How do I deal with passive insults?
December 24, 2013 11:24 AM Subscribe
I always run into these types of people at work and life. Hopefully someone can understand what I mean.
posted by morning_television to Human Relations (30 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
I work with this co-worker who shares a decent amount of interests with me. Initially I thought he was cool guy but as I worked with him more - I started doubting whether or not he was being a genuine person. This started when he began to make unprovoked passive insults at me. I'd be in a joking mood and I'd make a joke about something and he would just outright say "End that bad joke as soon as possible" or just straight "Was that a joke? That wasn't funny" - in the most serious way. I'd be pretty surprised by it because I'd think it was kind of dickish to say that. We went out for a couple of drinks after work with another co-worker, and whenever I got around to talking about what I wanted to do (being a cartoonist) - he'd make backhanded comments like "Seriously, what do you want to do?". The thing that bothers me the most is that almost everyone is oblivious to this. He acts like such a nice guy to everyone. Also, we share pretty obscure tastes in music and movies and whenever I bring up anything I like, he retorts with elitist comments. Or puts me on the spot in front of other co-workers. Overall, I get pretty disingenuous vibes from this guy. Almost like he gets threatened whenever I come off pretty confident.
I've met numerous people like this at my old jobs. Co-workers, superiors - who all would insult me and laugh at my expense. Do these people like taking advantage of shy, quiet people who don't socialize often? It feels like I've never learned how to properly deal with them. I can't react to their passive insults with anger or with insults otherwise I come off as the jerk. It's also pretty depressing how I keep running into them too.
I know it seems petty to complain about this, or that I should just simply brush it aside (which I will) but I have a feeling I'm going to run into a lot more people like this in the future. And would feel better if I knew there were other people out there who can sympathize.