How do I frame my concerns with a particular employee in a productive way?
April 24, 2012 6:15 AM Subscribe
I work with a hostile coworker who has recently become my superior. Tomorrow we will be having a meeting to address complaints that me and other employees have with her, and our boss basically wants to put us in a room and have us sort this out. How can I make this productive and maintain my own integrity when I feel anxious and somewhat cowed by her domineering personality?
I apologize for the length, but I thought it'd be best if I was somewhat specific about the things that were going on, since I am trying to choose what to address and how to phrase it, as well as general strategies for negotiating conflict. I know in general to use I feel statements and to mention specific examples, and to avoid accusatory statements. Anyway, here's the situation:
I've been working at a bakery for the past year, and during that time i've been pretty uncomfortable with one coworker, we'll call her Mildred. We've had maybe one nice conversation the whole time I've been there, and shared a couple of laughs, but mostly Mildred tends to ignore me or give me cold looks. Her main method of communication is to leave passive-aggressive notes in our workplace. These were at first overtly hostile - calling other people stupid or saying that our actions were the reason the bakery wasn't doing well and nobody could make any money, but since I've complained they tend to be a little nicer. Kind of, but the way they are framed is usually somewhat malicious. I've never called Mildred out on their behavior directly, but brought it to the attention of the boss probably two or three times in the past year. I don't in general enjoy my job, but lately i've become distracted by Mildred's opinion about me to the point of having a difficult time focusing on what i'm doing. There are a lot of problems with management at my job and very little recognition when anything is done well. I've had to campaign for being paid overtime when I've been called in to cover extra shifts, and I've also occasionally been stilted on my pay so I already have some resentment in general.
The main issue is that production numbers are often not met. This is a due to a variety of problems. For example numbers will get raised without a subsequent raising of hours. Since i've worked there, the numbers of hours allotted for my job has decreased while our numbers have more or less gone up. Ingredients that we need will often be missing, and because they are unwilling to allot hours for a second person and production has to compete for space with other tasks, the amount of time we spend can vary wildly on a shift. This is a problem because i constantly feel like i have to cut corners to get things done on time, and i also have trouble knowing beforehand exactly how long a task will take. In addition, i find it takes a lot of mental energy to focus on doing my job and ignore the often negative feedback. This is a problem in all aspects of the bakery, and Mildred tends to make the attitude at the bakery worse by being overly critical of other people or very unhelpful, occasionally to the point of what seems like sabotage so that she will look better. (i.e. recommending a recipe that won't work and then criticizing the person that follows that recipe for a poor performance). It really doesn't seem like there's any way to win, and as a result i feel like i've become somewhat apathetic about my job, although i still feel like i work much harder than the other person who also performs my duties on other days (who will often not clean after their shift is done, deliberately ignore numbers, etc.)
I recently went to the boss with a few of my complaints, though I mostly focused on what I see as unprofessional workplace behavior since I've decided to stick out this position for the last couple of months I will be in town. Mildred can be quite vindicative about other employees (calling another person a mouthbreather, or another employee a bitch), but the boss seems to think that this is an interpersonal conflict (between Mildred and the other two people besides myself who have complained about her openly) and won't recognize the way that Mildred tends to escalate tense situations. I do recognize that i feel rather disgusted with her behavior and as a result am quite reluctant to immediately put into action the things that she suggests. She has recently been promoted, sort of, and within the last week is now the production manager. I've pointed out the other problems I mentioned above as well, and suggested changes, but this has been mostly unsuccessful. I have contributed several changes that have improved things, but this is not recognized and/or attributed to other factors. Anyway, one of the other employees recently also became frustrated and there were some rather mean text messages exchanged between this employee and Mildred. Tomorrow we will be having a meeting to address this incident and the complaints about Mildred, which again the boss sees as an interpersonal problem.
