Stuck in the dreaded “friend zone”!
November 22, 2009 2:55 PM Subscribe
So as fate would have it, I am sharing an apartment with a girl that I am very attracted to. And now it seems as if I've been perma-friended. (For the sake of discussion, lets forgo the “dating roommates is a bad idea” discussion.)
posted by RandomGradStudent to human relations (122 answers total) 86 users marked this as a favorite
Roommate: Female grad student from China in her late 20s. Never left home through college and graduate school, until she came to the United States and became my roommate. Never dated, let alone had a boyfriend. Currently single.
Me: Late 20s male grad student. Never dated.
Goal: Establish a long term romantic relationship with aforementioned roommate.
We have a very good rapport, and have high opinions of each other.
The problems: 1) Lack of relationship experience on both of our parts (and potentially the cultural barrier as well) makes it hard to subtly suggest that I am interested in her. In addition, many of the subtle "I'm interested in you" signals simply aren't available anymore. We frequently treat each other to dinners, cook for each other, take over chores, buy things for each other (i.e. flowers, geek toys, etc).
I suppose I could man up, and directly ask her, except...
2) Since she has no car and we live in a public-transit black hole, she's rather dependent on me to get to the grocery store, medical appointments, and such. If she's not interested, bluntly bring up the issue would make life very awkward and difficult for her, very quickly; more so than the average "roommate relations went sour" scenarios.
Moving out is out of the question; when I brought up the possibility of moving, she assumed that she'd move with me and started giving input on what “we” should look for in a potential apartment. Staying this way indefinitely is not an option; eventually she'll fall for somebody, and I don't want to be that "awesome roommate" who spent all weekend helping her move her stuff into her boyfriend's place.
The geek solution of googling for the answer has failed, so I'm turning to you, the MeFites: How the hell do I get myself out of the friend zone?