Lots of life changes: graduated from college, different relationship, became a freelancer all in the last year. Feeling aimless, nostalgic, and in need of some perspective.
posted by happyjuice to human relations (10 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
There have been a lot of major changes in my life in the past 9-10 months, and only now is the sheer weight setting in.
1) I graduated from college. For a while, I was feeling pretty good, but now the reality that school is, in fact, over seems to be setting in full force. School was something that I was always pretty good at, and this is about the time I'd be signing up for new classes, buying new books, wondering about my new classmates, etc. After being in school pretty much my whole life, with no breaks, I now feel aimless, unstructured, and semi-depressed. I sorely miss intellectual stimulation and discourse. I feel like the "rest of my life" has now commenced, and I'm now just wandering through a sea of hazy half-goals.
2) I ended a very messy four-year relationship and within just a few months, promptly started a new relationship. In retrospect, this seems like an embarrassingly short amount of time considering the length and supposed seriousness of my last relationship, but I am now about 6 months in with my new SO and happy with that part of my life, so I don't regret that decision. I am sometimes amazed, however, at just how much has changed in such a relatively short period of time. While I don't miss my old SO or long to get back together or anything like that, I do find myself periodically feeling sadly conscious of the passing of time.
3) I inadvertently became a full-time freelance writer and editor thanks to a series of coincidences. While on the one hand, I'm excited that people are actually willing to pay me to use my degree, I am worried about the impact that working mostly from home and coffee shops will have on my (pretty much non-existent) social life and sanity. I'm a hardcore introvert, so I'm used to (and often enjoy) being on my own, but sometimes entire days go by without really seeing or talking to anyone, and I start to feel depressed. I have considered taking on menial day job solely for the purposes of social interaction, but ultimately the low pay, lack of flexibility, and commute have kept me from doing so. Now, I'm thinking more along the lines of joining a group or taking a class or something, but I'm not really sure. Is it more important to find a social outlet through work or extracurricular interests?
4) On that note, I'm not sure that I know how to make new friends anymore. Meeting my new SO was a complete fluke, and sometimes I'm still not even sure how it happened after years of not really meeting new people. I'm still closest to friends I made in high school who have luckily remained in the same town, but most of my other friends have moved away, gotten married, have kids, and so forth. (I just turned 23.) I'd really like to meet some new people, but I'm pretty shy, and honestly, it seems like a lot of people just aren't looking or able to commit to new friends. I sort of understand this, because despite my complaints about my social life, a lot of my time is devoted to work, my family, my SO, and the couple of good friends that I do have. I am just feeling a bit bored and stagnant and in need of variety and new perspectives.
I have never gotten therapy before, but have considered it... but I don't even know what to look for or where I'd begin. And the last time I looked into it, it cost a fortune. I've found that yoga and exercise help relieve some of this anxiety, but they are also solitary.