I am quite nervous about this meeting because my philosophy in general has been to try to skirt around Mildred and to mostly follow her suggestions as best i can. However, i feel like she is trying to make me look bad, and any mistake i make she is very quick to point out in notes, while she tends mostly to overlook the more frequent mistakes by the other employee, since she is a sort of a buddy with them and they get together to criticize other employees. i am terrible at confrontation and i'm not exactly sure how to handle this situation. I'd like to, once again, point out that her attitude is very unhelpful and to try to reduce the number of passive aggressive notes. I am not sure if the other aspects of the bakery can change, but at the very least it would be great if there were more recognition that these are not necessarily personal oversights but rather problems in the bakery itself. However, i don't know how to address her attitude since often she is super passive aggressive. She has improved the tone of her notes - she no longer directy calls staff stupid, but the assumption is still that we are making mistakes because we are careless, or lazy, or incompetent, which i am none of those things. Please help me navigate this meeting with good conflict skills while still maintaining my own sense of integrity, since i am worried that her domineering personality will result in my apologies and add to the already large sense of frustration that i have with this job. It would be great to come up with some concrete suggestions for how to address employee communication, or suggest some general guidelines for how we can more respectfully address others. I realize that this job might be a lost cause, but at the very least I feel like I could overcome some of my aversion to confrontation and learn something about that through all this. My friend thinks the best way to deal with a person like this is to call them out, but I don't really know how to do this with enough confidence to make it effective. Thanks.
I apologize for the length, but I thought it'd be best if I was somewhat specific about the things that were going on, since I am trying to choose what to address and how to phrase it, as well as general strategies for negotiating conflict. I know in general to use I feel statements and to mention specific examples, and to avoid accusatory statements. Anyway, here's the situation:
I've been working at a bakery for the past year, and during that time i've been pretty uncomfortable with one coworker, we'll call her Mildred. We've had maybe one nice conversation the whole time I've been there, and shared a couple of laughs, but mostly Mildred tends to ignore me or give me cold looks. Her main method of communication is to leave passive-aggressive notes in our workplace. These were at first overtly hostile - calling other people stupid or saying that our actions were the reason the bakery wasn't doing well and nobody could make any money, but since I've complained they tend to be a little nicer. Kind of, but the way they are framed is usually somewhat malicious. I've never called Mildred out on their behavior directly, but brought it to the attention of the boss probably two or three times in the past year. I don't in general enjoy my job, but lately i've become distracted by Mildred's opinion about me to the point of having a difficult time focusing on what i'm doing. There are a lot of problems with management at my job and very little recognition when anything is done well. I've had to campaign for being paid overtime when I've been called in to cover extra shifts, and I've also occasionally been stilted on my pay so I already have some resentment in general.
The main issue is that production numbers are often not met. This is a due to a variety of problems. For example numbers will get raised without a subsequent raising of hours. Since i've worked there, the numbers of hours allotted for my job has decreased while our numbers have more or less gone up. Ingredients that we need will often be missing, and because they are unwilling to allot hours for a second person and production has to compete for space with other tasks, the amount of time we spend can vary wildly on a shift. This is a problem because i constantly feel like i have to cut corners to get things done on time, and i also have trouble knowing beforehand exactly how long a task will take. In addition, i find it takes a lot of mental energy to focus on doing my job and ignore the often negative feedback. This is a problem in all aspects of the bakery, and Mildred tends to make the attitude at the bakery worse by being overly critical of other people or very unhelpful, occasionally to the point of what seems like sabotage so that she will look better. (i.e. recommending a recipe that won't work and then criticizing the person that follows that recipe for a poor performance). It really doesn't seem like there's any way to win, and as a result i feel like i've become somewhat apathetic about my job, although i still feel like i work much harder than the other person who also performs my duties on other days (who will often not clean after their shift is done, deliberately ignore numbers, etc.)
I recently went to the boss with a few of my complaints, though I mostly focused on what I see as unprofessional workplace behavior since I've decided to stick out this position for the last couple of months I will be in town. Mildred can be quite vindicative about other employees (calling another person a mouthbreather, or another employee a bitch), but the boss seems to think that this is an interpersonal conflict (between Mildred and the other two people besides myself who have complained about her openly) and won't recognize the way that Mildred tends to escalate tense situations. I do recognize that i feel rather disgusted with her behavior and as a result am quite reluctant to immediately put into action the things that she suggests. She has recently been promoted, sort of, and within the last week is now the production manager. I've pointed out the other problems I mentioned above as well, and suggested changes, but this has been mostly unsuccessful. I have contributed several changes that have improved things, but this is not recognized and/or attributed to other factors. Anyway, one of the other employees recently also became frustrated and there were some rather mean text messages exchanged between this employee and Mildred. Tomorrow we will be having a meeting to address this incident and the complaints about Mildred, which again the boss sees as an interpersonal problem.
