How to make friends out of classmates?
February 13, 2010 8:17 PM Subscribe
How can I get to know my college classmates?
So I'm in a new city, and my job brings me in contact with a limited number of people. I just started school on the weekends, and I was kind of hoping it would be my primary avenue for socializing/networking/etc. But, I don't really know how to get to know people outside class. Everything kind of splits off immediately once the class is over. I guess I'm wondering how such things usually open up from there. How do people normally start socializing from being classmates? Should I try to, I dunno, start a study group or something? I don't know how it works; I was homeschooled. Are two weekend classes just not the venue?
So I'm in a new city, and my job brings me in contact with a limited number of people. I just started school on the weekends, and I was kind of hoping it would be my primary avenue for socializing/networking/etc. But, I don't really know how to get to know people outside class. Everything kind of splits off immediately once the class is over. I guess I'm wondering how such things usually open up from there. How do people normally start socializing from being classmates? Should I try to, I dunno, start a study group or something? I don't know how it works; I was homeschooled. Are two weekend classes just not the venue?
Well, weekend classes are probably more likely to attract nontraditional students, and, as a group, I think they might not be as interested in making friends as traditional students.
That said, though, don't give up.
posted by box at 8:27 PM on February 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
That said, though, don't give up.
posted by box at 8:27 PM on February 13, 2010 [1 favorite]
I think this will get easier with time. As your classes proceed, you should have more opportunities for getting to know other people—things like group projects, pre-exam study groups, etc., as well as in-class discussions that will let you get a feel for who might be interesting to hang out with.
You may have to take the initiative: if a classmate says something in class that interests you, say so! If your fellow classmates are at all sociable, a simple icebreaker ("Hey, that was a really good point you made about ______, I'm glad someone else did the reading too") is often enough to start a conversation. From there, you have all sorts of shared context (whether you like the professor; other classes your taking; that obnoxious dude in the corner who keeps spouting Zizek) to build from.
Starting over like this in a new city is really tough. You'll make some awesome friends soon; it's just going to take a little time.
posted by cirripede at 8:46 PM on February 13, 2010
You may have to take the initiative: if a classmate says something in class that interests you, say so! If your fellow classmates are at all sociable, a simple icebreaker ("Hey, that was a really good point you made about ______, I'm glad someone else did the reading too") is often enough to start a conversation. From there, you have all sorts of shared context (whether you like the professor; other classes your taking; that obnoxious dude in the corner who keeps spouting Zizek) to build from.
Starting over like this in a new city is really tough. You'll make some awesome friends soon; it's just going to take a little time.
posted by cirripede at 8:46 PM on February 13, 2010
You can try things like setting up study sessions, but yeah, weekend classes aren't always the best place to make friends.
You might find some friends by hanging out in communal areas (game room, cafeteria) at your campus...even non-traditional campuses usually have some kind of token place like that. (Although, ymmv as to how many people are even on campus on a weekend.)
posted by anaelith at 8:47 PM on February 13, 2010
You might find some friends by hanging out in communal areas (game room, cafeteria) at your campus...even non-traditional campuses usually have some kind of token place like that. (Although, ymmv as to how many people are even on campus on a weekend.)
posted by anaelith at 8:47 PM on February 13, 2010
Head over to the student union, student center, whatever it's called on your campus; see if anything is going on there. Check cork strips and bulletin boards in the halls to see what informal activities (parties, etc) are going on. Student theater productions should be listed there, too. Read the student paper for "official" student events, particularly club-sponsored ones. If you go to a club-sponsored event, you might see about joining the club if the members seem cool/you're interested in whatever the club is about. Most campuses have a movie night once a week, too--fairly recent movies no longer in regular theaters for very cheap; often lots of students will be there, and it being an informal setting, you're more likely to be able to strike up conversations. That's all I can think of for now.
posted by miss patrish at 8:56 PM on February 13, 2010
posted by miss patrish at 8:56 PM on February 13, 2010
"How to make friends out of classmates?"
See, there's a step you've missed there, if your institution/class structure isn't reinforcing the idea that people attending a given academic section/class are "classmates." You'd be surprised, perhaps, in that kind of environment, that a lot of people attending your academic section/class don't even think of themselves as your "classmates," but, hey, that's their view of the world.
