BYOC - Bring your own condom?
April 24, 2012 6:14 AM   Subscribe

How do one night stands work on a practical level? Who brings protection, etc? Ladies, do you keep them around?

For most of my dating history, actual intercourse would happen after many dates, and after some non-intercourse.

But recently I was in a brief relationship where we went from watching tv at her place to intercourse. Fortunately (thankfully!), she had some condoms as I didn't.

This got me thinking about a whole bunch of things:

1. I live in the 'burbs while all the women I'm interested in live in the major city. In media, one night stands seem to always happen at the guy's place because he takes her home. But what if home is a 40 mile drive? Do one night stands ever happen at the woman's place - how does this work?

2. Do people generally carry condoms with them? Is it common for women to keep condoms at home? How does a guy carry condoms around? They're so fragile!

3. Maybe I'm just paranoid about sleeping with my contacts on, but how do you do a one night stand if you wear contacts?

It's kind of silly that I don't know any of these things at age 30, but hey, now's the time to ask I guess.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (29 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
1) It seems like it works like it did with you in you brief relationship: You hang out at her place, and then you have sex.

2) Maybe a good rule of thumb is that if you think you might end up having sex in the next six hours, have a condom with you. You can keep one in your pocket or wallet.

3) They make contact lenses you can wear overnight.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 6:19 AM on April 24, 2012

Yes--bring your own condom. Don't expect the woman to bring it. You're the one who's going to spray your seed everywhere and get her pregnant otherwise.

I see no reason why the one-night stand can't happen at the woman's place, why couldn't it, what's the difference?

Also, using the media as a guide for social interactions is a very bad idea.
posted by costanza at 6:21 AM on April 24, 2012 [7 favorites]

If you're in a situation hanging out at her place where you think a one night stand could happen, you should bring a condom. I wouldn't be surprised if she has some, but don't count on it. Just keep one in a pocket (not always, but in that situation).

You could ditch the contacts and wear glasses.
posted by J. Wilson at 6:21 AM on April 24, 2012

Actually, if you plan to have a lot of one night stands, you can buy wallets made specifically for condoms.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 6:23 AM on April 24, 2012

1. Of course. These things happen at his place, her place, a car...wherever.
2. Some people do. But if you're in a city, a quick trip to a convenience store or drug store can often help. But it's your penis. You're responsible for covering it. If you think getting laid is a possibility, bring some in your pocket or keep some in your car.
3. You don't have to sleep over, you know. You can just have sex and go if it's not someone you know well and it's at their place. But it's good to just have a contacts lens case with you in your car for emergencies.
posted by inturnaround at 6:24 AM on April 24, 2012 [2 favorites]

I personally believe it's both parties' responsibility to have condoms around (in purse, in wallet, in nightstand) if they think they might be getting it on, but yeah, in the future, just carry a few with you. Don't keep 'em in your wallet for extended periods of time.
posted by rachaelfaith at 6:26 AM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

You can keep one in your pocket or wallet.

You're not meant to keep a condom permanently in your wallet, at least not if you keep your wallet in you back pocket, as your body heat/sitting on it will break it down and make it more likely to fail. (As 'proof' this sort of thing happens--cards positioned in a certain place in my wallet split in two over time. My old ATM card bit the dust that way and my REI membership card is going.)
posted by hoyland at 6:28 AM on April 24, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'm a lady, and in my dating days I would have some condoms in my bag so that venue was not an issue. Also, I kept my contacts case with some fluid in my purse as well, but that was mainly because sometimes they irritated my eyes so much I had to take them out right away. Know that dropping your contacts into a cup of tap water for the night is an option. Might not be the best option, but it will get you home the next morning.

If your place is the venue, offer your partner a shower afterward. Seriously. You will help prevent a lot of UTIs that way.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 6:30 AM on April 24, 2012 [4 favorites]

In my wild youth, I never left home without my contact lens case (freshly filled with saline), lip balm, cash, and a condom or two. I had a little zipper pocket thing on the inside of my bag where those things lived, and I always felt prepared for any contingency. Now I am old and boring, my contingency kit contains stuff like tissues, bandaids, small knitting projects and childrens' toys; please have some fun on my behalf.
posted by thylacinthine at 6:37 AM on April 24, 2012 [29 favorites]

1. I live in the 'burbs while all the women I'm interested in live in the major city. In media, one night stands seem to always happen at the guy's place because he takes her home. But what if home is a 40 mile drive? Do one night stands ever happen at the woman's place - how does this work?