I am quite nervous about this meeting because my philosophy in general has been to try to skirt around Mildred and to mostly follow her suggestions as best i can. However, i feel like she is trying to make me look bad, and any mistake i make she is very quick to point out in notes, while she tends mostly to overlook the more frequent mistakes by the other employee, since she is a sort of a buddy with them and they get together to criticize other employees. i am terrible at confrontation and i'm not exactly sure how to handle this situation. I'd like to, once again, point out that her attitude is very unhelpful and to try to reduce the number of passive aggressive notes. I am not sure if the other aspects of the bakery can change, but at the very least it would be great if there were more recognition that these are not necessarily personal oversights but rather problems in the bakery itself. However, i don't know how to address her attitude since often she is super passive aggressive. She has improved the tone of her notes - she no longer directy calls staff stupid, but the assumption is still that we are making mistakes because we are careless, or lazy, or incompetent, which i am none of those things. Please help me navigate this meeting with good conflict skills while still maintaining my own sense of integrity, since i am worried that her domineering personality will result in my apologies and add to the already large sense of frustration that i have with this job. It would be great to come up with some concrete suggestions for how to address employee communication, or suggest some general guidelines for how we can more respectfully address others. I realize that this job might be a lost cause, but at the very least I feel like I could overcome some of my aversion to confrontation and learn something about that through all this. My friend thinks the best way to deal with a person like this is to call them out, but I don't really know how to do this with enough confidence to make it effective. Thanks.
Just gut it out for the remainder of your time there, draw your paycheck, and leave with a clear conscience. In the meantime, just ignore Mildred as much as you can--it will be difficult, but keep reminding yourself that you're leaving soon. Alternatively, you could pretend you're living in an episode of Arrested Development or something (that approach might be more entertaining).
posted by orrnyereg at 6:31 AM on April 24, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by orrnyereg at 6:31 AM on April 24, 2012 [3 favorites]
Mildred is another symptom, not the problem. The problem is poor management. Management is arranging the meeting to make it look like things are being done about this, but the meeting is not going to accomplish anything. I strongly suspect that calling Mildred out in this meeting is only going to backfire on you, because I can't see the management you describe having any interest in preventing Mildred from retaliating.
If you had competent management, they would be able to handle the Mildred issue properly, by collecting information from the employees individually and then handling it with Mildred in private, and then following up to keep Mildred on the right track. The way they're handling this is terrible -- and even more terrible given that they've made her production manager! If management has issues with the way someone is handling their direct reports, they should handle it with that person in private. You certainly don't hold a meeting and ask the direct reports to criticize them in public.
I'd also note that Mildred's habit of blaming errors on employees works to management's benefit. If it's an employee's problem that they didn't have the right ingredients, or that they don't have standard recipes, or that employees aren't held to a consistent standard or given guidance -- well, I guess it's not on them to provide those things.
Save your fighting and standing up for yourself for fighting to get paid the full amount you're due, and stay away from the rest of the drama. It's not your responsibility to fix this.
I'm not sure how bad the rest of the management issues are, but this post on sick systems might also be helpful for giving you perspective on how these systems come to be, and how they can be sustainable despite the inefficiency.
posted by pie ninja at 6:37 AM on April 24, 2012 [28 favorites]
If you had competent management, they would be able to handle the Mildred issue properly, by collecting information from the employees individually and then handling it with Mildred in private, and then following up to keep Mildred on the right track. The way they're handling this is terrible -- and even more terrible given that they've made her production manager! If management has issues with the way someone is handling their direct reports, they should handle it with that person in private. You certainly don't hold a meeting and ask the direct reports to criticize them in public.
I'd also note that Mildred's habit of blaming errors on employees works to management's benefit. If it's an employee's problem that they didn't have the right ingredients, or that they don't have standard recipes, or that employees aren't held to a consistent standard or given guidance -- well, I guess it's not on them to provide those things.
Save your fighting and standing up for yourself for fighting to get paid the full amount you're due, and stay away from the rest of the drama. It's not your responsibility to fix this.
I'm not sure how bad the rest of the management issues are, but this post on sick systems might also be helpful for giving you perspective on how these systems come to be, and how they can be sustainable despite the inefficiency.
posted by pie ninja at 6:37 AM on April 24, 2012 [28 favorites]
What you've got there is a bad job, and I don't think there's much you do to fix it. You and other employees have already complained about Mildred, and she's nevertheless been promoted. The boss evidently *likes* the way Mildred does things. He or she does not care about your feelings or have your back. Further complaints will only serve to remind Mildred of your soft spots so she can better see how to twist the knife. Short of quitting, unionizing or filing a lawsuit, you're pretty much stuck. If you're going to tough it out, tough it out.
posted by jon1270 at 6:38 AM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by jon1270 at 6:38 AM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
Damn.
I agree with the poor management assessment voiced above.
It sounds like they're going to reenact FIGHT CLUB in that room.
