How can I (male) delay orgasm?
March 22, 2015 3:24 AM   Subscribe

I'm a mid-40s male and my entire life I've been a hair-trigger. Not a premature orgasm, but over very fast. Google-fu came up with scams and creams, but is there any way to fix this?

I have tried thinking about other things, I've tried taking little breaks, but when it starts it's quickly over for me. I can go quite a long time from masturbation (myself or someone else) but any actual intercourse, and usually oral, and I'm done. The feeling is intense and pleasurable and ... over.

I do have a very fast recovery period and I'm good to go again (and usually a bit longer) within 2-3 minutes, but I'm getting back into the dating scene and this is really difficult to explain and deal with.

And because I'm encountering new partners, these numbing creams (which worked really well when I was married I must say) aren't really a go. Nor is "taking a round out of the chamber" immediately ahead of time (I do this before dates but 2 hours later it's like I needn't have bothered).

Google turns up just junk and porn sites. I'm looking for actual methods, be they mental, physical, or medicinal, that can make me more than the proverbial "2 hump chump"
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (14 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

I think the term "edging" is what you're looking for.

If your partners are giving you a hard time about this, then dump them and find someone who can deal with the fact that human bodies don't always work in the way we want them to.
posted by Solomon at 3:42 AM on March 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Solomon's got it. And, when with a partner... "How could I not? You're so hot," and then remind them in the best possible way that you've still got fully functional fingers and a tongue.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:36 AM on March 22, 2015 [3 favorites]'re in your mid-40s and you're good for a second round in 2-3 minutes...?!

I feel like this might not be as much of a problem as you think it is. (Do you last longer on the second go? Is there potentially a third go?)
posted by kmennie at 6:15 AM on March 22, 2015 [13 favorites]

Seconding kmennie. If someone I was going to the mat with for the first time got off that fast but then told me "so, yeah, but here's the thing - gimme a minute and I'll be ready to go again," I'd definitely be down with that. Or - maybe before you start the grand event, give her that heads-up.

Or, get her off first with fingers or tongue. There's a lot of women who pretty much can't get off through PIV sex anyway (hi), so this is would kind of be ideal - someone getting us off anyway, then we try to get you off and it won't be taking forever.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:31 AM on March 22, 2015 [18 favorites]

Some antidepressants affect sexual response. A few that can delay orgasm are listed here:
posted by dmo at 6:47 AM on March 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Don't let your penis be the only thing you use. If your partner is down, use a dildo, a vibrator, fingers, your mouth...whatever you can think of to get her off before you are even inside her with PIV sex and while you are in your refractory period.
posted by inturnaround at 6:55 AM on March 22, 2015

these numbing creams (which worked really well when I was married I must say) aren't really a go

If you use condoms for birth control you have the option of condoms that have some of this numbing cream built into them. Maybe not what you are looking for, but definitely would help.

I'm with the other women here, I'd much rather fool around with the 2humpchump than the guy who just pounds away for 20 minutes. Especially if sexytimes weren't over after those first two humps.
posted by jessamyn at 8:26 AM on March 22, 2015 [3 favorites]

Do you know how to exercise your pelvic floor? I found that learning how to work then for 3-5 sets of ten 5-15 second "clenches" helped me after I came off some medications.

If you have a small refractory period (2-3 minutes, wow), maybe start off with a session of utilitarian jerkin' in the bathroom. You mentioned this not really being an option for you, but tell your partner that you want to wash up, go to the bathroom, then spend the 10 or so minutes with water running or whatever.

You can also try using one or more cock rings to help. I would start with leather strap & Velcro ones if you're worries about removing them. If you're comfortable with the idea, try one around the root of your penis and balls together, one just around the root of your penis, and a third one around just the balls. Your friendly adult novelty purveyor will probably have a "3 ring circus" starter kit for this. There are other configurations, but 1 and 3 are the most comfortable, at least for me.
posted by boo_radley at 10:11 AM on March 22, 2015

Best way to deal with a hair trigger is to focus your energy elsewhere, so when the hair trigger goes off, she won't much care that it was a hair trigger.

In the words of Sam Kinison: "Make her come twice before she even sees your dick."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:41 AM on March 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

Yes, more fingers, etc. foreplay, and keep it up while you're "recharging." You're not going to get many complaints if the PIV sex is only a part of the whole experience.

You also might try to leverage the "death grip" syndrome which is a common cause of the opposite problem .

If you're just getting back into the dating scene, it might just be mental. You're anticipating the sex so much it's making it into a big thing. Maybe as sex becomes more... I don't want to say "routine," but natural? this problem will go away on its own.
posted by ctmf at 11:31 AM on March 22, 2015

The process in sex is to build up tension in the body, then release it. You can slow the increase in tension in various ways, such as keeping your body fully supported and comfortable, such as lying ong your back and letting her do the work. Supporting yourself on your knees and elbows is the worst.

That said, I had a problem similar to yours until we started using condoms (for unrelated reasons).
posted by SemiSalt at 2:46 PM on March 22, 2015

I just want to mention that I have about twice as much endurance and much better control over the moment of orgasm when I'm taking Lexapro. It's a common and well-known side effect of the drug. Antidepressants are obviously not appropriate for everyone, but for me it's been a consistently pleasant side benefit. Perhaps this is worth looking into for you, depending on your other life circumstances.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:28 PM on March 22, 2015


I understand, though not from substantial personal experience, that it delays and intensifies orgasms for both sexes. (My memory has its limits.) YMMV.

(If metafilter allowed it, I'd cynically suggest a formal or informal LTR, which can help delay orgasms for decades, though not the way you are seeking. It definitely has the reputation for gradually prolonging the interval between them.)

Whatever is responsible for your hypersensitivity, it seems that you could try different things, as others have suggested. Sex is about relating, not orgasming. The latter is just part of it, and in my humble, rusty, and pensive assessment, it's just the thing that brings the fun and magic to an end.

Perhaps if you made it the least important thing on the list, you'd be able to concentrate on the other participant? Failing that, making it a 'comma' instead of a 'period' in a long paragraph of love. Take a deep breath, realize you are in the presence of a magical event, rest a bit, and continue composing it. Who says 2 minutes is all you get? Isn't a day 24 hours? What's the rush?

posted by FauxScot at 8:15 PM on March 22, 2015 [1 favorite]

If you really are good to go again that quickly (!), maybe you should get off before PIV, spend some time focused on her, and THEN do the PIV when it will last longer.
posted by kestrel251 at 12:33 PM on March 23, 2015

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