Depression vs College Round 8077
October 2, 2015 12:20 AM Subscribe
I didn't want to admit it to myself but I have fallen into a depressive episode. The problem is I'm a second semester senior taking a heavy load and I need to graduate this semester. What can I realistically do?
I had been having trouble with the semester, as addressed in a previous question, but it's become clear to me that I've been getting increasingly depressed and was in denial about it. I honestly feel pretty debilitated but I'm not in a position where I can be right now--no matter what, I really need to graduate this semester. I've been down this road many times before with my school but it was usually at the end of a semester and sometimes ended in me taking time off. It was also an extremely passive process on my end because I was too depressed to be active about it and didn't really care. Right now I can't afford to not care.
I am already doing quite badly in my classes, as they are hard in themselves, and have used up the freebie extensions that we get without having to ask, and in other classes my professors don't accept late work, so I have no recourse for extensions right now, which I understand. I don't want this to get any further out of control, but I really don't know what to do, as I assume the administration and my professors would be extremely unsympathetic and I cannot blame them. I can't just brute force my way through my classes either unfortunately since they do require a lot of brainpower, although I am trying to anyway.
What recourse do I have, who should I talk to, and what is reasonable for me to request (understanding I may not get it)? Like I said, it doesn't seem like extensions would be feasible but because I feel paralysed, I have been going at a very slow pace despite my best efforts. I really just feel like I'm at a huge loss as to what to do about this and how to talk to anyone about it. I'm not sure if I should go to the counseling service first, the Deans first, or my professors first and I'm not sure what I could ask of any of them. I know this is a sloppy question and that I've asked many of them before but I also know there seem to be a lot of people in higher ed. on here. What I am asking is basically what can I reasonably say to admin/professors and what are reasonable things I could propose to make sure I don't fully crash and burn, that would be feasible for someone who is depressed? I want to get on track and I also don't want to ask anything that would be unfair to my professors or other students, but I've also had a lot of sleepless nights and days spent crying, and even getting to class is a huge struggle. Any help with how to talk to admin etc. about this would be appreciated because I feel really clueless and terrified about it right now. Thank you.
I had been having trouble with the semester, as addressed in a previous question, but it's become clear to me that I've been getting increasingly depressed and was in denial about it. I honestly feel pretty debilitated but I'm not in a position where I can be right now--no matter what, I really need to graduate this semester. I've been down this road many times before with my school but it was usually at the end of a semester and sometimes ended in me taking time off. It was also an extremely passive process on my end because I was too depressed to be active about it and didn't really care. Right now I can't afford to not care.
I am already doing quite badly in my classes, as they are hard in themselves, and have used up the freebie extensions that we get without having to ask, and in other classes my professors don't accept late work, so I have no recourse for extensions right now, which I understand. I don't want this to get any further out of control, but I really don't know what to do, as I assume the administration and my professors would be extremely unsympathetic and I cannot blame them. I can't just brute force my way through my classes either unfortunately since they do require a lot of brainpower, although I am trying to anyway.
What recourse do I have, who should I talk to, and what is reasonable for me to request (understanding I may not get it)? Like I said, it doesn't seem like extensions would be feasible but because I feel paralysed, I have been going at a very slow pace despite my best efforts. I really just feel like I'm at a huge loss as to what to do about this and how to talk to anyone about it. I'm not sure if I should go to the counseling service first, the Deans first, or my professors first and I'm not sure what I could ask of any of them. I know this is a sloppy question and that I've asked many of them before but I also know there seem to be a lot of people in higher ed. on here. What I am asking is basically what can I reasonably say to admin/professors and what are reasonable things I could propose to make sure I don't fully crash and burn, that would be feasible for someone who is depressed? I want to get on track and I also don't want to ask anything that would be unfair to my professors or other students, but I've also had a lot of sleepless nights and days spent crying, and even getting to class is a huge struggle. Any help with how to talk to admin etc. about this would be appreciated because I feel really clueless and terrified about it right now. Thank you.
