Baby Hates Car Seat
May 30, 2011 10:53 AM Subscribe
How do I get my ten-month-old daughter to tolerate her car seat? I have a baby that despises being in a car. With a trip to Los Angeles (aka The Land of Car Transportation) coming up, I'm wondering if there's anything we can do to make her hate car transportation a little less.
We have a Britax Marathon now that we are rear-facing and used to have a Graco Snugride 35. We live in North Carolina so part of the problem may be that she's too hot in her seat. We've tried mirrors, toys, running the AC for 10 minutes before we get in the car, switching to a convertible seat but are running out of options. On a bad ride, she will shriek the entire time. It's painful.
Has anyone run into this before? She's otherwise a delightful baby.
We have a Britax Marathon now that we are rear-facing and used to have a Graco Snugride 35. We live in North Carolina so part of the problem may be that she's too hot in her seat. We've tried mirrors, toys, running the AC for 10 minutes before we get in the car, switching to a convertible seat but are running out of options. On a bad ride, she will shriek the entire time. It's painful.
Has anyone run into this before? She's otherwise a delightful baby.
I am so sorry! Our son would do it too around that age. We foolishly assumed he would eventually stop screaming if the ride was long enough and he showed remarkable endurance (1+ hours in the longest incident I can recall). The best news I have is that they will eventually grow out if it, but that may not help you for this trip. Have you tried having someone sit in the back with her to play with and distract her? You also might try music in various forms - toys that can make it, toys that play it, and music to listen to.
posted by Tallguy at 11:20 AM on May 30, 2011
posted by Tallguy at 11:20 AM on May 30, 2011
You and her other parent are up front, chatting, listening to music, etc. She's in back, facing the seat, alone. Try having 1 person sit in back with her and see if it make a difference. I agree that practicing sitting in the carseat, and sitting in the carseat in the car, and having fun, may help. For a long trip, can you rig up a laptop or other screen so she can watch a movie? or, even better, you? (webcam) Over time, it's ok for kids to learn that sometimes you don't get your preferences, but since you have to be in the car, dealing with screaming is also a safety issue. The Ferber method of tolerating increasing minutes of scream time, used to teach sleeping, might be useful.
posted by theora55 at 11:33 AM on May 30, 2011
posted by theora55 at 11:33 AM on May 30, 2011
Response by poster: Thanks for the great tips so far! I should have mentioned that one of us is almost always in the back with her trying to distract and play with her. It works for very short trips (less than 10 minutes) but not for longer ones. I really like the ideas of trying to make the car seat fun when we're not driving and of rigging up some sort of toy/screen combination.
posted by JuliaKM at 11:38 AM on May 30, 2011
posted by JuliaKM at 11:38 AM on May 30, 2011
Have you thought about turning the car seat around early? I know they say to wait until at least a year, but if she's screaming the whole time rear facing and happy facing forward it seems like it might be better for her and safer for you to not have to listen to her crying.
posted by katypickle at 11:38 AM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by katypickle at 11:38 AM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
According to my parents, I had to be facing forward and able to see what was going on to tolerate being in the car. I of course have no memory of this, but I suspect some of the problem was indeed boredom (as they thought) but some was due to motion sickness. I never was so sick that I threw up, but even today if I am not facing forward in a car I feel pretty queasy, and I can't read or look at videos or things like that without starting to feel qeasy. So, if you try distractions/toys/screen and nothing works (or if any of that seems to make it worse), then try having her facing forward.
posted by gudrun at 11:45 AM on May 30, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by gudrun at 11:45 AM on May 30, 2011 [4 favorites]
In response to a few comments above--the current recommendation is rear-facing until at least two years of age, not one. Don't turn her around yet.
posted by tetralix at 12:01 PM on May 30, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by tetralix at 12:01 PM on May 30, 2011 [6 favorites]
My son was so unhappy in his car seat, from day one until he was about three. Turns out he gets car sick really, really easy, so I think that was part of it. Also, when he was about your baby's age, his knees were almost touching his chin while his car seat faced backward (he's always been off-the-charts long for his age). We got the okay from the pediatrician to turn him around early because he was super uncomfortable and it was a safety issue as well. This was back in the dark ages of 1998, though.
