I am currently in a happy relationship with a remarkable guy. He is wonderful, loving, and all-around awesome. We've been together for some time now, and things are great--emotionally, we've very solid and better than ever. For all of these reasons, I hope we'll be together for a very long time. There's just one topic I feel the need to broach--my SO's insensitive penis.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (15 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
As two people who are, as mentioned, really attracted to each other, we are all over each other and have a good amount of sex. We are both in our 20s and both have pretty high sex drives, and I, personally, would usually like to have even more than we do now. The problem making me shy away from initiating sex more frequently is the insensitive penis issue. My SO has confided in me that he has reduced feeling in his penis, which makes intercourse difficult. Apparently, he has experienced this issue for as long as he can remember, so it isn't just with me. Aside from that data point, he is a good size (ahem) and I am pretty tight. He can only achieve orgasm inside me in one or two positions, and certain positions that I really love (like cowgirl) don't really work for him, presumably because there isn't enough friction on his end. He will often end up just sort of jackhammering, if you know what I mean, which can hurt on my end. It also can sometimes take him a very long time to come, to the point where it seems difficult for him, it stops being fun, and I get tender and have to ask him if we can switch it up to manual or oral (which do work for him, with a lot of pressure and prolonged work on my part) to satisfy him. So, while we have plenty of good foreplay, these factors can make sex frustrating.
I love my SO very much, and while (lucky me) he is giving and talented at other, less penile-focused ways of satisfying me, I really love penetrative sex a whole lot, and if there's anything we can either find to deal with the insensitivity or work around it to improve this part of our sex life, I want to know what it is. This isn't a relationship deal breaker--everything else is good--but it is something that I would like to be able to share with him with less discomfort or difficulty and more mutual enjoyment if possible.
I don't know what the cause of his reduced sensitivity is, but after having done some research, I have read that frequent masturbation can sometimes reduce sensitivity in the penis. (Because he is a sexy, sexy man, I know he likes to masturbate fairly regularly. I also know he tends to use a lot of pressure.) What's more, to my alarm, I found medical research advising that reduced sensitivity in someone so young can sometimes indicate something like a potential neurological condition. This makes me very concerned for him and his well-being, and is obviously a lot more important than perfectly satisfying both of us in the sack.
Bottom line here is that I clearly need to talk to him and ask things like:
Primarily, should he see a doctor just to get things checked out; secondarily, after that's taken care of, how often is he satisfying himself on his own (which I am usually very much in favor of), and is this maybe making pleasurable, orgasm-friendly penetrative sex hard for him? Usually, our communication is excellent and open, but I am fully aware that this is a sensitive issue for him (no pun intended), that other ladies have been less than kind or understanding about it, and that it has caused some insecurity in the past, and I want to tread lightly and protect his feelings when discussing it. So, now that you've waded through this very long and hopefully not-too-incoherent post, my questions:
- How can I bring up my concerns/desire to get this sorted/questions over whether he might want to see a doctor in a way that does not make him feel criticized or inadequate?
- Have you dealt with this particular circumstance yourself, either with a partner or on your own? How did you work around it or improve it to have mutually-satisfying penetrative sex?
- Do you know of any good resources on this condition or associated conditions online? I've searched some major medical databases and the internet at large, but would love more info if available.
Thanks, everybody. Throwaway email for questions is firstname.lastname@example.org.