Resources for children, tweens and teens accessing the internet

May 7, 2019 2:55 PM

Do you have good resources for parents to use to guide their children's, tween's and teen's internet access? Do you have good resources for those children, tweens and teens to understand How The Internet Is Today?

Both hardware and software resources, please, as well as videos, books, teaching materials, etc.

posted by the man of twists and turns to Computers & Internet (3 answers total)

You have to talk to your kids about the internet and what they are doing on the internet and who their internet friends are.

You have to become conversant in their memes and subcultures and values and how they intersect online and offline (at school or whatever). You have to drill down and understand the shit they're into like it's your fucking job that you're getting paid six figures to know inside and out. You have to have a Discord account. You have to get within spitting distance of understanding why some incoherent, heavily artifacted JPEG is cracking them up. You have to watch them play Fortnite. You have to ask really uncomfortable questions and answer them, too. You have to accept that if your value system makes it out of your kid's adolescence without taking at least a few major fractures, you probably weren't a very involved parent.

You have to disabuse yourself of the false idea that, as parents of an older generation, you're not "supposed" to "get" this stuff. It's not 1960 and the kids are not rebelling against the mayor from Footloose. You can be sure that on the internet, somebody who "gets" them is talking to them and it blows my fucking mind how many parents just cede that ground because it's apparently too much of a bother to do a little goddamn research and get on their level.

You have to figure out what conditions or circumstances make your kids feel comfortable about talking and opening up to you, and then create those conditions as often as is necessary.

You have to talk to your kids. You have to talk to your kids so fucking much. Yes, you have to listen, but you have to talk too. You have to show them what opening up looks like. You have to show them what working through complex, contradictory thoughts sounds like. You have to give them a vocabulary that expands their way of thinking about things instead of contracting it. You have to let them see the personas you've built up for yourself -- the public one, the parent one -- and how and when you let them drop and why you constructed them in the first place. You have to get them to talk in explicit, awkward, imperfect terms about the person they think they are and the person they want to be.

You have to be real fucking wary about advice (from other parents, "experts," or whoever) that reassures you in the ways you want to feel reassured.

I don't have any hardware, software, video, book, or other media recommendations.
posted by prize bull octorok at 3:35 PM on May 7, 2019 [15 favorites]

Sonia Livingstone's research on this is fantastic. Here is her blog. Some blog posts that are good summaries of her work: [1] [2 - screen time] [3 - media habits] [4]

What I like about her work is that it is based in evidence, is constantly updates, doesn't use scare tactics, and is practical for how people really exist. (I say this both as a parent and as a media researcher.)

But, honestly, this is a moving target and all families are different in their needs. In my house (child, age 10), this means that screens/devices are always in public spaces (for now, child will have more privacy as he gets older); all child-accessible devices are on "parental control" settings; no social media for 10 year old; parents can check in on what is being searched/looked at at anytime; no interaction with others in games; constant conversation about what one would do online if X happened; that when we see naked people on the Internet, it is possible, even likely that they did not want their naked body up there and/or they did not intend for this particular 10 year old to see it, so it is best to respect them and close the window; and that using devices is deprioritized over spending f2f time with friends and family.
posted by k8t at 3:40 PM on May 7, 2019 [2 favorites]

Back in the day, we found a lot of guidance at the website for Common Sense Media, including an electronics contract that we used with our kid. If I remember correctly, they had different versions for different ages.
posted by BlahLaLa at 5:03 PM on May 7, 2019 [2 favorites]