Keep quiet, keep professional, keep your head down and get the hell out of that joint as soon as humanly possible. Become a BEMUSED OBSERVER rather than an ANGRY PARTICIPANT.
Oh, and don't talk about Fight Club :) Good luck!
posted by THAT William Mize at 6:44 AM on April 24, 2012 [12 favorites]
I agree with the poor management assessment voiced above.
It sounds like they're going to reenact FIGHT CLUB in that room.
Keep quiet, keep professional, keep your head down and get the hell out of that joint as soon as humanly possible. Become a BEMUSED OBSERVER rather than an ANGRY PARTICIPANT.
Oh, and don't talk about Fight Club :) Good luck!
posted by THAT William Mize at 6:44 AM on April 24, 2012 [12 favorites]
The day you leave you'll forget all about this. Two months is just biding your time. Don't read any more notes, do the basics of the job, keep your head down, and remember it will all become a vague memory very soon.
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:49 AM on April 24, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:49 AM on April 24, 2012 [2 favorites]
Since you are specifically asking about how to handle this meeting I would recommend getting an anti-anxiety pill like Valium to help control your emotions. If you can get away with saying nothing, or at most "I stand by what I have said to you [manager] in private but I think it is unprofessional to repeat it in public" if you have the courage for that. When they ask for criticism provide the systemic problems (understaffing, ingredients) and if they ask for personal criticism/blame tell them you feel that is inappropriate and re-direct the focus to management's problems. I have a lot of meetings with management where I point out problems/mistakes and my mantra to the team I am mentoring is always "don't make it personal; don't bring problems - bring solutions". Good luck, it is tough when management has set you up to be the fall guy and the only recourse is usually to leave.
posted by saucysault at 7:00 AM on April 24, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by saucysault at 7:00 AM on April 24, 2012 [4 favorites]
Tomorrow we will be having a meeting to address complaints that me and other employees have with her, and our boss basically wants to put us in a room and have us sort this out. How can I make this productive and maintain my own integrity when I feel anxious and somewhat cowed by her domineering personality?
To answer your question, and to hopefully make it bearable for the remainder of your time there, have a look at Rosalind Wiseman's post here on workplace bullying in schools. These parts might be helpful to you:
In your case, it might go like this:
Stop: Your supervisor has been using ineffective interpersonal techniques to solve problems that have to do with the system's failure.
Explain: Notes and criticisms of behaviour are not solving the problem we have with managing clear and consistent communication of production numbers, supplies and scheduling and competition for workspace. I depend on Mildred to help to fix the problem, not to criticize the results of a system that's not helping us to work effectively. But when there is a problem with my work performance, it needs to be communicated in a professional, impersonal way. Name-calling is never appropriate in a workplace. Doing it in a way that addresses only my work, not my character is what needs to happen.
Affirm & Lock-In: I want to do my work, and in order to do so, I need the supplies at hand, the space and time to do my work, clear communication of recipes, and the supplies available. So in case it happens again that my work falls short, I’d like to take the time right now to create a communication strategy between us so you are satisfied with how I am working to the best of my ability based on work conditions, and that inability to complete tasks is not due to incompetence but glitches in the support system.
I've used this at work, and it does help. I'll also suggest that going in with a solution, if there are any you can think of - like a checklist for each employee to start the shift with, so that it's clear whether everything that you needed to work with was provided beforehand, and any changes are noted as far as when and why. It's always good to keep track of things in writing and look for patterns. Good luck. And yes, if you can't get an anti-anxiety pill, try Rescue Remedy or something. (I'd love know how this goes for you - I'm pulling for you!)
posted by peagood at 7:23 AM on April 24, 2012 [22 favorites]
To answer your question, and to hopefully make it bearable for the remainder of your time there, have a look at Rosalind Wiseman's post here on workplace bullying in schools. These parts might be helpful to you:
Of course confronting workplace bullying is particularly challenging because it always feels like your job is on the line. And, regardless of the actual facts, fear is fear. But with all due respect to our adult worries, our children often feel the same. Thoughts of, “How will I survive? What will happen to me? I have no power to determine my fate. It’s all in the hands of the bully,” are what all of us worry about. No matter your age and maturity, it’s hard not to be overcome, paralyzed, silenced, given over to helplessness, or to burn with resentment.
One of the foundations of my work is my strategy for responding to these moments. It’s called the SEAL method and it stands for:
•STOP: Breathe, listen, and think when and where, now or later?
•EXPLAIN: What happened that you don’t like and what you want.
