Short notice confidant

May 30, 2019 7:28 PM

I have something I'm worried about that I need to talk to someone about but I don't know who. If I was a practicing Catholic or on a tv show I'd go talk to a priest. If I had an established relationship with a therapist I could talk to them. Because of the nature of this thing I don't really want to mention it to my family. I don't really want to tell anyone without knowing in advance that they are the right person. The thing is a specific fear that I have about something that could happen in the near future (not a self harm thing if it matters) and it's time sensitive. What should I do?

What do I mean by "the right person "? Just that they won't give me a blank stare, that they will understand what I'm saying and try to come up with something useful to say, even if it's just "chill", and if it's the right person then I know if they say "chill", then I can trust that that's what I should do, and they know of some ways to help with that. And also I can trust them in general. I'm so weirded out by this thing. By Wednesday it will be over. I need someone to talk to before then, or this week ideally. But every time I think about it my stomach clenches and my heart pounds. What should I do?
If any local suggestions I'm in the Bay Area. Throwaway email [e-mail]

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (22 answers total)

You can talk to a priest any time, you don't have to be Catholic. Any other religion is probably the same. They are there to help.
posted by sanka at 7:35 PM on May 30, 2019 [14 favorites]

NAMI San Francisco has a Support line at [phone], and that could be a place to start to find support. You can find other California NAMI affiliates here.
posted by Little Dawn at 7:36 PM on May 30, 2019 [5 favorites]

To expand on the priest option, many organizations have chaplaincy or spiritual support offices: Hospitals and airports are two big ones where one normally finds these things. Universities. If you have an affiliation with one of these organizations, you could contact their spiritual-support people. And if you don't, I think you still could. I don't think a clergy person of any kind is going to turn you away.

Also, you may have access to an "employee assistance plan" through your employer. These typically include all sorts of services, one of those being short-term therapy appointments or even phone conversations.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:40 PM on May 30, 2019 [2 favorites]

You could use Talkspace and chat with a therapist online about it. I subscribed for a month and used it for a short term problem and they matched me with a therapist and I was texting them within a couple hours.
posted by ilovewinter at 7:53 PM on May 30, 2019 [10 favorites]

Just in case you’re uncomfortable with catholic priest-type persons or hierarchical stuff, my quaker meeting in Berkeley has people (laypersons with experience) for this kind of thing. I’d assume this is the case in other quaker meetings in the Bay Area as well. You can just go up to them after meeting and talk to them if you have that kind of personal issue. Eg scary medical diagnoses and such.
The quakers are very open-minded and not ‘religious-y’, unless you want them to be I guess. Meeting is open to everyone and pretty much the opposite of preachy.
posted by The Toad at 7:57 PM on May 30, 2019 [6 favorites]

If it were me, I’d be most comforted by talking to someone knowledgeable and experienced in this thing. If it were a legal matter, a lawyer; if medical, probably a nurse tbh (or a doc with a good bedside manner). (Those are the two date-sensitive event-related fields I can imagine pertaining.) Maybe look for local recommendations for a relevant professional?
posted by cotton dress sock at 8:26 PM on May 30, 2019 [2 favorites]

If you are in San Francisco and open to a priest (and they will be happy to talk to you), I’d try Saint Ignatius Church, which is a Jesuit diocese affiliated with USF, so they’ll be on the more open-minded side of the spectrum and probably well-staffed.
posted by sallybrown at 8:35 PM on May 30, 2019 [2 favorites]

Good Samaritans Helpline. They’ll talk to you about any kind of issue. Doesn’t have to be suicide.
posted by Waiting for Pierce Inverarity at 8:49 PM on May 30, 2019 [6 favorites]

The Berkeley Free Clinic has drop-in peer counseling if you want a totally non-religious option.

