Roommate help: is it snooping if i turn off the heat?
November 8, 2014 10:25 PM Subscribe
so I share an apartment with a colleague from University. It's getting cold now here in New England so obviously it's okay to turn the heat on sometimes. If youre home. Last night the roommate left and just out of curiosity, I open the door and was hit by a blast. It felt like a sauna.
I want to confront the roommate but on the other hand I feel like it's snooping. I also thought of just turning off the heater. After all, he's not even home. He made and be out for the whole day. On the other hand, I don't want to seem cheap and I hardly seems like such a big deal to warrant snooping in his room and possibly compromising trust. Still, it irks me.
How should I handle this?
I want to confront the roommate but on the other hand I feel like it's snooping. I also thought of just turning off the heater. After all, he's not even home. He made and be out for the whole day. On the other hand, I don't want to seem cheap and I hardly seems like such a big deal to warrant snooping in his room and possibly compromising trust. Still, it irks me.
How should I handle this?
"Do you mind turning the heat off when you leave? It gets expensive." if he does this a lot, otherwise just turn it off. Its easy to forget when you leave.
posted by hermanubis at 10:32 PM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by hermanubis at 10:32 PM on November 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
"Frank, now that it is getting cold, what's our house policy going to be about the heat bill? Personally I'm more of a 'put on a sweater' person. But I wanted to talk about this with you."
In the conversation you can probably agree about leaving the heat on or not and also maybe weatherproofing the windows, but honestly, don't make this the hill to die on.
posted by k8t at 10:32 PM on November 8, 2014 [12 favorites]
In the conversation you can probably agree about leaving the heat on or not and also maybe weatherproofing the windows, but honestly, don't make this the hill to die on.
posted by k8t at 10:32 PM on November 8, 2014 [12 favorites]
Do you share utilities? If so, it sort of becomes your business when electricity is wasted. Can you determine if the heater is turned on by putting your hand up at the top of the door? If so, this may be a non-intrusive way of determining if the heat is on.
You could ask him if its okay to turn off the heat if he left it on (particularly if you can tell by putting your hand on at the door).
Personally, I'd probably be uncomfortable with a roommate coming into my room unless I knew/gave permission beforehand.
The thing is, if you are going into his room, he doesn't know what exactly you are doing there; doing this without permission is probably not going to be appreciated.
It's also possible that he wants a warm room when he gets home, and it may be appropriate to discuss changing the percentages of utilities (I'd be willing to pay 70% of utilities in the winter to ensure my room was always nice and toasty).
But I wouldn't change the heat settings without discussing it beforehand - that shows your going into his room and messing with things (the heat is the obvious thing for him, but he can't be certain what else is going on).
posted by el io at 10:33 PM on November 8, 2014 [8 favorites]
You could ask him if its okay to turn off the heat if he left it on (particularly if you can tell by putting your hand on at the door).
Personally, I'd probably be uncomfortable with a roommate coming into my room unless I knew/gave permission beforehand.
The thing is, if you are going into his room, he doesn't know what exactly you are doing there; doing this without permission is probably not going to be appreciated.
It's also possible that he wants a warm room when he gets home, and it may be appropriate to discuss changing the percentages of utilities (I'd be willing to pay 70% of utilities in the winter to ensure my room was always nice and toasty).
But I wouldn't change the heat settings without discussing it beforehand - that shows your going into his room and messing with things (the heat is the obvious thing for him, but he can't be certain what else is going on).
posted by el io at 10:33 PM on November 8, 2014 [8 favorites]
Hah, I've been your roommate. One day while not home I gave a roommate permission to go into my room where I had a spaceheater. When I got home to the sauna, I did say to my roommate "If you ever happen to go into my room again and it's a sauna, please turn off the heater." I had just forgotten to turn it off before going out. I think you can bring it up not only because of the hydro bill, but also because it's a fire hazard.
Assuming your relationship with your roommate is such that it was ok for you to be in their room, I would turn off the heater and when they got home say "I was in your room to such and such and I realized you forgot to turn the heater off so I switched it off myself. I hope that's ok."
