Engagement Gifts for sarcastic, (Very) Irish-(Culturally) Catholic Famil

June 14, 2013 6:20 PM

My brother Just got engaged. I'm trying to come up with a good present for him (and more importantly) his wife-to-be.

We're from a very loving, and very sarcastic Irish-Catholic family. Unrestrained sentimentality is our kryptonite, and we relate by making fun of each other/giving everyone a hard time.

I'm not sure if I should try to hit that sweet spot of jokingly-mean-but-nice or just legitimately sweet. And if the former is better, I have no idea how to do that.

posted by graphnerd to Human Relations (8 answers total)

Best answer: I would probably aim for legitimately sweet for this gift depending on your relationship to the fiancee. My boyfriend's family sounds a lot like yours, whereas my family is extremely earnest/non-sarcastic, and I have a hard time with that type of joking around. I am forever grateful that they tone it down with me to make sure I'm comfortable - they are totally awesome! :) I'd do the same here unless you are 100% sure that the fiancee would feel like she's in on the joke and truly enjoying it.

As for a nice gift...
* If you have a nice snapshot of them, maybe get it printed and framed. I find with everything online, I rarely print out photos and really appreciate it when I do/other people do.
* If you're in for a bit of work, a family cookbook would be awesome. I've done this with Shutterfly for family members and it has always been hugely appreciated. You can include family favorite dishes, photos, etc.
* I could also see something similar with a cool family tree with the newly engaged couple on it. Personal photos would be great here. Bonus points for getting it framed.
* If you know a restaurant they really like or something they really like to do together, a gift certificate for a celebratory night out on the town is never out of place...I know gift certificates can be a cop out gift, but I think if it's to a special place you know they love (maybe somewhere you've all been together), I think it works and feels definitely different than just Amazon or Walmart.
posted by rainbowbrite at 6:55 PM on June 14, 2013

What about a nice gift, but jokingly presented--like a nice bottle of their favorite alcohol, since they'll surely be driving each other to drink soon enough, or a framed photo so that when they're old marrieds they can remember how each other used to look when they were young and good-looking? Etc.
posted by phoenixy at 7:04 PM on June 14, 2013 [3 favorites]

Maybe you could find a most embarrassing picture of each of them from their childhoods and frame it in a really nice double frame so they'd have to hang it on the wall.
posted by dawkins_7 at 7:10 PM on June 14, 2013 [1 favorite]

Definitely embarrassing picture in a REALLY nice frame.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:21 PM on June 14, 2013 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Thanks, guys!

I like the ideas. I'm thinking of going the rainbowbrite route for the fiancée, and terrible awkward gilded frame route for the groom-to-be.

Really looking to make the future in-law feel welcomed, while giving my brother a hard time.

Does decorum dictate a single couple for the present, or are separate gifts fine?
posted by graphnerd at 8:26 PM on June 14, 2013

Some couples get hurt if it's not a joint gift...but you know your future SIL better than we do.
posted by brujita at 9:32 PM on June 14, 2013

Irish diaspora + sentimentality = a couple of these!
posted by gohabsgo at 9:23 AM on June 15, 2013

There's no harm in going for a genuinely sweet gift that expresses your real happiness that your soon to be sister in law is joining the family. And there's a lot of potential for hurt feelings by being too jokey if she doesn't know you well enough yet or you judge the tone wrong. Sarcastic banter and teasing can show a lot of love, and I'm a great fan of it myself, but sometimes you need to drop the shields and be sincere. Especially for those who don't come from a teasing background themselves, an occasional sincere statement of the real love that underlies it is much appreciated. You might even want to mention it in the card. Something like "welcome to our family (though really I've got to question your judgement. The rest of us have to hang out with Joe by accident of birth, but you enlisted as a volunteer?!) In all seriousness, though, you are a wonderful addition to our family, and I couldn't be happier to see you and Joe so happy."
posted by MsMolly at 8:03 PM on June 16, 2013