If it's a car sickness issue, the only thing that will likely work is turning her around. Since you're already putting someone back there with her and that's not working, I'm not sure what else you can do.
posted by cooker girl at 12:26 PM on May 30, 2011 [2 favorites]
If it's a car sickness issue, the only thing that will likely work is turning her around. Since you're already putting someone back there with her and that's not working, I'm not sure what else you can do.
posted by cooker girl at 12:26 PM on May 30, 2011 [2 favorites]
I just want to give you permission to just deal with things the way they are. I hope for everyone's sake that some of these recommendations work, but if not, here's my advice:
--Kid stays rear-seated until age 2. You will never forgive yourself if you get in an accident, and your child is hurt while front-facing.
--Try to time car rides for nap times.
--Do whatever you can to minimize car travel. Tell everyone you are visiting that your baby will scream the whole time you are in the car. Maybe they will have mercy on you and come to you, or meet at some central place. A lot of people keep travel to a minimum when kids are little for this exact issue.
--Keep the baby company in the back as you have been, but change your attitude from trying to fix it, to trying to tolerate it.
posted by tk at 1:00 PM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
--Kid stays rear-seated until age 2. You will never forgive yourself if you get in an accident, and your child is hurt while front-facing.
--Try to time car rides for nap times.
--Do whatever you can to minimize car travel. Tell everyone you are visiting that your baby will scream the whole time you are in the car. Maybe they will have mercy on you and come to you, or meet at some central place. A lot of people keep travel to a minimum when kids are little for this exact issue.
--Keep the baby company in the back as you have been, but change your attitude from trying to fix it, to trying to tolerate it.
posted by tk at 1:00 PM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
In response to a few comments above--the current recommendation is rear-facing until at least two years of age, not one. Don't turn her around yet.
Recommendations are just that -- recommendations. As in, suggested. In an optimal situation you'd follow them without hesitation, but when you're looking for solutions to a problem like this, you have to consider other options. I think it's definitely worth seeing if pointing her forward helps the problem.
posted by hermitosis at 1:15 PM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
Recommendations are just that -- recommendations. As in, suggested. In an optimal situation you'd follow them without hesitation, but when you're looking for solutions to a problem like this, you have to consider other options. I think it's definitely worth seeing if pointing her forward helps the problem.
posted by hermitosis at 1:15 PM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
there have been a lot of articles written about comparing a tall and/or screaming child against the recommendations for rear facing and all the experts i've read are agreed - tolerating a screaming child or breaking both legs in an accident is far preferable to a traumatic brain/spinal cord injury. if this baby was 18 months, some questions about weight and all that could come into play, but she is more than a year younger than the suggest age for front facing.
posted by nadawi at 1:23 PM on May 30, 2011
posted by nadawi at 1:23 PM on May 30, 2011
Best answer: Can you hang a light blanket over the seat in a way that blocks her view of the world zooming by backward? If you do this, still sit with her in the back seat so that she knows someone is there (and make sure the car is cool enough first.) This worked for my youngest niece who hated the carseat and who once screamed for three solid hours when her parents got stuck in Thanksgiving traffic. Given that she also hated swings, her pediatrician suggested that it might be an inner-ear development issue that would resolve itself in time.
Luckily, she grew out of it. The only other thing that seemed to help was someone sitting in the back seat and singing to her.
Is there some kind of special toy that your daughter would really love? (Puppets are good!) Let her have it when she's in the carseat and not at any other time...she'll associate the seat with fun things. Hopefully.
posted by corey flood at 1:54 PM on May 30, 2011
Luckily, she grew out of it. The only other thing that seemed to help was someone sitting in the back seat and singing to her.
Is there some kind of special toy that your daughter would really love? (Puppets are good!) Let her have it when she's in the carseat and not at any other time...she'll associate the seat with fun things. Hopefully.
posted by corey flood at 1:54 PM on May 30, 2011
Best answer: I had similar problems with both of my kids around that age. No one thing worked completely, but we employed a number of tactics to reduce (but not eliminate!) the screaming.
One of the most effective ploys was loud music. Not loud enough to damage hearing (i.e. quieter than the kid screaming) but loud enough for the kid to hear over their own screams. The exact musical choice required trial and error with the kid. My daughter required bass heavy Thievery Corporation. My son required Ozomatli's first album (but none of their others). Our kids would start to calm down towards the end of the first song. With luck they would fall asleep after three or four songs.
We also tried to schedule departures shortly after sleep times so the kid would hopefully fall asleep. This didn't work immediately, but perhaps it helped them fall asleep after the interestingness wore off.
