Whats a good solution to keep the door open to two first-date-level women, if the three of us run into each other, at this weekends festival?

September 2, 2009 2:15 PM

Whats a good solution to keep the door open to two first-date-level women, if the three of us run into each other, at this weekends festival?

So I may have been too eager to set up first dates this week, not realizing that the two prospective ladies might be interested in the same festival that is running this weekend...here's the situation:

I have a first/blind date set up through a friend, tomorrow, Thursday evening, which is great and I'm looking forward to.

I then set up a daytime date for Saturday with another women I met this past weekend and have initiated friendly/playful banter with, where we will possibly go to a music festival among other things.

The solution I'd like to have prepared is how I can be honest and open so that if Thurs-date is at the festival Saturday with her friends, since our mutual friend is organizing it, and I'm hanging out there with my Satur-date ,and we see each other, that Thurs-date will still want to see me in the future (assuming the Thursday night intro goes well :)

Since I'm trying to get back in the saddle with dating, I am trying to push myself to meet new women. I don't think its just bad planning on my part... I figure this situation must happen to other MeFi's now and then...

What is your experience and how can I maintain a good status with these two ladies who I've got "introductory" interest in?

Thanks in advance!

posted by talljamal to Human Relations (12 answers total)

Well, at this point in the game, neither girl is your girlfriend, so you could just introduce them to each other as "oh this is my friend so-and-so". Fair to both, honest to both, and each might think the other is just a friend. No biggie.
posted by greta simone at 2:23 PM on September 2, 2009

Response by poster: *open and honest...might be better said "casual and calm"
posted by talljamal at 2:31 PM on September 2, 2009

Best answer: "Oh, hi, Jane! Are you enjoying the festival? Jane, this is Joan; Joan, this is Jane."

If Joan asks "How do you know Jane?" you just tell her that you and Jane have a mutual friend; if Jane asks how you know Joan, you just tell her that you met her at {wherever you met her}.

Really no problem here at all.
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:32 PM on September 2, 2009

"Oh, hi, Jane! Are you enjoying the festival? Jane, this is Joan; Joan, this is Jane."

Precisely.

If you haven't dated in awhile, it could be that you're more nervous about dating at all than this particular dance of manners. Relax and enjoy yourself!
posted by xingcat at 2:35 PM on September 2, 2009

If Thursday goes well tell her you're taking Saturdate to the festival and hope to see her there but you'd also like to make plans for another date the following week.
posted by IanMorr at 2:41 PM on September 2, 2009 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I once had a great first date with "Superman", and then later ran into him the next day when I was out at a concert with "Batman". Superman was also with a girl. Supes and I had mentioned that we might both be going to the concert, so it didn't come as a huge surprise. We just kind of acknowledged each other in a friendly manner and then returned to our respective dates. It was a little awkward, but it really wasn't all that weird, since it was clear that all parties involved weren't all that involved.

I guess it's worth noting that I never went out with Batman ever again, but I really don't think Superman had anything to do with that, and Supes and I ended up having a great run.
posted by Diagonalize at 2:47 PM on September 2, 2009 [2 favorites]

It's really up to how the other woman reacts.

I had this situation happen, and, even though I was just out with a friend, the fact that it was a woman I was with seriously cooled the jets of a potential date that we ran into.

Explaining that I was out with *just* a friend did not help.

So, it's really out of your control, should you 3 run into one another.

That is my opinion, anyway.
posted by Danf at 2:48 PM on September 2, 2009

I agree that a casual mention that you are bringing a date to the Saturday thing would be good here. I'd like to think that most people don't consider a single date to mean you are now exclusive, but I don't think that is the case. In either event, don't feel too badly if one of them is upset, because it may inform you about your compatibility as a couple.
posted by soelo at 3:14 PM on September 2, 2009

This will all go a lot more smoothly if you don't have sex with ThursDate before the festival with SaturDate.
posted by Kerasia at 3:16 PM on September 2, 2009 [10 favorites]

The less thought about any plan for this the better. Take it causal is the only instruction you need remember.
posted by Ironmouth at 8:37 PM on September 2, 2009

Above answers have it. Yeah, it'll be awkward. The fun part about awkwardness is that it's not actually a problem. We forget that because its.. well.. awkward. But you've done nothing wrong (as long as you don't give either of them reason to think you wouldn't go on dates with other people) and what's most likely going to happen is that they'll go back to their friends, tell them about the OMG AWKWARD SITUATION (which really wasn't that awkward to begin with) and then talk about you for a while. Don't stress, don't freak.
posted by devilsbrigade at 8:41 PM on September 2, 2009

Response by poster: Thanks a bunch. I appreciate all the advice! Xingcat, i think you nailed it. And I like Diagonalize's approach...I'll probably go for that, if it comes up tonight.
posted by talljamal at 5:37 AM on September 3, 2009