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 10:42 PM on November 8, 2014
Assuming your relationship with your roommate is such that it was ok for you to be in their room, I would turn off the heater and when they got home say "I was in your room to such and such and I realized you forgot to turn the heater off so I switched it off myself. I hope that's ok."
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 10:42 PM on November 8, 2014
Wait, you opened the door "just out of curiousity"? Not ok. I do think you need to address this due to the hydro bill and fire hazard, but I don't know how you bring it up without letting on that you've broken the fundamental roommate trust. Don't ever go in there again with no reason and no indication that it's ok.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 10:46 PM on November 8, 2014 [10 favorites]
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 10:46 PM on November 8, 2014 [10 favorites]
@If only I had a penguin: It depends on what the OP did. #1-If the OP just opened the door without looking in/entering the room, then I wouldn't think it's that big of a deal. #2-If the OP entered the room (passing the threshold where the door is), definitely not acceptable. Even if it was just #1, I'd still be a bit annoyed if my roommate did that. Of course, if said roommate is okay with you entering for whatever reason, disregard the advice I'm offering below.
One way of bringing the topic up without making it obvious that you entered the room would be to white lie and say: "Hey, Pat, I felt a bit of warm air coming from near your room whenever I passed your door. Do you happen to leave the heat running when you're not home? If so..." (suggest solutions/ask for the heat to be switched off when not at home, etc.) That way, it seems more plausible, s/he doesn't know you entered the room, and things still get talked about.
And, don't enter again (unless you're explicitly asked/in an emergency of some kind). It's just not okay, unless parameters has been set otherwise by your roommate. I hope this isn't harsh - we're all humans, and it's okay to make sure of things, yes, but the way some things are being done just isn't acceptable.
posted by dubious_dude at 11:14 PM on November 8, 2014
One way of bringing the topic up without making it obvious that you entered the room would be to white lie and say: "Hey, Pat, I felt a bit of warm air coming from near your room whenever I passed your door. Do you happen to leave the heat running when you're not home? If so..." (suggest solutions/ask for the heat to be switched off when not at home, etc.) That way, it seems more plausible, s/he doesn't know you entered the room, and things still get talked about.
And, don't enter again (unless you're explicitly asked/in an emergency of some kind). It's just not okay, unless parameters has been set otherwise by your roommate. I hope this isn't harsh - we're all humans, and it's okay to make sure of things, yes, but the way some things are being done just isn't acceptable.
posted by dubious_dude at 11:14 PM on November 8, 2014
If you can't feel the heat coming from the door and tell your roommate that you did, they may realize you are lying to them and entering their room. Make sure you can tell without opening their door or jeopardize your trust relationship further.
posted by el io at 12:04 AM on November 9, 2014
posted by el io at 12:04 AM on November 9, 2014
On the other hand, I don't want to seem cheap...
Why not? If you're not comfortable with "cheap," call yourself thrifty. Anyhow by snooping you've shot yourself in the foot for this billing cycle. Wait till you get the next utility bill, then make a big show of shock when you see the amount -- "Holy purple cow, the hydro is $X and it's not even winter yet! How the heck did that happen? I've only turned on the heat in my room for like five minutes!" That might do the trick.
posted by jon1270 at 5:01 AM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Why not? If you're not comfortable with "cheap," call yourself thrifty. Anyhow by snooping you've shot yourself in the foot for this billing cycle. Wait till you get the next utility bill, then make a big show of shock when you see the amount -- "Holy purple cow, the hydro is $X and it's not even winter yet! How the heck did that happen? I've only turned on the heat in my room for like five minutes!" That might do the trick.
posted by jon1270 at 5:01 AM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Talk about it sooner than later, don't mention that you waltzed into his room.
"Dude, I don't want to sound cheap, but I AM parsimonious, since we're heating with baseboard heaters/space heaters/private heaters, how do we want to handle this while we're out of the house? I turn mine down when I'm out. What's your thought?"
If he wants to leave the heat on all day...you need to work it out.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:03 AM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
"Dude, I don't want to sound cheap, but I AM parsimonious, since we're heating with baseboard heaters/space heaters/private heaters, how do we want to handle this while we're out of the house? I turn mine down when I'm out. What's your thought?"
