Best resource today for young adult in anxiety crisis in Oregon?
May 12, 2021 8:00 AM Subscribe
My 24 year old daughter struggles with anxiety, though she typically manages well-she is employed, makes good money, has an active social life. She is in crisis today and “really needs someone to talk to” and I’m not sure where to point her as the normal mental health crisis lines maybe don’t fit-she’s not suicidal, out of control, in danger, etc.
We returned from a long vacation together last night and were all exhausted. She and her live in boyfriend of four years had a big fight-she admits she said “horrible things”. He left and texted her this morning and asked her to have a plan by the end of the day to move out. I’ve done my best to do what I’ve seen help for her before-sleep, eat some food, get outside, stop texting and perseveration get online. She has a friend with her. She spins when she is in an anxious state, and hates not “knowing what the plan is” even when things are going well. She does not have an established therapist. Any ideas of a resource she could access today? We are in Oregon, have insurance.
As an aside-I am just at capacity for my ability to help her through this. My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer a few weeks ago and just had a few months to live, my sister then fell apart, I have two other kids at home and a really high stress job that I need to be at today. My first reaction when she told me this morning was “I just can’t take care of one more crisis”.
We returned from a long vacation together last night and were all exhausted. She and her live in boyfriend of four years had a big fight-she admits she said “horrible things”. He left and texted her this morning and asked her to have a plan by the end of the day to move out. I’ve done my best to do what I’ve seen help for her before-sleep, eat some food, get outside, stop texting and perseveration get online. She has a friend with her. She spins when she is in an anxious state, and hates not “knowing what the plan is” even when things are going well. She does not have an established therapist. Any ideas of a resource she could access today? We are in Oregon, have insurance.
As an aside-I am just at capacity for my ability to help her through this. My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer a few weeks ago and just had a few months to live, my sister then fell apart, I have two other kids at home and a really high stress job that I need to be at today. My first reaction when she told me this morning was “I just can’t take care of one more crisis”.
Also: getting the anxiety treated is also a plan. She an also tell her bf that she'll probably be on meds by the day after [whenever she can talk to her doctor], feeling more in control shortly after that, and starting therapy by X date.
Making appointments -- which she should probably do anyway -- will give a huge feeling of control, relief, and hope.
posted by amtho at 8:24 AM on May 12, 2021 [2 favorites]
Making appointments -- which she should probably do anyway -- will give a huge feeling of control, relief, and hope.
posted by amtho at 8:24 AM on May 12, 2021 [2 favorites]
Many crisis lines offer text support and are explicitly for helping people who urgently need emotional support not just people who are in immediate danger. If texting would work for her, she could try one of these. They're just volunteers but if she just basically needs a sounding board person to help her work through this, worth a shot. For example Crisis Text Line (that's a webpage that shows a preview of how a conversation with them starts).
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:34 AM on May 12, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:34 AM on May 12, 2021 [7 favorites]
Find out if her employer has an employee assistance program, she can call that both to talk and for help formulating plans. If HR has a website for her company you may be able to find the number for her.
posted by dpx.mfx at 8:35 AM on May 12, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by dpx.mfx at 8:35 AM on May 12, 2021 [2 favorites]
NAMI does have a text hotline for an active crisis, but their primary function is as a resource clearinghouse, so a call to their hotline (or a text maybe to initiate the process, I'm not sure if that's the right route for recommendations) should turn up some additional ways she can get help even if she's not a harm risk.
If she's not on any kind of medication it may be that she needs to go to urgent care to begin that process if she doesn't have an immediately-available GP (as many young people don't) - I doubt they will give her the good stuff (benzos) but she might at least be able to get beta blockers and a starter scrip for one of the antidepressants that is more helpful with GAD. She's going to want to pull it together as much as possible before going there, though, if she walks through the door a real mess and not just someone fairly articulately experiencing a difficult breakup probably exacerbated by her anxiety, they're either going to politely refer her to an emergency room or get the police involved if they think she's a danger to herself or others. The friend should go with her there for backup though they will probably want to talk to your daughter alone to make sure the friend isn't the problem.
I'm sorry you're going through this with so much already on your plate. I think the only highly-productive thing you can do is maybe be clear with her whether she can move home, so it's not a gray-area thing she can spin out about. It may not be what anybody wants, and you may want to asterisk that offer that there will be further discussions about the details, duration, etc, but it takes one big question mark out of the equation for her.
Today isn't the day to say it to her, it's just an observation to back up something you may be feeling: as an adult with anxiety it is ultimately one's own responsibility to manage it and the messes one makes with it. We can't and shouldn't expect a parent or friend to drop everything every time we spin out, and spinning out itself is something of a luxury (indeed, one that you yourself do not have, and that is absolutely a talk you can have with her later about her responsibility to pursue treatment). She's not in danger from anyone else, and at this point is not a danger to herself, it is okay to step back and let her work it out.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:38 AM on May 12, 2021 [17 favorites]
If she's not on any kind of medication it may be that she needs to go to urgent care to begin that process if she doesn't have an immediately-available GP (as many young people don't) - I doubt they will give her the good stuff (benzos) but she might at least be able to get beta blockers and a starter scrip for one of the antidepressants that is more helpful with GAD. She's going to want to pull it together as much as possible before going there, though, if she walks through the door a real mess and not just someone fairly articulately experiencing a difficult breakup probably exacerbated by her anxiety, they're either going to politely refer her to an emergency room or get the police involved if they think she's a danger to herself or others. The friend should go with her there for backup though they will probably want to talk to your daughter alone to make sure the friend isn't the problem.
