How can I make this trip with my family easier for me?
May 6, 2011 10:23 AM Subscribe
I will be spending a week on a small boat with my dysfunctional family. How can I prepare myself so that this is a tolerable, or even pleasant, experience?
In the past, spending any length of time with my family has been a huge challenge for me. My parents, in particular, are very judgmental and have specific ideas about what my life should be, and are very critical of me because the way I've chosen to live my life is different from their ideals.
In addition, my mother has unfortunate ways of dealing with her emotions, involving attacking other people if she feels hurt or neglected. (A recent example: I, her 40-year-old daughter, left on a business trip without phoning her the night before. Her reaction: "This proves that you have no respect for our family - how dare you be such a terrible person." She later reported that my father had told her that her reaction was out-of-line, and that she realized she had reacted that way because she felt neglected. The problem is, I reacted to her attack as if I were still a child - shaken, hurt, internalizing what she said, believing I had done something awful - instead of rationalizing her behaviour as I can now, in hindsight.)
My relationship with my parents has always been difficult, and I’ve been in therapy off-an-on for years to deal with their abusive behaviour when I was growing up. I’m aware of the opinion, which you might share, that I should cut ties with them completely, but I’m not willing to do that right now, which leads me to my current situation.
My parents, my brother and his family, and I will be spending a week together on a small boat in France. Spending this much time with my parents has always filled me with dread and avoidance as it usually leads to conflict. (This is complicated by the fact that my mother’s relationship with my sister-in-law, who I love and get on well with, is also very difficult.)
In past such situations, therapy has been very helpful in preparing me to deal with conflict, and my relationship with my parents has improved somewhat as a result. I’m not in therapy now, and don’t have time to get back into it to prepare, so I’d like to know if you have resources such as books, websites, or even ideas that can help me to “arm” myself and deal with conflict between my parents and me, or within my family.
Throwaway email: close4comfort@gmail.com. Thanks!
In the past, spending any length of time with my family has been a huge challenge for me. My parents, in particular, are very judgmental and have specific ideas about what my life should be, and are very critical of me because the way I've chosen to live my life is different from their ideals.
In addition, my mother has unfortunate ways of dealing with her emotions, involving attacking other people if she feels hurt or neglected. (A recent example: I, her 40-year-old daughter, left on a business trip without phoning her the night before. Her reaction: "This proves that you have no respect for our family - how dare you be such a terrible person." She later reported that my father had told her that her reaction was out-of-line, and that she realized she had reacted that way because she felt neglected. The problem is, I reacted to her attack as if I were still a child - shaken, hurt, internalizing what she said, believing I had done something awful - instead of rationalizing her behaviour as I can now, in hindsight.)
My relationship with my parents has always been difficult, and I’ve been in therapy off-an-on for years to deal with their abusive behaviour when I was growing up. I’m aware of the opinion, which you might share, that I should cut ties with them completely, but I’m not willing to do that right now, which leads me to my current situation.
My parents, my brother and his family, and I will be spending a week together on a small boat in France. Spending this much time with my parents has always filled me with dread and avoidance as it usually leads to conflict. (This is complicated by the fact that my mother’s relationship with my sister-in-law, who I love and get on well with, is also very difficult.)
In past such situations, therapy has been very helpful in preparing me to deal with conflict, and my relationship with my parents has improved somewhat as a result. I’m not in therapy now, and don’t have time to get back into it to prepare, so I’d like to know if you have resources such as books, websites, or even ideas that can help me to “arm” myself and deal with conflict between my parents and me, or within my family.
Throwaway email: close4comfort@gmail.com. Thanks!
I realize that this is not the most positive or constructive of suggestions, but it's true: In your situation, I would make use of copious quantities of alcohol.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:34 AM on May 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:34 AM on May 6, 2011 [4 favorites]
I like the game idea. Give yourself some alone time, even if it means saying how you're tuckered from work and therefore need "naps" and hanging in your bunk. Bring a journal and vent, acknowledging the hard and emotional but also the good. Act like your own therapist in the journal and pick apart their negative behaviors and your reactions so that you can see more clearly and calmly. Go for long swims and yell underwater far from the boat if it'll help.
