Dirty weather related jokes
August 21, 2011 7:13 PM   Subscribe

Does anyone know any dirty jokes that are related to the weather? Bonus points if the punchline, if said alone, indicates that it's a weather-related dirty joke. Actually, if you have a punchline that would indicate that, but no actual joke, that would be fine too.
posted by insufficient data to Grab Bag (18 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Not exactly what you're looking for, but get a load of this weathercaster's illustration of the storm system that brought historic floods to Nashville in May of last year.
posted by thinkingwoman at 7:18 PM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]

"So Bob, where are the eight inches you promised me last night?"
posted by unreasonable at 7:21 PM on August 21, 2011 [11 favorites]

The punchline is "but wouldnt it be slushy in the middle of June after seven inches of Snow had come and gone".
posted by sevenyearlurk at 7:21 PM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]

You never know how many inches you're going to get, or how long it's going to last.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:24 PM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]

"(insert name of hurricane or Tropical storm) is going to blow alot harder as the night goes on"
posted by fozzie33 at 7:36 PM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]

You know what they say: "red sky in the morning, sailors take warning."
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 7:52 PM on August 21, 2011

This one's pretty tame, but it's all I've got...

A married couple is fast asleep when suddenly the phone rings. The groggy husband answers it, expecting the worst. After listening a few seconds, he shouts, "How should I know? Who do you think I am, the weather man?" and slams down the receiver.

"Who was that?" asks his wife.

"I don't know; some guy wanting to know if the coast is clear."
posted by carmicha at 8:39 PM on August 21, 2011 [7 favorites]

I'm pretty sure you could have a field day with "cumulonimbus" (q.v.).
posted by kimota at 8:44 PM on August 21, 2011

Q. What's white and falls from the sky?
A. The coming of the Lord.
posted by southern_sky at 9:12 PM on August 21, 2011 [3 favorites]

It was blowing a gust as the flower girl stood waiting on the corner to cross the street - so hard that it blew her skirt right over her head. The gentleman next to her remarked, "Rather airy, isn't it?" Her retort: "What'd you expect, guv', feathers?"
posted by Addlepated at 9:43 PM on August 21, 2011 [17 favorites]

"It was so hot today, I saw a squirrel using tongs to handle his nuts."
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 11:00 PM on August 21, 2011 [1 favorite]

My dad said one from his day - I guess we're talking 40s or 50s - is you'd ask someone "tickle your arse with a feather?" and they'd go "huh?" and you'd go "particularly nasty weather."

It's referenced in the song Shoop Shoop Diddy Wop Cumma Cumma Wang Dang right at the end. "Nasty weather" followed by a surprised "with a feather?" as if he'd been silently heckled.

Dad laughed. That's how it came up. Not extremely dirty, but a fair bit of history there.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 1:43 AM on August 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

I have the component parts of a bad/dirty joke about weather, but you'll have to tweak it a bit to make it run smoothly, because the way I tell it, it won't really be very funny. It involves dwarfism.

Vertically-Challenged Female: Doctor, my crotch itches when it rains*.
Doctor examines patient.
Doctor: Yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse, fetch me my power saw.
Doctor plugs in power saw, Vertically-Challenged Female faints.

Vertically-Challenged Female eventually regains consciousness, sees the doctor putting away his saw.
Doctor: Ah, you're awake. Have a walk outside now, see whether that's any better.
It is raining hard, and Vertically-Challenged Female goes outside, walks up and down, and then returns to the room.
Vertically-Challenged Female: It worked! I'm cured! What did you do?
Doctor: I cut the top few inches off your boots.

*you can make this bit dirtier by saying a ruder word than 'crotch'. Snatch, twat, beaver etc. And you could change 'itches' to something like 'burns like fuck' or whatever.
posted by The Discredited Ape at 4:13 AM on August 22, 2011

uncanny hengeman's dad has left off the second half of the joke!

A drunk overhears someone using with "with a feather" and decides to try it himself. He goes up to a woman and says "HEY BABE! CAN I STICK A FEATHER UP YOUR ARSE?" and upon being rebuffed replies with "FUCKIN' RAIN!"
posted by mkb at 5:24 AM on August 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

"You know how cold it was last night? I had a brass monkey at the door looking for a welder"
posted by KirkpatrickMac at 6:38 AM on August 22, 2011

Here's the full 'tickle your ass with a feather' joke.

There's a guy in a bar, well on his way to shitfaced. As he nurses his nth beer, he's watching another man in the bar. The other man goes up to a blonde and says, "tickle your ass with a feather?" She looks aghast and he points outside, saying, "typical nasty weather." Then the man approaches a lovely brunette and says, "tickle your ass with a feather?" She looks like she's about to deck him and he points outside and says, "typical nasty weather." He beats a hasty retreat and sits down next to the drunk.

The drunk turns to him and says, "why do you talk to women like this?" The man says, "oh! this is the perfect pick up line. You say, 'tickle your ass with a feather?' and if the woman looks angry, you point outside and say, 'typical nasty weather' and leave her alone. If she doesn't look angry, then you are all set. Here watch." The man gets up and walks up to a red head and says, "tickle your ass with a feather?". She responds with a truly wicked grin and whispers something in his ear and they leave the bar together.

The drunk, impressed, decides to give this a try. He staggers up to a woman and says, "stick a feather up your ass?" and she slaps him hard. He responds, "what's the matter? It's a fucking hurricane outside."

Performance notes - for the drunk's voice, try your best Barney Gumble voice or at the very least slur and stutter his lines.
posted by plinth at 7:15 AM on August 22, 2011 [8 favorites]

If all you need is a punch line and not the actual joke, you could just make one up. My friends and I used to do that if a room got quiet or something and we wanted to wake people up. (Most often used fake punchline: "And then the priest said, THAT'S not a DUCK!!")

So for example:

So then he said, "Why is it raining and where are my pants?!"
If I knew there was going to be a hurricane, I would have brought the MAGNUM condoms.
That's not hail dude, and that's your sister not your girlfriend.
posted by Kimberly at 9:30 AM on August 22, 2011

"Doppler? I hardly know her!"

haha thanks yes I'll be here all night.
posted by castlebravo at 1:14 PM on August 24, 2011 [2 favorites]

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