I'm sorry you're going through this with so much already on your plate. I think the only highly-productive thing you can do is maybe be clear with her whether she can move home, so it's not a gray-area thing she can spin out about. It may not be what anybody wants, and you may want to asterisk that offer that there will be further discussions about the details, duration, etc, but it takes one big question mark out of the equation for her.
Today isn't the day to say it to her, it's just an observation to back up something you may be feeling: as an adult with anxiety it is ultimately one's own responsibility to manage it and the messes one makes with it. We can't and shouldn't expect a parent or friend to drop everything every time we spin out, and spinning out itself is something of a luxury (indeed, one that you yourself do not have, and that is absolutely a talk you can have with her later about her responsibility to pursue treatment). She's not in danger from anyone else, and at this point is not a danger to herself, it is okay to step back and let her work it out.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:38 AM on May 12, 2021 [17 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you all-she is a cosmetologist so no HR (she’s on my insurance still) but does have a GP and good gynecologist so I’ve suggested she reach out ASAP.
posted by purenitrous at 9:08 AM on May 12, 2021
posted by purenitrous at 9:08 AM on May 12, 2021
Warmlines can be useful for people who aren't in a suicidal crisis but really do need someone to talk with. There isn't one specifically for Oregon but several national numbers. Otherwise agreeing a lot with what Lyn Never is saying, you put your own oxygen mask on first and make some big decisions (can she stay with you? short term? long term?) and then try to help her take steps. Try to work on the "comfort in, dump out" mantra and find someone else (or here) where you can talk about how this is hard for YOU but make that a convo with someone else and not your daughter. It's okay that this is hard for you too, I am sorry this is all happening.
posted by jessamyn at 9:41 AM on May 12, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by jessamyn at 9:41 AM on May 12, 2021 [9 favorites]
Never tried it but I'm wondering if Better Health might be able to hook her up with a therapist asap. Medication is faster, especially if she can get into her GP who might be able to give her a short term presciption for benzos. (They are fast acting anti-anxiety meds with potential for addiction or abuse so great for calming down but doctors are careful about prescribing them, especially to patients they don't know.)
posted by metahawk at 9:56 AM on May 12, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by metahawk at 9:56 AM on May 12, 2021 [1 favorite]
Definitely suggest she call one of the Warm Lines Jessamyn linked to! Most of these will do a short call once a day, so she can make her way down the list and call all of them if she needs to talk more.
You don't have the capacity to take on her feelings right now, and that's okay! Just hand her a phone number and set the boundary that she needs to call and talk to someone else, not you, today. And maybe tomorrow and the next time, too--protect yourself emotionally the best you can from the rockiness of her mood.
posted by assenav at 10:52 AM on May 12, 2021 [1 favorite]
You don't have the capacity to take on her feelings right now, and that's okay! Just hand her a phone number and set the boundary that she needs to call and talk to someone else, not you, today. And maybe tomorrow and the next time, too--protect yourself emotionally the best you can from the rockiness of her mood.
posted by assenav at 10:52 AM on May 12, 2021 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you all! She got into her PCP and got a Zoloft prescription-and she ate some food and slept, and also said it was really helpful to talk to her doctor who is removed from the situation. It’s all so hard-much easier to set emotional boundaries with people who aren’t my kid, you know? I’m doing lots of hugs and some practical tips like “eat” and “drink some more water”
posted by purenitrous at 2:43 PM on May 12, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by purenitrous at 2:43 PM on May 12, 2021 [3 favorites]
Since I don't see this covered yet: If she's lived with her boyfriend for four years, she likely has a legal right to stay there for some period of time even if she hasn't been paying rent. He can't just immediately toss her out if he doesn't like her "plan". The rules vary by state and even by city; it's worth it to check in with a local tenants rights association. Knowing she has x time to find a new place may help assuage some of her anxiety.
posted by Flock of Cynthiabirds at 3:00 PM on May 12, 2021
posted by Flock of Cynthiabirds at 3:00 PM on May 12, 2021
She might like to try the Maven app, it's a smartphone app that allows you to video chat with a nurse practitioner, usually within the hour.
I've mostly used it for medical stuff but they have therapists and mental health practicioners on there too, it looks like for therapists it costs $70 for 40 minutes, but you can see someone tomorrow if necessary (and maybe even today).
posted by hungrytiger at 3:30 PM on May 12, 2021
I've mostly used it for medical stuff but they have therapists and mental health practicioners on there too, it looks like for therapists it costs $70 for 40 minutes, but you can see someone tomorrow if necessary (and maybe even today).
posted by hungrytiger at 3:30 PM on May 12, 2021
Hopefully things will be better now that she saw her PCP and got the zoloft prescription. However, it can take a little while for that type of medication to start having an effect, and even once it kicks in the effect is likely to be subtle (especially at a starting dose). If she's continuing to have a hard time in the coming days, you could suggest that she go back to her PCP and ask for a medication that is more quick acting, or she could even go to urgent care. They treat patients experiencing severe anxiety/panic attacks all the time!
posted by scalar_implicature at 5:12 PM on May 12, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by scalar_implicature at 5:12 PM on May 12, 2021 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
As far as having "a plan", that's not very well defined, so it could be as simple as saying she will look at apartments this weekend and next weekend, will contact X number of people to see if they have a connection to someone who needs a roommate, will make an appointment with a financial planner by the end of this week, and that she will choose a move-out date by the end of May.
posted by amtho at 8:22 AM on May 12, 2021 [2 favorites]