What the hell is my neighbor shouting about?

November 21, 2010 4:56 PM

I have a really shouty neighbor. It freaks me out. But I want to know if I'm overreacting to this.

I have my own tiny place (rented), with a sort of common shared yard/walkway with the neighbors. These are 2 guys around 30. I've had to ask them to quiet down before, but that was more typical loud music/talking/drinking noise. You know, happy noise, just at the wrong time.

In the last month or so, one neighbor seems to have started talking and shouting to himself. Only when he's the only one there. At first I thought it was sports related, or that he was talking to the dog there, but not anymore. I have random hours (in school), so I've heard him muttering and yelling at basically all times he's home, and no one is over.

Typical shouty time: I'm doing something, hear random shouting, become freaked out and lose my train of thought. It always seems like angry shouting - always random sharp yells, no words. Can't hear what the low muttering is about though. I feel really jittery and startled, like I've been in a bad car crash.

I've talked to him before, and he seems sort of cynical and a bit misanthropic. Seems to have friends though.

What's up with my neighbor? Am I overreacting? I'm starting to become really creeped out. Related: female, live alone

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (25 answers total)

Sounds like my husband. He may be shouting into his mic while playing an online game, or he could just be shouting at the screen when he screws up in a game.
posted by Sufi at 5:01 PM on November 21, 2010 [9 favorites]

Yeah I was going to say video games too. I myself, a generally very non-shouty person, have been know to become rather... aggressive playing video games.
posted by grapesaresour at 5:06 PM on November 21, 2010

He's talking to himself. If he knew you could hear him, he might moderate his volume. Next time he does it, can you go over, say you heard some shouting, and ask if he's OK?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:09 PM on November 21, 2010 [2 favorites]

"Random sharp yells" does sound like it's in response to something like a game. But I urge you to take the fact that it's consistently upsetting you very seriously indeed. If the noises he's making are related to a mental illness, one that's getting worse, you're getting upset for a reason. Most people who become mentally ill are not dangerous, but some of them are -- and a woman living alone across a shared yard could become an unwitting part of someone's delusion. It's important to trust your intuition when you begin to deal with out-of-the-ordinary situations.

My suggestion: wait until both roommates are there and go over with something to share (cookies, "oh, would you guys take some of these, I don't want to eat them all" kind of thing). Then ask them casually if they've got a new video game or something, because you've being hearing shouts that are kind of startling, and you wonder what's going on. It's perfectly okay to ask the people who live next door to you what's going on; they don't have to answer, but it's not a weird thing to do. I suggest taking something over because it's a little less accusatory than just showing up at the door and asking "What the hell?"

What you do next depends on their response. If there's no ready answer, and ESPECIALLY if you continue to feel jittery about it, please contact a professional for advice. What kind of professional depends so much on where you are and other circumstances that if you can't figure it out yourself, please post again with more details for more advice.
posted by kestralwing at 5:20 PM on November 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yea, he's probably playing call of duty.
posted by cmyr at 5:29 PM on November 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm stable and not dangerous, and sometimes I'll shout "[expletive]!" if I stub my toe, or if I realize I forgot about something I'd been intending to do, or if the wrong team scores in the sports game I'm watching. I talk to myself out loud if I have a lot on my mind.

That's not to say your neighbor is anything like me, but it's possible that there's some explanation that wouldn't require you to freak out.
posted by J. Wilson at 5:36 PM on November 21, 2010

Sometimes when I'm the only one home and Acrobat Pro or Microsoft Word has crashed or hung yet again as I'm editing a long document, I'll yell at my computer. There's something about things going wrong with faceless, uncaring technology—computers, video games—that brings out the shouts.
posted by limeonaire at 5:41 PM on November 21, 2010

There is a condition called Tourette's Syndrome that causes the person to experience facial and vocal tics. Although medication helps, people will still shout occasionally and often mumble under their breath. If you're comfortable, you could just ask him if he has it. If not, I'd probably just ask him delicately about the shouting in general. If he doesn't have Tourette's then you can ask him to please avoid the behavior, but otherwise he really can't help it.
posted by wwartorff at 5:53 PM on November 21, 2010

FWIW, I'm a shouter-at-things and a talker-to-myself. It's not all that uncommon. (Whether I have a mental illness I'll leave to my wife to decide.)