I have been in your situation, but in the UK. My uni's counseling service was accommodating and I hope yours is the same. Based on my experience, I suggest you immediately get in touch with the counseling service. They might ask outright what you need help with and you can ask for extensions. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need; it will not be an inconvenience to your professors and other students. Making a few simple accommodations which will greatly help you and not cause difficulty to anyone else is much better than you failing the semester.
There might be more ways to help that your uni can offer you, such as seeing a counselor every week to talk through your issues, offer guidance and support you. Or your professors might be able to send you study materials when you feel too low to go to class.
I talked about my problems to my course leader before going to counseling (he referred me to counseling), but that was because it was a small course at an art college and it was all much more informal than a "standard" university. I would not attempt to explain my situation (or try to arrange extensions) to professors I didn't know well before getting the counseling service involved. They should let your professors know what accommodations you need. Then you reach out to professors, or they to you, and you discuss when you will submit your coursework, what help you need with the material etc.
Even if you think you might pull through without help, get in touch with the counseling service today. It might happen that you crash and burn a week before your deadlines. At some universities, if you ask for extensions at the eleventh hour, it might be too late because it can be a long process with many people and paperwork involved.
posted by frantumaglia at 3:19 AM on October 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
There might be more ways to help that your uni can offer you, such as seeing a counselor every week to talk through your issues, offer guidance and support you. Or your professors might be able to send you study materials when you feel too low to go to class.
I talked about my problems to my course leader before going to counseling (he referred me to counseling), but that was because it was a small course at an art college and it was all much more informal than a "standard" university. I would not attempt to explain my situation (or try to arrange extensions) to professors I didn't know well before getting the counseling service involved. They should let your professors know what accommodations you need. Then you reach out to professors, or they to you, and you discuss when you will submit your coursework, what help you need with the material etc.
Even if you think you might pull through without help, get in touch with the counseling service today. It might happen that you crash and burn a week before your deadlines. At some universities, if you ask for extensions at the eleventh hour, it might be too late because it can be a long process with many people and paperwork involved.
posted by frantumaglia at 3:19 AM on October 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
I agree that the counselling service should be your first port of call, because they will be able to advise you on next steps. I think the main thing professors need to hear, at least here in the UK, is 1) that you have a medical condition, the symptoms of which are controlled enough that you are fine to remain enrolled in class and 2) what you need from them to accommodate your medical condition. I know you say that some of your professors don't give extensions but medical reasons for extensions are in a special category and I would be surprised if they were really so inflexible.
I also wanted to pick up on the part of your answer where you say you are struggling with classes because they are hard. It's important that you see your professors as being on your side in helping to solve your difficulties rather than as being there to judge you because of them. They are not going to be mad at you for wanting help to understand difficult subjects. It's their job to help students with these difficulties and, if they have any kind of teaching vocation, they should be happy to hear from you about them. If you don't already do this, I would encourage you to email your professors with questions about stuff you are struggling with and also to go to their office hours regularly with questions or for advice (eg about study skills relevant to the subject). This is over and above and separate from your need for accommodations because of your depression, but I think it may help generally.
Finally, I just want to say that I've been where you are and you are handling it way better than I did at undergrad; I just hid in my room and cried and never, ever asked for help or spoke to anyone about it. I wish now that I had had your courage and common sense in bringing this problem to others for help and advice.
posted by Aravis76 at 3:52 AM on October 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
I also wanted to pick up on the part of your answer where you say you are struggling with classes because they are hard. It's important that you see your professors as being on your side in helping to solve your difficulties rather than as being there to judge you because of them. They are not going to be mad at you for wanting help to understand difficult subjects. It's their job to help students with these difficulties and, if they have any kind of teaching vocation, they should be happy to hear from you about them. If you don't already do this, I would encourage you to email your professors with questions about stuff you are struggling with and also to go to their office hours regularly with questions or for advice (eg about study skills relevant to the subject). This is over and above and separate from your need for accommodations because of your depression, but I think it may help generally.