And seconding FoB, my therapist gave me blanket permission to drink more during family visits. It helped so much with the anxiety, I can't even tell you. But even if you don't drink, take its general lesson of being kind to yourself and nurturing yourself throughout.
posted by ldthomps at 10:38 AM on May 6, 2011
And seconding FoB, my therapist gave me blanket permission to drink more during family visits. It helped so much with the anxiety, I can't even tell you. But even if you don't drink, take its general lesson of being kind to yourself and nurturing yourself throughout.
posted by ldthomps at 10:38 AM on May 6, 2011
Is it possible for you to get together with your brother and figure out why or whether this whole idea is such a good idea at all? Given what you've told us about the family dynamics I have to wonder how the idea of spending a week together in close quarters ever came up. I daresay that you're responding to this like a child as well (don't feel bad, I do this too, in similar situations, and I'm around your age), accepting whatever plan comes down the pike and that you're just supposed to take it and deal with it. Well, you're 40 and you're completely allowed to say words to the effect of, "What are you people thinking? This is a stupid idea." France is plenty interesting and big enough not to spend a week on a boat with people who make your life difficult.
posted by rhizome at 10:42 AM on May 6, 2011 [8 favorites]
posted by rhizome at 10:42 AM on May 6, 2011 [8 favorites]
Bring yourself some distractions, like books or puzzles. Something with headphones might be a nice way to escape.
Does your brother agree with you regarding your mother? Maybe focus on bonding with him during this time.
posted by halseyaa at 10:42 AM on May 6, 2011
Does your brother agree with you regarding your mother? Maybe focus on bonding with him during this time.
posted by halseyaa at 10:42 AM on May 6, 2011
I would try to make it so that it is inconvenient to talk about (and therefore be critical of) each person's life. Board games, radio shows, podcasts, boat radio. Practice French on CD. Use a compass and charts rather than GPS. Talk about genealogy/old family stories. Fishing, day trips, bike rides, cooking projects... whatever appropriate engaging activities work in the boat situation.
And when they are critical, just say, "Yeah, I know you don't like ______." They know you heard and understood, but the topic stops there.
posted by xo at 10:43 AM on May 6, 2011
And when they are critical, just say, "Yeah, I know you don't like ______." They know you heard and understood, but the topic stops there.
posted by xo at 10:43 AM on May 6, 2011
Is there any way you can get out of going, or staying on the boat 24/7? Short of that, sedatives?
posted by jerseygirl at 10:46 AM on May 6, 2011
posted by jerseygirl at 10:46 AM on May 6, 2011
I like this points idea of roomthreeseventeen's. I'm reminded of Habit Judo-- give yourself points enough to earn your black belt in Family Pain!
But besides that, do you do meditation? Try taking it up. Hell, try taking it up NOW. Ten minutes a day. I took it up when my work was freaking out over budget cuts, and after a month of 10 minutes a day I had none of that OMG GUT PANIC feeling that one is used to having in stressful situations.
Also, I don't know how much "alone time" you can get away with with your relatives, but try to get away with it as much as possible.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:48 AM on May 6, 2011
But besides that, do you do meditation? Try taking it up. Hell, try taking it up NOW. Ten minutes a day. I took it up when my work was freaking out over budget cuts, and after a month of 10 minutes a day I had none of that OMG GUT PANIC feeling that one is used to having in stressful situations.
Also, I don't know how much "alone time" you can get away with with your relatives, but try to get away with it as much as possible.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:48 AM on May 6, 2011
Agreed with others -- is there any compelling reason for you to go in the first place?
Although, I have the hunch is that you're going more to spend time with your brother and sister-in-law, whom it sounds like you get on very well with. If that's the case -- and your sister-in-law also catches flak from your mother -- maybe the two of you can bond with each other over it and be each others' support system. Be the two who always volunteer to go ashore to get hotdogs or whatever, just to get the hell off the boat and so you get a chance to swap "can you believe what she said??" stories.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:55 AM on May 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Although, I have the hunch is that you're going more to spend time with your brother and sister-in-law, whom it sounds like you get on very well with. If that's the case -- and your sister-in-law also catches flak from your mother -- maybe the two of you can bond with each other over it and be each others' support system. Be the two who always volunteer to go ashore to get hotdogs or whatever, just to get the hell off the boat and so you get a chance to swap "can you believe what she said??" stories.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:55 AM on May 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
I would probably go ahead and plan your boundary, and then defend it as pleasantly as possible. For example, you can say, "I won't be engaging in conflict on this trip, it is my vacation, and we are together to spend time together as a family." And then you can ask if anyone wants to play Scrabble.
