Sorry OKC, I think we need to see other people
June 10, 2013 4:17 PM Subscribe
So now that IAC has ruined OKCupid what are the best alternatives?
IAC's attempts to monetize OKCupid have become a lot more obtrusive to me recently. What are the best replacements to OKCupid for an urban twenties-something these days?
IAC's attempts to monetize OKCupid have become a lot more obtrusive to me recently. What are the best replacements to OKCupid for an urban twenties-something these days?
I agree with showbiz_liz and would add: the fact that those other sites cost money doesn't just matter because it's better to save money. It also matters because when you're a member of a paid site, most of your messages are wasted. The site doesn't tell you which members are paying, and only paying members can read your messages. (There might be some exceptions, but that is how Match and HowAboutWe work. In fact, OKCupid is an exception: you can have a paid account, but all members can read and send messages.)
posted by John Cohen at 4:31 PM on June 10, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by John Cohen at 4:31 PM on June 10, 2013 [5 favorites]
My friends who do online dating (20- and early 30-somethings, smaller city) have recently converted, en masse, from OKC to Plenty of Fish. In my online dating days, PoF was super sleazy, but my friends who use it are all educated, interesting and/or hipster types and have had as good of luck there as OKC. It probably depends on if it has caught on with your contemporaries in your area.
posted by peacrow at 4:58 PM on June 10, 2013
posted by peacrow at 4:58 PM on June 10, 2013
I don't know anyone who actually uses Plenty Of Fish. One look at the site should show pretty clearly that it's not very good. I'm sure some people do use it, but OKC is where most people are at. This is going to sound terrible, but the consensus among friends seems to be that match is more for people desperate for a relationship NOW, and Plenty Of Fish is for people who are just plain desperate. OKcupid seems to be the happy medium.
I've never used Plenty Of Fish, but from a guy's point of view, I can say that match is mostly a scam. Unless it's changed a lot, it's filled with fake ads and people who placed ads but can't actually reply because they're not paying for the site. I wouldn't use match even if the site paid ME a monthly fee.
The real problem with OKCupid is that the site taught us to expect waaaaaaay too much without paying a dime for it. How the heck they built a site that large without charging users, I'll never know. Yes, I realize they had investors, etc... but man, they built a HUGE site with a massive amount of traffic along with a mobile platform... all of which was free for users. Crazy.
posted by 2oh1 at 5:16 PM on June 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
I've never used Plenty Of Fish, but from a guy's point of view, I can say that match is mostly a scam. Unless it's changed a lot, it's filled with fake ads and people who placed ads but can't actually reply because they're not paying for the site. I wouldn't use match even if the site paid ME a monthly fee.
The real problem with OKCupid is that the site taught us to expect waaaaaaay too much without paying a dime for it. How the heck they built a site that large without charging users, I'll never know. Yes, I realize they had investors, etc... but man, they built a HUGE site with a massive amount of traffic along with a mobile platform... all of which was free for users. Crazy.
posted by 2oh1 at 5:16 PM on June 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
I've tried several. Depending on the ways in which attempts to monetize are ruining it for you, have you considered that being a paid member OKCupid is substantially cheaper than regular dating sites? It might be worth it to just up and get the enhanced service. (I say this because my biggest issue with paying was a mental hangup more than a financial one, and once I got past that, I look back and think I was being silly for putting weight on it)
PoF seems like the only non-pay alternative to OKC, and I don't really like it. But still, it's an alternative. (Or an addition)
(Pay sites I've tried have usually resolved the issue raised by John Cohen in that they allow unpaid users to read messages sent by paid users. (And paid users can read messages sent by unpaid users). But I notice that if I'm not a paid user, I learn to not pay much attention to the inbox, because it's usually a paywalled message from another non-paying user.)
Another option for urban twenties-something, is looking for a local site dedicated to the urban area. Seattle for example has a local rag called The Stranger that caters to urban twenties-somethings, and what used to be an old-school personals section in the paper became a dating site that is surprisingly good for finding the hip/alt/urban people.
posted by anonymisc at 5:19 PM on June 10, 2013
PoF seems like the only non-pay alternative to OKC, and I don't really like it. But still, it's an alternative. (Or an addition)
(Pay sites I've tried have usually resolved the issue raised by John Cohen in that they allow unpaid users to read messages sent by paid users. (And paid users can read messages sent by unpaid users). But I notice that if I'm not a paid user, I learn to not pay much attention to the inbox, because it's usually a paywalled message from another non-paying user.)
Another option for urban twenties-something, is looking for a local site dedicated to the urban area. Seattle for example has a local rag called The Stranger that caters to urban twenties-somethings, and what used to be an old-school personals section in the paper became a dating site that is surprisingly good for finding the hip/alt/urban people.
posted by anonymisc at 5:19 PM on June 10, 2013
In my online dating days, I had the best luck with Plentyoffish - in fact, I met my boyfriend via PoF and we've been together for five years. I guess it just depends where you are. (I'm in the Chicago area)
posted by SisterHavana at 5:29 PM on June 10, 2013
posted by SisterHavana at 5:29 PM on June 10, 2013
Pay sites I've tried have usually resolved the issue raised by John Cohen in that they allow unpaid users to read messages sent by paid users. (And paid users can read messages sent by unpaid users).
Those points don't apply to HowAboutWe. I haven't used Match in years, but my memory is that they don't apply to Match either.
posted by John Cohen at 5:41 PM on June 10, 2013
Those points don't apply to HowAboutWe. I haven't used Match in years, but my memory is that they don't apply to Match either.
posted by John Cohen at 5:41 PM on June 10, 2013
I met my boyfriend on tastebuds.fm which matches you based on your music taste (pulled from your last.fm and/or facebook music likes). There are hardly any people on it and I was his top match. We've both had mediocre experiences on OKC (though I've met several friends that way) aka zero romantic matches and a bunch of annoying messages from morons.
Anyway, if your'e into music at all check it out, otherwise you might look for other niche dating sites -- this is a case where the fewer people, the better, because even finding/joining the site is a good filter.
posted by mokudekiru at 5:45 PM on June 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Anyway, if your'e into music at all check it out, otherwise you might look for other niche dating sites -- this is a case where the fewer people, the better, because even finding/joining the site is a good filter.
posted by mokudekiru at 5:45 PM on June 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
I don't know anyone who actually uses Plenty Of Fish. One look at the site should show pretty clearly that it's not very good. I'm sure some people do use it, but OKC is where most people are at.
This seems to be highly dependent on location (and maybe also demographics). In my Canadian city, there are far more people on PoF than OKC, especially in the older age ranges. The quality of both the site and the matches are far, far lower than OKC, but many people use both to broaden their pool. I'm not sure why PoF is so popular around here - it's an awful site. Ultimately it's only a tool to help you meet people, though, so it can be useful for that despite its flaws.
posted by randomnity at 10:20 AM on June 11, 2013
This seems to be highly dependent on location (and maybe also demographics). In my Canadian city, there are far more people on PoF than OKC, especially in the older age ranges. The quality of both the site and the matches are far, far lower than OKC, but many people use both to broaden their pool. I'm not sure why PoF is so popular around here - it's an awful site. Ultimately it's only a tool to help you meet people, though, so it can be useful for that despite its flaws.
posted by randomnity at 10:20 AM on June 11, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by showbiz_liz at 4:28 PM on June 10, 2013 [3 favorites]