That said, I'm always mortified if I learn later a neighbor or someone else has overheard. If you dropped by to say "dude, heard yelling, you OK?" I'd definitely put a cork in it.
posted by maxwelton at 5:57 PM on November 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

Possibly Tourrette's Syndrome. People with more minor cases of Tourrette's still have some control over their tics, and can push them off for a time. He may be holding it in until he's alone and feels like he won't bother anyone. (Full disclosure: I've never been diagnosed but am pretty sure I have a minor case. Your description sounds like it could have been written about me, depending on the frequency of the outbursts.)
posted by kingjoeshmoe at 5:59 PM on November 21, 2010

Anecdata, and indeed, I am trying to scare. When a neighbor began shouting to himself, it was a sign that he was off his meds. Indeed, shortly thereafter he threw a molotov cocktail onto the roof of our wooden house. It was easily put out, but my roommate's seven year old nephew was visiting so we could take him to Sea World, so that was Not So Cool. Whenever I hear neighbors talking to themselves, I can't help but think of the guy who threw a bomb at my home because he thought that me and my roommate (both brown eyed, brown haired) were Soviet Agents because we kept odd hours (and our equally brown eyes and brown hair were signs of A Conspiracy). We were college students and she worked at night. Our other roommate was Korean, and that evidently only added to the weirdness in his head. We had to go to court against this mad man, and when he was released into his elderly sister's care, we shot the hell out of that neighborhood quick quick. I don't fuck around with neighbors that talk to themselves, that is for damn sure.
/end anecdata*rant
posted by msali at 6:20 PM on November 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

There's an enormous range of possibilities here, and my inclination wouldn't be to treat him as safe merely because all the most likely possibilities are completely harmless.

People shout because they are surprised, momentarily frustrated, enduringly depressed, dangerously insane, harmlessly insane, lonely, melodramatic, excitable, angry in healthy and ordinary ways, or enraged in unhealthy and abnormal ways.

Over the course of my life I've probably shouted for about half of those reasons: if it's me you live near, I apologize, and I promise I'm harmless. But in case it's someone who isn't so harmless, I'd make tentative and unmistakably-socially-unthreatening overtures -- possibly through an intermediary like one of your friends or one of the shouter's friends -- and try to gather more information about what exactly is up with this guy.
posted by foursentences at 6:40 PM on November 21, 2010

It is an election year. Perhaps the election and its results have him riled up? The amount of angry muttering around my house has definitely increased in the past month or so.
posted by christinetheslp at 6:45 PM on November 21, 2010

I have moderate Tourette Syndrome and I wouldn't be terribly surprised if my neighbors worried a little about the frequent repetitive thumping (I compulsively jump in bursts of a minute at a time) and top-of-the-lung sudden shouts of things like I HATE EVERYONE or I WISH EVERYONE WOULD DIE and lots of mumbling. Plus I talk to my dog. Heh.

None of this is constant. I have to say that the frequency-constantly occurring-would be some pretty severe Tourette Syndrome. I have found that the people I've met who have more severe Tourette Syndrome than I personally do, a case where they have very very frequent/constant tics, the tics that occur very very frequently are simple ones; constant throat clearing is the most common one I've seen. Someone constantly muttering to themselves for hours at a time is a very complex and severe tic, somewhat unusually so.

The other thing that sounds like Possibly Not Tourette Syndrome is that it's only when he's home alone; I do hide mine a lot of the time, and I'm capable of hiding/disguising it at work and such, but in any shared living situation it's impossible for me to completely repress it in front of family/significant others/roommates because I'm comfortable around them and we're together so much. Someone with such a severe case that they can mumble/shout for hours on end would likely not be able to completely keep it under wraps in front of a roommate.

