Should I wait a little, act now or just forget about it?
November 29, 2014 5:35 PM Subscribe
I met a guy. I liked him and I'm pretty sure he liked me too BUT I might not see him again if we don't do something about it right now.
Last night I met a guy at a party (some beer was involved, but no one was drunk). We hit it off and talked for hours. It was a lot of fun. The tone was basically friendly, but I kind of like-liked him and I am 99% sure he did too.
Then at some point a colleague (this was a party with co-workers) said she was leaving, so I decided to leave with her to share a cab and so I left kind of abruptly and just said goodbye to everybody. Right before I left, he asked me what my last name was. I guess he wanted to look me up on facebook (which I don't use anymore, and informed him so, just in case) or get my email from other co-workers*. BUT this is only an assumption, maybe he won't try to contact me or maybe he thought I didn't like him that much after all, since I left and didn't even say "nice to meet you" (I know... I know... but I was nervous!).
Relevant:
We are in our 20s. We work at the same company but we had never met before. I *probably* won't be working there next year. Actually, Friday was *probably* my last day, so I won't see him again.
I didn't get a "THIS IS THE ONE" vibe, but I had a great time and I really think he did too.
Do you think I should contact him first or just wait to see if he actually intended to make a move? Do you think that he might do something or am I just imagining things? How long should I wait before it gets weird and I can no longer say anything to him?
*or just check old company emails that were sent to all the employees, like I did as soon as I got home :P
Last night I met a guy at a party (some beer was involved, but no one was drunk). We hit it off and talked for hours. It was a lot of fun. The tone was basically friendly, but I kind of like-liked him and I am 99% sure he did too.
Then at some point a colleague (this was a party with co-workers) said she was leaving, so I decided to leave with her to share a cab and so I left kind of abruptly and just said goodbye to everybody. Right before I left, he asked me what my last name was. I guess he wanted to look me up on facebook (which I don't use anymore, and informed him so, just in case) or get my email from other co-workers*. BUT this is only an assumption, maybe he won't try to contact me or maybe he thought I didn't like him that much after all, since I left and didn't even say "nice to meet you" (I know... I know... but I was nervous!).
Relevant:
We are in our 20s. We work at the same company but we had never met before. I *probably* won't be working there next year. Actually, Friday was *probably* my last day, so I won't see him again.
I didn't get a "THIS IS THE ONE" vibe, but I had a great time and I really think he did too.
Do you think I should contact him first or just wait to see if he actually intended to make a move? Do you think that he might do something or am I just imagining things? How long should I wait before it gets weird and I can no longer say anything to him?
*or just check old company emails that were sent to all the employees, like I did as soon as I got home :P
Do it do it do it! Take a risk! Otherwise you'll always wonder what if...
(and please report back)
posted by Atrahasis at 5:46 PM on November 29, 2014 [5 favorites]
(and please report back)
posted by Atrahasis at 5:46 PM on November 29, 2014 [5 favorites]
Do you want to get to know him better? Then contact him! It's up to him to decide what he wants.
posted by dawkins_7 at 5:48 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by dawkins_7 at 5:48 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
Wait, I just realized I assumed you're a woman. Sorry for the assumption, if you're not.
posted by spelunkingplato at 5:48 PM on November 29, 2014
posted by spelunkingplato at 5:48 PM on November 29, 2014
Best answer: The only things I regret in my life are chances I did not take.
The ridiculously slim chances I did take, especially the big ones, have all turned out to be either the best things I ever did or the best stories I have to tell, so far.
You're in your 20s. Take all the chances life gives you. If you're lucky, you'll have 60 years to discuss the ramifications of taking that chance, no matter what the outcome is.
posted by erst at 6:04 PM on November 29, 2014 [16 favorites]
The ridiculously slim chances I did take, especially the big ones, have all turned out to be either the best things I ever did or the best stories I have to tell, so far.
You're in your 20s. Take all the chances life gives you. If you're lucky, you'll have 60 years to discuss the ramifications of taking that chance, no matter what the outcome is.
posted by erst at 6:04 PM on November 29, 2014 [16 favorites]
There is literally nothing to be lost by contacting him if you're able to. Do it!
posted by lunasol at 6:05 PM on November 29, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by lunasol at 6:05 PM on November 29, 2014 [4 favorites]
You're overthinking this. You met a dude; you think he's swell; you feel reasonably confident that those feelings are reciprocated. Why wouldn't you contact him?
In the absolute worst case, you misread his interest (although that doesn't seem likely – people don't spend hours talking to people they don't like), and he'll say "sorry, I'm not looking to date right now", or "sorry, I have a girlfriend", or whatever, and you will have lost nothing.
