Web and print resources for an anxious gay fiancée-to-be
April 3, 2007 6:53 AM Subscribe
Please point me toward resources to help me cope with my family and their responses to my impending (gay) engagement. My Google-fu seems to be failing me. There's more details on my specific situation inside.
My girlfriend and I have been together almost three years. In that time, she has met many members of my extended family, and become very friendly with my parents and I with hers. We are both out to our parents; she for about ten years, and me for three or four. I am not out to my extended family.
I get the feeling my parents will be at least somewhat supportive; they like her, and my father is very accepting. My mother still thinks it's a phase or that I will meet "the right man," but I think she is coming around. I don't feel like they will stand up for me if my relatives get nasty about it, though, and most of them are very conservative and somewhat volatile. I don't know how to handle announcing the engagement or the wedding or sending wedding invitations or announcements.
Not telling them is not really an option; this is an important part of my life and every time I see them and have to stay closeted it really hurts me. I want to let them know even if it means they don't speak to me or disinherit me, but I want to minimize the yelling and crying. I am out in every other aspect of my life and I don't want to hide this anymore.
We are buying a ring just now; I don't know when she will formally ask me to marry her, but we both thought I should be involved in picking it out since I will wear it! We plan to get engaged in the next six months and married a year from the engagement.
I have tried Indiebride.com (great site, but the same-sex forum is not very active), a column called Social Grace, and just Googling, and I am not really getting anywhere. I would like to hear from others who have been in this position and how they have handled this. I'm open to advice columns, blogs, books, or wherever people have discussed this.
Thank you for your help. This should be a joyful time to celebrate and share our love, not a situation of compounding anxiety!