What's the best way to weasel out of a blind date in a smooth manner?

October 20, 2004 5:45 PM

What's the best way to weasel out of a blind date in a smooth manner?
posted by inksyndicate to Human Relations (29 answers total)

Feign illness.
posted by MegoSteve at 5:48 PM on October 20, 2004

No, feigning illness means you should reschedule. Rather, I would tell the blind date (or the person who set you up) that you "just don't feel ready" to date right now "for reasons you don't feel comfortable discussing".

Or you could tell the truth. Why don't you want to go on the date?
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:13 PM on October 20, 2004

I think that there isn't a way to "weasel" in a "smooth" manner.

If you must cancel, be as honest as you can be. If it's a friend-of-a-friend setup, there's always the possibility of crossing paths with them later, and you don't want to have to run and hide if that happens.

If I were on the receiving end, I'd rather hear something like "I am very awkward around people I don't know and I just can't bring myself to go through with it" or even "I've just met somebody I'm really taken with, and I'd like to see how it works out" rather than hearing something that will broadcast *lame excuse* like illness or a conflict at work.

If you can't do that, then just cancel it, as quickly and briefly as you can, without explanation if you don't have one. But don't lie.
posted by ambrosia at 6:14 PM on October 20, 2004

Try to imagine what you'd want to hear if someone was weaseling out on you. For me, I guess I would simply tell the person that I've chickened out, nothing personal, and sorry.

(On preview: I'm holding hands with Sidhedevil and ambrosia; we're all on a blind date right now.)
posted by taz at 6:16 PM on October 20, 2004

Tell her you're a moonie.
posted by blueshammer at 6:43 PM on October 20, 2004

Taz, I just want to tell you I've, er, never gone on a virtual threesome date before. But those pixels look really good on you--and ambrosia, I can't stop thinking about your asterisks...

Seriously, ambrosia is absolutely right, and this is the genius of my approach: "I don't feel ready to date right now, for a lot of reasons...reasons I don't feel comfortable discussing..." covers a lot of ground, including "I suddenly remembered that the person you set me up with is a Michael Jackson groupie with really, really bad breath." I mean, who feels comfortable discussing that?
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:52 PM on October 20, 2004

Simply, tell her/him you've met someone else and don't think it'd be fair to play her/him like that. I've used it before, and it's been used on me...It's the most commonly chucked-around diss I've heard.

I think the "i'm not ready to date" is lame because if I got this line, I'd be thinking "Then why the hell did you set-up this date anyway?"

The curiosity is killing me to as why you are canceling. Please tell!
posted by naxosaxur at 6:59 PM on October 20, 2004

"I'm sorry, but I've decided that I really would prefer not to go out on a date with you."

Why should this be hard?
posted by ikkyu2 at 7:13 PM on October 20, 2004

Two words:

"Projectile leprosy."
posted by Dipsomaniac at 7:21 PM on October 20, 2004

I was assuming that someone else had set the blind date up, though. If it was inksyndicate him/herself, then what ikkyu2 said.

Or "I met someone else" if that's the truth. Or not, if inksyndicate is comfortable about lying (I myself am terrible at it so try to avoid it whenever possible).

Dipsomaniac, thank you for giving me an indelibly horrible mental image.
posted by Sidhedevil at 7:25 PM on October 20, 2004

Alternately, you could always go on the blind date and act like a big jerk.
posted by interrobang at 9:16 PM on October 20, 2004

Set it up so that you both have an out--"Let's got coffee for 20 minutes and see how it goes from there." 20 minutes is more than enough time to gauge your attraction, the other's attraction, their relative mental stability, etc.
posted by LimePi at 9:40 PM on October 20, 2004

I like the non-weaseling suggestions here. Weaseling sucks.
posted by weston at 12:30 AM on October 21, 2004

Just tell her you chickened out. (S)He might be in the same situation as you, and that might come as a relief. Always tell the truth.
Besides, if (s)he feels hurt, it's not like you should care, since you're not gonna date him/her! ;)
posted by XiBe at 12:46 AM on October 21, 2004

Inksyndicate, do you mean weaseling out before the date, or during? That's a big difference...