My experience with a different peer counseling drop-in situation was that they were good listeners but wouldn't really give advice, fwiw.
posted by needs more cowbell at 9:01 PM on May 30, 2019

I’ve heard good things about 7 Cups of Tea, which is free and staffed by non-professional volunteers.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 9:42 PM on May 30, 2019 [1 favorite]

If you have a job that provides EAP benefits, the therapy they provide is usually intended for short-term engagements (indeed, they often have a hard limit of 5 or 10 sessions a year covered under the program; the intention is explicitly to help you get through acute mental health situations, not a longer term analysis relationship). Or, any therapist that's part of an EAP program is used to providing this kind of one-off session therapy. I've definitely been in a "I just NEED to cry to someone in person about this" spiral before, called up an EAP therapist through my employer's help line, got in the following day and had my good cry for an hour and come away feeling like I had said what I needed to say and had the tools to move forward.
posted by potrzebie at 9:50 PM on May 30, 2019 [4 favorites]

Also online is BetterHelp, which I've had good experiences with too.
posted by jrobin276 at 1:19 AM on May 31, 2019

YMMV but perhaps if you use Facebook and have a pool of acquaintances you think of as genuine and trustworthy, you could post a filtered audience status update saying something along the lines of "I need a wise ear to talk to about something I can't talk to my family and close friends about right now. If anyone has the time and emotional capacity please private message me" and only include your acquaintances you respect in the post. Im not a big fan of fb but moments of genuineness have a way of bringing out the good.
posted by hotcoroner at 1:31 AM on May 31, 2019 [2 favorites]

Your GP if you trust them. They deal with all sorts of situation, not just strictly medical.
posted by bluedora at 2:11 AM on May 31, 2019

The San Francisco Public Library employs social workers. Give the reference department a call/chat and see if you can make and appointment with one:

https://sfpl.org/index.php?pg=2000001701
posted by jabes at 7:25 AM on May 31, 2019 [1 favorite]

Mefi Mail the user who posted this? https://ask.metafilter.com/334539/Chatty-extrovert-seeks-hotline-volunteering-opportunities
posted by juliapangolin at 8:55 AM on May 31, 2019 [2 favorites]

Or, any therapist that's part of an EAP program is used to providing this kind of one-off session therapy. I've definitely been in a "I just NEED to cry to someone in person about this" spiral before, called up an EAP therapist through my employer's help line, got in the following day and had my good cry for an hour and come away feeling like I had said what I needed to say and had the tools to move forward.

The EAP thing has worked very well for me too. My health insurance actually has a 24/7 telephone therapist option--a sort of hotline staffed by social workers--if you have health insurance, check the back of your card, it may have such a thing listed. In my case I just called the line, verified that I had a group number under the insurance, and got to talk to someone for 40 minutes in the middle of the night when I really needed it. The person was absolutely professional and very constructive and I thought it was wonderful.
posted by epanalepsis at 10:33 AM on May 31, 2019

I know people are gonna poo poo the idea, but it sounds like you should go see a psychic. A good one. A good psychic being someone skilled in reading people and telling them what they want to hear, not one that can actually see the future (because they can't).

You sound like someone who needs to be reassured about something personal that's outside your control. Or maybe you don't want to be reassured, but you do sound like someone who wants to be told something, and will know it when you hear it, but don't currently consciously know what that is.

Most of the other suggestions have ethical, moral, or professional boundaries that would prevent them saying certain things to you. To be clear, there are very good reasons for those boundaries, you might want to select someone who is constrained by them. Or you might not, and I'm saying a good psychic will have a skill set similar to the people already mentioned, but less ethical or professional boundaries. More risk, potentially more reward.
posted by ixipkcams at 12:31 PM on May 31, 2019 [6 favorites]

Find a zen Buddhist monk or nun, there is the Zen Center in SF. They listen to you with their whole being, as you are.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 1:03 PM on May 31, 2019

I worked at a Unitarian Universalist Church and our pastor would talk to anyone. He was a great listener. It couldn't fill the role of a therapist who would see you often for payment, but it can be a one time thing, I'm sure. They are comforters. Or your medical doctor.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:29 PM on May 31, 2019

Can you ask about it anonymously here? Someone here as had experience with it, whatever it is.
posted by Amy93 at 3:39 PM on May 31, 2019 [3 favorites]

I second the ideas of:
1) a Talkspace subscription for one month (I recommend paying the extra $$ to have a phone call with the person, vs just text), or
2) a psychic.
posted by samthemander at 11:38 PM on June 1, 2019