In the best case, sexy funtimes are in your near future!
You're not 100% clear about why you're hesitating. Perhaps you are female, and you have absorbed the traditional gender role stuff about men pursuing romance and women being pursued? There have been a number of AskMes from women asking "is it okay for me to be the one to approach this dude that I would like to bone?". Of course it's okay. He will be stoked and flattered. You should do it.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 6:16 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
In the absolute worst case, you misread his interest (although that doesn't seem likely – people don't spend hours talking to people they don't like), and he'll say "sorry, I'm not looking to date right now", or "sorry, I have a girlfriend", or whatever, and you will have lost nothing.
In the best case, sexy funtimes are in your near future!
You're not 100% clear about why you're hesitating. Perhaps you are female, and you have absorbed the traditional gender role stuff about men pursuing romance and women being pursued? There have been a number of AskMes from women asking "is it okay for me to be the one to approach this dude that I would like to bone?". Of course it's okay. He will be stoked and flattered. You should do it.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 6:16 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
Why am I a happy Bearwife? Because when I first met my Bear for a very easy and enjoyable and talkative first date, I told him repeatedly until he seemed to believe me that I really liked him and hoped he'd call me. He told me repeatedly since then he thought I was "out of his league" and never would have called me again otherwise. So -- call the guy and say directly how much you enjoyed talking to him and hope to see him again soon. You need not know he is the one to get the message across that you like him.
posted by bearwife at 6:22 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by bearwife at 6:22 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you all for the encouragement! It's working!
dawkins_7: yes, I do.
spelunkingplato: I am a woman and I was able to get his email address from an old group email. YAY!
escape from the potato planet : I hesitated because I don't want to come off as desperate. I don't think it's a gender roles thing, it's just that I am terrible at showing how I feel and I tend to seem either aloof or desperate.
On that note: Could you guys please suggest what I should write in the email? Should I send it today?
I will definitely report back!
posted by divina_y_humilde at 6:28 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
dawkins_7: yes, I do.
spelunkingplato: I am a woman and I was able to get his email address from an old group email. YAY!
escape from the potato planet : I hesitated because I don't want to come off as desperate. I don't think it's a gender roles thing, it's just that I am terrible at showing how I feel and I tend to seem either aloof or desperate.
On that note: Could you guys please suggest what I should write in the email? Should I send it today?
I will definitely report back!
posted by divina_y_humilde at 6:28 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
Just call him. Tell him you forgot to say "nice to meet you!" If it comes up that you checked old emails to find out who he was - he's very unlikely to think you're "stalking" him (just in case that's holding you back).
Don't hang up until you've agreed on a date / time to see each other again.
posted by doctor tough love at 6:29 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
Don't hang up until you've agreed on a date / time to see each other again.
posted by doctor tough love at 6:29 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I amrried a woman who I met under very similar circumstances. Beer. Random party. Had to leave without a long or direct goodbye. Finally called her after tracking down her number two weeks later. Her literal response, "What took you so long?"
I would call and say or write something along these lines:
It was really nice meeting you the other night. Sorry I left so quickly. I really wanted to say a proper goodbye but my ride was leaving. Would you like to get together and continue the conversation and this time I can say a proper hello and goodbye?
posted by 724A at 6:50 PM on November 29, 2014 [5 favorites]
I would call and say or write something along these lines:
It was really nice meeting you the other night. Sorry I left so quickly. I really wanted to say a proper goodbye but my ride was leaving. Would you like to get together and continue the conversation and this time I can say a proper hello and goodbye?
posted by 724A at 6:50 PM on November 29, 2014 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Dude, totally contact him. What do you have to lose?
Send it today, yes, though I think anytime between now and approximately Tuesday would be fine.
Write something simple and breezy like "Hi there, this is divina_y_humilde from Chelsea's party on (whatever day). I'm sorry I pulled the Irish Goodbye thing and didn't get a chance to properly exchange numbers. Socially Awkward is my middle name. I'm not really a facebooker, but my number is (blah) and I'd love to hang out sometime."
You could even suggest a meetup if you know enough about his life/schedule/neighborhood/whatever to come up with something appropriate. Just keep it casual and breezy and with a very clear signal that you'd like to hang out in person.
In general I would not worry about coming off as "desperate".
posted by Sara C. at 7:16 PM on November 29, 2014 [5 favorites]
Send it today, yes, though I think anytime between now and approximately Tuesday would be fine.
Write something simple and breezy like "Hi there, this is divina_y_humilde from Chelsea's party on (whatever day). I'm sorry I pulled the Irish Goodbye thing and didn't get a chance to properly exchange numbers. Socially Awkward is my middle name. I'm not really a facebooker, but my number is (blah) and I'd love to hang out sometime."
