Resources for children of suicidal parents
May 27, 2019 7:19 AM Subscribe
If someone grows up with a suicidal parent, how does this affect the child and how can those effects manifest in adulthood? What kind of treatments and therapy can be helpful?
Personal stories are ok, but I am mostly looking for research/clinical/professional based answers.
My dad has had issues with this. You can memail me but I don't want to post this on the open internet.
posted by bile and syntax at 8:23 AM on May 27, 2019
posted by bile and syntax at 8:23 AM on May 27, 2019
Response by poster: I mean parents who attempt or explicitly threaten suicide.
posted by congen at 8:48 AM on May 27, 2019
posted by congen at 8:48 AM on May 27, 2019
It might help if you are able to share what you need this information for—do you know a young person who is currently affected, or is this more of a broad query for collating resources, etc.?
NAMI is a good resource for anyone with family experiencing mental health issues/illness, and generally, supportive talk therapy (at an age-appropriate level) would be good for the child.
posted by stillmoving at 9:20 AM on May 27, 2019
NAMI is a good resource for anyone with family experiencing mental health issues/illness, and generally, supportive talk therapy (at an age-appropriate level) would be good for the child.
posted by stillmoving at 9:20 AM on May 27, 2019
It depends, because everyone may respond to trauma in a different way, but therapeutic support can make a positive impact. Having a suicidal parent is traumatic, so my answer focuses on that aspect for finding treatments and therapy that may be helpful.
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network offers an overview of possible effects, and an overview of Trauma-Informed Care, as well as an overview of Families and Trauma, which notes, "[a]ll families experience trauma differently."
In addition, the American Academy of Pediatrics (2014) offers an overview that emphasizes the complexity of the interactions of childhood trauma and the challenges of predicting the long term impacts, noting "[a]dverse experiences and other trauma in childhood, however, do not dictate the future of the child. Children survive and even thrive despite the trauma in their lives." The article includes a focus on "protective factors," which provide support and promote resilience.
Also, the MeFi Wiki ThereIsHelp page includes a section on Therapy resources as well as related AskMe threads that discuss a variety of questions, including how to find therapists.
posted by Little Dawn at 11:41 AM on May 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network offers an overview of possible effects, and an overview of Trauma-Informed Care, as well as an overview of Families and Trauma, which notes, "[a]ll families experience trauma differently."
In addition, the American Academy of Pediatrics (2014) offers an overview that emphasizes the complexity of the interactions of childhood trauma and the challenges of predicting the long term impacts, noting "[a]dverse experiences and other trauma in childhood, however, do not dictate the future of the child. Children survive and even thrive despite the trauma in their lives." The article includes a focus on "protective factors," which provide support and promote resilience.
Also, the MeFi Wiki ThereIsHelp page includes a section on Therapy resources as well as related AskMe threads that discuss a variety of questions, including how to find therapists.
posted by Little Dawn at 11:41 AM on May 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
The book Children of the Depressed doesn't focus on suicide, but might be helpful.
posted by needs more cowbell at 1:50 PM on May 27, 2019
posted by needs more cowbell at 1:50 PM on May 27, 2019
It's the root of my abandonment issues and anxious attachment style.
posted by spork at 2:35 PM on May 27, 2019
posted by spork at 2:35 PM on May 27, 2019
Sent you a memail. Have a lot of thoughts about this but not ones I'll write publicly here
posted by zdravo at 11:49 PM on May 27, 2019
posted by zdravo at 11:49 PM on May 27, 2019
Best answer: If a parent spends a lot of time in the 'sick role' / patient role, child / adult child may either come to also spend a lot of time in the sick role, or relate to people in the sick role like they related to their adult parent.