Actually, I think distraction is going to be your best defense here. Bring games that you can play together. Scattergories, Scrabble, Uno, Dominoes, etc. Call your dad and ask him what kind of games you played together as a family when you were growing up, and when he was growing up. Buy a "family tree" blank book that has those open-ended questions and aim to fill it out together while you're there, asking your parents to relay stories about their parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles. Take a blank scrapbook, some paper, and that stack of photos you have sitting around, and put together a scrapbook. Take a package of popsicle sticks and create stick-houses and stick-boats with your nieces and nephews.
I know that's a lot to pack, but the more you have in your "bag of tricks" the more people are going to be too busy to snipe at one another.
posted by juniperesque at 10:56 AM on May 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Actually, I think distraction is going to be your best defense here. Bring games that you can play together. Scattergories, Scrabble, Uno, Dominoes, etc. Call your dad and ask him what kind of games you played together as a family when you were growing up, and when he was growing up. Buy a "family tree" blank book that has those open-ended questions and aim to fill it out together while you're there, asking your parents to relay stories about their parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles. Take a blank scrapbook, some paper, and that stack of photos you have sitting around, and put together a scrapbook. Take a package of popsicle sticks and create stick-houses and stick-boats with your nieces and nephews.
I know that's a lot to pack, but the more you have in your "bag of tricks" the more people are going to be too busy to snipe at one another.
posted by juniperesque at 10:56 AM on May 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Become the expert on the places you're traveling through. Bring books, read them and share the info with family. How's your French? If you're not fluent bring along French lessons on CD or whatever. Bring full-length books on tape/whatever in French to listen to and shut out the bullshit. Bring music too and pretend you're brushing up on your French.
posted by mareli at 11:10 AM on May 6, 2011
posted by mareli at 11:10 AM on May 6, 2011
Stay busy - kids are great for this, but it doesn't sound like there will be any on the boat. Can you be in charge of cooking and cleaning up the meals?
Board and card games - like someone mentioned. Give them something light to focus on and talk about without it being about big topics and life choices.
posted by valeries at 11:18 AM on May 6, 2011
Board and card games - like someone mentioned. Give them something light to focus on and talk about without it being about big topics and life choices.
posted by valeries at 11:18 AM on May 6, 2011
I agree that it would help if you followed up with a bit of explanation as to why you want to go. It seems odd to go from, "spending any length of time with my family has been a huge challenge for me," and "I reacted to her attack as if I were still a child," to "I will be spending a week on a small boat with my dysfunctional family." Why did you decide that this trip was a good thing for you? I'm not being sarcastic. Do you love being on a boat? Stopping at port cities? France? The ocean?
Because if there's some thing that is just going to be wonderful for you--visiting a particular place or places, doing a particular activity--you should pull your sister-in-law aside and say, "I am so excited to drink good wine and watch the sunset from the deck every night. Will you be my sunset wine drinking buddy?" Bring her in on your excitement (and your brother, if you get along well, and anyone else you have a positive relationship with). Proactively plan one-on-one or small group activities that will take you out of the stressful big group situations. Take time alone to do things you enjoy. Focus on the positive reasons you chose to come. It's still going to hurt when your mother says something hurtful. You can't numb yourself to that. But you can spend your time and energy wisely so that you limit the time you spend with (and power you give to) your mom.
