started running background checks in every man I planned to go out with because, I’m not joking, at least 25% were secretly married. Again, enjoy the attention but be wary of flattery, especially when you’re kind of naive and new to this. <3
posted by smorgasbord at 8:04 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
Most men are NOT like this but the ones who are tend to get around. As a single woman in her mid-30s, who felt way more confident but less physically attractive than I did in my mid-20s, I’d constantly have to deal with this bullshit on dating apps. Literally to the extent that I started running background checks in every man I planned to go out with because, I’m not joking, at least 25% were secretly married. Again, enjoy the attention but be wary of flattery, especially when you’re kind of naive and new to this. <3
posted by smorgasbord at 8:04 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
These were not just guys looking to pick up some woman---most of them were men of high quality, established, professional men, and even some of my husband's fellow grad students.
As if established professional men aren't interested in picking up women? That is very much not the case.
Your husband's fellow grad students who knew he was in a monogamous marriage with you, but are trying to -- what, with you exactly?
It's not really clear what is going on here, you mention men began to approach you, and you also talk about having relationships that did not take hold. What do you mean by "approach"? Because there is a big difference between someone saying they find you attractive and starting a relationship with someone. Sometimes people just want to compliment someone and maybe flirt a bit and don't want things to go any further, it's not unusual for people to feel more comfortable doing this with someone who is married specifically because they have no interest in anything further, and feel like the married person won't want to take things further either -- just because people are expressing their attraction to you does not mean they want a relationship with you!
Also, of course your relationships did not "take hold" until you met your husband. Most people do not marry the first or even second or third person they attempt a relationship with. It seems like the relationship with your husband "held" and stopped looking for relationships, so of course you have only had one "take hold".
This may very well not apply to you, but I think it's worth saying just in case:
I think it's pretty common for married people to feel like it's relatively easy to encounter people who find them attractive. And it's easy to imagine that these people are interested in any number of things with you, easy to imagine when this belief has not been put to the test -- for people who are actively trying to meet someone for a relationship, it is very very clear that often people who express attraction are frequently not interested in anything more. Some married people who contemplate divorce have a great deal of expectations of the ease of connecting with someone new once they are single, based around a few things people have said to them here and there -- they are usually extremely disappointed if they get divorced to find things are not so easy as they had imagined.
posted by yohko at 8:36 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
As if established professional men aren't interested in picking up women? That is very much not the case.
Your husband's fellow grad students who knew he was in a monogamous marriage with you, but are trying to -- what, with you exactly?
It's not really clear what is going on here, you mention men began to approach you, and you also talk about having relationships that did not take hold. What do you mean by "approach"? Because there is a big difference between someone saying they find you attractive and starting a relationship with someone. Sometimes people just want to compliment someone and maybe flirt a bit and don't want things to go any further, it's not unusual for people to feel more comfortable doing this with someone who is married specifically because they have no interest in anything further, and feel like the married person won't want to take things further either -- just because people are expressing their attraction to you does not mean they want a relationship with you!
Also, of course your relationships did not "take hold" until you met your husband. Most people do not marry the first or even second or third person they attempt a relationship with. It seems like the relationship with your husband "held" and stopped looking for relationships, so of course you have only had one "take hold".
This may very well not apply to you, but I think it's worth saying just in case:
I think it's pretty common for married people to feel like it's relatively easy to encounter people who find them attractive. And it's easy to imagine that these people are interested in any number of things with you, easy to imagine when this belief has not been put to the test -- for people who are actively trying to meet someone for a relationship, it is very very clear that often people who express attraction are frequently not interested in anything more. Some married people who contemplate divorce have a great deal of expectations of the ease of connecting with someone new once they are single, based around a few things people have said to them here and there -- they are usually extremely disappointed if they get divorced to find things are not so easy as they had imagined.
posted by yohko at 8:36 PM on October 4, 2021 [1 favorite]
Echoing umwhat's answer, it seems like people who grow up in different regions/cities with different ethnic and racial mixes really do internalize different standards of beauty.
posted by Umami Dearest at 9:33 PM on October 4, 2021
posted by Umami Dearest at 9:33 PM on October 4, 2021
Mod note: Note: OP answered that yes they do always wear their wedding ring.