One-night stands happen whereever and whenever the two (or however many) parties want them to happen. As a lady I prefer them on my own turf (I think unconsciously it feels somehow "safer"), but that's just me, and it's a rule I've broken a few times if the situation felt okay (one such tryst took place behind a tool shed at a youth hostel). It's very much a "your mileage may vary" thing.

2. Do people generally carry condoms with them? Is it common for women to keep condoms at home? How does a guy carry condoms around? They're so fragile!

Wallet. I personally don't carry them on me, but my house is well stocked. I also do live in a city where there are lots of 24-hour corner stores that have condoms in stock.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:38 AM on April 24, 2012

1. It works exactly like you think it would. If unexpected sex seems emminent, whoever's house is closer usually becomes the venue.

2. A gentleman is always prepared. As is a gentlewoman. The key is not to act like you were expecting to get some action. IE, the bag with a full box of condoms with a fresh receipt in the back seat when you pick her up, or sitting on the coffee table. Tucked away, just in case. (I think I ruined a good date once because a condom ring may have been accidentally visible through my pants pocket.)

3. Become less paranoid, or carry solution + case + glasses with you. If you aren't all that blind, you can just not wear the contacts and wear the glasses in the car.
posted by gjc at 6:51 AM on April 24, 2012

Pharmacies sell condoms in hard, plastic cases that you can put in a wallet or your pocket. Please don't put the foil-wrapped condoms in your wallet, especially if you carry your wallet in your back pocket and double-especially if you're a big dude. I mean, chances are if you put it in there before heading out for your date at 8PM and plan to use it at midnight, it'll be fine, but you will eventually end up in a situation where it's either a) interrupt things to run to the store or b) use the condom that's been in your wallet for two weeks and you'll choose the latter option and that is bad news bears.
posted by griphus at 6:53 AM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

I wear daily-wear contacts and I keep an extra pair in my pocketbook. Not for sexytimes especially, just because it's convenient.

Do you anticipate having a car on these one-night stands? You could keep a contact case, some solution, and maybe an extra pair of glasses in the car. Probably you shouldn't leave condoms in the car for an extended period of time, especially in extreme weather conditions.
posted by mskyle at 7:06 AM on April 24, 2012

An Altoid or gum (e.g. Starbucks gum) tin will hold a couple of condoms neatly without screaming "HEY, CONDOMS IN HERE". (Of course, you run the risk of someone spotting it and asking you for one, but you can just shake it and say "sorry, empty"... and if for some reason they persist, just tell them.)

I wear daily contacts and carry a purse, so I just keep a couple of spare pairs on me at all times (a lifesaver in so many situations), but my suggestion for this specific situation is just don't stay.
posted by anaelith at 7:38 AM on April 24, 2012 [2 favorites]

If you are driving, it's easy, you just put supplies in the glove box when you are headed out on a date. On foot means you are limited to your pockets; I never carried rubbers (I didn't like the idea of having then fall out at a bad moment, which I have seen happen) but knew that this meant I might need to walk down to the pharmacy at 1 am if she didn't have any. And there's always the option of just doing oral etc; sometimes not having a condom handy can lead to creative hotness, which is never a bad thing.

Your place, her place, wherever, I don't see a difference unless there is some odd dynamic of you seeming to expect a sleepover because you "missed" the last bus home.
posted by Forktine at 7:44 AM on April 24, 2012

There are condoms specifically made for being stored in your wallet

YMMV but it's mostly on the guy to provide the protection
posted by MangyCarface at 7:46 AM on April 24, 2012

Whoever doesn't want a disease or an unplanned child should be bringing the condoms, and if that's not both of you then a condom is not enough protection.
posted by biffa at 7:57 AM on April 24, 2012 [10 favorites]