And if there isn't something that excites you about this trip, consider changing your plans. Cancel outright, or stay in hotels and just get dinners or go on short outings with your family. If there isn't a reason to be in a confined space with difficult family members who have been abusive toward you in the past and continue to behave inappropriately toward you, don't put yourself in that position. I'm not saying you should cut ties with them, or even saying that you shouldn't go on this trip. I'm just saying that, depending on your reasons for going, this trip might not be a good idea as currently planned.
posted by Meg_Murry at 11:18 AM on May 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Because if there's some thing that is just going to be wonderful for you--visiting a particular place or places, doing a particular activity--you should pull your sister-in-law aside and say, "I am so excited to drink good wine and watch the sunset from the deck every night. Will you be my sunset wine drinking buddy?" Bring her in on your excitement (and your brother, if you get along well, and anyone else you have a positive relationship with). Proactively plan one-on-one or small group activities that will take you out of the stressful big group situations. Take time alone to do things you enjoy. Focus on the positive reasons you chose to come. It's still going to hurt when your mother says something hurtful. You can't numb yourself to that. But you can spend your time and energy wisely so that you limit the time you spend with (and power you give to) your mom.
And if there isn't something that excites you about this trip, consider changing your plans. Cancel outright, or stay in hotels and just get dinners or go on short outings with your family. If there isn't a reason to be in a confined space with difficult family members who have been abusive toward you in the past and continue to behave inappropriately toward you, don't put yourself in that position. I'm not saying you should cut ties with them, or even saying that you shouldn't go on this trip. I'm just saying that, depending on your reasons for going, this trip might not be a good idea as currently planned.
posted by Meg_Murry at 11:18 AM on May 6, 2011 [2 favorites]
Bring a video camera, laptop, and satellite phone (and backup devices) Tell them you're blogging the trip to the world, and show them the site. Next, make sure they understand that any untoward behavior will be uploaded immediately to the site and EVERYONE WILL KNOW ABOUT IT.
Seriously though. I would recommend avoiding that trip. A giant cruiseship where you can get away from each other and that provides a lot of distraction sounds like a much better idea.
When I was much younger I spent 3 weeks on a 50 foot boat with about 10 people. Even though I was lucky to be thrown together with a bunch of even keeled strangers, and even then there was some conflict.
If you need some alone time, there is always the dingy, I suppose. You can row away for a spell.
A book I hear recommended about "shaping" behavior (of humans too) is "Don't Shoot the Dog". You may want to take a gander a that to see if it can give you a handle on things.
Maybe have a few days and off and therapy after the trip to "recover", if you choose to embark on this perilous mission.
posted by mbird at 11:27 AM on May 6, 2011
Seriously though. I would recommend avoiding that trip. A giant cruiseship where you can get away from each other and that provides a lot of distraction sounds like a much better idea.
When I was much younger I spent 3 weeks on a 50 foot boat with about 10 people. Even though I was lucky to be thrown together with a bunch of even keeled strangers, and even then there was some conflict.
If you need some alone time, there is always the dingy, I suppose. You can row away for a spell.
A book I hear recommended about "shaping" behavior (of humans too) is "Don't Shoot the Dog". You may want to take a gander a that to see if it can give you a handle on things.
Maybe have a few days and off and therapy after the trip to "recover", if you choose to embark on this perilous mission.
posted by mbird at 11:27 AM on May 6, 2011
Mod note: This is a followup from the asker.
Thanks for all the great responses so far. I agree that the best approach might be just to avoid going altogether, but it's not an option, because (a) the trip is to celebrate my parents' wedding anniversary, and not going, although a choice I would normally consider, would be hurtful to them and to my brother, I think, and (b) I really am looking forward to spending time with my brother and sister-in-law, and in particular my young nephews. Really great ideas, otherwise - thanks again!posted by cortex (staff) at 11:29 AM on May 6, 2011
OK, if you really want to do this trip: time to do positive-reinforcement training on your family. Get a copy of Don't Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor and read it. Develop your training plan!
The basic effective approach is to give no reinforcement (no reward) for unwanted behavior, and give positive reinforcement (reward) for wanted behavior. This means completely ignoring any harsh/critical/abusive comments - note that even an upset or argumentative response can be seen as a reward by your parents, because, hey, attention is awesome! If nasty comments occur, you ignore them or leave the room (leaving might be hard on a boat, but maybe you could turn away, start reading, and put your headphones in). On the flip side, you reward nice comments, friendly conversation, or other wanted behavior with attention, praise, smiles, board games, or other good rewards.