Finally, I just want to say that I've been where you are and you are handling it way better than I did at undergrad; I just hid in my room and cried and never, ever asked for help or spoke to anyone about it. I wish now that I had had your courage and common sense in bringing this problem to others for help and advice.
posted by Aravis76 at 3:52 AM on October 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
My university has something called a "Student Advocacy Center", whose job it is to coordinate things in situations like these-- getting things working between Student Counseling Services, the student's instructors, and deans to make sure that your mental health is taken care of, and that you're not going to flunk out because of it. Check to see if your school has a similar resource center; they'll be able to tell you the proper way to go about things.
If you don't have something like that:
in other classes my professors don't accept late work, so I have no recourse for extensions right now, which I understand
Please, please, please don't think that. Most professors and instructors won't want to fail a student because they get appendicitis in the middle of the semester, and likewise most won't want to fail a student because of a mental health issue. We're people too-- many of us have mental health issues ourselves, and know people with them.
However, the earlier you tell them, the better. While you certainly should make Student Counseling Services your first port of call, if you can/are comfortable send your instructors a quick email ASAP (or even better, going to office hours, if you're up to it) letting them know that you realize you've been missing classes/having trouble but that you're working on taking care of the issue and you'd like to meet sometime to discuss ways to work with them. It's a heck of a lot easier for us to work with you as things are happening, rather than retroactively. This is both from a practical perspective, and an emotional one-- it'll signal that you're really having a problem, rather than somebody who just slacked off and is panicking at the last minute.
Recognizing that you need help is an important step-- you can do this!
posted by damayanti at 5:16 AM on October 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
If you don't have something like that:
in other classes my professors don't accept late work, so I have no recourse for extensions right now, which I understand
Please, please, please don't think that. Most professors and instructors won't want to fail a student because they get appendicitis in the middle of the semester, and likewise most won't want to fail a student because of a mental health issue. We're people too-- many of us have mental health issues ourselves, and know people with them.
However, the earlier you tell them, the better. While you certainly should make Student Counseling Services your first port of call, if you can/are comfortable send your instructors a quick email ASAP (or even better, going to office hours, if you're up to it) letting them know that you realize you've been missing classes/having trouble but that you're working on taking care of the issue and you'd like to meet sometime to discuss ways to work with them. It's a heck of a lot easier for us to work with you as things are happening, rather than retroactively. This is both from a practical perspective, and an emotional one-- it'll signal that you're really having a problem, rather than somebody who just slacked off and is panicking at the last minute.
Recognizing that you need help is an important step-- you can do this!
posted by damayanti at 5:16 AM on October 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
Hi, fellow depression sufferer. It is awful and I truly feel for you.
I assume the administration and my professors would be extremely unsympathetic
I think you're probably right, so when you go to talk to the admin/profs, it will be HUGELY to your benefit to be able to describe various things YOU are doing to try to improve your emotional state and address this on your end. Have concrete things you can list that show you are taking responsibility for your mental health. Don't just say, "I'm working on it." or "I'm trying to get better.". Have actual specific things you can say you are doing that prove you are serious. Make it very clear to them that you are working very hard to manage this on your end, you're doing everything you can, and that you aren't looking for an easy way out. There is still a LOT of stigma around depression and mental health, and unfortunately it isn't entirely unfounded. There are a lot of people that use depression and other mental health difficulties as excuses and never do anything to improve their mental health.
Truly, your best way through this to prove you aren't one of them is to show that you are actually doing all the things you need to do in order to address your depression. Show them you're doing the work on your end.
So, if I were you I would:
- start counselling asap
- have an appointment to see a doctor about your emotional state and possible treatment options (are you on any medication? Meds, for me, have utterly changed my life in a good way.)
