I miss the sound of your voice and I miss the rush of your skin
April 22, 2010 9:17 PM   Subscribe

Help me get rid of his voice by drowning me in theirs? Music recommendations, please.

It's over. I know it's best. I gave so much more than I got back. He was selfish, even neglectful in the end, and I deserve better.

But. We were together over 10 years, I love him still.

It's hard to let go. I did fine for the 1st-2nd week post-breakup, started thinking wistfully and nostalgically in the 3rd and just bloody well lost it in the 4th and called him.

Stupid. Yeah, I know.

Thing is, it's the sound of his voice that haunts me most. We started out friends and he got to know me better than anyone. He taught me to revel in my submissiveness.*

He was this self-assured, supremely confident Dominant then and I'd just melt when he spoke.

Now he's a different man, and we're going our separate ways.

So, hivemind, don't let me get all stupid and call him again just to hear that voice! Help me out.

Recommend songs, sung by men about the women they lusted after, loved. Maybe even lost. Songs celebrating their women and mourning their departure. Help me get through this by remembering I'm still a real catch. ;)

Stuff I listen to:
Turn Me On (Norah Jones)
Come On Get Higher (Matt Nathanson)
Bleeding Love (I forget)
Feelin' Love (Paula Cole)

Anonymous cause he lurks here.

*we met thru the BDSM community.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (27 answers total) 26 users marked this as a favorite

Ah, you sound sweet and sad.

I think you need a little Nick Cave, specifically Let Love In.

Good luck!
posted by mixer at 9:49 PM on April 22, 2010

Nothing Lasts Forever -- Brett Dennen. A very cathartic, folky song.
posted by makethemost at 9:49 PM on April 22, 2010

Pictures of You - The Cure

(also Boys Don't Cry, but you did specify "men")
posted by pompomtom at 9:58 PM on April 22, 2010

"A Gospel Song," Bob Geldof, on his album The Vegetarians of Love

"Dogs of Lust," The The (less love, more lust, but come on... "I got it blue/ I got it bad/ I got the sweetest sadness I ever had...")

"East of Eden," Big Country

"Southern Cross," Crosby, Stills, and Nash

"Seven Bridges Road," The Eagles

"Blood of Eden," Peter Gabriel and Sinead O'Connor

"Why Should I Cry For You" by Sting is about the passing of his father, but it's nonspecific and wistful and the like that it works for shitty breakups, too.

"All I Want Is You," U2

"Call and Answer" or "What a Good Boy" or "Lovers in a Dangerous Time," Barenaked Ladies

You could also drive yourself, if you can tolerate '80s production cheese, completely spare listening to Hall and Oates or Richard Marx or the like.

totally think Matt Nathanson is the World's Biggest Male Submissive. He even covers "Laid" by James, FFS.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 10:01 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Recommend songs, sung by men about the women they lusted after, loved. Maybe even lost. Songs celebrating their women and mourning their departure. Help me get through this by remembering I'm still a real catch. ;)

The women in Bob Dylan's songs (at least until Oh Mercy in 1989 - which is as far as I know his stuff) are always amazing. His voice can put people off but there are some good covers (eg: Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands by Yes is great).

Leonard Cohen writes about women in the way you talk about, and his voice might even do the trick. (Check out early albums like Songs of Love and Hate, Various Positions, I'm Your Man.)

I know you didn't ask for women artists, but I would suggest not limiting yourself that way - so many women have written amazing music about coping with the kind of stuff you're talking about, and 80s pop in general is really good for setting you free.

Some songs that show up on my post-breakup playlsists that might work for you:

*Knock Me Out by Linda Perry and Grace Slick (especially excellent for car stereo yell-alongs)

*By Your Side by CocoRosie (bitter, funny, beautiful)

*Absolute Lithops Effect by the Mountain Goats (I just embraced this small song as my own get-well mantra but it's not directly available online so I'll direct you to Woke Up New from a later album.

*(I loved you) So What by Ani Difranco (poetry that might speak to you)

Basically just listen to the kind of things that make you feel stronger, less alone. Do things like that too. And don't call him, really.

Side note: I also find the songs in the movie Once to be quite sweet and heart-breaking. They're not technically or lyrically astounding, but they deal with break-up stuff that's not glamorous /romantic enough to usually write songs about. Stuff like misunderstandings and disappointments and endless, inexplicable desire for specific people and the hopes of getting back with them in spite of everything. So check the movie out if you haven't.