Ahead of time, read the book and make the training plan: determine exactly what behaviors you are going to train, and think about good reinforcers (rewards). What can you offer as praise or positive reinforcement that your parents will like? It sounds from your question like your mother really wants to feel part of your life, so your attention and conversation with her should be a good reinforcer.
posted by medusa at 11:30 AM on May 6, 2011
The basic effective approach is to give no reinforcement (no reward) for unwanted behavior, and give positive reinforcement (reward) for wanted behavior. This means completely ignoring any harsh/critical/abusive comments - note that even an upset or argumentative response can be seen as a reward by your parents, because, hey, attention is awesome! If nasty comments occur, you ignore them or leave the room (leaving might be hard on a boat, but maybe you could turn away, start reading, and put your headphones in). On the flip side, you reward nice comments, friendly conversation, or other wanted behavior with attention, praise, smiles, board games, or other good rewards.
Ahead of time, read the book and make the training plan: determine exactly what behaviors you are going to train, and think about good reinforcers (rewards). What can you offer as praise or positive reinforcement that your parents will like? It sounds from your question like your mother really wants to feel part of your life, so your attention and conversation with her should be a good reinforcer.
posted by medusa at 11:30 AM on May 6, 2011
Ahhh. Idea - if it's your parents' wedding anniversary, then maybe try a lot of "mom and dad, you just sit there and enjoy yourselves and the rest of us will take care of the dirty work -- the two of you just go get cozy now while we clean the kitchen" or whatever. Come up with things for the two of them to do alone, but couch it as "the happy anniversary couple needs a chance to bond and relax" rather than "I need to do something away from the both of you."
For all your parents will know, you're being the loving daughter pampering them. They don't need to know it's really about you and your sister in law hiding in the kitchen and gossiping about the crazy stuff Mom said over breakfast.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:36 AM on May 6, 2011
For all your parents will know, you're being the loving daughter pampering them. They don't need to know it's really about you and your sister in law hiding in the kitchen and gossiping about the crazy stuff Mom said over breakfast.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:36 AM on May 6, 2011
Schedule something amazing (whatever that means to you - spa weekend, wine tasting, book buying binge, Vegas trip... bonus if it's something that feels "grown up" to you) for soon after you come back. You can be fantasizing and planning for it while you're on the boat, and it will take the focus off the family trip to be great, because you'll really be looking forward to the thing you have set up just for yourself.
posted by crabintheocean at 11:36 AM on May 6, 2011
posted by crabintheocean at 11:36 AM on May 6, 2011
I second meditation. Strongly. It saved me in similar circumstances. And I didn't have any meditation experience. Also, constantly reminding yourself that people are the result of their lives and biographies and that they can't help it sometimes but being obnoxious.
posted by TheGoodBlood at 11:58 AM on May 6, 2011
posted by TheGoodBlood at 11:58 AM on May 6, 2011
Is this boat a catamaran? You can hide out in the other hull.
posted by captaincrouton at 12:00 PM on May 6, 2011
posted by captaincrouton at 12:00 PM on May 6, 2011
headphones. Naps. letters, journals. Maybe try to turn it around - get a video camera and have them tell stories about when they were growing up.
posted by lemniskate at 12:16 PM on May 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by lemniskate at 12:16 PM on May 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
Don't go. It's their anniversary. It's your life. Read "The Dance of Anger." If you step away from your mother, things will change.
posted by Carol Anne at 12:21 PM on May 6, 2011
posted by Carol Anne at 12:21 PM on May 6, 2011
Is this a canal boat by any chance? In which case, you can step off most of the time and keep pace with the boat or bicycle away and meet up later at a lock.
But this: my young nephews will help take the focus off you.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 12:45 PM on May 6, 2011
But this: my young nephews will help take the focus off you.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 12:45 PM on May 6, 2011
1st idea: bring a journal. when you're given a crappy comment, hop up and say "hold that thought!" or "excuse me just one second!" and go write it down slowly in your journal, word for word. Come back but don't pick up the conversation, and do this everytime. It becomes negative reinforcement because every time they're rude you leave and things never escalate because you leave the room before they can. Also, writing down and looking at it allows you to truly see how asinine the comment really is (also shows you if it's not that bad, but perhaps experience had you taking it to heart a wee bit much).