A parent's ongoing suicidality would likely disrupt attachment. Exactly how depends on what kind of ill the parent was, and how the child interpreted it. Very, very generally and with many caveats: intrusive parents give you dismissive avoidant attachment (idealized view of self, low view of others), absent parents give you preoccupied anxious attachment (low view of self, idealized view of others). Suicidality can take the form of either, depending on what the parent does and how the child organizes it into their experience. I read some research recently that rated depressed mothers higher on both withdrawal and intrusiveness in their parenting, which could produce defensive avoidant attachment in some children. That's characterized by "come here - oh wait, go away!" behaviour (low view of self, low view of others). Attachment stuff in adults manifests mostly in intimate relationships, but also in parenting and in attachment to jobs. Caveats: momming is hard, let's not dogpile on depressed moms, and one experience could produce many different results in different kids - depends on their temperament, environment, biochemistry, etc. Depressed and mentally ill parents can also be good parents.
Parents who experience chronic suicidal ideation generally have problems with emotional regulation. This gets passed to kids in a couple ways. On a neurological level, mirror neurons help us learn which situations are threatening. If our primary attachment figure is acutely suffering, we may also suffer. It can throw off neurotransmitters like dopamine and cortisol and stuff. It can cause physiological changes to the amygdala. Kids whose parents experience terror and suffering learn that many situations cause terror and suffering. They might implicitly learn cognitive distortions similar to their parent that produce anger, depression, or social/relationship problems. They might not learn effective coping strategies and need to learn those more explicitly in adulthood, whereas most kids learn them implicitly. They might be either too reactive or not reactive enough in situations they perceive as dangerous. When I teach families about trauma, I tell them that these experiences can break our "internal smoke alarm" so it becomes overactive or underactive.
In severe cases of complex trauma, kids may have "Swiss cheese profiles": they may function fine or above average in some areas and then have deficits in other, random seeming areas. These can range from social, emotional, and cognitive domains, to physiological stuff like regulating temperature, eating, fall asleep, etc. They might be gifted with language, experience extreme dyscalculia, struggle with emotional regulation and making friends, and become completely dysregulated by bright lights and hot rooms. "Severe cases of complex trauma" doesn't necessarily refer to the severity of the trauma - there's no real scale we can measure trauma on (although people have sure tried!), it refers to how much it affected the child.
Not everyone suicidal is in a major depression. Understanding what was causing the chronic suicidality would problem give you more clues about how a child or adult child would integrate it / organize it into their experience. Chronic suicidality is a really different thing than acute suicidality that we associate with certain kinds of acute mental illness.
You could read up on the concept of "betrayal trauma;" I won't go into detail here, but when the people kids are supposed to rely on become unreliable in major ways, it can alter our psychology. As another poster mentioned, there's also quite a bit of research about resiliency.
Evidence based treatments depend on the person, their experience, and their preferences. CBT can help with learned cognitive distortions passed down from a parent with major depression, generalized anxiety, or other things treatable with CBT. People can find it kind of mechanical, though, depending on attachment styles and other personality stuff. You might learn to CBT yourself out of a hole when you feel down, but you can't CBT away trauma. Dialectical behavioral therapy is the gold standard for complex trauma right now, because it specifically addresses emotional regulation and building a life that feels satisfying and meaningful. EMDR is better at treating acute trauma rather than complex developmental trauma; whether it was indicated would depend on whether the person experienced a handful of specific and acute trauma, or lots of trauma over time. You can EMDR chronic and traumatic situations, but it works differently / less efficiently. Depends on the person. There are a bunch of interventions for disrupted attachment in kids, most of them centered on providing a "corrective emotional experience." In adults, sometimes being in a close relationship with another securely attached adult can provide this.