•AFFIRM: Affirm and acknowledge.
•LOCK: In the friendship, take a vacation or lock it out.
The goal in using SEAL isn’t to get the other person to agree with you. Instead, it’s to go through an internal process of thoughtfully understanding and then explaining exactly what happened that you don’t like, what you want, affirm your mutual right to be treated with dignity, acknowledge anything you did that contributed to the dynamic, and if necessary or wanted, communicate the degree to which you want a future relationship.
Doing this is counter-cultural because in our society the definition of success in a conflict is one of two unrealistic extremes: becoming best friends or domination of the other. SEAL redefines what it means to be successful in a conflict. The focus is on the SEAL process, and any part of the process a person does is an accomplishment. SEAL is about speaking truth to power and developing social competence.
Also, people justify not facing a bully because the person won’t change, hoping the problem will go away on its own. Each needs to judge their situation, but for there to be any well-placed hope that the bully’s behavior will stop (and as long as the target doesn’t feel that their life is in danger), they owe it to themselves and to the bully to attempt a face-to-face conversation. It enables the victim to reclaim their power—be it the school hallway or in the staff room.
(examples provided)
Facing these situations is scary, but here are some good reasons you might want to:
1. You have to defend your professional integrity and competence and there is no better way than to confront people with dignity to prove it.
2. If you don’t, you’re sending the message that people can take advantage of you—so they know they can do it again.
3. You can’t ask kids to do something you won’t do yourself.
4. You can.
I know it’s hard. I hate doing it myself but there’s really no choice. That’s why we are teachers.
In your case, it might go like this:
Stop: Your supervisor has been using ineffective interpersonal techniques to solve problems that have to do with the system's failure.
Explain: Notes and criticisms of behaviour are not solving the problem we have with managing clear and consistent communication of production numbers, supplies and scheduling and competition for workspace. I depend on Mildred to help to fix the problem, not to criticize the results of a system that's not helping us to work effectively. But when there is a problem with my work performance, it needs to be communicated in a professional, impersonal way. Name-calling is never appropriate in a workplace. Doing it in a way that addresses only my work, not my character is what needs to happen.
Affirm & Lock-In: I want to do my work, and in order to do so, I need the supplies at hand, the space and time to do my work, clear communication of recipes, and the supplies available. So in case it happens again that my work falls short, I’d like to take the time right now to create a communication strategy between us so you are satisfied with how I am working to the best of my ability based on work conditions, and that inability to complete tasks is not due to incompetence but glitches in the support system.
I've used this at work, and it does help. I'll also suggest that going in with a solution, if there are any you can think of - like a checklist for each employee to start the shift with, so that it's clear whether everything that you needed to work with was provided beforehand, and any changes are noted as far as when and why. It's always good to keep track of things in writing and look for patterns. Good luck. And yes, if you can't get an anti-anxiety pill, try Rescue Remedy or something. (I'd love know how this goes for you - I'm pulling for you!)
posted by peagood at 7:23 AM on April 24, 2012 [22 favorites]
I'm really surprised that management's solution is to put you all in a meeting room and provoke a conflict. Seems extraordinarily unprofessional.
Another +1 to the comments that 'Mildred' is a symptom of crummy management, people like Mildred are also often tacitly encouraged by management because they tend to make the managers feel like poor performance, missed targets, etc. are really employee problems (as mentioned above) so the Manager, who probably reports to the owner, can point to Mildred as backup that the problem isn't that the business is poorly run it's because "I just don't have quality staff, if I got better people the problems would go away"
In your situation, I'd recommend NOT picking a fight with Mildred tomorrow. If you're leaving in a couple of months I'd keep quiet if possible, if you are going to be expected to say something than come up with a couple of simple, easy to implement solutions to the problems you described such as coming up with standard times to do a certain task, inventory thresholds as a reminder to order new ingredients, etc. Your goal for the next two or three months is not only to survive but to hopefully get a good reference out of the manager (and/or Mildred), Preferably a written letter of recommendation.
Good luck
posted by Beacon Inbound at 7:53 AM on April 24, 2012
Another +1 to the comments that 'Mildred' is a symptom of crummy management, people like Mildred are also often tacitly encouraged by management because they tend to make the managers feel like poor performance, missed targets, etc. are really employee problems (as mentioned above) so the Manager, who probably reports to the owner, can point to Mildred as backup that the problem isn't that the business is poorly run it's because "I just don't have quality staff, if I got better people the problems would go away"
In your situation, I'd recommend NOT picking a fight with Mildred tomorrow. If you're leaving in a couple of months I'd keep quiet if possible, if you are going to be expected to say something than come up with a couple of simple, easy to implement solutions to the problems you described such as coming up with standard times to do a certain task, inventory thresholds as a reminder to order new ingredients, etc. Your goal for the next two or three months is not only to survive but to hopefully get a good reference out of the manager (and/or Mildred), Preferably a written letter of recommendation.