2nd idea: verbally express your excitement over decompressing on this trip. Bring books, magazines, headphones and music, books on CD/iPod and just stay focused on your looking "engaged".
3rd idea: since your brother and sister-in-law get the same treatment, create some game system where you can compete for the most points it taking it on the chin from mom. This one is my favorite. It also becomes fun because fighting back smiles, laughter, or making eye contact gets harder as the scores get higher.
posted by agentwills at 12:58 PM on May 6, 2011
2nd idea: verbally express your excitement over decompressing on this trip. Bring books, magazines, headphones and music, books on CD/iPod and just stay focused on your looking "engaged".
3rd idea: since your brother and sister-in-law get the same treatment, create some game system where you can compete for the most points it taking it on the chin from mom. This one is my favorite. It also becomes fun because fighting back smiles, laughter, or making eye contact gets harder as the scores get higher.
posted by agentwills at 12:58 PM on May 6, 2011
and not to be flippant...but as long as you have no substance or addicition issues to contend with, staying very slightly buzzed or taking a small amount of something nice and calming can really makes those comments just rrrrooooolllllllll right off your back.
posted by agentwills at 1:00 PM on May 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by agentwills at 1:00 PM on May 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
small DVD player.
Headphones.
DVDs of both versions of Cape Fear.
....that may have been evil.
posted by mephron at 1:57 PM on May 6, 2011
Headphones.
DVDs of both versions of Cape Fear.
....that may have been evil.
posted by mephron at 1:57 PM on May 6, 2011
Since you're asking for book recommendations, let me recommend this (again! sorry, AskMeFi): If You Had Controlling Parents: How To Make Peace With Your Past And Take Your Place In The World. It sounds like it could be useful in helping you negotiate how you deal with your parents, especially your mother.
posted by flex at 2:50 PM on May 6, 2011
posted by flex at 2:50 PM on May 6, 2011
I am curious why you are going at all. It doesn't sound like there is anything in it for you. There is no winning with some people - and that's why I wouldn't be on that boat if a particular one of my relatives was on it. Yes, maybe you can bond with your brother and practise mind skills. Then again, why bother? When things get crazy, sometimes I imagine I'm in a Monty Python sketch, which allows me to smile despite what would be unbearable to engage with.
posted by Listener at 3:32 PM on May 6, 2011
posted by Listener at 3:32 PM on May 6, 2011
I agree with people who suggest not going. But in any case I recommend that you sit down, maybe with a friend, and think about what specific things your mother is likely to say that will trigger you. Don't just come up with topics, but phrase them to yourself in the way she will phrase them.Then think of specific things to say in response that involve not engaging/defending the boundary. I mean, formulate a few sentences, and repeat them, preferably aloud, over and over. Run them through your head like a mantra. Then, in the moment, it will be much easier to just blurt them out. You will be amazed that she will say exactly what you predicted, almost word-for-word, and you will be prepared. That feels awesome. Once you get the hang of it, you can do it on the fly. Power!
HIGHLY recommended book "The Drama of the Gifted Child." It's got an awful title, but it's very, very helpful in situations like yours. Also, believe it or not, I got a lot of mileage out of "My Mother/Myself."
posted by aunt_winnifred at 4:05 PM on May 6, 2011
HIGHLY recommended book "The Drama of the Gifted Child." It's got an awful title, but it's very, very helpful in situations like yours. Also, believe it or not, I got a lot of mileage out of "My Mother/Myself."
posted by aunt_winnifred at 4:05 PM on May 6, 2011
I can sympathize with your situation. I went on a cruise with my Mom and Sister. It was my idea, I thought it would be a blast with just us 3 girls. WRONG. I got into it with each of them before the 7 day trip was over. My advice to you is when you want to say something hurtful or mean count to ten and let it go if you can, because you will only regret it later and it will ruin the trip. Meditate that it will soon be over, this will not last forever, and whatever the issue is - is really not that important.
posted by sandyp at 6:16 PM on May 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by sandyp at 6:16 PM on May 6, 2011 [1 favorite]
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My suggestion, if you do go, is to treat it like a game. The more comments you can ignore, the more points you get. Then, when you get home, if you get to a million points, treat yourself to something nice.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:26 AM on May 6, 2011 [4 favorites]