origin of OkCupid "How is this Site Treating You?" question

September 22, 2013 11:10 AM

Where does "How's your luck on the site?" come from?

Pretty much a trivial question, but-

Recently many of the messages I receive on OkCupid say something like, "how's the site treating you?" or "how's your luck been on the site?"

I don't remember these kind of messages from a few years ago when I was also on the site. I am wondering if these kinds of messages have a specific origin (i.e. it was advised somewhere that they are good messages to send) or if it's a normal kind of message that is just something people say, but that I have been oblivious to in the past.

Not that it matters so much....I was just curious and also find this kind of message slightly irritating....it seems to have a very slight hint of a negging quality....but maybe that's just me...

posted by bearette to Society & Culture (7 answers total)

This is pretty normal these days on OkCupid. It's a way of starting a conversation and standing out from the other people in your inbox.
posted by SkylitDrawl at 11:12 AM on September 22, 2013

Response by poster: Yeah, I realize the messages are common these days and I get why people send them.

I am wondering what, if any, is their origin (dating book, advice, etc) since I hadn't noticed them before Just curious.

Thanks.
posted by bearette at 11:22 AM on September 22, 2013

I refer to talking about the process of online dating while online dating as "breaking the fourth wall." When I was dating, I found it slightly irritating too, because it makes us underscore the artificial process of online dating, rather than concentrating on a potential connection with some person regardless of how I met them. People at least used to say you shouldn't talk about your exes in the early stages of dating and this can be an invitation to do just that.

If OkCupid still ran their research blog, OkTrends, trying to trace this sort of message back to its origin using standard epidemiological techniques might be fun. I imagine that most of it is from people getting messages like that and therefore thinking it is either a community norm to ask that question often or that it is just a good conversation starter.

I doubt the negging aspect in most cases (but of course, one should never underestimate the potential for assholery). More likely it is a conversation starter or someone is really curious as to what others actually get out of the site. Maybe they haven't had any success ever and are wondering if anyone ever does.
posted by grouse at 11:24 AM on September 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

Best answer: It's a question that makes it seem like you care about what the other person has to say, but requires absolutely no knowledge of the profile. So...think the chick is hot and want her to think you're a nice guy but can't be assed to actually read anything? Voila: "how's your luck on the site?"

I have noticed that these are generally from the people who have "thought I'd give this online dating thing a go, LOL" in their about me section so they seem cool and detached and don't seem desperate, unlike like those people who are on OKC because they have to be.

It's basically shorthand for "hi, I'm unoriginal and boring but think I might like to have sex with you."
posted by phunniemee at 11:26 AM on September 22, 2013 [9 favorites]

It's copypasta, they don't actually have to have anything in common with you or didn't want to spend their time reading your profile in order to come with a good message. They are just spamming everyone with that and seeing what comes back.
posted by bradbane at 5:24 PM on September 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

I have a different take on it (not from experience but by thinking about the scenario). I think people who have been frustrated by their own lack of good results on the site are looking to understand what kind of experiences other people have had on the site so they can better understand their own experience on the site, and the only people they can ask are those of the gender whom they are seeking a date with, so that's who they ask. They send this message to people they are potentially interested in to see what general input they can get as well as what specific experience that person whom they are potentially interested in has had, and depending on the response, it can be a conversation starter.
posted by Dansaman at 9:44 PM on September 22, 2013

My experience is that if it is used early on in an interaction (like, first one or two messages), then it's just an icebreaker. But if it comes later on in the relationship, it might mean they have decided to check out.
posted by gjc at 12:18 AM on September 23, 2013