I'm a mid-20s male, I'm having orgasm problems and I desperately need to do something about it. Any advice would be gratefully received!
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (20 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
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I have a long-standing problem of finding it extremely difficult to orgasm during any sort of sexual play. I've recently (and improbably!) started dating The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, and I'm terrified that it'll ruin our relationship.
I'm a mid-20s male, very skinny but not unhealthily so, with plenty of energy, who eats well and takes absolutely no medication. I'm certainly sensitive down there. I have purposefully been avoiding masturbation for several weeks. At this point I'm confused, and think there might been some psychological issues, and would really appreciate some advice.
What's that? You want way too much background info? Sure thing!:
I was in a 6 year long relationship that was the first time for anything sexual for both my ex-girlfriend and me. We had both masturbated frequently and then found that it took an immense amount of effort for either of us to reach orgasm when together. It was, however, possible, especially if we involved sex toys for her and were willing to be very patient for me. Due to this, our sex life was infrequent, though we remained very comfortable with each other's bodies. She then went through a period of change in her personal life and became unwilling to have sex for a period of about 2 years. During this I waited patiently, fulfilling myself through masturbation. Even past this point, sex was incredibly infrequent and often unsatisfying. I found myself finding her unattractive and considering ending the relationship. I still tried to initiate sex, but was usually rebuffed, though she usually showered me with apologies and confusion at lack of libido. During the last three years of the relationship, I frequently tried to seek couples therapy, but she wouldn't acquiesce. Finally, she ended up cheating on me with a random stranger that she met at a bar, citing that "she was frustrated at our lack of a sex life." The mind boggles. That was the end of our relationship.
Several months later, I have started dating the aforementioned Most Beautiful Girl In The World (seriously, she's loveliness personified, in every aspect) and am overcome with glee. I anticipated that I might have orgasm problems, and intentionally have gone completely cold turkey on masturbation for several weeks. Our sex life is, so far, fantastic. She's (bizarrely) very attracted to me, I'm obviously attracted to her, we both have well-matched libidos, I push her buttons with joyful, joyful ease and... I still can't reach an orgasm.
We've tried penetrative sex in a variety of positions, she has given me some absolutely mind-blowing oral sex, and there's still nothing. I remain hard, and even feel like I'm approaching orgasm. When I'm on the cusp (which takes a while itself), instead of going over the edge and ejaculating, I find myself almost pushing through it, after which the feeling dies down somewhat. There's no loss of erection, and I'm able to comfortably continue having sex.
It's obviously extremely beneficial to her, but she has expressed anxiety at not being able to please me. That's not true, as it's been feeling amazing, and I have told her the above, though not the gory details of my previous relationship. She's been very supportive and loving, but I fear that at this early stage in our relationship, it could ruin our chances of staying together.
I did once have trouble achieve an erection, but I was rather drunk, and it did come, though slowly. I presume I'm still able to achieve orgasm through masturbation, though I'm unwilling to try for fear of numbing myself in any way.
Unfortunately, I'm living hand-to-mouth at the moment, so I have no possibility of seeing a therapist. I do, however, wonder if the problem is psychological in nature, or if there are lesser known physical roots. I should note that I'm in London, in the UK, just in case that's of any help.
I set up a throwaway email account: email@example.com
Thank you for reading this!