- eliminate unnecessary/lesser priority stressors from you life so that you can better focus on your school work and your mental health.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 5:19 AM on October 2, 2015
I assume the administration and my professors would be extremely unsympathetic
I think you're probably right, so when you go to talk to the admin/profs, it will be HUGELY to your benefit to be able to describe various things YOU are doing to try to improve your emotional state and address this on your end. Have concrete things you can list that show you are taking responsibility for your mental health. Don't just say, "I'm working on it." or "I'm trying to get better.". Have actual specific things you can say you are doing that prove you are serious. Make it very clear to them that you are working very hard to manage this on your end, you're doing everything you can, and that you aren't looking for an easy way out. There is still a LOT of stigma around depression and mental health, and unfortunately it isn't entirely unfounded. There are a lot of people that use depression and other mental health difficulties as excuses and never do anything to improve their mental health.
Truly, your best way through this to prove you aren't one of them is to show that you are actually doing all the things you need to do in order to address your depression. Show them you're doing the work on your end.
So, if I were you I would:
- start counselling asap
- have an appointment to see a doctor about your emotional state and possible treatment options (are you on any medication? Meds, for me, have utterly changed my life in a good way.)
- eliminate unnecessary/lesser priority stressors from you life so that you can better focus on your school work and your mental health.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 5:19 AM on October 2, 2015
Counseling first, definitely. If you are in the US and have been formally diagnosed with depression or anxiety in the past, you should also consider setting up an appointment with the office for students with disabilities. Extra time on exams is the most common accommodation (this is available to people struggling with anxiety and the like, not just people with ADHD). You may also be able to obtain a formal accommodation requiring professors to consider extensions; this would trump the usual course policy.
The Dean of Students' office is the place to go if you're thinking about dropping a class. Because you are a senior, it's in their interest to help you finish: higher graduation rates make deans look good! They can sometimes substitute one class for another requirement.
Finally, drop your professors a quick note to say you are dealing with some personal issues but are working hard to catch up. Most professors will be more flexible if you let them know you care about the class.
posted by yarntheory at 5:19 AM on October 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
The Dean of Students' office is the place to go if you're thinking about dropping a class. Because you are a senior, it's in their interest to help you finish: higher graduation rates make deans look good! They can sometimes substitute one class for another requirement.
Finally, drop your professors a quick note to say you are dealing with some personal issues but are working hard to catch up. Most professors will be more flexible if you let them know you care about the class.
posted by yarntheory at 5:19 AM on October 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
ps - I want you to know that you aren't alone in this. I fell into a severe depressive episode and my job suffered pretty mightily. I starting missing deadlines, made more and more stupid mistakes, and my deliverables were far from the quality I was capable of. Like you it took me a long time to figure out, "Oh, I'm having a bad depressive episode.", but once I did I went to my supervisor and explained what was going on. I said that my work of the previous couple of months was absolutely below a standard that I was at all comfortable with and not at all in line with what I was capable of or what I felt was acceptable. I explained that I suffered from depression and that I was having a pretty severe flare up of the disease. I said that I was really disappointed in myself that I allowed the disease to impact my work performance, but I have now focused on addressing it (going to see my doctor, had an appointment to speak to my therapist, rejoined the gym, etc). My boss's response was that they had definitely noticed a decline in the quality of my work and they had been concerned since they knew it wasn't like me at all. They thanked me for explaining, said they were very glad to hear I was working on getting well again, and they actually offered to lighten my workload for a while until I got my feet back under me.
So yeah, I can tell you first hand that these conversations aren't always fun or comfortable, but sometimes they just need to be had and the result can be good, but you really do need to meet them halfway and show that you're trying on your end to improve too.
And even if you don't want to go into detail about your depression, you still should try to find a way to describe to them that you are actively doing things to address what has been holding you back.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 5:27 AM on October 2, 2015
So yeah, I can tell you first hand that these conversations aren't always fun or comfortable, but sometimes they just need to be had and the result can be good, but you really do need to meet them halfway and show that you're trying on your end to improve too.
And even if you don't want to go into detail about your depression, you still should try to find a way to describe to them that you are actively doing things to address what has been holding you back.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 5:27 AM on October 2, 2015
I'm an academic advisor, so while I don't know anything about your particular situation, I know what advice I would give you at my university.
