Late 20's, sudden drop in libido

April 9, 2009 8:32 AM

I'm a healthy 27 year old guy, but my libido has plummeted just in the past 7 months. No other relevant changes that could explain why, and I feel totally fine otherwise. Any explanations? And how do I fix this?

The timeline corresponded roughly with my breaking up with my girlfriend and also moving to a new city to begin law school. I might attribute the drop in sex drive to stress from my first year of law school, but I'm actually having a great time. I'm working hard, but I feel no more stressed or anxious than usual (I'm generally a pretty relaxed person). Other than this one change, everything else is totally normal. I'm in great shape, I've been able to work out and add some muscle, my moods and happiness are not noticeably different than they've ever been before, and I have no other complicating health factors that could explain things. No medications or drugs of any sort.

I still have a very strong desire to meet women, date them, etc. Hell, now more than ever, since I'm finally single. But my desire has morphed into an almost abstract, Platonic one, without any strong urge for the physical act of sex, at least when I'm there with a woman. My masturbation frequency has gone for 4-6 times a week down to once or twice a week at most, and it often seems like a bit of a chore. My last four sexual encounters during this time period have ended somewhat embarrassingly, as I've either been unable to achieve and sustain an erection when I needed to (strangely, it would often occur spontaneously after the initial flurry of activity had died down), or been unable to orgasm. Each time was preceded by pretty major alcohol intake, which is certainly a confounding and possibly aggravating factor. Although these women were all very beautiful, I didn't know any of them very well, or have any strong connection to them. I felt somewhat detached and removed during each encounter, mostly marveling at my lack of responsiveness and visceral enthusiasm while tangled up with a young, pretty girl. It makes me wonder if my sex drive has just become more psychological and less physical in nature, since I never had this problem with my last steady girlfriend.

Anyway, psychological probing aside, I'd mostly just like to fix this so that the next time I'm with a new girl, I'll be able to perform as usual. I've already decided that I need to 1). not masturbate at least a few days before going on a date, and 2). not drink as much alcohol. Any other suggestions? Any diagnoses? Is this just what happens as you age -- your desire for just any pretty female body becomes less overwhelming, in favor of a more mental sort of attraction to people you've "bonded" with already?

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (11 comments total)

Can Anonymous send the Mods a throwaway e-mail address that can be posted?
posted by parmanparman at 8:36 AM on April 9

perhaps you are not comfortable with casual sexual relations.
posted by peter_meta_kbd at 8:50 AM on April 9

Anyway, psychological probing aside, I'd mostly just like to fix this so that the next time I'm with a new girl, I'll be able to perform as usual. I've already decided that I need to 1). not masturbate at least a few days before going on a date, and 2). not drink as much alcohol.

The vast majority of sexual dysfunctions in younger males are psychological. I'd go to your school's psychological assistance program. Law school is hard enough to justify it.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:55 AM on April 9

perhaps you are not comfortable with casual sexual relations.

How would that make him have less desire to masturbate?

I would start by repeating all this to a doctor. I don't know of anything specific that could cause it, but he might. And it never hurts to get a check-up anyway.
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:57 AM on April 9

What peter_meta_kbd said. You mention your last girlfriend, but have you had casual sex before? It's not for everyone.
posted by ludwig_van at 9:00 AM on April 9

Have you had your testosterone levels checked lately?
posted by geekchic at 9:18 AM on April 9 [2 favorites has favorites]

Second geekchic. You may also care to get your hormone levels checked out as well. Not sure what it would cost, but it would be something to potentially rule out as a factor. Not to say there couldn't be something else entirely that's causing them to drop, but at least your could have a symptomatic explanation for your changed libido.
posted by ZaneJ. at 10:43 AM on April 9

Get your testerone levels checked. Sometimes these things suddenly and mysteriously go out of wack.
posted by Kololo at 11:34 AM on April 9

Are you forcing yourself back onto the playing field before your heart has healed and you're ready to meet someone new? After breakups, I've thought I was totally fine but had weird body symptoms tell me otherwise. The idea of talking to a psychologist about this -- or just backing off and giving yourself some time -- is a good one.
posted by salvia at 12:27 PM on April 9

Never underestimate the impact of law school on your mental health.
posted by jennyb at 12:40 PM on April 9

Try taking zinc and magnesium supplements (with food, otherwise it can give you a tummy ache). Stay hydrated. If you want to go gung ho, take a little selenium supplement (or a multimineral with selenium).

In addition to increasing the volume of semen that you ejaculate, in many people it also improves libido.

If you're wearing tighty-whiteys, switch to boxers. Hmm, interesting through - have you ever tried wearing silk boxers?
posted by porpoise at 1:32 PM on April 9