Good luck
posted by Beacon Inbound at 7:53 AM on April 24, 2012
I had a terrible work situation with a bully. I'm a fairly passive personality who just wants to get along, and this person was mean and aggressive to me daily. (They were eventually laid off.) Here's how I wish I'd handled it differently: I wish I'd been much more clear to our supervisors about her behavior and how it affected our work and my work and my desire to continue working at the company, and I wish I'd gone to them more often, more persistently, and more loudly. I kind of wish I'd been more confrontational with my bully, too, but that's so foreign to my personality that it's not a very realistic wish. I wish I'd really spelled it out: every single day she behaves X; here's what she does when I deflect that; here's how it affects work. I wish I'd used words like hostile and aggressive in those conversations. I wish the high road I took had been less high!
posted by Occula at 7:55 AM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Occula at 7:55 AM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
Also, where I live we have clear language legislation around creating a hostile workplace and workplace bullying. You might want to look into that as well.
posted by saucysault at 8:12 AM on April 24, 2012
posted by saucysault at 8:12 AM on April 24, 2012
What pie ninja said, a thousand times. My husband was in this exact same type of situation last year, with the difference that there were a couple more layers of management on top (the problem was in one department of a larger company). He finally quit, and put all of the problems as he saw them in his resignation letter. The HR department was interested in what he had to say, but a year later, apparently not all that much has changed. The bully is gone now, but the department manager (who of course is the real problem) is still there.
So I guess the moral of the story is, sure you can try to communicate to management about this, but it sounds like you already have and so far they haven't done anything, so why would they at this point? Just ride it out. I like the idea of imagining yourself as part of an Arrested Development plot line, myself.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 8:29 AM on April 24, 2012
So I guess the moral of the story is, sure you can try to communicate to management about this, but it sounds like you already have and so far they haven't done anything, so why would they at this point? Just ride it out. I like the idea of imagining yourself as part of an Arrested Development plot line, myself.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 8:29 AM on April 24, 2012
Oh, and it's a year later and he still gets angry about it sometimes. Hostile work environments are toxic as shit, they can REALLY do a number on you, so do anything you possibly can to make things easy on yourself. Your mental health will thank you.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 8:32 AM on April 24, 2012
posted by rabbitrabbit at 8:32 AM on April 24, 2012
Since you only have a couple of months more there, it's tempting to say "suck it up until you leave." But you're in a great position to use this situation to practice handling future problems in future workplaces. You can try a technique like the one posted by peagood without worrying about failure, because if it doesn't work perfectly, you don't have to spend much more time there. So I vote for stepping back enough to view this as a learning experience, and using it to learn how to nip future problems in the bud.
posted by ceiba at 8:48 AM on April 24, 2012
posted by ceiba at 8:48 AM on April 24, 2012
If I could favorite saucysalt's advice a few more times, I would. Do not engage in petty bullshit. Focus on those processes that would help you do better at your job. And take those petty notes and throw them away. Don't make a production of it and don't let her know, just trash 'em. You'll be doing everyone a favor. If the note says, "you lazy idiots left the flour out so I had to throw it out." Toss it and if anyone asks say, "I guess we are out of flour today." To cope with your last days there - don't try so hard. Come in. Do an adequate job. Take your breaks and read a book. Do not do any overtime that doesn't really benefit you. Like, if the fight over the money isn't worth it to you then don't come in. You should spend the next couple months practicing the art of disengaging. It's a good skill applicable to lots of crappy work environments.
posted by amanda at 8:55 AM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by amanda at 8:55 AM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
Reading your summary of the problem, to be honest it does not sound like Mildred is the primary problem. Or, rather, it sounds like you are conflating two separate problems -- one consisting of interpersonal issues between Mildred (who does sound very unpleasant, to be sure!) and the rest of the staff, and the other consisting of poor workflow and management in the bakery as a whole:
numbers will get raised without a subsequent raising of hours. Since i've worked there, the numbers of hours allotted for my job has decreased while our numbers have more or less gone up. Ingredients that we need will often be missing, and because they are unwilling to allot hours for a second person and production has to compete for space with other tasks, the amount of time we spend can vary wildly on a shift. This is a problem because i constantly feel like i have to cut corners to get things done on time, and i also have trouble knowing beforehand exactly how long a task will take
...none of which has anything at all to do with Mildred.