(OP, since comments are not anonymized, you can contact a moderator if you would like us to post a response for you)
posted by taz (staff) at 11:10 PM on October 4, 2021
(OP, since comments are not anonymized, you can contact a moderator if you would like us to post a response for you)
posted by taz (staff) at 11:10 PM on October 4, 2021
people who grow up in different regions/cities with different ethnic and racial mixes really do internalize different standards of beauty
Also different standards of acceptability/normality of hitting on people in general and married people in particular.
In other words, it might not just be you, it might be them too.
posted by flabdablet at 12:30 AM on October 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
Also different standards of acceptability/normality of hitting on people in general and married people in particular.
In other words, it might not just be you, it might be them too.
posted by flabdablet at 12:30 AM on October 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
Is it some kind of "late blooming"?
No, nothing that happens to your social appeal between the ages of 23 and 31 can possibly be considered "late." you were/are blooming right on schedule. nobody peaks at 17, physically or sexually, nobody in the whole wide world, especially girls. you probably got happier and more at peace with yourself after you were married, which is often attractive; you definitely grew up physically, which is always attractive.
but you mention not "encouraging" men as if that has any bearing on their behavior, which is concerning. if people were/are appreciating you in imperfectly concealed ways, that's nice. if they were/are harassing you or hitting on a woman they knew to be married, don't look to yourself but to them for the explanation. nobody who does these things is "high quality" in any sense, so maybe reconsider your methods of categorization.
posted by queenofbithynia at 7:06 AM on October 5, 2021 [6 favorites]
No, nothing that happens to your social appeal between the ages of 23 and 31 can possibly be considered "late." you were/are blooming right on schedule. nobody peaks at 17, physically or sexually, nobody in the whole wide world, especially girls. you probably got happier and more at peace with yourself after you were married, which is often attractive; you definitely grew up physically, which is always attractive.
but you mention not "encouraging" men as if that has any bearing on their behavior, which is concerning. if people were/are appreciating you in imperfectly concealed ways, that's nice. if they were/are harassing you or hitting on a woman they knew to be married, don't look to yourself but to them for the explanation. nobody who does these things is "high quality" in any sense, so maybe reconsider your methods of categorization.
posted by queenofbithynia at 7:06 AM on October 5, 2021 [6 favorites]
What still bothers me is---why did this happen? Is it some kind of "late blooming"? Is it a common thing? Even though I felt hollow inside during my college years, I did try to enter into relationships, but, until I met my husband, none of those relationships took hold.
It's common, yes. Not "late" blooming. The difference is simply that you matured from a child into an adult.
posted by desuetude at 1:39 PM on October 5, 2021
It's common, yes. Not "late" blooming. The difference is simply that you matured from a child into an adult.
posted by desuetude at 1:39 PM on October 5, 2021
People do late bloom.
Maybe more relevantly, in my experience, any time I had a fixed partner/boyfriend, I was often extra focused/confident/aloof/happy. This always** seemed to up any attention.
It's probably similar to the feeling/saying, "if you don't want to be lonely, don't act lonely, and you will not attract lonely." (I am currently trying to kill this at it's depths. I'd love to have a partner right now, but something about attracting someone out of a solitary period feels off)
You may have built a very nice internal change that resonates with others of a similar feeling or perspective. That's great!
posted by firstdaffodils at 9:45 PM on October 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
Maybe more relevantly, in my experience, any time I had a fixed partner/boyfriend, I was often extra focused/confident/aloof/happy. This always** seemed to up any attention.
It's probably similar to the feeling/saying, "if you don't want to be lonely, don't act lonely, and you will not attract lonely." (I am currently trying to kill this at it's depths. I'd love to have a partner right now, but something about attracting someone out of a solitary period feels off)
You may have built a very nice internal change that resonates with others of a similar feeling or perspective. That's great!
posted by firstdaffodils at 9:45 PM on October 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by fiercecupcake at 3:20 PM on October 4, 2021 [2 favorites]