I don't think it matters in which order you talk to people. At my university, it can take up to two weeks to get an appointment with the counseling center, and I would definitely not wait that long to talk to the dean. Call this morning and make the earliest possible appointment with the dean and the counseling center. If this is an emergency (ie if you're having thoughts of self-harm or suicide), tell the counseling center. If it's going to be a long wait, ask if they know of anyone in the community who isn't prohibitively expensive.
At my university, the dean's office would be a good place to go to sort out all your options. It may be different at your university. You can shoot your academic advisor an email to find out. If it would help, I can compose an email for you.
When you consider what to ask for, you need to keep in mind that depression is a real disease. That's what it is, and that's how the law treats it, at least assuming you're in the US, and this stuff is a matter of law. It is not any less of a real disease than cancer, lupus, or any of the other physical ailments that sometimes get in the way of students finishing their classes. You do not have to worry about being "unfair to the professor and other students." That's not part of this equation. You need to think about what would help you be able to complete the work that is necessary to pass each class, and then ask for that. If further extensions would help you pass, then ask for them. If you would better be able to graduate if you took a late drop in one of your classes and took it over the summer, ask for that.
(I guess I do worry a little bit that you've heaped on an excessively tough course load because you really want to graduate this semester. You might be in a better position to graduate if you slowed down and gave yourself a summer or additional semester. When you're better able to approach things with a clear head, I think you should evaluate that.)
Please don't assume that administrators will be unsympathetic. That hasn't been my experience at all. They want you to graduate.
Are you in regular treatment for your depression? Looking through your question history, it's clear that it's a real, ongoing issue, and I'm wondering if you're on any medication or seeing a psychologist or other professional. If so, call that person up and say that you're having a crisis and would like to come in for an appointment as soon as possible. If not, one goal should be to get into ongoing treatment.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:31 AM on October 2, 2015 [9 favorites]
I don't think it matters in which order you talk to people. At my university, it can take up to two weeks to get an appointment with the counseling center, and I would definitely not wait that long to talk to the dean. Call this morning and make the earliest possible appointment with the dean and the counseling center. If this is an emergency (ie if you're having thoughts of self-harm or suicide), tell the counseling center. If it's going to be a long wait, ask if they know of anyone in the community who isn't prohibitively expensive.
At my university, the dean's office would be a good place to go to sort out all your options. It may be different at your university. You can shoot your academic advisor an email to find out. If it would help, I can compose an email for you.
When you consider what to ask for, you need to keep in mind that depression is a real disease. That's what it is, and that's how the law treats it, at least assuming you're in the US, and this stuff is a matter of law. It is not any less of a real disease than cancer, lupus, or any of the other physical ailments that sometimes get in the way of students finishing their classes. You do not have to worry about being "unfair to the professor and other students." That's not part of this equation. You need to think about what would help you be able to complete the work that is necessary to pass each class, and then ask for that. If further extensions would help you pass, then ask for them. If you would better be able to graduate if you took a late drop in one of your classes and took it over the summer, ask for that.
(I guess I do worry a little bit that you've heaped on an excessively tough course load because you really want to graduate this semester. You might be in a better position to graduate if you slowed down and gave yourself a summer or additional semester. When you're better able to approach things with a clear head, I think you should evaluate that.)
Please don't assume that administrators will be unsympathetic. That hasn't been my experience at all. They want you to graduate.
Are you in regular treatment for your depression? Looking through your question history, it's clear that it's a real, ongoing issue, and I'm wondering if you're on any medication or seeing a psychologist or other professional. If so, call that person up and say that you're having a crisis and would like to come in for an appointment as soon as possible. If not, one goal should be to get into ongoing treatment.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:31 AM on October 2, 2015 [9 favorites]
Reading through this and some of your previous questions it seems to me that although you are having a difficult time of things lately, one thing you are consistently good at is expressing your concerns and worries in clear, direct language. So one thing I would suggest is using the text of your question as a first draft of sorts to help you write out your problems and questions to bring with you to your counselor and also university mental health services if you have access to those.