You could even suggest a meetup if you know enough about his life/schedule/neighborhood/whatever to come up with something appropriate. Just keep it casual and breezy and with a very clear signal that you'd like to hang out in person.
In general I would not worry about coming off as "desperate".
posted by Sara C. at 7:16 PM on November 29, 2014 [5 favorites]
"Hey, it was great meeting you last night. Would you like to continue our conversation over dinner, perhaps? I know a great _____ place."
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:46 PM on November 29, 2014
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:46 PM on November 29, 2014
Sorry but as a guy I think fffm's "Would you like to continue our conversation over dinner, perhaps?" is not direct enough. I've been SO clueless in my youth. You need to say "I'd like to see you again, can we have dinner. I know a great place". Maybe men have become cleverer (or less uncertain) at interpreting than I was, but being explicit would work better.
posted by anadem at 8:06 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by anadem at 8:06 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
Yeah, fair dos there---in the gay world that would be a pretty clear "Hey I LIKE you" signal 99% of the time and "Hey I want to bone you" signal 150% of the time.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:13 PM on November 29, 2014
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:13 PM on November 29, 2014
"Hey, had a great time talking to you. You mentioned X restaurant/movie/activity; I'd like to try it. Want to hang out?"
posted by klangklangston at 9:44 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by klangklangston at 9:44 PM on November 29, 2014 [1 favorite]
I would say if you're interest in him romantically, take the usual AskMe advice and say something really similar to what fffm suggests, but explicitly use the word 'date'.
"I really had fun talking to you at the party the other night. I'd like to see you again. Want to go on a date to X restaurant/movie/activity?"
Saying the word 'date' makes it nearly impossible to misinterpret your intentions. It's also one of the most surefire ways to help achieve your goal of actually getting a date with him. Ask any man you know - I bet you won't find a single one who thinks that a woman asking them on a date would have to be 'desperate'.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 2:12 AM on November 30, 2014 [1 favorite]
"I really had fun talking to you at the party the other night. I'd like to see you again. Want to go on a date to X restaurant/movie/activity?"
Saying the word 'date' makes it nearly impossible to misinterpret your intentions. It's also one of the most surefire ways to help achieve your goal of actually getting a date with him. Ask any man you know - I bet you won't find a single one who thinks that a woman asking them on a date would have to be 'desperate'.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 2:12 AM on November 30, 2014 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you for the great ideas!
I mixed a little bit of everything you said and I think it turned out great. I don't know if it was "direct enough" but at least it feels like me, so that's a better deal, I think.
So, I've just send it to him and now I just have to wait and see what happens (and then tell you about it). Thanksss!!!
Sara C. : I was tempted to include "Socially Awkward is my middle name", which is true, but i didn't. It will come up eventually, though. :P
doctor tough love: yeah, that was also holding me back a little bit. Thanks for bringing it up.
posted by divina_y_humilde at 5:18 AM on November 30, 2014 [3 favorites]
I mixed a little bit of everything you said and I think it turned out great. I don't know if it was "direct enough" but at least it feels like me, so that's a better deal, I think.
So, I've just send it to him and now I just have to wait and see what happens (and then tell you about it). Thanksss!!!
Sara C. : I was tempted to include "Socially Awkward is my middle name", which is true, but i didn't. It will come up eventually, though. :P
doctor tough love: yeah, that was also holding me back a little bit. Thanks for bringing it up.
posted by divina_y_humilde at 5:18 AM on November 30, 2014 [3 favorites]
Awesome! Thanks for updating!
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:28 AM on November 30, 2014
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:28 AM on November 30, 2014
Response by poster: UPDATE:
He said he had a nice time too and gave me his number in case I wanted to get a coffee sometime... :D :D :D
posted by divina_y_humilde at 12:52 PM on December 1, 2014 [8 favorites]
He said he had a nice time too and gave me his number in case I wanted to get a coffee sometime... :D :D :D
posted by divina_y_humilde at 12:52 PM on December 1, 2014 [8 favorites]
Yay yay yay! :D So happy for you. Best feeling ever!
posted by spelunkingplato at 1:14 PM on December 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by spelunkingplato at 1:14 PM on December 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Too many women take a "wait and see" approach. Wait for him to express interest first, wait to get asked out, wait to "be kissed," wait for him to ask you to marry him. If you think you might be interested in him, what's stopping you (assuming there are not work/personal/social/relationship/etc. reasons against it) from asking him out? Own your agency, and make the things you want to happen, happen.
posted by spelunkingplato at 5:45 PM on November 29, 2014 [4 favorites]