That's all I can think of for now. Hope this helps.
posted by mondaygreens at 10:05 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I will consider you Gone...
posted by Exchequer at 10:46 PM on April 22, 2010

Avett Brothers - If it's the Beaches, Ill With Want, Pretend Love, Incomplete and Insecure,
Morphine - I Had My Chance, Empty Box, A Good Woman is Hard to Find
Mike Ness - Ballad of a Lonely Man, Send Her Back
Magnetic Fields - Epitaph For My Hearth, I Think I Need a New Heart, Bitter Tears, No One Will Ever Love You, You're My Only Home
The Weakerthans - Left and Leaving
Postal Service - Clark Gable, Nothing Better
Josh Millard (yes, that one) - A Man in a Boat in the Water, the Ichoatery Album
Decemberists - Engine Driver, Here I Dreamt I was an Architect
The Beautiful South - A Little Time

You'll get through this. Write, listen, cry. Repeat. *hugs*
posted by iamkimiam at 10:48 PM on April 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Leonard Cohen, Iodine
posted by Rube R. Nekker at 10:54 PM on April 22, 2010

Or, if you're in a more aggresive mood, Iggy Pop, Death Trip.
posted by Rube R. Nekker at 11:03 PM on April 22, 2010

Bless your heart. The right -- or wrong -- voice can be so haunting. I hope the songs folks list here help a bit.

Joe Pug - First Time I Saw You, which you can download free here.

The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight

Not everybody loves country, but Kris Kristofferson's Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I'll Ever Do Again) is sort of perfect for this.
posted by diamondsky at 11:05 PM on April 22, 2010

Duncan Sheik:

For You Oh, this one is so terribly sweet.
"For you I'm gonna sit and patiently wait
it's great if you're early but if its fine if you're late
For you I feel love and I just want to show it
You're a beautiful girl and want you to know it"

Home Oh, so sweet...
"Don't get me wrong, I'm feeling O.K.
But when I'm without you, it's just not the same
Don't misunderstand me, I' feeling alright
But when I'm without you the day turns into night"

Genius It's a song about a man who loses the woman he loves due to his own stupidity:
"you dont really need to know every last detail.
Its hardly worth telling
Suffice to say I said that I would be there
I never came through"


Ben Folds:

Annie Waits A sad song about a woman waiting for the man who never comes.

Gone ...and I will consider you gone :)

The Luckiest
"Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away
I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know that I am The luckiest"

Julianne Ooh, the ultimate break up song! I love that she threw his shit on the lawn and he happily drags it down the road during the song.
"I can try just as hard as I can
But I don't miss Julianne"

Song For The Dumped - best breakup song of all TIME!!!!!!!!
"So, you wanted to take a break... slow it down some and have some space.
Fuck you too! Give me my money back. Give me my money back you bitch."
How can you not love a song with the hook "Give me my money back you bitch."
Second verse! "I wish I hadn't bought you dinner right before you dumped me on your front porch! Give me my money back. Give me my money back you bitch.
...and don't forget my black T-shirt."

"He shouted out his last word and he stumbled through the yard
And she shattered her last china plate and spun off in the car
When he lunged onto the hood she stopped to tell him she'd been wrong
HE was thrown head over heels into the traffic coming on
But then all is fair in love"
posted by 2oh1 at 11:08 PM on April 22, 2010

(Apologies if these first three are a bit too country-ish for your liking...)

Factory Girl by Whiskeytown
Burn by Ray LaMontagne
White Daisy Passing by Rocky Votolato

These are written more from the submissive perspective than what you described, but they helped me through a breakup that sounds somewhat similar to yours:

Bed is for Sleeping by Bonnie "Prince" Billy
Hummingbird by Langhorne Slim
Reason Why by Rachael Yamagata
Only In The Past by The Be-Good Tanyas

I hope you feel better soon.
posted by arianell at 3:09 AM on April 23, 2010

Toni Price singing "Just To Hear Your Voice" and/or "Richest One" -- her voice stabs me in just the best way, she owns these songs but then gives them to us, too, we get to go along for the ride.

Any time I hear "Just To Hear Your Voice" I go back in my mind to calling Alison after we'd broken up, and it was absolutely over and we knew it but I just had to hear her voice, I'd call hoping to hear her answering machine, I felt so low and so lame and I had my hand over the button to hang up had she picked up rather than her answering machine; were it to happen today I'd not be able to do it, because now everyone knows who called and when, etc and etc.

Anyways, here's some lyrics from "Just To Hear Your Voice" (sortof appalled to not find on youtube)
I call you on the phone
Every night about this time
I’ve been feeling so alone
I hope that you don‘t mind
Don’t you know you’re leaving
Has left me with no choice
But to call you on the phone
Just to hear your voice

I don’t see how you could know
The way I’m missing you
I’m not sure I can let go
But I’m trying to

posted by dancestoblue at 3:42 AM on April 23, 2010

Marvin Gaye and Nina Simone are good for this.