A lot of times it is so overwhelming to sit across from someone and for them to say "what's going on, what's the problem?" because from your perspective it is seemingly impossible to even know where to start. But you have a great start right up here. And counsellors will have experience working with people who have trouble communicating verbally for various reasons, as well as be grateful that you have things written down - they know the people they see are already stressed so anything to lessen the possibility of missing something important is great for them.
I have fought with depression since I was 11 years old, and when my first big depressive episode hit in college, I was at first furious with myself more than anything. A big part of me was angry because why did I think I could handle this? What a fuck-up. I dragged through it, but the next time it happened I actually asked for accommodations and got them. It was scary as hell. But once I started pulling other people in to help, things became workable for a while until the episode passed. I'm still struggling with depression and sundry mental health issues, but if I could go back to college knowing what I know now, I would have milked my university for every accommodative drop possible. I know that in the moment my depression was too heavy and I was too low, a lot of days, to even feed myself, let alone explain my issues to a counselor, but my situation was not unique. Your situation is not unique. You are an individual but the problem you are facing is one that colleges need to be equipped to help you with, because it is common and can be effectively treated.
posted by Mizu at 5:46 AM on October 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
A lot of times it is so overwhelming to sit across from someone and for them to say "what's going on, what's the problem?" because from your perspective it is seemingly impossible to even know where to start. But you have a great start right up here. And counsellors will have experience working with people who have trouble communicating verbally for various reasons, as well as be grateful that you have things written down - they know the people they see are already stressed so anything to lessen the possibility of missing something important is great for them.
I have fought with depression since I was 11 years old, and when my first big depressive episode hit in college, I was at first furious with myself more than anything. A big part of me was angry because why did I think I could handle this? What a fuck-up. I dragged through it, but the next time it happened I actually asked for accommodations and got them. It was scary as hell. But once I started pulling other people in to help, things became workable for a while until the episode passed. I'm still struggling with depression and sundry mental health issues, but if I could go back to college knowing what I know now, I would have milked my university for every accommodative drop possible. I know that in the moment my depression was too heavy and I was too low, a lot of days, to even feed myself, let alone explain my issues to a counselor, but my situation was not unique. Your situation is not unique. You are an individual but the problem you are facing is one that colleges need to be equipped to help you with, because it is common and can be effectively treated.
posted by Mizu at 5:46 AM on October 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
I assume the administration and my professors would be extremely unsympathetic and I cannot blame them.
While this is possible, I would not just assume it is the case. When I have had students with issues around mental illness, I've definitely been willing to work with them to figure out a way to complete the course. It will help a lot if you can provide some sort of documentation from the counseling center or a doctor that shows you are actively working on the issue, but I would go and talk to your professors even if it takes some time for you to get an appointment. I agree with what was said above that it may be especially helpful if you can provide documentation to your university's disability office so that formal accomodations can be arranged.
posted by rainbowbrite at 6:34 AM on October 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
While this is possible, I would not just assume it is the case. When I have had students with issues around mental illness, I've definitely been willing to work with them to figure out a way to complete the course. It will help a lot if you can provide some sort of documentation from the counseling center or a doctor that shows you are actively working on the issue, but I would go and talk to your professors even if it takes some time for you to get an appointment. I agree with what was said above that it may be especially helpful if you can provide documentation to your university's disability office so that formal accomodations can be arranged.
posted by rainbowbrite at 6:34 AM on October 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
I will also just add that it's important to be realistic in what accomodations you're asking professors and the school administration for. I have been happy to give students some extra time to complete assignments or forgive a few more absences from class than would otherwise be allowed or spend some extra time in office hours going over class material. However, on occasion I've had students (suffering from either mental illness or physical illnesses) who are so sick that they really can't handle being in school, and thus ask for things like never coming to class or extensions on the order of months or skipping major assignments entirely. I think it's important to be honest with yourself about whether there are realistic/reasonable accomodations you could ask for that WOULD help you actually complete the semester. If you come in with documentation and a clear plan for how whatever you are asking for will get you back on track to complete the school year, I think you'll have much better success. It's possible you can figure out what these things might be with a school counselor.