Back when I was single and optimistic I kept condoms in a small cigarette case (if I had a messenger bag or the like) or just one in a hard-sided business card case in my pocket if I didn't. I wouldn't have trusted a condom I'd had in my wallet.
posted by phearlez at 8:12 AM on April 24, 2012

  1. Yes, of course it works just as well if you to go the woman's place. Women have twice as many reasons to keep sexual supplies on hand; they tend to suffer the consequences of ill-preparedness more substantially than men.
  2. People don't generally carry condoms around all the time. But people going on dates often do. And yes, women often keep some around home or in their purse if they're going on a date. In addition to often employing secondary birth control, to compensate for when condoms fail. Which they do.
  3. Wear glasses that night, or bring a lens case, or get overnight-tolerant contacts.
Aside: It's a sad modern fashion-technology failure how many men attempt to store everything-they-ever-need in their pant pockets. There are a wide variety of options: sport coats, overcoats, briefcases, backpacks, messenger bags, or the much-maligned smaller satchel (though expect some thoroughly regressive gender-policing; apparently they make your penis fall off). Pick something that looks good and integrates with the rest of your wardrobe, and you'll be fine. It's like picking appropriate shoes, with the added benefit that if you find something with a little extra room, you can bring a little bit more of whatever you feel would enhance the occasion (fresh breath perhaps? lubricant? gasp imagine the possibilities!)

If you drive and are wedded to the unadorned jeans-and-t-shirt look, there's always a glove compartment.
posted by ead at 8:19 AM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's completely ridiculous to bring someone home for a one night stand if you don't have condoms at home, unless you know that one of you is carrying them...this applies to either gender.
posted by randomnity at 8:35 AM on April 24, 2012 add onto that, it's probably a bad idea to assume someone else has condoms at their place if you go home with them. Not everyone is reasonable.
posted by randomnity at 8:37 AM on April 24, 2012

As a small side note, you can bring a light jacket/windbreaker if the sportcoat isn't your style -- zip pockets would hold condoms and a contacts case.
posted by mercredi at 8:38 AM on April 24, 2012

I've heard that a blazer or jacket pocket is better than a pants pocket.

As a lady with more than a few one night stands under her belt, I prefer to host, and I usually have condoms and lube on hand. If I don't, I wouldn't expect the guy to have them, but I also wouldn't expect to get laid that night, either.
posted by ablazingsaddle at 9:44 AM on April 24, 2012

One night stands happen wherever you want them to and women are likely to have condoms either on them or at home but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have your own.
posted by mleigh at 3:04 PM on April 24, 2012

Also, not just one condom. My brother told me take six, just in case you wanted to have sex more than once (so that's three) and double that, just in case there was a failure - you know, fingernails, rolling it wrong, that sort of thing.
posted by b33j at 3:12 PM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

I wear contacts (not the special overnight kind), and I just sleep in them, in such situations. They feel pretty crappy in the morning, but eye drops help a lot. Supposedly this is not good for your eyes, but I haven't gone blind yet.
posted by désoeuvrée at 3:33 PM on April 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

Just to throw this out there as no one has brought it up... Not all one-night stands have to involve P-to-V/A penetration.

Granted, super safe sex means some form of protection on someone's private parts regardless of what you're doing, but, sometimes, and especially in the unforeseen absence of condoms, the only precaution you need to take is washing your hands thoroughly with good soap.

On more careful reading: I see that the good Forktine has mentioned this.
posted by war wrath of wraith at 6:28 PM on April 24, 2012

I kept things on hand, but generally the guys brought their condoms of choice, and I brought lube of choice. I usually had a purse-sized overnight bag in my car, though, and not just for one night stands- what if you want to sleep in your car on a spur-of-the-moment drive to the mountains? Or what if you fall in a river and want some dry undies handy?
posted by small_ruminant at 6:34 PM on April 24, 2012

Contact lenses: Buy some that you can sleep in, eg. Ciba Vision Night & Day. I've worn them for years, and once, in fact, wore them continuously for the month that you can supposedly wear them for. (I felt blind when I did take them out!)

It's not altogether comfortable the next morning, alleviated by some drops, but you won't have them drying out and falling out of your eyes, either.
posted by owlrigh at 9:01 PM on April 24, 2012

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