If you're going to try to start a study group, in a lot of night school/community college situations, without official institution support (in the form of assigning projects to "academic teams," etc.), you have to be willing to push the social norm uphill, a bit. Announce to everyone in your class, individually, that you're trying to form a study group, and tell them when the next meeting will be. Schedule the meetings in academic/commercial situations that you know will be receptive to groups (college libraries, commercial bookstores, public libraries, etc.). Show up, on time, yourself, and study, even if no one else comes. Keep at it, for several weeks, even if, at first, you get little or no response. Sometimes, it takes a few weeks for people in any given class to realize they're having trouble, and could benefit by attending an independent study group.
Frankly, as an adult undergraduate, I looked for a university that included academic team performance as a principal metric, and I was rewarded with 3 lifelong adult fellow student/friends, who worked hard, with me, to expand their own educational boundaries. I think, in retrospect, we amazed ourselves, and heartened, even, our instructors, with our efforts, and our insistence on exploring the limits of the curriculum presented to us. 2 of the 4 us graduated with 3.96 grade averages, and, I'm happy to say, it doesn't matter to any of us which of us, as names, scored thusly.
posted by paulsc at 9:47 PM on February 13, 2010
See, there's a step you've missed there, if your institution/class structure isn't reinforcing the idea that people attending a given academic section/class are "classmates." You'd be surprised, perhaps, in that kind of environment, that a lot of people attending your academic section/class don't even think of themselves as your "classmates," but, hey, that's their view of the world.
If you're going to try to start a study group, in a lot of night school/community college situations, without official institution support (in the form of assigning projects to "academic teams," etc.), you have to be willing to push the social norm uphill, a bit. Announce to everyone in your class, individually, that you're trying to form a study group, and tell them when the next meeting will be. Schedule the meetings in academic/commercial situations that you know will be receptive to groups (college libraries, commercial bookstores, public libraries, etc.). Show up, on time, yourself, and study, even if no one else comes. Keep at it, for several weeks, even if, at first, you get little or no response. Sometimes, it takes a few weeks for people in any given class to realize they're having trouble, and could benefit by attending an independent study group.
Frankly, as an adult undergraduate, I looked for a university that included academic team performance as a principal metric, and I was rewarded with 3 lifelong adult fellow student/friends, who worked hard, with me, to expand their own educational boundaries. I think, in retrospect, we amazed ourselves, and heartened, even, our instructors, with our efforts, and our insistence on exploring the limits of the curriculum presented to us. 2 of the 4 us graduated with 3.96 grade averages, and, I'm happy to say, it doesn't matter to any of us which of us, as names, scored thusly.
posted by paulsc at 9:47 PM on February 13, 2010
I've found bringing a bar of chocolate works well, hanging out before class. Asking the people nearby if they'd like a square was a good way to break the ice before class started. And then I could pick up the conversation when the class was over.
posted by Caravantea at 5:16 AM on February 14, 2010
posted by Caravantea at 5:16 AM on February 14, 2010
Best answer: Hey, I was homeschooled AND a military brat AND I just returned to school as a (somewhat) adult undergrad student, so I know a little about making friends in new socially awkward situations. I wouldn't go the study group route--it's great if you just want to actually study and all that, but you can't expect to make friends from such a function-oriented association of people. Unfortunately you just have to take things slow. Start by showing up early for class and making small talk about the reading/assignment/class ahead of you. Quip to your neighbors in class. Say something while everyone is packing up their bags. Half of undergrad conversation is complaining about work load, so you can start there if it suits you. Remember, there's a reason it's called "small talk." You have to plan little seeds of conversation, you don't have to open up with a big invite to a study group, or some heavy conversation. Master small talk. Small talk verbally communicates little nothings about homework or the weather but non-verbally it communicates that you're open, friendly, confident, competent, and just maybe not a complete sociopath. It'll let people either keep the conversation going or politely decline without embarrassing anyone or getting awkward.
posted by johnnybeggs at 5:29 AM on February 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by johnnybeggs at 5:29 AM on February 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
Discuss doing something socially with a few people. If they're keen, you can stand up at the end of a class and announce that a few of you are going for coffee/whatever, if anyone would like to come along.
posted by djgh at 7:02 AM on February 14, 2010
posted by djgh at 7:02 AM on February 14, 2010
The most success I've ever had with making friends out of classmates was to organise a day trip to a tourist attraction. Though it was in Beijing, with a class full of people who had just flown into Beijing to study Mandarin, and we were going to go see the Olympic stadium and gawk like the tourists we were ... so I imagine YMMV with this approach, but try organising something. Maybe something tangentially related to what you're studying, to maximise your chances of people agreeing.