posted by rainbowbrite at 6:43 AM on October 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by rainbowbrite at 6:43 AM on October 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
My wife works at a college counseling center. They should be your first resource. Even if they aren't the ones to actually treat you, they're a great resource for everything. They will be able to guide you to who you need to talk to.
posted by kevinbelt at 8:38 AM on October 2, 2015
posted by kevinbelt at 8:38 AM on October 2, 2015
Doctor or counsellor asap, advisor around the same time to find out your options, including accommodations if they exist, Dean to work out a plan, profs last to inform them of the plan.
I'm glad you're ready to dig in to find out what your options are. It's possible that with a diagnosis and treatment plan and the right forms filled out, accommodations might include being able to study on a part-time basis, or even (if deadlines haven't passed) getting partial reimbursement for tuition, if there is a medical reason for dropping and documentation.
If part of the "must graduate this year" motivation is coming from you and not the regulations, think this through, hard. Because (unless the regulations prohibit people with disability status as a result of mental health issues from studying part-time, which of course may be the case somewhere but I haven't seen in a modern university), you don't have to graduate this year. If a part-time workload can be arranged, you may be able to do your best in those 1-2 courses, and feel good about that achievement, and end on a high note. (And have the GPA you want, if the things you want to do in your life involve having a strong GPA. That's not to say it's at all necessary, but if it's important to you, you can achieve it. But maybe not if you don't acknowledge the limitations of this illness or get help. And getting help may take more time than you think it should. Which sucks, no doubt about it, but that's just how it is).
I want to say too that if you do have a sense of urgency that's coming from a place of "argh I just want to be like everyone else and finish this, I should be able to do this", I get that (big time). But following that feeling might be counterproductive, and set you up for what you fear.
(And you might, like me, find yourself back at school much later in life, and that comes with a bigger cost/time sink. You might actually save time by doing less now and dealing with your health issue. You will certainly save yourself unnecessary pain.)
Also, those limitations aren't necessarily there forever. If you're a smart "underachiever" (in your view), school, with its hierarchical structure (with the student at the bottom, fearful of long-term consequences), artificial deadlines, and ongoing evaluation/assessment (with all of it reminding you of a painful history, maybe), can really ping the worst places and contribute to depression. Real life doesn't involve ongoing evaluation with permanent consequences in that same way.
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:03 AM on October 2, 2015
I'm glad you're ready to dig in to find out what your options are. It's possible that with a diagnosis and treatment plan and the right forms filled out, accommodations might include being able to study on a part-time basis, or even (if deadlines haven't passed) getting partial reimbursement for tuition, if there is a medical reason for dropping and documentation.
If part of the "must graduate this year" motivation is coming from you and not the regulations, think this through, hard. Because (unless the regulations prohibit people with disability status as a result of mental health issues from studying part-time, which of course may be the case somewhere but I haven't seen in a modern university), you don't have to graduate this year. If a part-time workload can be arranged, you may be able to do your best in those 1-2 courses, and feel good about that achievement, and end on a high note. (And have the GPA you want, if the things you want to do in your life involve having a strong GPA. That's not to say it's at all necessary, but if it's important to you, you can achieve it. But maybe not if you don't acknowledge the limitations of this illness or get help. And getting help may take more time than you think it should. Which sucks, no doubt about it, but that's just how it is).
I want to say too that if you do have a sense of urgency that's coming from a place of "argh I just want to be like everyone else and finish this, I should be able to do this", I get that (big time). But following that feeling might be counterproductive, and set you up for what you fear.
(And you might, like me, find yourself back at school much later in life, and that comes with a bigger cost/time sink. You might actually save time by doing less now and dealing with your health issue. You will certainly save yourself unnecessary pain.)
