Talk to me about internet hook-ups (casual encounters, etc.)

November 9, 2004 10:02 AM

There've been lots of threads about internet dating, but my question is: the internet hook-up. It's something I've been considering recently (I ended a long-term relationship a few months ago and don't think I'd be able to sustain another one right now), but I'm completely inexperienced with it and would like to hear some "testimonials," as it were, before deciding one way or another (and no, I don't mean in a Dear Penthouse way). I'm a young gay guy in NYC who's been considering Craigslist, if that helps to focus your response, but I'd like to hear from people across the spectrum... what are the best and worst scenarios you know of or have been involved in? (And yeah, I know the basic safety tips -- somebody else should know where you're going, etc.) Does it generally work out, or is it more trouble than it's worth?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (10 answers total)

well, as a young straight guy in san francisco, i can say that the most you will get from craigslist when specifically posting for hookups is a lot of spam. I'd try friendster or tribe.net or nerve, because people like to see your picture/profile first, and it just seems less creepy that way. I'd be honest about what you are looking for and send messages like you are flirting. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But when you are up front about things, you are more likely to attract others who are of the same mind.
posted by Hackworth at 10:28 AM on November 9, 2004

wasn't there an amusing post about this in the blue a while back? i'm an old married (almost) fuddy-duddy, so know nothing about such things, but the link seemed to imply it was a waste of time + effort.
posted by andrew cooke at 10:34 AM on November 9, 2004

It is a lot of time and effort, but it can be amusing.

I've gotten one of the best relationships I've ever had off of craigslist ... and one of the worst dates I've ever had. It's a mix, you just have to learn to filter. I use a separate email address (gmail).

What I've found though is that on Craigslist in particular, a lot of women are on there because they're not happy with the quality of guy they can meet just out and about. The problem is, they're *really* not happy with the quality of guy they can meet via the internet, and they will usually either let you know that or just stop talking to you for no reason at all.
posted by SpecialK at 11:46 AM on November 9, 2004

My (limited) experience is that the chat rooms and personal ads on gay.com and planetout.com are pretty good for finding short-term liaisons. Just be clear about what you want and willing to say "no" unequivocally when the inevitable creepsters come around volunteering things that you're not into. I've never used Craigslist, so ymmv.

(Or, alternately, come visit Tennessee and I'll show you around. Heh.)
posted by ChrisTN at 11:48 AM on November 9, 2004

I used to be a big ol' manslut. For gay guys, hook-ups tend to be easy; at least, I've never found them to be difficult at all. Whenever I felt the need to... um... step out, I never had a difficult time doing so.

I used various chat rooms; I found gay.com to be handy. In NYC, I'd imagine it'd be a lot easier than in rural Indiana. You could also try... uh, specialized websites. For varied interests.

One more idea is Yahoo Groups. There's gotta be like a thousand hook-up groups for NYC. Just look for one with restricted membership (open membership groups have an insane amount of spam). Most moderators will approve you in a day or so.

So yeah, it'll work out if you know where to look. But if you're looking in the wrong place, you probably won't find anything.
posted by billybunny at 11:55 AM on November 9, 2004 [1 favorite]

I'm not gay, but I sometimes find Cruising for Sex (very nsfw) an interesting read. Try the 'Sex Listings'.
posted by four panels at 1:10 PM on November 9, 2004 [1 favorite]

m4m4sex.com

If you're going to be hooking up here, have safe sex, and watch out (or don't) for tweakers...do NOT take any drug anyone has (bring your own if you do any)--a hint will be "pnp" or "chem-friendly" in the ad.
posted by amberglow at 1:53 PM on November 9, 2004 [1 favorite]

i think it's not worth it--you can go to any of a number of bars/clubs and actually get to know someone a little first, or just see what they look like irl.
posted by amberglow at 1:56 PM on November 9, 2004

yeah, in NYC people generally use m4m4sex.com -- which is supposedly TOTALLY worth the small membership fee -- and bigmuscle.com. craigslist, i'm told, is a little better now that it has picture functionality.

also? nerve.com is for the eat-before-sex kind of hookup. beyond that, it's the Phoenix at A and 13th St.
posted by RJ Reynolds at 2:25 PM on November 9, 2004 [1 favorite]

Oh boy, four panels posted the horse cock site. Beware!

[/old saw]
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:35 AM on November 10, 2004