where do you go when all the other resources aren't available?

February 8, 2012 3:04 PM

I need to talk to someone right now, and the hotlines I've called have not been helpful, and my friends/family are all indisposed.

I just stood up for my needs to my ex who has expressed interest in getting back together with me but has been hemming and hawing about putting in the effort it's going to take to do that. I am feeling really raw and stressed to the point of throwing up/letting my nervous tics (pulling out hair, picking at my skin) take over. This has been a tumultuous relationship and I'm at my wits end about it because I care a lot about the guy, the relationship, but I need someone who isn't going to bail when times get tough.

My therapist is away and I won't see her till tomorrow evening. The school hotline available to grad students is very blase about anything remotely related to relationship drama unless I'm on the verge of killing myself. The response of one operator was, "That sucks, it'll be fine tomorrow." My friends and family are not available.

Where else can I go (online or otherwise) that's safe to talk to someone about this? I am really having a hard time right now and none of my normal means of coping are available, and I already feel like a big loser because I can't handle this myself. I am legit afraid of my phone right now because I both want to talk about this with my ex, and I'm really distressed by the thought of not hearing from him at all and that is just not healthy or okay.

posted by These Birds of a Feather to Health & Fitness (17 answers total)

Have you tried writing it down? Sometimes that helps me. Then maybe go to a yoga class, go for a run, or your preference of physical activity. Or take a nap, but the physical exercise helps get rid of nervous energy. So write it all down, go do physical exercise, then come back and read what you wrote.

That helps me with some things when talking about it hasn't worked. At least calms me down to be able to deal with it.
posted by fromageball at 3:08 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

Would it be helpful to write about it, either a stream of consciousness type thing, a letter to your ex, or write out what you want to say to someone?
posted by insectosaurus at 3:08 PM on February 8, 2012

I know this isn't a person to talk to, but one thing you might want to try is doing something nurturing for yourself. I know it might seem silly, but whenever I'm feeling at the end of my rope, I go to this page I keep bookmarked for exactly these types of moments: 100 Ways to Nurture Yourself.

Of course, if you feel like things are getting so bad that you might hurt yourself, you definitely need to talk with someone.
posted by missjenny at 3:09 PM on February 8, 2012 [3 favorites]

Check your MeFi mail in a sec, I'm told I can share my Employee Assistance hotline to "family and friends."
posted by deludingmyself at 3:13 PM on February 8, 2012 [10 favorites]

I understand the need to talk to someone; there's something reassuring about talking about a problem and knowing someone, somewhere, is listening.

The Reddit relationships communities have been useful to me when I've wanted to vent my swirling thoughts at the anonymous masses. You might want to try /r/relationships, /r/breakups or /r/relationship_advice. You can make a throwaway account in seconds.
posted by fight or flight at 3:14 PM on February 8, 2012 [5 favorites]

I messaged you.
posted by classa at 3:15 PM on February 8, 2012

The Samaritans from the UK have The Befrienders as their international arm, the UK version, at least, is an excellent resource.
posted by ellieBOA at 3:15 PM on February 8, 2012

You might try 211. I don't know that they'll meet your specific needs, but they've been a help to me in the past.
posted by lekvar at 3:22 PM on February 8, 2012

When I was in moderately-similar circumstances I ended up literally driving up to a church and knocking on the door and asking for help. I did not consider myself religious at the time, and the person who talked to me absolutely met me where I was on that issue and didn't ply a lot of Jesus talk, but my circumstances may have been extraordinary. BUT you could do worse than finding your local UU (or possibly UCC) church and calling their office or pastoral care line, or a church of your preferred flavor if you have one.
posted by KathrynT at 3:26 PM on February 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

Write it out. Just keep writing it out.
posted by mleigh at 3:32 PM on February 8, 2012

In the Metafilter wiki: There Is Help.

Good luck.
posted by inigo2 at 3:41 PM on February 8, 2012 [3 favorites]

Memailed you. Courage, hon.
posted by likeso at 3:43 PM on February 8, 2012

Thinking of you. MeMail me if you need another ear. Uncertainty can be so tough!

When your therapist does get back, is it possible to talk with them about whether some kind of anti-anxiety medication might help? Having Xanax available for when I got ultra wound up about a situation really helped me cut back on self-injuring behaviors. Of course that's me, and that might not be an answer that's right for you, or that you'd be interested in pursuing.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:20 PM on February 8, 2012

(from ms. vegetable)
See memail.
And to others who might happen upon this thread in the future: Get thee out to be with people. A library, a coffee shop, somewhere with people. Or get your nails/hair done. Nail techs and hairdressers are trained to be good listeners.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 4:25 PM on February 8, 2012

1-800-273-TALK (8255) is a (US) national talkline. My understanding is that they may route you to a local crisis line number. Calling 211 or going to 211.org is good suggestion too for getting connected with local/regional numbers and websites.

You've taken some courageous steps for yourself already just by calling the numbers you had on hand and asking for help when you needed more resources!
posted by Atalanta at 5:30 PM on February 8, 2012

This may sound like a crazy solution, but how about a friendly barman? They've seen their share I am sure.
posted by StoneSpace at 7:16 AM on February 9, 2012

Response by poster: Thank you all so much for being willing to help out a stranger. Yesterday was just beyond the pale in terms of ridiculousness and stress (was locked out of my apt for 4 hours for no particular reason other than my dumb door deciding to fail, etc, etc) and reading your messages and seeing all the places I could turn to for help just put me into such a state of calm that I can't even begin to thank all of you for just being nice. I ended up being able to talk to, of all people, my ex, and we were able to place our relationship into stasis for a bit so we can both work on ourselves and just be happy knowing we love each other and that we're really trying to get back together in our own private ways. Now I've seen my therapist and no longer feel quite so on the verge of things.

I am overwhelmed. Thank you.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 10:37 PM on February 9, 2012 [3 favorites]