Make the kid as comfortable as possible. Clean diaper, comfortable clothes, well fed, no sun in their eyes. Give them some snack they can safely eat themselves, especially if it's something they like but can't normally have.
Toys and videos didn't really work for us at that young of an age. Later on small toys, stickers, coloring books, an ipod with videos, and a DS/PSP are very useful.
Anyway, bring snacks and drinks for yourselves and have the gas tank filled when you leave. If the kids falls asleep, keep driving as long as possible to avoid waking them up. If the kid doesn't fall asleep, make frequent stops for food/gas/whatever to let the kid out of their seat.
I think a big part of the problem is that kids that age really want to be moving around and interacting with people. Sitting still and being confined goes against their instincts and they hate it.
Lastly, the screaming is terrible, but it probably won't hurt the kid any and they will grow out of it. It does get better.
posted by DrumsIntheDeep at 2:09 PM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
One of the most effective ploys was loud music. Not loud enough to damage hearing (i.e. quieter than the kid screaming) but loud enough for the kid to hear over their own screams. The exact musical choice required trial and error with the kid. My daughter required bass heavy Thievery Corporation. My son required Ozomatli's first album (but none of their others). Our kids would start to calm down towards the end of the first song. With luck they would fall asleep after three or four songs.
We also tried to schedule departures shortly after sleep times so the kid would hopefully fall asleep. This didn't work immediately, but perhaps it helped them fall asleep after the interestingness wore off.
Make the kid as comfortable as possible. Clean diaper, comfortable clothes, well fed, no sun in their eyes. Give them some snack they can safely eat themselves, especially if it's something they like but can't normally have.
Toys and videos didn't really work for us at that young of an age. Later on small toys, stickers, coloring books, an ipod with videos, and a DS/PSP are very useful.
Anyway, bring snacks and drinks for yourselves and have the gas tank filled when you leave. If the kids falls asleep, keep driving as long as possible to avoid waking them up. If the kid doesn't fall asleep, make frequent stops for food/gas/whatever to let the kid out of their seat.
I think a big part of the problem is that kids that age really want to be moving around and interacting with people. Sitting still and being confined goes against their instincts and they hate it.
Lastly, the screaming is terrible, but it probably won't hurt the kid any and they will grow out of it. It does get better.
posted by DrumsIntheDeep at 2:09 PM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
Texas heat required that we buy a clip on trucker fan that plugs into the cigarette ligter. Win. Bought mine online, btw. Also, if my kid were still screaming in the car I'd for sure buy portable dvd player.
posted by kristymcj at 2:31 PM on May 30, 2011
posted by kristymcj at 2:31 PM on May 30, 2011
Does the screaming start as soon as she's in the seat, or does it wait until you start driving? If it's right away, try these:
take the car seat out of the car and put it on the floor in your playroom. Let her play in/around it; make up games that involve the seat - peekaboo around the edges of the chair, I'm Gonna Chase You (the seat is safe base), etc. Does she watch TV/videos at all? Make the carseat her special tv-watching chair. Then when you put the seat in the car, maybe she will associate it with fun instead of torture.
Is it hot? Before you put her in the carseat (in the car), use your hand to press against the surface where she'll be sitting, as well as on the straps and buckles. Keep it there for 30 seconds. How hot is that seat? If it feels warm on your hand, it may feel really hot to her. Figure out a way to keep it cool: keep the seat in the house until you need to put it in the car, or use a special pretty towel/blanket as a liner for the seat and for her lap (one which was not left in the car with the seat).
posted by CathyG at 3:33 PM on May 30, 2011
take the car seat out of the car and put it on the floor in your playroom. Let her play in/around it; make up games that involve the seat - peekaboo around the edges of the chair, I'm Gonna Chase You (the seat is safe base), etc. Does she watch TV/videos at all? Make the carseat her special tv-watching chair. Then when you put the seat in the car, maybe she will associate it with fun instead of torture.
Is it hot? Before you put her in the carseat (in the car), use your hand to press against the surface where she'll be sitting, as well as on the straps and buckles. Keep it there for 30 seconds. How hot is that seat? If it feels warm on your hand, it may feel really hot to her. Figure out a way to keep it cool: keep the seat in the house until you need to put it in the car, or use a special pretty towel/blanket as a liner for the seat and for her lap (one which was not left in the car with the seat).
posted by CathyG at 3:33 PM on May 30, 2011
Response by poster: Thanks for all of the great questions and advice!
katypickle: We're tempted to turn her around early but the pediatrician advised two years for all of the reasons nadawi and others have mentioned.