If he wants to leave the heat on all day...you need to work it out.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:03 AM on November 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I would want it turned off for safety reasons more than the financial, though that's an important consideration too. I don't care what kind of space heater it is, no way should it be left on while away from home.
posted by RichardHenryYarbo at 8:11 AM on November 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by RichardHenryYarbo at 8:11 AM on November 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
Well, you seem to already know that by opening your roommate's door " just out of curiosity" you were snooping, whether you turned the heat off or not doesn't change that. What were you looking for anyway?
But, what kind of heat are you talking about though? Was it something potentially unsafe like a plugged-in space heater, or is this purely a cost gripe? I think the question of whether it's better to keep the thermostat temperature constant during the cold weather versus keeping it low and then cranking it up when you're home has come up on AskMe many times, and I don't remember there being a clear consensus on one way being right.
So, I don't see that you have any grounds to 'confront' your roommate, knowing about their heating is fruit of the poisoned tree. If this is your first winter with this roommate, you should just find a way to start a general conversation about what you're going to do when the weather sets in - do you need to winterize the windows in some way, do you need to get a shovel or sidewalk salt in case the landlord can't get to you before things get dangerously icy, do you want to set aside some emergency supplies in case of a power outage, etc., and make heating/thermostat preferences a part of that discussion.
posted by oh yeah! at 9:32 AM on November 9, 2014
But, what kind of heat are you talking about though? Was it something potentially unsafe like a plugged-in space heater, or is this purely a cost gripe? I think the question of whether it's better to keep the thermostat temperature constant during the cold weather versus keeping it low and then cranking it up when you're home has come up on AskMe many times, and I don't remember there being a clear consensus on one way being right.
So, I don't see that you have any grounds to 'confront' your roommate, knowing about their heating is fruit of the poisoned tree. If this is your first winter with this roommate, you should just find a way to start a general conversation about what you're going to do when the weather sets in - do you need to winterize the windows in some way, do you need to get a shovel or sidewalk salt in case the landlord can't get to you before things get dangerously icy, do you want to set aside some emergency supplies in case of a power outage, etc., and make heating/thermostat preferences a part of that discussion.
posted by oh yeah! at 9:32 AM on November 9, 2014
What an odd title for your question.
Opening your absent roommate's closed door out of "curiosity" is snooping. Don't do that again. Never speak of it again.
Moving on to the entirely separate issue of heat:
You need to have an adult conversation to establish heat policy in the apartment. You may not get your way. You will probably have to compromise.
You don't need to contrive a reason for this conversation. (Like producing a bill and play-acting shock, or lying about feeling heat coming from roomie's door. Those are really odd suggestions to me.) The reason to have the conversation now is winter is coming.
Keep it low-key, quick, businesslike. Avoid melodramatic, judgmental phrasing such as "like a sauna."
posted by kapers at 11:11 AM on November 9, 2014
Opening your absent roommate's closed door out of "curiosity" is snooping. Don't do that again. Never speak of it again.
Moving on to the entirely separate issue of heat:
You need to have an adult conversation to establish heat policy in the apartment. You may not get your way. You will probably have to compromise.
You don't need to contrive a reason for this conversation. (Like producing a bill and play-acting shock, or lying about feeling heat coming from roomie's door. Those are really odd suggestions to me.) The reason to have the conversation now is winter is coming.
Keep it low-key, quick, businesslike. Avoid melodramatic, judgmental phrasing such as "like a sauna."
posted by kapers at 11:11 AM on November 9, 2014
If you don't share utility expenses, he can have a sauna in his room every day of the year. If you share utility expenses, you really should have had this conversation before you moved in together, but you could initiate it now, realizing that he is fully within his rights to have any temperature he desires as you are requesting a renegotiation of your living agreement.
posted by hworth at 6:29 AM on November 13, 2014
posted by hworth at 6:29 AM on November 13, 2014
This thread is closed to new comments.
Turn down the heat, and don't say anything unless he brings it up.
posted by Ostara at 10:31 PM on November 8, 2014 [4 favorites]