Horrible Timing?
April 1, 2020 11:17 AM Subscribe
My mother is very close to me. I recently realized she has never had a photo taken of her with me and my brothers and sisters all in one photo. Luck would find me in a Facebook page and a very talented artist there drew a photo and I was so impressed I commissioned him to draw this family portrait. It was not cheap.
It would take seperate photos of us all (5 children and Mom makes 6) that I sent him plus over a month of time but he is finally finished with it and I am supposed to pick it up in just a few hours. The horrible thing that happened recently was over the weekend her and her husband just found out that his youngest son, who is my step brother, no one has seen in over two years was just declared dead by the police. His remains may have been located and it is quite devastating news for all of us. I had the picture commissioned over two months ago. Should I ask the artist to wait to meet up and give me the picture later or would it be in poor taste to just show her this gift?
It would take seperate photos of us all (5 children and Mom makes 6) that I sent him plus over a month of time but he is finally finished with it and I am supposed to pick it up in just a few hours. The horrible thing that happened recently was over the weekend her and her husband just found out that his youngest son, who is my step brother, no one has seen in over two years was just declared dead by the police. His remains may have been located and it is quite devastating news for all of us. I had the picture commissioned over two months ago. Should I ask the artist to wait to meet up and give me the picture later or would it be in poor taste to just show her this gift?
I'd wait a while to show it - especially if I'm understanding you that your stepbrother was not in the picture? But pick it up as soon as you can do so safely. This is a very uncertain time and all kinds of businesses are going to shutter before this is done.
(If he was in the picture they may be grateful to have it. If not, I'd definitely wait. It would likely be very painful for her husband.)
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:38 AM on April 1, 2020 [4 favorites]
(If he was in the picture they may be grateful to have it. If not, I'd definitely wait. It would likely be very painful for her husband.)
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:38 AM on April 1, 2020 [4 favorites]
How terrible for them. This is a lovely gesture. Was she close with him? I agree that you should wait. Is there a special event like her birthday or a family gathering? Maybe just waiting until our current crisis is over would be better.
posted by amanda at 11:41 AM on April 1, 2020
posted by amanda at 11:41 AM on April 1, 2020
I think this is something that she will really treasure, but it will need to be a while from now. When my father died, his death anniversary was a very meaningful date for me - I might wait to give it to her until a year from now, and give it to her privately.
posted by rogerroger at 11:44 AM on April 1, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by rogerroger at 11:44 AM on April 1, 2020 [4 favorites]
wait. certainly wait until after the bad news is confirmed accurate and any ceremonies around his death have been completed. If the bad news is not confirmed accurate, go by her mood. but either way, when it seems like a good time to give it to her, tell her what it is and who's in it before showing her. Unless she already knew you were having it done? but if not, don't unveil it as a surprise gift even if you have a feeling it would be a happy surprise.
posted by queenofbithynia at 11:58 AM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by queenofbithynia at 11:58 AM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]
Sorry, just to be clear; is your stepbrother one of the people in the painting?
posted by gideonfrog at 12:27 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by gideonfrog at 12:27 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]
The responsibility for this should definitely not be on the artist, pick up and complete any payments on your commission and store it carefully and safely (maybe ask the artist for best practices on how to do that). When you feel it is an appropriate time - you may have to wait and see before you can determine when that is - do not spring it on your mother. Tell her about the existence of the portrait first, have a photo of it with you IF she wants to see it, and let her choose the time and place to actually deal with the portrait in person.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:55 PM on April 1, 2020 [14 favorites]
posted by Lyn Never at 12:55 PM on April 1, 2020 [14 favorites]
I’m sorry about your step brother. I think it’s necessary to follow through with your meeting with the artist. I think it’s important because the artist may need payment or just to have the project completed. But based on how you phrased this, is the step brother not in the painting? If he is not in the painting, would it be possible for the artist to add him? You could call and ask, if you think that could at all be a possibility (and assuming it would make sense to add him without looking strange. Or if there’s other step siblings, they would need to be added as well, right?)
Otherwise, if he’s not in the portrait and he can’t be added, I think you should buy it and wait to give it to her or consider keeping it for yourself. It was a nice gesture.
posted by areaperson at 12:56 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]
Otherwise, if he’s not in the portrait and he can’t be added, I think you should buy it and wait to give it to her or consider keeping it for yourself. It was a nice gesture.
posted by areaperson at 12:56 PM on April 1, 2020 [2 favorites]
I don’t see why you’d need the artist to wait— up to you whether you give this gift to your mom now or later (I vote later.) But you should make good on your deal with the artist regardless of when you give it. I feel like I might be missing some important piece of your question, so forgive me if so.
(However, I’m curious how social distancing will affect the pickup.)
posted by kapers at 1:40 PM on April 1, 2020 [8 favorites]
(However, I’m curious how social distancing will affect the pickup.)
posted by kapers at 1:40 PM on April 1, 2020 [8 favorites]
The only reason I can think you would be asking the artist to wait is if you are currently living with your mother and feel it would be difficult to hide the painting.
Ask the artist what the additional charge would be to wrap it in some plain paper. If you need to explain to your mother about this wrapped object you are bringing into the house, tell her it's something you ordered months ago and you think she would enjoy it more later on.
Later could be pretty soon, if you were to follow the advice of internet fraud detective squad, station number 9. Or possibly much later, depending.
posted by yohko at 3:31 PM on April 1, 2020
Ask the artist what the additional charge would be to wrap it in some plain paper. If you need to explain to your mother about this wrapped object you are bringing into the house, tell her it's something you ordered months ago and you think she would enjoy it more later on.
Later could be pretty soon, if you were to follow the advice of internet fraud detective squad, station number 9. Or possibly much later, depending.
posted by yohko at 3:31 PM on April 1, 2020
This seems like a really lovely Mother's Day gift, either this year or next.
posted by potrzebie at 7:51 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by potrzebie at 7:51 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]
This is a very sad situation and I agree gifting it now would probably hurt your mother's husband, and diminish her enjoyment of what sounds like something that will make her very happy at a later date. While you can wait to gift it, it would be unfair to make the artist wait for payment or be required to store the piece indefinitely. I agree with others who've suggested asking the artist the best way to store the piece, and if you live with your mother it should not be difficult to smuggle it into the house and stow it under your bed/behind a chest of drawers etc
posted by Zaire at 9:33 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Zaire at 9:33 PM on April 1, 2020 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Sorry, just to be clear; is your stepbrother one of the people in the painting?
No he is not. The drawing is just of her five children who are my siblings. I commissioned the work for her as a Mothers Day gift but only recently even found out that my stepbrother was officially listed as a missing person. It was the weekend before the picture was completed that they told me. I just thought he was estranged from his father which is why we hadn't seen him in so long.
posted by The_imp_inimpossible at 4:21 AM on April 6, 2020
No he is not. The drawing is just of her five children who are my siblings. I commissioned the work for her as a Mothers Day gift but only recently even found out that my stepbrother was officially listed as a missing person. It was the weekend before the picture was completed that they told me. I just thought he was estranged from his father which is why we hadn't seen him in so long.
posted by The_imp_inimpossible at 4:21 AM on April 6, 2020
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posted by praemunire at 11:19 AM on April 1, 2020 [36 favorites]