The young rope-rider: She does get sweaty but we don't notice any red marks. It could very well be partly caused by the sun. It's also pretty much impossible to sneak her into the car seat when sleeping. Additionally, while she very infrequently slept in the infant seat, she hasn't slept in the convertible yet, which makes me think that the seat might be contributing to the problem.
corey flood: Thanks for the blanket and special toy idea. I would have never thought about how it might be freaky to see the world backwards.
DrumsIntheDeep: I think you're right about kids this age just hating being confined. I love the idea of finding the right music to help her calm down and that it might be heavy metal.
CathyG: The screaming starts when she sees the car seat. It's not too hot (my husband usually drives around the block to cool the car down). She happily plays with the old infant bucket seat. We'll try having her play with the new one as well.
Thanks again! We really appreciate the advice and suggestions.
posted by JuliaKM at 4:35 PM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
katypickle: We're tempted to turn her around early but the pediatrician advised two years for all of the reasons nadawi and others have mentioned.
The young rope-rider: She does get sweaty but we don't notice any red marks. It could very well be partly caused by the sun. It's also pretty much impossible to sneak her into the car seat when sleeping. Additionally, while she very infrequently slept in the infant seat, she hasn't slept in the convertible yet, which makes me think that the seat might be contributing to the problem.
corey flood: Thanks for the blanket and special toy idea. I would have never thought about how it might be freaky to see the world backwards.
DrumsIntheDeep: I think you're right about kids this age just hating being confined. I love the idea of finding the right music to help her calm down and that it might be heavy metal.
CathyG: The screaming starts when she sees the car seat. It's not too hot (my husband usually drives around the block to cool the car down). She happily plays with the old infant bucket seat. We'll try having her play with the new one as well.
Thanks again! We really appreciate the advice and suggestions.
posted by JuliaKM at 4:35 PM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
Oh my gosh. I shouldn't be glad that someone else has this problem but I kind of am! My son (now 5) screamed bloody murder every time we put him in the car from birth to about 14 months. It was horrible. Several times when we were caught in traffic he cried until he vomited (& if he was really worked up he could get himself to the point of vomiting within just a few minutes). We tried everything including turning him around the moment it was legal, riding in the back, entertaining, myriad toys, blocking off the sight lines, draping the basket, a/c, different music, stories. Nothing worked. Nothing.
I avoided driving at all costs & took alternate transport if I could. If we had to do long drives we timed them for after bedtime if at all possible though this didn't always work either. On one horrible trip we left my sister's house at bedtime (7pm) & he cried on the road until 9:30pm when we finally pulled over & I managed to nurse him to sleep.
So, yeah. I'm not very helpful but I did want to commiserate. It did stop eventually.
posted by Cuke at 6:50 PM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
I avoided driving at all costs & took alternate transport if I could. If we had to do long drives we timed them for after bedtime if at all possible though this didn't always work either. On one horrible trip we left my sister's house at bedtime (7pm) & he cried on the road until 9:30pm when we finally pulled over & I managed to nurse him to sleep.
So, yeah. I'm not very helpful but I did want to commiserate. It did stop eventually.
posted by Cuke at 6:50 PM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Just wanted to provide an update. We just got back from LA and it wasn't as bad as I expected. One thing that's made a difference is having a pre-car seat routine that's fun. So, now before I put her in the car seat I tell her how much fun we are going to have and give her a kiss. I also immediately hand her a toy.
In LA, we made sure that she had always just eaten before getting in the car. We also kept a bunch of snacks on hand in the backseat. She cried for a couple minutes of most drives, but this is a huge improvement over before. She even fell asleep in the car seat once, which she hasn't done since she was in an infant seat.
posted by JuliaKM at 11:40 AM on July 6, 2011
In LA, we made sure that she had always just eaten before getting in the car. We also kept a bunch of snacks on hand in the backseat. She cried for a couple minutes of most drives, but this is a huge improvement over before. She even fell asleep in the car seat once, which she hasn't done since she was in an infant seat.
posted by JuliaKM at 11:40 AM on July 6, 2011
Response by poster: Another update here. My daughter is now 15 months and Cuke was right. Her car rides got way better right around the 14-month mark!
posted by JuliaKM at 4:37 PM on November 3, 2011
posted by JuliaKM at 4:37 PM on November 3, 2011
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posted by nadawi at 10:58 AM on May 30, 2011 [1 favorite]