Do your classes involve a lunch break? Food is also a good icebreaker.
posted by Xany at 7:13 AM on February 14, 2010
Do your classes involve a lunch break? Food is also a good icebreaker.
posted by Xany at 7:13 AM on February 14, 2010
Join an extracurricular club, I can not stress this enough. In college, there's sort of a natural closeness between you and whoever you live with in your dorm, bred by proximity and inexperience and fear. You become friends with people you don't even necessarily like as people, just so you have an anchor.
Absent that, joining a club of people with common interests in your best bet. I worked at my college radio station for three years, and the people I met through that remain some of my closest friends from college. It's a really easy way to get talking to people.
posted by orville sash at 7:40 AM on February 14, 2010
Absent that, joining a club of people with common interests in your best bet. I worked at my college radio station for three years, and the people I met through that remain some of my closest friends from college. It's a really easy way to get talking to people.
posted by orville sash at 7:40 AM on February 14, 2010
See, there's a step you've missed there, if your institution/class structure isn't reinforcing the idea that people attending a given academic section/class are "classmates." You'd be surprised, perhaps, in that kind of environment, that a lot of people attending your academic section/class don't even think of themselves as your "classmates," but, hey, that's their view of the world.
What? Classmates is just a term referring to people in the same courses. Even when I went to community college, that's how students referred to their . . . classmates.
Hanging out in the cafeteria, student center, or other central gathering area is a good idea. My husband used to set up a chessboard and invite strangers to play against him. If these are weekend classes, people might be eager to get home, but you can try coming a bit early and hanging out outside the class. There are bound to be a few smokers who gather there--in college, I found that standing around with the smokers before classes, after, and during breaks was worth the second-hand smoking risk for the social opportunities it provided.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:44 AM on February 14, 2010
What? Classmates is just a term referring to people in the same courses. Even when I went to community college, that's how students referred to their . . . classmates.
Hanging out in the cafeteria, student center, or other central gathering area is a good idea. My husband used to set up a chessboard and invite strangers to play against him. If these are weekend classes, people might be eager to get home, but you can try coming a bit early and hanging out outside the class. There are bound to be a few smokers who gather there--in college, I found that standing around with the smokers before classes, after, and during breaks was worth the second-hand smoking risk for the social opportunities it provided.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:44 AM on February 14, 2010
To put the classmates controversy to rest, there's two terms of art that are relevant: classmates and cohort. A classmate is basically anyone in a class with you. A cohort is roughly a graduating class, before it graduates.
The reason I point this out is that the classmates you're likely to make friends with are the ones you notice are in multiple classes with you. They'll come from your cohort. By the time I completed my 4 year degree I had taken classes with the same people over and over again. As a part-time student this is just unlikely to happen.
The advice I give to you is to try to find classes with a lab component, something besides the general lecture format. The extracurricular club is also a good option, especially if it does a good job keeping in touch with alumni.
posted by pwnguin at 9:22 AM on February 14, 2010
The reason I point this out is that the classmates you're likely to make friends with are the ones you notice are in multiple classes with you. They'll come from your cohort. By the time I completed my 4 year degree I had taken classes with the same people over and over again. As a part-time student this is just unlikely to happen.
The advice I give to you is to try to find classes with a lab component, something besides the general lecture format. The extracurricular club is also a good option, especially if it does a good job keeping in touch with alumni.
posted by pwnguin at 9:22 AM on February 14, 2010
Bring home-baked goods to class. Bring any food to class.
posted by jgirl at 12:52 PM on February 14, 2010
posted by jgirl at 12:52 PM on February 14, 2010
« Older Do Ultrasonic Cat Repellents Work? | Help me be a better residential architecture nerd! Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
Turn up early and chat with people while you wait, talk to people during breaks in class or something. It doesn't need to be formal, like a study group, that'd be weird with a complete stranger, for me.
posted by Brockles at 8:21 PM on February 13, 2010