I am no expert and even the most expert of experts would not be able to diagnose someone with Tourette Syndrome over the internet; it's just one possibility. I could be misreading/misunderstanding when you say "at all times" and you mean a number of outburts an hour, not almost-constant noise. To me, it sounds possible but not the absolute most likely situation.
posted by Juliet Banana at 6:46 PM on November 21, 2010

As people have pointed out above, there are tons of reasons your neighbor could be muttering and shouting. But if your home life is making you feel like you've been in a bad car crash and you're creeped out, you should consider moving. Being creeped out is often a sign that something in your environment is amiss. (See The Gift of Fear.)
posted by corey flood at 6:57 PM on November 21, 2010 [2 favorites]

Things that might help you deal with the noise if it isn't preventable: have some background music on, the TV on, a siamese cat, a noisy pet bird, and/or a fan.
posted by meepmeow at 6:58 PM on November 21, 2010

just as another vote for potential video game-age. Has it picked up in the last couple of weeks? COD:BO was released in that time frame, and that could very well be the cause of verbal frustration.
posted by jangie at 7:11 PM on November 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

Nthing Call of Duty: Black Ops. It came out two weeks ago and had more first-day sales than anything, ever in the entertainment industry. There is a good chance that your 30-something male neighbor has it and is regularly losing to 14 year-olds online.
posted by InsanePenguin at 7:23 PM on November 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

Maybe he's a poor carpenter?
posted by the noob at 8:08 PM on November 21, 2010

Could you have a conversation with the roommate of Shouty Guy? Give it a "haha silly i know this is ridiculous but is there some weird reason why your roommate is randomly shouting at no-one" vibe? It sounds like you have an okay relationship with your neighbours, so he shouldn't take it as overly fighty. And I would guess that it's going to be closer to the "oh haha he just got a new video game" or "oh, he just likes to yell excessively when he stubs his toe" end of the spectrum.
posted by tivalasvegas at 8:10 PM on November 21, 2010

(my roommate and I tend to communicate in meow-speak... i have no idea what the tenants who live below our flat make of that)
posted by tivalasvegas at 8:12 PM on November 21, 2010

I talk to myself out loud, sometimes, as a way of clearing my head. I shout at my video games. Not Tourette's, just something I do. I think my condo has pretty damn thick walls, since I've never heard anything from any of my neighbors, except for slight bass, but I also would only do these behaviors alone, and not in the presence of a roommate.

Seconding just popping over and saying "I heard some loud noise and wanted to make sure everything was ok." Doing it just once should be enough to let him know that the walls are thinner than he thinks.
posted by disillusioned at 1:50 AM on November 22, 2010

He's talking to himself.

.... or he's just on the phone. Just because you can only hear one side of a conversation doesn't mean that there is only one side. He could be on the phone or talking to people on the internet and uses a headset.

Given the age and gender, video games are most likely, the fact that he does it only when alone makes mental illness highly unlikely. My guess would be console in a shared room so he can only use it when his roommate is out - or the roommate finds his use of voice comms irritating. In online games I've played there have been several players who could only use their mics when they were alone.
posted by missmagenta at 7:07 AM on November 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Just commiserating . . . my neighbors are loud and the mom frequently yells the daughter's one-syllable name across the house, etc, not to mention that they'll yell out the window to criticize conditions that bother them (other neighbor is grilling? dogs are barking?). It's extremely un-nerving to be going about your life, thinking you're basically alone, and suddenly have someone screaming.
posted by MeiraV at 7:24 AM on November 22, 2010

It sounds like my old neighbor. Your neighbor could be stubbing his toes or playing video games. Or he could be as crazy and annoying as the guy in my thread.

Either way, it's obviously annoying you and disrupting your peace and quiet. Talk to your landlord. I certainly felt more comfortable with a third part intervening, ESPECIALLY after I overheard the neighbor's rants about "whoever" was complaining to the landlord. Even if it is just harmless video game shouts, a note from the landlord should help keep it down.
posted by motsque at 7:46 AM on November 22, 2010