Advice on infant advice?

November 1, 2012 12:21 PM

Advice on infant advice? Where to go for good, reliable, guidance/suggestions?

Wonderful filmgeek spawn (11 month old) is wonderful.
Except, of course, when she's not. Mrs. Filmgeek and I are not in the Cry it out (CIO) camp. We're looking for specialized guidance/advice that's inline with our ideals - but not helicopter parents.

First: Is there such a thing as a medical practitioner who interviews you on what you're doing and helps you with baby issues? I don't think it could be our (or any) pediatrician, because they're far too busy for such things!

For example: Any real sleep needs a bottle….We're concerned about the damage to her burgeoning teeth and how it might be affecting her daytime eating. Or is this something that we shouldn't be worried about at this stage.
Or how to transition her from co-sleeping to her crib?

We're looking for someone to help us find smart strategies to guide change, not force change.
We're in a rural area (deep into Delaware).

Second, If there isn't an "infant advisor", is there one *great* forum for parenting?

necessary disclaimer: Yes, we know that every parent has to figure it out themselves. And every kid is different. And two kids in the same family are different.

posted by filmgeek to human relations (10 answers total)

Ask Moxie is my go-to for parenting advice like this. She's lovely.
posted by meggan at 12:51 PM on November 1, 2012 [5 favorites]

I know where I live people can hire baby sleep coaches, but I suspect this to be an elaborate scam perpetrated on a certain type of L.A. mother.

To your second item, I have gotten the best baby advice from Ask Moxie. The archives know everything. The commenters are smart and thoughtful. Moxie is non-judgy and practical. And she has tons of smart things to say about sleep issues!
posted by thehmsbeagle at 12:53 PM on November 1, 2012

I just heard about "parenting coach" services, which are sort of like therapists except they help guide you on parenting issues. You could google "parenting coach" and see if there's someone near you, or someone available by web conference, whose approach you agree with.

I think it's hard to tell someone what is a "great" forum for parenting because everybody's ideas about parenting are different, and every child is different. I've found that rather than finding one "great" source, looking at lots of sources is the most helpful. You get all sorts of ideas, and it helps to understand that there is, in general, no one best way to do things. If you're relying on one expert, they may not have the answers for your specific situation.
posted by chickenmagazine at 12:55 PM on November 1, 2012

The Dr. Sears books and websites are good for getting a doctor's opinions on certain issues. He is big into attachment parenting so take what you want from that (and really from any parenting book).

Ask Moxie is an awesome blog that now has a pretty active Facebook page. I learned so much from her site - read the comments too, that's when everyone goes into detail on everything.

Parent Hacks is a fun site just to find little things to help with each age/development level.

If you don't have friends with kids this age or a little older, try to find some and hang out with them. It's so reassuring to find that you're not the only one dealing with this stuff.
posted by dawkins_7 at 12:55 PM on November 1, 2012

I also came to say Ask Moxie (holla to the Moxie lovers).

Also, I have a very good friend who is a "post partum doula." While she specializes in helping parents with very young infants, I bet there are such people who can help with slightly older kids. She's kind of like a lactation consultant for all things baby - sleep issues, food issues, sounding board. Maybe look for one in your area?

Also, my pediatrician absolutely had time for this; she asked tons of questions about how the family unit was doing, how she was sleeping and eating, and made recommendations and suggestions. If your ped doesn't have time, and you like him, maybe ask him who he recommends for help with such things?
posted by dpx.mfx at 1:00 PM on November 1, 2012

I have worked with a great pediatrician named Harvey Karp, he has a book out called Happiest Baby on the Block and I think he also has Happiest Toddler on the Block out. I have heard many of my colleagues describe his baby book as a great resource.
posted by dottiechang at 2:05 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

We discuss these things during my son's well-child visits In fact, he just had his 12 month visit and sleep and teeth were discussed. So if you are assuming your pedi doesn't have time, you might bring up these questions at your next visit and see what happens.
posted by DrGirlfriend at 2:09 PM on November 1, 2012

My pediatrician definitely discusses parenting issues, as well as health issues. In fact, our 15 month appointment is tomorrow and I plan to ask about the bedtime bottle and his new teeth. Every well child appointment has also come with a little handout that includes some basic parenting tips, too. If you feel like your doctor is too busy to discuss that stuff with you, maybe you should look into a new practice.

For online, in addition to Ask Moxie I like Amalah's Advice Smackdown. Dr. Sear's website has a ton of information and I used it a lot in the early months, but it definitely has a strong viewpoint.

Generally though, there are so many different parenting philosophies that I just google on an issue-by-issue basis, to get an overview of what my options are, then choose a few that are in line with my parenting style.
posted by that's how you get ants at 3:55 PM on November 1, 2012

Is there such a thing as a medical practitioner who interviews you on what you're doing and helps you with baby issues?

FWIW, our pediatrician will often start by asking simple questions about diet, sleep, what's been happening in our lives, etc. when we've approached her with a question.

She is in a small practice (two people) that combines traditional American doctoring and homeopathic care, and they focus more than my own very traditional GP on context in dealing with both illness and non-medical baby issues. So far, she's been great.

My previous GP, an osteopath, also took this approach. If you're being hurried out of the office, or not being listened to, I recommend shopping around - there are doctors that will ask questions, listen, and apply what you tell them.
posted by ryanshepard at 4:25 PM on November 1, 2012

No Cry Sleep Solution Is what me and Watery Death are using on our little 12 month Mefite.

It has been helpful. Congratulations by the way!
posted by French Fry at 7:32 AM on November 2, 2012