That's what comes up from the top of my head. This is a general overview. Memail me if you have specific questions or are looking for citations, I can send you some peer-reviewed stuff.
posted by unstrungharp at 9:33 AM on May 28, 2019 [8 favorites]
A parent's ongoing suicidality would likely disrupt attachment. Exactly how depends on what kind of ill the parent was, and how the child interpreted it. Very, very generally and with many caveats: intrusive parents give you dismissive avoidant attachment (idealized view of self, low view of others), absent parents give you preoccupied anxious attachment (low view of self, idealized view of others). Suicidality can take the form of either, depending on what the parent does and how the child organizes it into their experience. I read some research recently that rated depressed mothers higher on both withdrawal and intrusiveness in their parenting, which could produce defensive avoidant attachment in some children. That's characterized by "come here - oh wait, go away!" behaviour (low view of self, low view of others). Attachment stuff in adults manifests mostly in intimate relationships, but also in parenting and in attachment to jobs. Caveats: momming is hard, let's not dogpile on depressed moms, and one experience could produce many different results in different kids - depends on their temperament, environment, biochemistry, etc. Depressed and mentally ill parents can also be good parents.
Parents who experience chronic suicidal ideation generally have problems with emotional regulation. This gets passed to kids in a couple ways. On a neurological level, mirror neurons help us learn which situations are threatening. If our primary attachment figure is acutely suffering, we may also suffer. It can throw off neurotransmitters like dopamine and cortisol and stuff. It can cause physiological changes to the amygdala. Kids whose parents experience terror and suffering learn that many situations cause terror and suffering. They might implicitly learn cognitive distortions similar to their parent that produce anger, depression, or social/relationship problems. They might not learn effective coping strategies and need to learn those more explicitly in adulthood, whereas most kids learn them implicitly. They might be either too reactive or not reactive enough in situations they perceive as dangerous. When I teach families about trauma, I tell them that these experiences can break our "internal smoke alarm" so it becomes overactive or underactive.
In severe cases of complex trauma, kids may have "Swiss cheese profiles": they may function fine or above average in some areas and then have deficits in other, random seeming areas. These can range from social, emotional, and cognitive domains, to physiological stuff like regulating temperature, eating, fall asleep, etc. They might be gifted with language, experience extreme dyscalculia, struggle with emotional regulation and making friends, and become completely dysregulated by bright lights and hot rooms. "Severe cases of complex trauma" doesn't necessarily refer to the severity of the trauma - there's no real scale we can measure trauma on (although people have sure tried!), it refers to how much it affected the child.
Not everyone suicidal is in a major depression. Understanding what was causing the chronic suicidality would problem give you more clues about how a child or adult child would integrate it / organize it into their experience. Chronic suicidality is a really different thing than acute suicidality that we associate with certain kinds of acute mental illness.
You could read up on the concept of "betrayal trauma;" I won't go into detail here, but when the people kids are supposed to rely on become unreliable in major ways, it can alter our psychology. As another poster mentioned, there's also quite a bit of research about resiliency.
Evidence based treatments depend on the person, their experience, and their preferences. CBT can help with learned cognitive distortions passed down from a parent with major depression, generalized anxiety, or other things treatable with CBT. People can find it kind of mechanical, though, depending on attachment styles and other personality stuff. You might learn to CBT yourself out of a hole when you feel down, but you can't CBT away trauma. Dialectical behavioral therapy is the gold standard for complex trauma right now, because it specifically addresses emotional regulation and building a life that feels satisfying and meaningful. EMDR is better at treating acute trauma rather than complex developmental trauma; whether it was indicated would depend on whether the person experienced a handful of specific and acute trauma, or lots of trauma over time. You can EMDR chronic and traumatic situations, but it works differently / less efficiently. Depends on the person. There are a bunch of interventions for disrupted attachment in kids, most of them centered on providing a "corrective emotional experience." In adults, sometimes being in a close relationship with another securely attached adult can provide this.
That's what comes up from the top of my head. This is a general overview. Memail me if you have specific questions or are looking for citations, I can send you some peer-reviewed stuff.
posted by unstrungharp at 9:33 AM on May 28, 2019 [8 favorites]
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Either way, are you interested in research about the children of addicts? Because I personally would describe active addiction as fundamentally suicidal behavior, but I don't know if that's related to what you're looking for?
posted by rue72 at 8:07 AM on May 27, 2019