A good first step would be for you to try to disentangle the interpersonal issues from the workflow-related issues.
The boss isn't wrong when he says these are interpersonal issues. If he can't see the fact that the one employee who keeps getting caught in these interpersonal issues is probably the source of those interpersonal issues, well, that's a pretty bad boss, so I understand your frustration here -- but I don't think you're going to get anywhere beating your head against that.
Mildred's personality is not going to change, not in two months anyway, and her strategy of shifting blame (which is clearly working! It got her promoted!) is unlikely to improve in the short term.
The workflow issues can, possibly, be solved or at least improved. Why are ingredients not available when you need them? Who's responsible for ordering? Why can't a schedule be worked out so you're not competing for workspaces? This is, presumably, the production manager's responsibility -- that is, Mildred -- so if there are specific instances where you've been called out as "careless, or lazy, or incompetent" in a note but can demonstrate that the source of the problem is poor planning on her part, then that's an area where you might make some headway. Stick to demonstrable specifics wherever possible.
All that aside, another thing you might want to question is whether you're trying to improve the business, or trying to improve the next two months of your life. You may be better off treating this time as an exercise in learning to live with difficult personalities, and in letting unfounded criticism roll off your back without affecting you emotionally. (She called you lazy? OK, you know you're not lazy. So that criticism shouldn't be able to touch you. You're reluctant to implement a suggestion because it comes from someone you -- with good reason -- dislike? Well, that one's on you; try to judge the suggestion on its own merits rather than judging it by its source. You're not getting enough recognition for an improvement you suggested? That's unfortunate, but you still know it was your idea and can learn to take satisfaction from that without needing external validation. That sort of thing.)
posted by ook at 10:36 AM on April 24, 2012
numbers will get raised without a subsequent raising of hours. Since i've worked there, the numbers of hours allotted for my job has decreased while our numbers have more or less gone up. Ingredients that we need will often be missing, and because they are unwilling to allot hours for a second person and production has to compete for space with other tasks, the amount of time we spend can vary wildly on a shift. This is a problem because i constantly feel like i have to cut corners to get things done on time, and i also have trouble knowing beforehand exactly how long a task will take
...none of which has anything at all to do with Mildred.
A good first step would be for you to try to disentangle the interpersonal issues from the workflow-related issues.
The boss isn't wrong when he says these are interpersonal issues. If he can't see the fact that the one employee who keeps getting caught in these interpersonal issues is probably the source of those interpersonal issues, well, that's a pretty bad boss, so I understand your frustration here -- but I don't think you're going to get anywhere beating your head against that.
Mildred's personality is not going to change, not in two months anyway, and her strategy of shifting blame (which is clearly working! It got her promoted!) is unlikely to improve in the short term.
The workflow issues can, possibly, be solved or at least improved. Why are ingredients not available when you need them? Who's responsible for ordering? Why can't a schedule be worked out so you're not competing for workspaces? This is, presumably, the production manager's responsibility -- that is, Mildred -- so if there are specific instances where you've been called out as "careless, or lazy, or incompetent" in a note but can demonstrate that the source of the problem is poor planning on her part, then that's an area where you might make some headway. Stick to demonstrable specifics wherever possible.
All that aside, another thing you might want to question is whether you're trying to improve the business, or trying to improve the next two months of your life. You may be better off treating this time as an exercise in learning to live with difficult personalities, and in letting unfounded criticism roll off your back without affecting you emotionally. (She called you lazy? OK, you know you're not lazy. So that criticism shouldn't be able to touch you. You're reluctant to implement a suggestion because it comes from someone you -- with good reason -- dislike? Well, that one's on you; try to judge the suggestion on its own merits rather than judging it by its source. You're not getting enough recognition for an improvement you suggested? That's unfortunate, but you still know it was your idea and can learn to take satisfaction from that without needing external validation. That sort of thing.)
posted by ook at 10:36 AM on April 24, 2012
I don't think you should even show up at this meeting, honestly. Management has already indicated its willingness to protect and promote a toxic person. Her actions and behaviors are now those of the company. You're not going to be in a neutral forum and you're not going to be treated as an equal. Worst thing that happens is that you get fired from a job you hate two months before you would have quit anyway.
posted by moammargaret at 10:52 AM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by moammargaret at 10:52 AM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
Given that you're leaving soon anyway, and the obvious poor management, I will share with you the approach I'd be likely to use in your situation: I'd sit down with the other employees, make it clear that you think management is going to hang you all out to dry if you show up, and so the best solution would be for the two of you (then and there!) to type out (no handwriting) a note (heh) that documents, as tersely as possible and without significant detail, the problems you each have (in no particular order, and ideally intermixed):
- Regularly litters the workplace with hostile, aggressive notes about other employees
- Regularly sends hostile, aggressive text messages to other employees' personal phones
- Regularly fails to support other employees' attempts to address immediate concerns
- Regularly fails to converse professionally with other employees without escalating it in a hostile, aggressive way.
