I'm not crazy about you (yet?)
September 4, 2011 5:42 PM Subscribe
How long to give a potential relationship before breaking it off?
posted by Small Pockets to Human Relations (21 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Recently I met a very nice man online. We met in person shortly after we began talking and had a really nice time at dinner together. Since that first real-life date we have been out 3 more times. He is a good person and someone I feel comfortable around. Although he is an introvert, we have enough to talk about because we work in the same field and share a similar world view because of it.
Things are progressing well, I would say. He always initiates the next date and sends really sweet e-mails during the workday. He has great potential for a long-term partner: no red flags, very nice, good morals, stable job, etc. The thing is that I am not sure how I feel about him. Normally I tend to date more outgoing, funny, talkative guys so I might not be used to dating someone more low-key. I am now in my late 20s and realizing that feeling passion and dramatic feelings straight away is not necessarily any indication of a good relationship. So I am trying to be okay with not feeling a lightning bolt when I hear from him. I like to hear from him but I feel more like “That’s nice” rather than “OMG exciting!”.
When I discussed this with my sister the other day, she suggested I break things off to prevent leading him on because she gets the impression that he is way more into it than I am. Based on his behaviours I would have to agree. I get the impression he doesn’t have much dating experience (he is 29 FWIW).
I think the problem is that I like the way he makes me feel (interesting, valued, attractive) but I am sort of lukewarm about him as a person. Is this maybe because I have never dated an introvert before? Maybe I am used to being more fascinated by partners than I am with him?
How long should I give this potential relationship? I don’t have butterflies but are butterflies necessary? I don’t want to lead him on and risk him having his heart broken if he is, in fact, more invested than I am. We have not had sex yet and I don’t think I would be comfortable having sex with him unless I were more sure about my feelings.
How long do I give this?