I can't stop thinking about your asterisks...

*pubescent chuckle*

posted by AwkwardPause at 5:37 AM on October 21, 2004

Weaseling out of a date is a pretty crappy thing to do. Why not stop being so scared, selfish or whatever, and just go out on the date and try to have a good time? You may be surprised. If things don't click, then it is the last date.
posted by caddis at 7:36 AM on October 21, 2004

The worst mid-date weasel I ever heard was a story I overheard a waitress at John Harvard's Brewhouse in Harvard Square tell a bartender. She had been waiting on a blind date couple the night before. They ordered drinks and some wings and were talking. The girl gets up to use the bathroom, tracks down the waitress, and gives her 20$ to spill a drink on her so she could get out of the date. When the waitress brings the drinks to the pair, she spills water on the girl who, shocked beyond belief no doubt, leaves. The waitress tells the guy the drinks are on her. He sits, drinks the beers, eats the wings, and then leaves a 20$ tip for the waitress.

Ungh! Were I the waitress, I would have given that 20$ back to the girl infront of the guy and said, "Sorry. I'm not going to do your dirty work for you. You'll have to tell him you're leaving to his face."

Honesty always works! If it's pre-date, simply tell the truth that you're uncomfortable with a blind date at the moment. Mid-date, appologise and say you're just not feeling it. Post-date, it's a thanks for the good time and good luck dating other people.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:36 AM on October 21, 2004

Why not go on the date, and use the old 'emergency call' routine - ie, have a friend call you 30 mins after you're due to meet, then you can feign an emergency if you have to get away.

Of course, weaseling sucks.
posted by ascullion at 7:55 AM on October 21, 2004

Poor weasels.
posted by normy at 8:15 AM on October 21, 2004

best way to weasel out of a blind date in a smooth manner?
Canceling the date by telling the person you plainly want to cancel with no other given reasons will allow you to weasel out smoothly. Guessing you have a non-excusable reasons here which can make you a weasel. Making up a lie for your cancellation will not be smooth.
posted by thomcatspike at 9:19 AM on October 21, 2004 [1 favorite]

Ungh! Were I the waitress, I would have given that 20$ back to the girl infront of the guy and said, "Sorry. I'm not going to do your dirty work for you. You'll have to tell him you're leaving to his face."

So you would have

1. caused an embarassing situation, and
2. done yourself out of $40

...for what purpose exactly? Because it's better to hurt people's feelings with honesty than to tell white lies?
posted by reklaw at 12:04 PM on October 21, 2004

I'd go on the date, knowing that you're just in it for the hell of it, no expectations and to have a fun night with someone you have nothing to fear from.

You could use it as an experiement to try out all those silly things you've always thought of doing but didn't want to blow the moment.

Just go, man, just go!
posted by rich at 1:03 PM on October 21, 2004

I agree that you should give it a shot. Why not take a chance? How bad could it be? Besides the person you're meeting probably has the same trepidation as you. You both could laugh about it.
posted by Juicylicious at 1:40 PM on October 21, 2004

If the waitress really wanted to protest, she should have spilled red wine on the woman instead of water.
posted by rorycberger at 2:03 PM on October 21, 2004

Hey, in my waitstaff days, the idea that someone would PAY me to spill something on them would have made me the happiest girl in the world.

Dammit, inksyndicate, we've got to know! Why are you canceling?????!1?!???
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:56 PM on October 21, 2004

The truly non-weasel way to back out of a blind date in a smooth manner? Flowers and an apology. Gifts can buy you a lot of grace.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:28 PM on October 21, 2004

This last I like.
posted by Mitheral at 11:01 AM on October 22, 2004

Response by poster: Oh, sorry for not answering earlier. I didn't want to go out with this person because she sounded totally unhinged, and I regretted agreeing to make a date. Not a friend of a friend, but someone who found me on Craigslist. (shudder)
posted by inksyndicate at 12:15 PM on October 22, 2004

Response by poster: And it's an upcoming thing, I'd talked to the person on the phone...

Whew, should have done the More Inside thing.
posted by inksyndicate at 12:20 PM on October 22, 2004