Deliver the note to your boss before the meeting, as a group, let your boss know that you feel it is his/her job to address these concerns with her, not any of yours, and that you all look forward to finding out the results of his/her meeting.
At least, that's what I'd do if I cared. I'd make sure the other employees were on board first, of course; I'd ask each "are you sure you're okay with this? I'm not here to force you into this, and if you don't want to be a part of it, we don't ever need to mention it again." And then don't.
posted by davejay at 2:36 PM on April 24, 2012
- Regularly litters the workplace with hostile, aggressive notes about other employees
- Regularly sends hostile, aggressive text messages to other employees' personal phones
- Regularly fails to support other employees' attempts to address immediate concerns
- Regularly fails to converse professionally with other employees without escalating it in a hostile, aggressive way.
Deliver the note to your boss before the meeting, as a group, let your boss know that you feel it is his/her job to address these concerns with her, not any of yours, and that you all look forward to finding out the results of his/her meeting.
At least, that's what I'd do if I cared. I'd make sure the other employees were on board first, of course; I'd ask each "are you sure you're okay with this? I'm not here to force you into this, and if you don't want to be a part of it, we don't ever need to mention it again." And then don't.
posted by davejay at 2:36 PM on April 24, 2012
The problem is the owner/boss - not Mildred!
The meeting us a set-up. Attend if you must, BUT SAY NOTHING.
It is a circus, don't participate in it. It's meant to accomplish nothing other than deflecting responsibility from the owner/boss, who should have dealt with things like inventory and production flow long long ago.
Say nothing. Quit your job when it is time:)
posted by jbenben at 3:44 PM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
The meeting us a set-up. Attend if you must, BUT SAY NOTHING.
It is a circus, don't participate in it. It's meant to accomplish nothing other than deflecting responsibility from the owner/boss, who should have dealt with things like inventory and production flow long long ago.
Say nothing. Quit your job when it is time:)
posted by jbenben at 3:44 PM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]
I would (a) identify two to three things that I wanted out of the meeting, (b) get clear on how I want to be relating to her, then (c) practice in my head.
Things you might want: no more notes, a better system of organizing who gets space when, a plan for ensuring ingredients are available, a system of how she communicates when things aren't working, a clear relationship between production quotas and staffing.
How you might want to feel and to relate to her: not disgusted with her, not cowering beneath her, respect for yourself as a human being, a constructive attitude toward making the workplace better, willing to have open dialogue about what's not working, willing to let bygones be bygones, confident.
Practice: Imagine asking for the things you want or responding to comments that might arise. You'll find yourself slipping into the ways you do not want to relate. Try to find ways to stay centered in the ways you want to be relating. Inevitably, the conversation will go quite differently, but the practice will still help.
posted by salvia at 8:41 PM on April 24, 2012
Things you might want: no more notes, a better system of organizing who gets space when, a plan for ensuring ingredients are available, a system of how she communicates when things aren't working, a clear relationship between production quotas and staffing.
How you might want to feel and to relate to her: not disgusted with her, not cowering beneath her, respect for yourself as a human being, a constructive attitude toward making the workplace better, willing to have open dialogue about what's not working, willing to let bygones be bygones, confident.
Practice: Imagine asking for the things you want or responding to comments that might arise. You'll find yourself slipping into the ways you do not want to relate. Try to find ways to stay centered in the ways you want to be relating. Inevitably, the conversation will go quite differently, but the practice will still help.
posted by salvia at 8:41 PM on April 24, 2012
I hope the meeting goes okay, this suggestion may be too late but keep it in mind for other difficult conversations; role-playing with a friend is an excellent way to practice finding the right words. For some reason, speaking them out loud and getting immediate feedback helps way more than just rehearsing in your head.
posted by saucysault at 5:32 AM on April 25, 2012
posted by saucysault at 5:32 AM on April 25, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by xingcat at 6:19 AM on April 24, 2012 [10 favorites]