If you don't have a dartboard handy...

January 29, 2019 7:28 PM

What are some harmless ways to let off steam when you're upset about a particular person? I'm talking about things like putting pictures on dartboards, drawing caricatures, and giving silly nicknames. I don't mean general self-care like exercising or therapy, or even talking to the person about it.
posted by mermaidcafe to Grab Bag (21 answers total)

Best answer: When my landlady discriminated against us I put a hex on her by writing her name on the bottom of my foot and walking on her metaphorically until it wore off. I was skeptical but it was surprisingly very satisfying.
posted by fairlynearlyready at 7:41 PM on January 29, 2019 [27 favorites]

Best answer: I used to visualize slicing people up - not in a real or gory way, more like imagining an intact, unrealistically solid body getting sliced almost like you might see in an educational video animation to create cross-sections.
posted by needs more cowbell at 7:52 PM on January 29, 2019

Best answer: My mom's Pilates teacher told her to imagine that her 'enemy' was sitting on the ground behind her, and to kick and scuff up the ground like a dog kicking dirt over a poop, then to walk away.

Works great!
posted by DSime at 8:05 PM on January 29, 2019 [2 favorites]

I crush their heads.
posted by mochapickle at 8:05 PM on January 29, 2019 [15 favorites]

Best answer: Batting cages. Pretend you’re kneecapping. I find it particularly useful for when I’m exercising my frustration with people who traumatized me.
posted by ocherdraco at 8:33 PM on January 29, 2019 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Make a stick figure wax doll, yarn for hair. Stick with unbent paper clips, then burn in the fire pit!
Hot fire!! ;D
posted by a humble nudibranch at 9:17 PM on January 29, 2019 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I took a boxing class and pictured my coworker's face on the bag every damn time I punched it.
posted by Smearcase at 9:59 PM on January 29, 2019 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I used to keep a generic voodoo doll and supply of pins in my office—staff and coworkers popped in as needed to stick pins while thinking mean thoughts.
posted by she's not there at 10:04 PM on January 29, 2019 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I definitely engage in the name-calling. Bonus, constantly referring to him as Jackass or Jerkface disassociates his name from him in my mind, which is good, since he shares a very common male name with a lot of my favorite people, including my favorite cousin.
posted by joycehealy at 4:41 AM on January 30, 2019

Best answer: Stuff a sock with material. A couple of yarn bands to make a head and torso. Get creative with soft buttons and a darning needle if desired. Add a name tag.

Play tag with the dog. Bonus points if the dog buries it or pees on it.
posted by TrishaU at 6:35 AM on January 30, 2019 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Bowling! Very satisfying to fling the ball down the lane and imagine every pin is their head!
posted by silverstatue at 7:20 AM on January 30, 2019

Best answer: I made some tiny snowmen to represent the person and stomped them into oblivion (idea adapted from Calvin and Hobbes).
posted by FencingGal at 7:54 AM on January 30, 2019 [1 favorite]

Best answer: If you have a cat or litter-using critter, stick a picture of the person at the bottom of the litter box and snerk every time your adorable pet poops on them.

Put your picture or name and their picture or name on a piece of paper. Draw a figure 8 around the pictures/names, each in separate sphere. Cut the 8 in half at the pinched point. They now have no attachment to you and cannot bother you. Throw out, deface, or stick in the litter box their picture/name as desired.
posted by carrioncomfort at 8:09 AM on January 30, 2019 [2 favorites]

"hatred corrodes the container that carries it" (NO IDEA?)
"best revenge is your paper" (beyonce)

These are two lines I use AFTER the darts or whatever to get people making me angry out of my head.
posted by skrozidile at 12:25 PM on January 30, 2019

Needle felting! It's the most cathartic, easy-to-learn, inexpensive hobby. You get to stab pieces of wool with very sharp needles and to create interesting things, either flat or 3D. The cathartic effects of getting all stabbity are well-worth the effort.
posted by Ostara at 12:31 PM on January 30, 2019 [1 favorite]

Yes, bowling pins make great enemies.
posted by nosila at 1:33 PM on January 30, 2019

Response by poster: I forgot that I once made a certificate congratulating someone on being Assturd of the Year. I picked out a font and typed out his name and all the qualities that had won him the title. Then I looked at it, laughed, pictured him receiving it in the mail, and then closed the file without saving it.
posted by mermaidcafe at 2:03 PM on January 30, 2019 [6 favorites]

Best answer: Imagine (or mockup, if you can be arsed) one of those black bordered motivational posters, featuring co-worker (I assume?) with their shit-eating grin and a double thumbs-up, and the caption:

There's no I in Team!
(but there's a U in cunt)
posted by protorp at 2:18 PM on January 30, 2019 [2 favorites]

Best answer: I used to keep cardboard tubes after the wrapping paper was gone, and when I was super pissed off, I would close my office door and beat one of them to fuck against my metal filing cabinet.

Now I have a blow up clown punching bag at the office.
posted by janey47 at 3:41 PM on January 30, 2019

When I was divorcing my abusive, cheating ex, I played a lot of The Sims. Making a Sim that looked like him and torturing it in various ways was surprisingly therapeutic! (Make him go swimming, and then take away the pool ladder! Lock him in a room with the Horrible Clown painting and no kitchen or bathroom!)
posted by sarcasticah at 9:22 AM on January 31, 2019 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Find an online picture of their face looking all pretentious and pretty.

Then, move the little cursor-finger over it to look like it's picking their nose.

Petty. Satisfying.
posted by Pallas Athena at 1:18 PM on January 31, 2019 [1 favorite]