Also oh honey I know where you come from, big hugs! That voice thing just gets you doesn't it? And don't feel bad for feeling bad and fixating on his voice, I mean you guys built these connections together, deliberately, yes? You are still a catch and it will happen again and next time it will be even better because of everything you learned together.

The People From Metafilter On Fetlife group - http://fetlife.com/groups/16598 is a good spot to talk about the more general issues by the way :)
posted by By The Grace of God at 4:13 AM on April 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Seconding Woke Up New. That song absolutely destroyed me (in a good way) after my last breakup.

I'll go one step further with The Cure's "Pictures of You" and recommend all of Disintegration.
posted by valrus at 4:36 AM on April 23, 2010

Seconding fairytale of los angeles's Barenaked Ladies suggestions and adding "Break My Heart" and "Thanks That Was Fun" by them as well. They are exactly what you are looking for.
posted by lilac girl at 5:18 AM on April 23, 2010

Iron & Wine: The Trapeze Swinger
Tom Waits: Take It With Me, Bad Liver and a Broken Heart
Jay-Z: Song Cry (the MTV unplugged version)
Willie Nelson: Always on My Mind
Guns N' Roses: November Rain
Jeff Buckley: Lover, You Should've Come Over
Damien Rice: Cannonball
posted by spinto at 7:18 AM on April 23, 2010

Catharsis: The Smiths, I Know It's Over.

Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
And as I climb into an empty bed
Oh well. Enough said.
I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Oh ...
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
See, the sea wants to take me
The knife wants to slit me
Do you think you can help me ?
Sad veiled bride, please be happy
Handsome groom, give her room
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly
(Though she needs you
More than she loves you)
And I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Over and over and over and over
Over and over, la ...
I know it's over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real
And you even spoke to me, and said :
"If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight ?
I know ...
'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms..."
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind
Over, over, over, over
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind
posted by seventyfour at 7:25 AM on April 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

U2 – So Cruel
John Mayer – Edge of Desire, Dreaming With a Broken Heart
James Blunt – Goodbye, My Lover
The Script – Breakeven
Erasure – Oh l’Amour

George Nozuka has a few of these – Can’t Stop Loving You, Butterfly, Last Time (the remix version of this one is much better, search for George ft. Royalty)

Some 80s/90s stuff:
John Waite – Missing You
Boyz II Men – 4 Seasons of Loneliness, On Bended Knee

And for you, since you like Bleeding Love: Happy, by Leona Lewis.

Hang in there. Hope you feel better soon.
posted by yawper at 7:26 AM on April 23, 2010

Oh no, I'm so sorry. Seconding the fetlife group.

If you want me to post for you anonymously over there, just let me know.

Seconding the recommendation for Nick Cave--Nobody's Baby Now popped into my head immediately.

There are a few others--let me get back to you
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 7:30 AM on April 23, 2010

"The Longest Day" - 3 Mile Pilot
"Blue Tears" - Black Heart Procession
posted by Atom12 at 7:50 AM on April 23, 2010

Anything by Morrissey.
posted by useyourmachinegunarm at 8:41 AM on April 23, 2010

Will Oldham: anything off Days in the Wake

Will Oldham: "Old Jerusalem"

The Smiths: "That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore"

Morrissey: "Suedehead"

Johnny Cash: his cover of "Four Strong Winds" is excellent

Tom Waits: "Johnsburg Illinois"
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:49 PM on April 23, 2010

Seconding the Peter Gabriel "Blood of Eden" rec - as well as the entire rest of the album it's on. I honestly think a copy of Us should just automatically be issued to everyone going through a breakup, because not only is Peter's voice incredible, but he wrote it when he was going through two breakups -- first a marriage, then a rebound relationship -- and he has a song for every single weird stage you find yourself in throughout the process.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:38 PM on April 23, 2010

So it turns out a significant portion of my ipod fits into this category. (The other big chunk is about unrequited love -- you need any unrequited love songs?) Here are my favorites:

Guster -- "Satellite" or "Diane"
Jimmy Eat World -- "Your House" or "Night Drive"
John Butler Trio -- "Betterman" (not the best version but the only one I could find)
Mission 19 -- "Fallout" or "Break My Heart"
Tally Hall -- "Greener"
posted by lilac girl at 8:59 PM on April 23, 2010

John Mayer's "Battle Studies" album. It helped me with my breakup, "Perfectly Lonely" is one of my favorite songs.

And anything Jack Johnson.
posted by penguingrl at 1:25 AM on April 24, 2010

"Rubber Ring" - The Smiths
"You've Got Everything Now" - The Smiths
"Waltz #2" - Elliott Smith

Sung by a woman but it fits:
"Happy Now" - No Doubt
posted by SisterHavana at 9:59 PM on April 24, 2010

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