Was it something I said?

May 4, 2014 4:29 PM

I asked a boy out! And he said yes! But then he didn't respond when I tried to nail down the details. What should I do now?

I'm a 22 year old girl. A boy in a club I'm in has been flirting with me for a while, and he asked me to go to an event with him once. I gave him a non-answer back then because I was nervous. It still seemed like he liked me, though (moving in order to sit next to me, sitting close to me, making sure to come and talk to me if I was in another room; things like that).

I only started liking him recently, as I got to know him better through club-related things. I've been trying to flirt, but I feel really uncomfortable flirting when I'm in a group setting (I only ever see him in group settings). I read a bunch of advice given to other inexperienced people on AskMe, and asked him out over a text. I left the phone at home because I was nervous, and when I got back home, I saw that he'd texted back a "sure!" an hour earlier. I immediately wrote back to tell him I'd give him more details later on, and when I texted him this afternoon with said details, I got no response. The "details" message was along the lines of "would you want to do x on x date at x time?"

He participated in a club-related email thread this afternoon, so I know he didn't get hit by a car or whatever. What should I do? Should I just chalk this one up to experience and forget about it, or try calling him up tomorrow?

The only potentially complicating thing here is that I'm graduating school and moving back home in a few weeks. He's not; he's a year younger. I'm planning on getting a job and moving back to the area long-term, though, and he knows that.

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (10 answers total)

Call him. Once.
posted by Etrigan at 4:32 PM on May 4, 2014 [3 favorites]

Yes, call tomorrow. If he doesn't pick up, leave a message and wash your hands of it.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:43 PM on May 4, 2014 [3 favorites]

That was just this afternoon. Give him a little breathing room. Maybe he wants to do x on x date but he's waiting to see if dinner with aunt hilda is still on. Or maybe he doesn't want to seem overly eager.

Give it a couple of days. I know just how hard it is, but try to breathe and not sit on the phone. Leaving the phone at home when you asked him out was a good idea. Maybe go out for a movie and leave it again.
posted by bunderful at 4:43 PM on May 4, 2014 [10 favorites]

Call tomorrow and keep in mind that he may be nervous as well. It may help to think of him as a man instead of a boy, and yourself as a woman rather than a girl.
posted by headnsouth at 4:56 PM on May 4, 2014

You have two options.

1. Call once, as Etrigan suggested. There is risk involved with a call: if he is the type who is "scared off" by being called or texted "too much" to make plans, he might go completely cold. In my opinion, being that "type" is rather silly.* However, it Is A Thing.

2. Do not call or text again until he does. Recognize that if you choose this option, you are kindasorta buying into the "too much" game referenced above. The real question you need to ask yourself is whether you are willing to participate in "games" or not.

*This, of course, has limits. Being texted and called a lot of times in a short period of time can be annoying to anyone. That is why a reply saying "I'm not interested" to message number one or two, if you're the one being texted, is always the best bet.
posted by sevensnowflakes at 5:00 PM on May 4, 2014 [2 favorites]

Calm down and give him some time to get back to you.
posted by John Cohen at 6:21 PM on May 4, 2014 [3 favorites]

You need to give him at least 24 hours to respond before you decide what to do
posted by dave99 at 7:00 PM on May 4, 2014 [1 favorite]

So, sometimes I'm busy with stuff, and I check email on my computer and I don't notice texts until hours later when I check my phone. Sometimes, I see a text, but I'm in the middle of something and can't respond right then, so I figure I'll get to it in a few minutes, and then...life happens. So I'd say don't even begin to start worrying until tomorrow.
posted by leahwrenn at 8:03 PM on May 4, 2014 [2 favorites]

You need to stop expecting text to be an immediate form of communication. You will save yourself a lot of stress that way.

Wait for him to respond. Maybe call him in 2 days.
posted by spaltavian at 6:53 AM on May 5, 2014 [5 favorites]

I hate texting and sort of don't engage in it for this reason. The waiting/expectation part of it feels gamey and a little weird. Or sometimes I genuinely don't get a text till a few hours later and when you're the sender it feels weird trying to guess or tease out which one it is in high stakes situations like dating. Too much work. That is why the phone is much better for dating communication! And also indicates more sincere interest I think. If it's only been a few hours don't worry about it. But yeah, just call him. After like a day.
posted by mermily at 12:54 PM on May 5, 2014