Also, those limitations aren't necessarily there forever. If you're a smart "underachiever" (in your view), school, with its hierarchical structure (with the student at the bottom, fearful of long-term consequences), artificial deadlines, and ongoing evaluation/assessment (with all of it reminding you of a painful history, maybe), can really ping the worst places and contribute to depression. Real life doesn't involve ongoing evaluation with permanent consequences in that same way.
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:03 AM on October 2, 2015
Also, important: You have to attend these appointments. If it would be extremely hard for you to make a certain time (e.g. mornings), don't accept a morning slot, if it's at all possible. Insist on a time you can realistically make, no matter what the receptionist says, even if you have to wait a bit longer. Don't think that putting yourself in a difficult and improbable situation will make you look better or please anyone. Missing appointments will make you feel guilty and horrible and will further alienate you from help you could get, and it might look to some people like non-compliance. Say to a morning-appt offering receptionist: "I can't make that time, I'm sorry. Have you got an afternoon slot?" and if they say "No, all we've got this week is 8:30am [at this really hard to get to place]", reply with "I can't make that. Is there an afternoon slot next week?" and "Do you have a waiting list? I would appreciate it very much if you could put me on a waiting list for an appointment opens up after 1pm".
This is part of being realistic about limitations (in case that's a limitation, sorry if it doesn't apply).
(This is for therapy, advising, medical help, and especially for any kind of regular appointment. If the Dean can only see you at 9 am, though, say "yes thanks that's great" and do everything possible to make that time.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:14 AM on October 2, 2015
This is part of being realistic about limitations (in case that's a limitation, sorry if it doesn't apply).
(This is for therapy, advising, medical help, and especially for any kind of regular appointment. If the Dean can only see you at 9 am, though, say "yes thanks that's great" and do everything possible to make that time.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:14 AM on October 2, 2015
Sorry, didn't explicitly answer your question. The accommodation I would ask for, from admin, is part-time status/reduced course load - would maybe do just one course right now, two maximum, depending on how bad things are - and late drop of the others, which may be possible with medical documentation. One course will give you a goal and something to wake up for, and will likely be manageable, with support.
I would also ask (admin) for another way of doing that hard course you talked about in your last question. There may be an equivalent/cross-listed course you could do, or possibly an independent study course you could do instead.
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:48 AM on October 2, 2015
I would also ask (admin) for another way of doing that hard course you talked about in your last question. There may be an equivalent/cross-listed course you could do, or possibly an independent study course you could do instead.
posted by cotton dress sock at 9:48 AM on October 2, 2015
I almost don't want to post this, because I don't want to be discouraging. But when I was in your position, I ignored the doctors who told me this, to my detriment:
Your illness does not give a shit about your graduation schedule. Even with extended deadlines, you will feel the work piling up, and it will weigh you down. You will skip classes, and miss the learning that goes with them. You will not make a good impression on the instructors who might help you enter grad school/ the workforce upon graduation.
While it's still early in the semester, you should really consider whether you might be better off sitting out until you're feeling better.
posted by Jane Austen at 7:32 PM on October 5, 2015
Your illness does not give a shit about your graduation schedule. Even with extended deadlines, you will feel the work piling up, and it will weigh you down. You will skip classes, and miss the learning that goes with them. You will not make a good impression on the instructors who might help you enter grad school/ the workforce upon graduation.
While it's still early in the semester, you should really consider whether you might be better off sitting out until you're feeling better.
posted by Jane Austen at 7:32 PM on October 5, 2015
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This seems reasonable; go to the counseling service first and they can help you. They've seen this situation before and can help.
If you go to admin / profs they'll do what they can, but a big part of their responsibility will be to gently nudge you to counseling.
There's no shame to going to the counseling service. They're there to help, not to be dicks to people. :) Also, they can tell what words to use with admin/profs, and what academic procedures to invoke.
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:43 AM on October 2, 2015 [1 favorite]