Why do the guys want to go so fast lately?
March 28, 2012 7:08 AM Subscribe
[sex filter] Rhythm issues . . . Um . . . Am I . . . loose? Dimensionally, I mean. NSFW, more inside.
Female, mid 40s. Ok, so when I was younger, it seemed like guys always used a pretty similar rhythm for intercourse, when they were getting ready to come, with gradually increasing speed for the last few strokes. I'm guessing that the main rythym was something like 60 beats per minute. That was just fine. I liked that, I could match it nicely with my hips, and it felt good.
But lately, the last few men I've slept with over the last 10 years or so, I'm starting to see a lot of this "double time" type thrusting, where they get up on their knees in missionary position and get closer to me and more upright, and I'm just supposed to brace (I guess), as they thrust really quickly. At least twice as fast. Like for a long time, not just at the end. I can't match the rythym at all, way too fast, and if I try to talk, my words just come out as a bunch of stutters, like if you pound your chest while you're talking. Not fun! And although it doesn't hurt, it doesn't feel in any way good.
So I'm starting to wonder, is it me? Am I too loose, thus triggering the need for more speed or more friction or something? Too wet? As far as I know, my skill/etc isn't an issue, although I could be mistaken about that I guess. I'm height weight proportionate, pretty good looking, fun, open about sex . . . and they all act like they really like doing it with me.
I haven't mustered enough courage yet to ask one of these guys, although I probably should, but wanted to ask the hive mind (particularly the guys) first.
Statistically, the speedy guys ranged in age 35 to 55 (I was 30-43), whereas the slow guys ranged in age from 21 to 50, while I was like 18 to 35.
Always with condom (except for a couple of the long term partners who were all in the slow group). And they've all been encouraged to go for it because they knew I don't come from PIV intercourse.
Help? Am I getting wider down there? Is it the condoms and age of the guys? Do I need to do something differently so they can come without doing that?
A couple of previous questions have suggested that condom, overlubrication, or death grip syndrome might be reducing sensitivity/friction, but nobody mentioned increased thrusting speed.
Help?
Female, mid 40s. Ok, so when I was younger, it seemed like guys always used a pretty similar rhythm for intercourse, when they were getting ready to come, with gradually increasing speed for the last few strokes. I'm guessing that the main rythym was something like 60 beats per minute. That was just fine. I liked that, I could match it nicely with my hips, and it felt good.
But lately, the last few men I've slept with over the last 10 years or so, I'm starting to see a lot of this "double time" type thrusting, where they get up on their knees in missionary position and get closer to me and more upright, and I'm just supposed to brace (I guess), as they thrust really quickly. At least twice as fast. Like for a long time, not just at the end. I can't match the rythym at all, way too fast, and if I try to talk, my words just come out as a bunch of stutters, like if you pound your chest while you're talking. Not fun! And although it doesn't hurt, it doesn't feel in any way good.
So I'm starting to wonder, is it me? Am I too loose, thus triggering the need for more speed or more friction or something? Too wet? As far as I know, my skill/etc isn't an issue, although I could be mistaken about that I guess. I'm height weight proportionate, pretty good looking, fun, open about sex . . . and they all act like they really like doing it with me.
I haven't mustered enough courage yet to ask one of these guys, although I probably should, but wanted to ask the hive mind (particularly the guys) first.
Statistically, the speedy guys ranged in age 35 to 55 (I was 30-43), whereas the slow guys ranged in age from 21 to 50, while I was like 18 to 35.
Always with condom (except for a couple of the long term partners who were all in the slow group). And they've all been encouraged to go for it because they knew I don't come from PIV intercourse.
Help? Am I getting wider down there? Is it the condoms and age of the guys? Do I need to do something differently so they can come without doing that?
A couple of previous questions have suggested that condom, overlubrication, or death grip syndrome might be reducing sensitivity/friction, but nobody mentioned increased thrusting speed.
Help?
Perhaps they are watching more porn than the men in your past and that's how they think it should be done... Personally I've noticed a definite correlation between porn-watching and a less sensual, less enjoyable style of sex.
posted by KateViolet at 7:27 AM on March 28, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by KateViolet at 7:27 AM on March 28, 2012 [6 favorites]
Probably the porn.
Also my entirely unscientific, shot-in-the-dark opinion is that they're fucking like they've got something to prove because it makes them feel young.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 7:39 AM on March 28, 2012 [1 favorite]
Also my entirely unscientific, shot-in-the-dark opinion is that they're fucking like they've got something to prove because it makes them feel young.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 7:39 AM on March 28, 2012 [1 favorite]
Could be that they need the additional intensity to make up for using a "death grip" while masturbating. I have a friend who is a sex therapist, and he said that while earlier in his career he dealt with a wide variety of issues, these days almost all of his clients' problems stem from men not being able to come with their real-life partners due to intense masturbation andinternet porn.
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 7:42 AM on March 28, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 7:42 AM on March 28, 2012 [1 favorite]
Older men in general require more stimulation to orgasm than younger men. A young buck not only can go slow; he may have to in order to keep from cuming too soon. An older man may have the opposite problem.
posted by drlith at 7:45 AM on March 28, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by drlith at 7:45 AM on March 28, 2012 [8 favorites]
I think it's just a difference in the guys' styles and preferences. I've seen a wide variety of this not depending on my age or the guy's age.
posted by DoubleLune at 7:45 AM on March 28, 2012
posted by DoubleLune at 7:45 AM on March 28, 2012
They probably think they're the shit for being able to move fast. Kindly avail them of this misconception
posted by MangyCarface at 8:10 AM on March 28, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by MangyCarface at 8:10 AM on March 28, 2012 [3 favorites]
The only thing that makes people "loose" is having children and not having the proper obstetrical aftercare. If that doesn't apply to you, it's either a coincidence or, as folks have mentioned, a sex style they've picked up from the same kind of porn.
Tell them you'd prefer another position and speed! Life is too short to have unsatisfying sex because some guy saw it in a movie.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:13 AM on March 28, 2012 [3 favorites]
Tell them you'd prefer another position and speed! Life is too short to have unsatisfying sex because some guy saw it in a movie.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:13 AM on March 28, 2012 [3 favorites]
Lately I`ve been noticing this in porn. Interestingly, only in American porn.
posted by Tom-B at 3:49 PM on March 28, 2012
posted by Tom-B at 3:49 PM on March 28, 2012
Ha! See, I always thought it showed bad manners and a lack of good taste, especially once I noticed that only the less intellectually curious types of men would try using that technique.
Is there a correlation at all between personality types and preference for that technique which you've previously overlooked?
posted by jbenben at 4:19 PM on March 28, 2012
Is there a correlation at all between personality types and preference for that technique which you've previously overlooked?
posted by jbenben at 4:19 PM on March 28, 2012
I had one partner (my first) who did this. I named it the jackrabbit. I ended up not trying to match their rhythm at all and just concentrated on flexing my muscles until I found a configuration he liked (you can tell by intensity, noises, when you hit it). The one that worked for me best was I thought "cathedral" and tried to flex my vaginal muscles to match a high, arched space. They usually come pretty fast.
posted by griselda at 10:35 AM on March 29, 2012
posted by griselda at 10:35 AM on March 29, 2012
I suspect it's also porn imitation, sadly. As a curious contrary anecdote, I've been with a few women who wanted this sort of pace from me. It's not my choice, but I'll indulge the preference if asked.
posted by ead at 11:44 PM on March 29, 2012
posted by ead at 11:44 PM on March 29, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
Tell 'em to slow down!
posted by your mom's a sock puppet at 7:27 AM on March 28, 2012 [9 favorites]