When do you get in touch with a friend you recently hooked up with for more?
December 9, 2009 7:59 PM   Subscribe

What's the protocol on calling and/or texting for a booty call with a friend you've recently hooked up with?

After a brief but intense period of sexual tension/flirting, a lady friend of mine and I decided to just go for it. We enjoyed ourselves, she stayed the night (including a 5am repeat performance), and the next morning was only slightly awkward. We both agreed it was a physical thing, but we wouldn't let our friends know. We discussed the possibility of future hookups, and she even texted me the next day to joke about setting up "illicit trysts."

So here's the thing: it's been almost a week, and neither of us have called or texted the other since the day after. Considering we only talk once a week anyway, and we never really flirted except in person, I'm inclined to think that's not unusual. But I'm also not sure if I'm making it look as if I'm not interested in another night of fun. I know there's various "rules" for waiting after a first date or a number at a bar, but do those apply to someone you've known for a over a year? Do I wait until we see each other again (around friends, so on the DL) this weekend to set something up, or should I make with the the sexting--in the parlance of our times--already?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (16 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

I have no experience in this area, but if I were you, I would call or text her and ask her if she wants to come over (or ask her how she would feel about an illicit tryst). Just go for it. You already know what the answer is going to be.
posted by Dasein at 8:04 PM on December 9, 2009

If she's already made it clear that's she's game, I don't know what you're waiting for.
posted by amro at 8:04 PM on December 9, 2009 [2 favorites]


copy and paste into your phone. send to her.
posted by jessamyn at 8:09 PM on December 9, 2009 [23 favorites]

Jessamyn has it. Chances are she's wondering the same thing and waiting to hear from you. If she isn't game, just don't act weird next time you see her, and it will be fine. Be safe & have fun!
posted by katemcd at 8:15 PM on December 9, 2009

And I don't mean to be flip, just that that sort of thing really is the protocol. If you really want to just have a fun fling, late night texts are a good way to make plans for "hey come over after whatever you're doing" activities with it being fairly obvious that you're not asking them out on a date.
posted by jessamyn at 8:20 PM on December 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

posted by b33j at 8:24 PM on December 9, 2009 [10 favorites]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON ASKME!!! Turn off your computer!

Text exactly what Jessamyn gave you to that girl right now!
posted by Lutoslawski at 8:32 PM on December 9, 2009

I think "what are you up to?" or "wanna hang out?" should just about do it.

Even if you both know it's all about:


a little tastefulness can be nice. You'll both know perfectly well what "hang out" means anyway.
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:33 PM on December 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

I usually text my hookup-friend with COME PUT IT IN ME but I do tend to be a little crass.

No, really, do what jessamyn said. That's pretty much the accepted protocol. Now go get your freak on!
posted by palomar at 8:40 PM on December 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'd say get only slightly clever with the "illicit" phrase. The drift will be gotten and she will smile.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:46 PM on December 9, 2009

"Hey what are you doing?" seems to be my caller's calling card.

And yes, my answer usually is "You?"
posted by deezil at 8:46 PM on December 9, 2009 [2 favorites]

Yeah, in this context "wanna hang out tonight" or "what are you doing tonight" would both be pretty solid indicators that you wanted to hook up again, based on the history. Invite her over to watch a movie and see how it goes! I predict you will watch less than 1/3 of whatever movie you end up picking.
posted by hepta at 8:48 PM on December 9, 2009 [1 favorite]

Good advice above re: "what are you doing later," etc. FWIW, she's probably expecting you to text her, since she put the ball in your court with the "illicit trysts" text.
posted by emilyd22222 at 11:05 PM on December 9, 2009

there are no rules in booty calls because they are not in the "normal" realm of relationships

give it a shot, if she's not game, it's not like you've embarrassed yourself by putting yourself out there, since, well, you've already been there.
posted by CharlesV42 at 6:24 AM on December 10, 2009 [1 favorite]

you're the guy. take the helm.
posted by bunny hugger at 6:59 AM on December 10, 2009

I'm grunching (meaning I have not read the other comments yet) but I say: text her as normal before setting up another hookup, and gague her reaction before pursuing. Like, may a special point to tell her about something you might regularly update her on, a couple of days before you might want to bootycall her. If she's responds appropriately either ask her then what she's up to Xxxday or just wait til yr in the mood. Either way, you want to give her a sign that y'all are still buds and tat you have neither callously abandoned her nor gotten all sensetive and mopey about the hookup.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:06 PM on December 10, 2009

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